I paced back and forth in my bedroom as a million different thoughts and emotions ran through my head. This had been going on for a couple of hours. I'd cried a few times, screamed into the pillows, thrown a few things to take out my anger. 

I think I'm going fucking mad. 

Draco Lucius, you will be the death of me.

That ferret needed to just let me live my life in peace. We both know that we can't be together because it would create vulnerabilities that we can't afford to have. We accepted that challenge weeks ago. Why would he need to do something so stupid, and hurt me all over again? Was the necklace really necessary?

It had to be around midnight by now. There was no clock in here, so I wasn't exactly sure. I had already taken a shower for the night, washed off my makeup, and changed into some comfortable clothes.

I'm so pissed off I could kill someone. I had already taken the necklace off and put it back in the box that it came in. I was debating on if I should even keep it or return it to him. I knew it was a gift, but it didn't feel right to accept something so grand from him if we weren't even speaking to one another.

I picked the box up off of the desk in the corner of the room and made my way to the door. This is where things may get a little ugly... I opened it slowly, looking out into the hallway to see if anyone was around. Surely our parents are already asleep. I stormed across the hallway to his bedroom, my footsteps striking the floor being the only noise echoing through the long corridor.

I jiggled the locked doorknob harshly. At this rate, if I had my wand on me, I'd just have unlocked it myself without any permission. I didn't want to knock because I was worried that it would be too loud of a noise and would draw our parents attention from their rooms down the hall. After a few seconds of waiting I finally heard the door unlock from the other side.

The door slowly started to open, but I pushed through harshly, allowing myself to enter. The door had struck him a little before he moved out of the way, and I enjoyed it. My veins started to crave a sensation to bring him more pain like he had brought me. I stormed past him as I made my way into his room— a place I had never actually gotten a chance to see before this.

And fucking hell— did it smell so fucking good. My throat tightened up with the dry feeling in it, and my stomach started to churn once more now that I had forced myself to face him. I walked myself right into a trap. This was a mistake. I looked around, trying to calm down, but that's when those loud thoughts in my brain started to take over like a flipped switch.

"No. Not now." I silently pleaded with myself. My eyes pinched shut for the slightest second in hope that my thoughts would clear. 

His giant poster bed sat in the middle of the room. Black duvet and sheets on top, already a mess from him laying in them before I had interrupted his evening. He had giant bookshelves lining the wall beside his bed, thousands of books filling them. Across from his bed was a large desk. His wand and books— already opened— laid on top of the wooden surface. His walls were black, the floor a dark wood. It was so simple— but so undeniably Draco.

I walked over to his desk after a second of taking in the room and put the black box down on top of it. My lungs inhaled a shaky breath to calm myself before I choked up the courage to spit out words.

"I can't take this." I rushed, and turned back around to make my way out the door. A strong, athletic arm halted across my chest to bring me to a stop. I stared at the exit, longing for it, but he blocked me from getting any farther. My breathing my heavy against his bicep, but still, I refused to look at him beside me. I couldn't look at him, because I was so afraid of what I'd see if I did. 

I knew I'd see a handsome boy that had done something to my brain and my heart within the last few months. I'd see a boy that I hated so much because of how he made me feel. It was even a possibility that I'd see someone as broken as myself— and that would only break me even more. 

I'd hardly been here for an entire day, and had yet to have any real sort of communication with him— I sure as hell planned on keeping it that way. I grabbed his elbow to pry him away, but he didn't oblige to my request. He tightened the slight grasp he had on my shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of my shirt. 

He stepped in front of me and wrapped both of his arms around my body, still not saying anything. He placed his chin on top of my head and held my head against his chest. As much as I'd like to enjoy this, I couldn't. What makes him think that this is okay? That we are on these types of terms right now? I quickly pushed him off, forcing me to look him in the eyes for the first time.

"You don't get to do that, Draco." I spat at him. I tried so hard to hold my ground and show him how angry I had been at him these last few weeks— but as soon as I saw his angelic features...

Fuck.

He already looked so different. My mother was right, he had matured quickly. His jaw line was sharper than it was just a few short weeks ago, his eyes looked slightly sunken in. His silver eyes were making me melt because they looked so molten— like a silver fire that burned everything inside of me. I'm so fucked.

I looked down, trying to break the intense eye contact created between us, but I think that only made things feel a million times worse. He had on his usual tartan pajama pants, my throat hitching as I thought of how soft they would feel against my legs as they'd intertwine each other and snuggle in his bed. A black tank top hugged his growing torso perfectly. That was all I could process— that he had gotten so much larger than his typical athletic build. His biceps more toned than they had been, his chest looked so solid under the fabric, and I couldn't help but imagine the abs that lined his perfectly pale stomach... Wonder if he has been working out?

For the love of Merlin, snap out of it!

I immediately flashed my gaze to his vein covered forearms, making my throat run dry once again as I checked them over. They were clean, thankfully, but my mind couldn't help the sinful thoughts coursing through it. I felt a mix of relief wash through me as I knew he hadn't gotten the same tattoo that both my parents hide away from me every day, but my panic continued to build as all of my diminished emotions started to form all over again.

I felt a familiar prickle behind my eyes, but I refused to give in. Instead, I just let that knot in my throat hold everything together. He was everything I'd wanted. Everything I craved. 

And I can't 

Fucking 

Have him.

This is all his fault. He had done this to me. I was doing so good with everything, all until he gave me that damn necklace. Now I'm in his room, and my mental state was breaking away piece by piece. 

I looked back up at his face. His expression changed instantly, trying to read me and what was wrong. He still didn't say anything as he reached his thumb up to my face, wiping away a tear from my cheek as it fell. I couldn't help but lean my face into his hand for comfort, softly closing my eyes. I'm so frustrated with myself. How could I be so weak when it came to him?

I could feel the tears flowing down my face at a rapid pace now. I was trying to hold in my sobs as the sadness built up in the pit of my stomach. I felt like I was going to burst at any second. Like everything I had worked towards for weeks meant nothing now. It was like an addiction, and I just gave back in to the peer pressure and took a long awaited hit of the drug he supplied me with.

Like I said before— this could get ugly.

I walked back over to his desk and grabbed his wand, pointing it at the door.

"Muffliato." I mumbled, putting his wand back down where I found it, and walking back over to him. I knew I was ready to let it all out.

"I fucking hate you." I sobbed, looking anywhere but at him. "I hate you so much because of how you make me feel— how you have made me feel for weeks! You don't even understand how it feels to pretend to be okay everyday because you can't have the one fucking thing you want!" I screamed at him. He still didn't say anything as he listened to the words I said. He slowly put his hand back up to the side of my face, just caressing it. I instinctively leaned into his touch once more. 

"I do-"

"You don't. And for that, I hate you, Draco." I told him. "I don't want your gifts. Your pity. Your affection. Or your attention. I want nothing to do with you anymore. That's what I need to feel better. Because... because it just hurts so bad." I cried harder now, my sobs filling the room. I couldn't even move. I felt frozen in place.

He bent down and placed his shoulder into my stomach, lifting me off of the floor in the midst of my breakdown. He threw me over his shoulder and started carrying me towards his bed. My anger and sadness didn't subside as he carried me farther and farther from the exit I desperately needed to get to.

"Get off! Get off! Let me go!" I shouted over and over, hitting his back in hopes that he'd give in. He threw me down on his bed, and climbed in beside me before I could run away. He quickly pulled my body against his, ignoring me as I kicked and hit him.

"Stop it, Jules." He finally spoke softly as he held my body tightly. This was the first thing he had said the entire time I'd been in his manor. I gave up trying to get away from him, my sobbing picking up even more now that he just wouldn't. Let. Me. Go. "Shh. Just stop."

I laid my head against his chest in defeat, but I still didn't feel better. I didn't want to stop. I just needed to let it all out now that I had started.

"No!" I tried yelling at him, but his hand quickly covered my mouth to quiet me. I tried shoving him as hard as I could in the chest to get him to release me. I had to be hurting him, and I did feel bad for it. I shoved my palm against his hard chest again, thrashing in his arms to get away. He suddenly grabbed both of my hands in one of his, and leveled out our eyes so our noses almost grazed one another.

"Quit. Fucking. Hitting me." He scolded, using the hand holding my mouth to grab a hold of my face. His hand was wrapped around my chin tightly, forcing me to look at him no matter how badly I wished to look away. I was trying to stop my crying, but I couldn't. I hadn't seen him this angry in so long. Especially with me. Oh, I'm in for it now.

"Draco," I sobbed, "you're hurting me." The tears kept falling down my cheeks, but he wouldn't let go of me. The look on his face was nothing but fury. I must have really pissed him off this time.

"You're hurting me, too! Who told you it was okay to hit people? You're acting fucking crazy!" He spat at me, his grip on my face getting tighter. Well, this is one way to get me to not like you anymore.

"Like you didn't do it to Cedric months ago!" I screamed at him. The first time I've said his name since the incident, and this was the circumstance it was being brought up in. Lovely.

"To protect you!" He screamed back at me. "I did it FOR. YOU. Not to you." He seethed. His grip on my jaw didn't loosen, still holding me in place.

"Please, just stop." I cried. I just wanted him to let go of me. I didn't mean to get physical with him, I just wanted him to know that I was upset, and it just happened. "I didn't mean it." My guilt took over rather quickly as I pinched my eyes shut and tried pushing away those dark thoughts that I had developed. When did my mind become such a fucking mess? I used to be so normal. 

"Will you stop?" He asked me, his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched. I kept my eyes pinched shut and held my breath in an attempt to relax my brain.

"Look at me." He mumbled, his voice softer now. I returned my gaze back to his eyes. He still looked angry, but I could see his face starting to soften as the seconds passed.

"I'll stop it, just please let go." I said, my voice was barely louder than I whisper. "It hurts." I grabbed his wrist that held me. "I'm sorry, Draco. I didn't mean to hurt you." I shook my head slowly. I hoped he believed me so he'd let me leave his room. I didn't want to be around him anymore. I didn't like this Draco.

He wasn't my Draco. Not anymore. He had changed. He was rough, and mean— like Lucius. He didn't care about me anymore. That was made quite obvious tonight.

He slowly loosened his grip, but kept a hold of me. His face never moved from its intense glare as he watched me. He moved my face around in his palm, like he was examining me. I started to whimper, my mind going to the door across the room.

I don't like him anymore.

"Are you okay?" He asked sternly, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

I shook my head 'no' softly. He just stared at me for another minute. I couldn't read his face like I used to. I didn't know what he was thinking. He got up off of his bed, leaving me sit there. I didn't want to move. I was scared of what he would do.

Draco used to keep me safe.

And now I was scared of him.

He sat down beside me again, the black box in his hand. He opened it up and took the necklace out, latching it around my neck before I could protest.

He looked me in the eyes again before he grabbed my face into both of his hands. His silver eyes stared at me once again, fear quickly started racing through my body.

"Don't take it off, okay?" He asked. Why did I need to keep this stupid necklace so badly? Just take it back! I just nodded my head in response. He still wouldn't let my face go.

"Will you say something?" He finally asked, annoyance in his voice. the irritation was very obvious in his dark eyes. 

I gulped. My throat was so dry, like I hadn't had a drink in days. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I looked at him.

"You used to make me feel so safe. I never understood why, but I only ever wanted you to make me feel safe." I took in a deep breath through my nose. "You scare me." I told him honestly after a pause. I didn't care if he knew it or not. I wanted to be as far away from him as I could get. I hated him.

"Good." He replied. He lightly shoved my face out of his hand. "Now, get out of my room." He spat.

I climbed off of his bed, and looked at him with pure disgust. Who did he think he was?

"Everyone was right about you. You have changed." I told him softly. I felt my expression quickly harden as the anger filled my body. "And I fucking hate you." I spat at him. He took this as an opportunity to stand in front of me, making me back up with every step he took. I didn't like the look of that condescending smirk he looked down at me with. 

"I haven't changed, baby." He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, making my legs wobble from how close he was. He looked purely evil. "This is exactly how I've always been. You're just finally seeing the bigger picture." He leaned too close. I pulled away and rushed out of the room to get to my own.

I slammed my door shut and slowly slid down it, eventually sitting on the cold floor. My sobs quickly filled the room as I sat on the floor, crying about everything that had just happened.

I couldn't believe that I have sat at home for weeks, trying to get over Draco, and he had gotten over me so quickly. He was such a jerk.

I took the necklace off and threw it across the room towards my bed. I leaned back onto the door and continued to cry. Eventually, my eyes grew heavy and the room turned black.