My sweet Juliet Grace,

I miss you more than I could ever even begin to describe. I feel like I have a gaping hole in my chest that just won't go away. I thought by now I'd feel better, but instead I feel like I'm just reliving the years that I pushed you away. Everything at home reminds me of you as well, and makes all of this feel so much worse.

I'm sorry to hear that you're lonely, sweetheart. I was hoping that you'd find a way to be okay without me, but I feel worse knowing that isn't true. I wish there was something more that I could do for you, love.

Things have been going... decent on my end. I suppose things could be much worse. I work most hours of the day, and have been running the nights, too. I'm tired and bored, but it's worth it if it means you don't have to do any of these tasks.

Nova is growing so quickly. I hope that sentence doesn't make you upset, perhaps I shouldn't have brought her up. Or maybe it'll make you feel better. I don't even know anymore. She eats like a little monster. Every time I think she's full, she scratches the bowl for hours until I refill it. She is only super cuddly at night when I let her join me in my bed, and she decides to curl up right under my chin. Any other time, you'd think I have her on drugs with how hyper she is.

Your mother and father miss you terribly. I can see it when they ask me fifty million questions about you and how you are holding up by yourself. I know they were never the best at writing letters to you, so I'll send their love in this one. My mother says that she thinks things will get better for you, and that it just takes time. That's silly advice to me. Time seems to make all of this worse, except for the fact that every minute past means another minute we are closer to a reunion. You don't have to listen to my mother. I never do.

My father hasn't said much about you, however he doesn't say much in general anymore. The Dark Lord has his panties in a twist and he acts like a little girl nowadays. It's kind of embarrassing if you'd ask me, but I guess I'm not really one to judge.

I really hate this. I don't like the work I'm doing. I don't care about the war. I don't even give a bloody fuck about Potter or his friends anymore. I want you.

I'm starting to think you were right all along. Maybe this life isn't the answer for us. It's hard thinking there could've been something better for us, but hopefully we can have that one day. That's all I seem to do anymore. Think about the what if's. You flood my thoughts constantly, and it's starting to drive me mad.

I hope you miss me as well. Think of me when you're cold and lonely in the common room on a chilly evening, and know that I'm thinking of you just the same at home.

When the sun stops shining, all the water in the world dries up, the flowers stop blooming, and the stars in the sky stop shining, I will still love you forever and a day. You're the world.

I love you, pretty girl. I'll see you soon.

-Draco <3

I sighed as I placed the letter in my lap. One of the many I had received since he had left. My tears had stopped weeks ago, but my sadness still felt like it was consuming every part of me. Narcissa was right. It takes time, and the wounds do heal. I just wished they would heal completely, but it would never happen until I was with Draco again.

School was so boring. Plus, I couldn't cling to Blaise forever for comfort, because I knew it made Aria angry. She was the jealous type for sure, and I completely understand the feeling. If it were her and Draco, my short temper would have already lashed out on them.

My nightmares continued each night, showing me the most random of things, and every time I was left with the image of the earrings I wore around. I couldn't sleep, and I was exhausted from the energy it took me to calm down. Blaise stayed in Aria's bed each night to attempt to do something, but like I already said: She's the jealous type, and I can't steal her boyfriend forever.

Blaise assured her there was nothing between us. That Draco said it was a medical condition and that he just made a promise to his friend to help me, I don't even know. I can't keep track of all of our lies anymore. No matter what, Blaise holding me at night wasn't the same. It never would be, and he knew that. He's trying his best.

I stared at the fire of the common room while my blanket gave me more warmth. I had on a pair of my pajama pants and one of Draco's sweatshirts that was swallowing me up due to the large size. My friends were out partying like they did every other week, and I could never get myself to join them.

I didn't want to drink away my pain. I didn't want to get high to try and feel something. I thought of the aching in my chest as a constant reminder that I am loved and that I am in love, and that this is okay.

I thought back on Draco's words while I did exactly what he described. Laying in the chilly common room alone, with no one to talk to or hold me like I had always had in the late hours for years. Even when we were first becoming friends, Draco was my touch of heaven in these small moments.

I missed the way his fingers felt as they ran across my scalp to play with my hair. His scent that was intoxicating, and I could never seem to get enough of. His rough demeanor that softened his face every time I looked in his direction and gave him the time of day that he didn't think he deserved. His hair and how messy it would get on days where he would wear his lounge clothes and cuddle me like it was his paying job.

His touch. I miss his chilly hands that didn't match up with the rest of his warm body. I miss his hugs and kisses that he would give me occasionally. His voice. How raspy it was in the morning. His harsh tone when he was being rude, and his soft whispers when he was being gentle.

The list was never ending. I felt like I was grieving the greatest loss I had ever experienced. Every day I thought of new things that I missed, and the sadness would consume me further into a dark hole.

For the first time in weeks, I felt comfort thinking about the fact that he was in Wiltshire and thinking of me, too. Cuddling our puppy for me, and feeling everything that I was. Just as lonely. Just as sad. Just as hopelessly in love.

2 months without you. Who knows how many more to go.

•

"It's going to be okay, Jules. You'll get better soon." Aria whispered as she rubbed my arm softly. We sat together in the library, trying to study for an upcoming exam in Muggle Studies. It was like we couldn't escape the Carrow's no matter how hard we tried.

"I'm sorry for third wheeling all the time. I know it gets annoying." I whispered as I continued writing on the piece of parchment. She gave me an understanding smile, letting me know that it was alright.

"It doesn't bother me very much because it's you. I know in the moment I might seem annoyed, but you're the only girl in the world that I'd be willing to share him with." She giggled as she referenced Blaise. I smiled awkwardly, not really feeling much at all to give any emotion.

"How are you holding up?" A voice that I hadn't heard in months asked, causing Aria and I to both turn towards it. Aria's fist clenched up on the top of the table as she looked at Pansy.

"I was doing just fine until I saw you, now I'm feeling a bit queasy." I spat as I looked back down at my book.

"Oh." She said with surprise in her voice. "From what Draco's been telling me, I assumed you needed help. You seem depressed." She teased as she carried a fake pout on her lips.

"You're going to feel something if you don't leave me the hell alone." I grumbled while I flipped the page in my textbook.

"Did you just say 'from what Draco told you'?" Aria asked with furrowed brows. Pansy's smirk grew as she nodded her head.

"I most certainly did. We've been keeping in touch. I wanted to make sure he was doing alright since he decided to leave school and all, and he has yet to stop responding to my letters." She smiled smugly. I dropped my quill on the table as my eyes stayed locked on the paper in front of me.

My heart rate was accelerating quickly as I listened to the conversation. I'm going to throw up. All over this bloody table.

"See?" Pansy asked as she held up a matte black envelope. It resembled the ones that Draco sent me frequently. No matter how much hatred I felt bubbling up in my stomach, I couldn't believe a word she was saying. She used these types of tricks too frequently.

"He wouldn't do that to me. Quit lying Pansy, and just go away." I said softly as I picked up my quill and returned to my work.

"You aren't even going to try and fight me a little? Your boyfriend is showing interest in me, again might I add, and you're just going to let him?" She laughed at me. "This is another prime example of the fact that Draco doesn't deserve you." She added on. "He should be with a girl who isn't so selfish, self centered, rude, snobby, the list can go on and on." She told me. I scoffed as I slammed my hands down on the table.

"What do you want from me, Pansy?!" I shouted through the quiet library, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. I shouldn't have snapped, but I'm already on edge as it is. I just couldn't hold back anymore. "Do you want Draco? Is that it?!" I yelled. Aria sunk back in her seat from the second hand embarrassment she was witnessing. There was no stopping me now. "Just give it up! He picked me, Pansy, what is so hard for you to grasp about that?!" I asked her loudly.

"If that's what you tell yourself to sleep at night," she chuckled, trying to keep the fight going.

"It has always been me! You and I both know it! Since our fourth year here, Draco has wanted me. You can ask anyone and they will tell you how obvious it is! Just get your own life already, and quit trying to live mine! It's disturbing. You need help." I huffed as I slammed my book shut and gathered my things. A professor appeared around the corner, ready to try and kick me out for all of the commotion. "I'm going." I assured them as I paced quickly towards the exit.

•

"Malfoy would be proud of you," Blaise said randomly as we both read a book of transfigurations on the couch of the common room.

"Don't get me riled up again, I just settled down." I told him in an aggressive tone as I turned the page. Blaise pulled the book out of my hands harshly and closed it for me before he tossed it onto the coffee table. I sighed loudly as I finally gave him my attention.

"I'm serious, Jules. I know you got worked up because there's no denying it, you're a firecracker," he laughed as he mentioned the name Draco had called me many times, "but just think, you didn't do anything to attempt to hurt the girl. You're a much better witch than her. She had no shot." He said in reference to Pansy. "Maybe you are doing just fine without him, even though it doesn't feel like you are. Taking care of yourself, I mean. I know emotionally you're a bit of a wreck and it's been a rollercoaster. However, typically Draco is the one holding you back from beating on Pansy, so I'm just saying-"

"I get it, Blaise. Thanks." I sighed as I gave him a straight smile with my lips. He chuckled at my lack of patience once before he spoke up again.

"I'm really glad that you're still around and that you didn't leave, too. You remind me so much of him, that it makes me feel better about his absence." Blaise said honestly. "Besides, your attitude isn't nearly as bad. You're a lot nicer to me, too." He laughed. I chuckled along with him as I hit him with a throw pillow off of the couch.

"You know him just as well as I do, he's sweet on the inside. He is nice. He just had a funny way of showing it sometimes." I laughed as I defended Draco. Blaise shook his head.

"I don't know him as well as you do. No one knows him like you. It's probably just hard for you to see that." He chuckled again. I scrunched up my face as I listened.

"No. You do know it just like I do. Draco isn't nearly as bad as everyone thinks he is." I protested.

"Jules, I just know that Draco doesn't deserve the slack he gets. He has his good days, but he has many bad ones. He's never treated me anywhere near the way he treats you. I've never left his side because he's my best friend. And trust me, when we were younger that friendship carried so many perks." He laughed. "But I have never experienced the Draco that you have. No one has. He is loyal, but he isn't afraid to turn on people either. I've had plenty of emotional beating from him through the years. Just think of that next time Parkinson tries to get under your skin. He doesn't care about anyone the way he cares for you." He told me with a wink. I let out a sigh as I nodded, understanding what he was trying to say.

I started to feel the holes in my chest opening up again as we talked about Draco. Blaise could tell something was wrong, and I'm sure the tears forming in my eyes were a good indication that my feelings were hurt.

"What'd I say? Did I do something? I'm sorry." He apologized quickly, worried that he was the one that had ruined my mood.

"I miss him," I choked out as the tears caused the words to get stuck in my throat. "So much. You don't understand." I sighed. I started taking deep breaths to calm down while Blaise rubbed my back soothingly. "I'm not going to get worked up again. I don't want to." I laughed as I rubbed my eyes quickly.

"Come out with us." Blaise told me softly. "You never do. We're all going to a party. Just come with us." He said enthusiastically. I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought for a moment. "Come on, you can go get ready with the other girls and we'll leave in an hour." He bumped his shoulder against mine as he told me the plan.

"Okay," I sighed as I smiled at him. "I think it'll be fun." I added on. He smiled brightly as he heard me agree.

"Perfect. You go make yourself look hot, that's the first step in feeling better." He shooed me away. "The depressing look isn't for you." He laughed as he looked me up and down. I scoffed as I went to attack him. He shoved me back into the couch quickly, proving that I didn't stand a chance against him. "Unless you're going to pull your Dark Arts out on me, you don't scare me, Brown." Blaise mocked me quietly as he chuckled. My lips tried to contain their smile as I stood without a word and walked towards the girl's dorms.

•

"See? Don't you feel better already?" Blaise asked as he led Aria through the large crowd. We were at a night club in hogsmeade where some students had decided to throw a huge party. It wasn't the typical bar my friends and I attended, so I didn't know where the hell I was going.

"A little." I lied while I pushed through the crowd as well. Maggie and Dani were close behind me, not wanting to lose each other as the crowd was becoming suffocating. "Can we get a drink?" I asked them as I looked around.

Maggie grabbed a bottle off of someone and handed it to me with a smile. I looked down at it and scoffed once. Well, if you're going to run around with other teenagers, you can't expect expensive drinks. I popped the lid off and chugged some down, my entire body shivered as the burning liquid hit the back of my throat.

"Oh god, that is foul!" I shouted as I passed it off to someone else. Dani laughed at me before she grabbed a different bottle.

"Not everyone can afford to drink from the top shelf, y'know. You better get used to it, because there's plenty more of that coming throughout the night." Dani laughed as she started drinking as well. "You can be my date tonight, we'll have fun!" She cheered. I smiled warmly as I nodded my head. Although she'd probably run around like a single girl, I didn't mind tagging along for the fun.

I had no intentions of getting too crazy. Any time I had gotten uncontrollable, Draco typically swooped in to save me before my parents could find out about my drunken endeavors at school. But he isn't here now. And I'd have to find a way to figure this out for myself.

"Let's dance! Come on!" Dani giggled as we pushed our way through the crowd by ourselves. We had ditched the others who were drinking off to the side, and found a spot in the center of the dance floor.

I could tell that my mind was slipping slightly, but I didn't seem to care now. My body moved with Dani's to the beat of the music that was blasting through the speakers. I couldn't tell if the music was so loud that I couldn't hear anything else, or if my mind was wandering off and was just unable to focus.

Dani and I sang along to the songs as we giggled loudly. She took a giant swig from a bottle before she passed it off to me. I took it quickly and threw the contents back. I shook my head aggressively as my body tried to get used to the awful taste.

"Seriously, I can't believe you all drink these drinks for fun! They are disgusting!" I laughed loudly. She just shrugged her shoulders, probably not even hearing the statement correctly.

A boy tapped on Dani's shoulder before he started talking to her. They seemed to have been hitting it off, shouting back and forth loudly to try and hear the other. He glanced over at me as I continued dancing before he stuck his hand out.

"Hi," he yelled loudly with a bright smile, "I'm Lucas." He introduced himself. I stuck my hand in his and shook it once.

"Jules," I yelled back as he pulled his hand away.

"You two best friends? If you're together, that's cool, too!" He told us quickly. "I can work with that. Kind of like a two for one, if you know what I mean." He teased while he winked at Dani. She giggled loudly before she answered for us.

"We're just best friends. Jules actually has a boyfriend." She nodded her head towards me. Lucas looked around the crowd before he furrowed his brows together.

"I don't see him? Don't most girls go out with their boyfriend?" He joked as he took another sip from the cup in his hand.

"He returned home from school for awhile. He's just not around right now." Dani answered for me as her words started to mumble. It's kicking in now, who knows how long before it hits me, too. I smiled in agreement as I waited for his response.

"You two go to Hogwarts?" He asked curiously. I nodded my head as I reached for another bottle of liquor. "No, try some of this. I insist." He told me as he offered his cup. I scrunched up my face as I looked down at it before my eyes moved back up to his.

"No offense, but I just met you. How do I know you didn't do something to it?" I laughed. I'm not a fucking idiot. I've heard and seen plenty of stories like this that ended poorly.

"You just watched me drink some!" He defended himself. "Tell you what, you can watch me do it again." He said as he threw the cup back. "See? I'm fine!" He joked as he handed it towards me. I grabbed the cup and put it to my lips, drinking some of the contents.

I coughed immediately as the horrendous taste hit my tongue. He chuckled as he took the cup back, causing Dani to laugh at me as well.

"That's awful!" I shouted as I continued coughing. "What's in that?" I yelled. He shrugged his shoulders as he smirked. Merlin, I miss Draco. I felt my eyes getting heavy as the drink entered my system, making me regret what I had just done.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Dani laughed as she looked at me. "I love you, Jules. So much!" She giggled as she hugged me tightly. I started giggling as well as I hugged her back.

"Awe, aren't you two just adorable," he beamed as he pinched both of our cheeks playfully. "I have a friend I'd like you two to meet, come with me." He said as he nodded his head to the side.

"I don't know," I slurred out. "I just met you. And Draco will get mad at me. I don't know you." I told him as my eyes started feeling heavier.

"Draco?" He said with furrowed brows. "Malfoy? Draco Malfoy?" He asked again. I nodded my head as my body swayed towards him. He caught me with his hands and stood me up straight. "You're dating Malfoy?" He asked me.

"Yes, you know him?" Dani asked as she helped me stand up as well. He nodded his head in response not saying much else.

"I'm sure he won't mind. We go way back. Come on, you should sit. I have a private booth across the room." He told us as he pointed to his left. I nodded my head, feeling queasy in my stomach. Dani led me away as we walked towards the area.

Who knew where our friends were now. I couldn't even keep my thoughts straight. I could hardly tell where I was, everything was moving so slowly. I was putting most of my weight on Dani before she plopped me down on the chair.

"What did you give me?" I asked softly as I looked at Lucas. He brushed me off once again, helping me get comfortable.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart." He reassured me. I shook my head as he said the name, not liking the sound of it. I turned towards Dani, but she was paying no mind to me while she talked to another boy.

"I want Draco." I huffed as I let my eyes fall shut.

"Malfoy isn't around. Don't worry about him. I'll make you feel better." He told me as he snaked his arm over my shoulders. I shivered once at the feeling, not liking his touch.

I pulled my wand out quickly and placed it against his throat. He couldn't tell if I was being serious or not, and it was hard to be intimidating when I felt this drunk.

"Don't test me." I warned him as I forced my eyes open. He grabbed my wand and pushed it down quickly. My weak muscles gave in, letting my arm fall dead into my lap.

I shut my eyes once again before I felt my back hit the leather seat. I couldn't hear much else, and I couldn't get my muscles to do anything that I wanted them to. I was slipping, and soon enough I was sound asleep.