Performance here, 

Performance there.....

Attending almost 3-4 awards every year is tiresome. I mean, we can memorize the whole songs of every groups be it male or female. Sometimes, I wanted to stay at home but of course I would probably receive a hard glare from Namjoon hyung or worst, found myself forcefully drag by Jin hyung. As an idol, they have that stereotype that we are always happy. Like , who the f*ck is always happy? All of us are facing different problems everyday: financial, love and many more. Well for us, the hard part of being an idol, a famous one for that is the cameras following you everywhere.  When I say everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE.

The company, leaving for music banks, arriving at awards and of course watching the awards show itself. It's hard to maintain a steady posture especially if you wanted to fanboy soooo hard. Since I am the maknae, my hyungs always watched my every move to make sure they didn't attract any cameras or what.

They say that it's hard when you're the youngest in your group. But for me, it's harder when you are the leader and you needed to look out to your stubborn members like Taehyung hyung. 

Now I understand why Jin hyung didn't want to claim the position of leading a group. He wanted to be an eomma, joke! I swear, that guy acts so much like our mother so I'm getting the idea that he wanted to be a girl in his next life. 

But I am thankful because eventhough we are all guys, there is someone who can take care of us especially me....... the youngest.

My monologue is ruined when I hear a loud sounds outside.

BLACKPINK in your area

BLACKPINK in your area

Been a bad girl, I know I am

And I'm so hot, I need a fan

I don't want a boy, I need a man

BLACKPINK's song, Boombayah is playing at the flatscreen tv and when I look at the members----- V hyung is dancing like it's the end of the world while Namjoon hyung is rocking his head at different directions while singing loudly, same with Jhope and Jimin hyung. I scan the room looking for others and I found Jin hyung at kitchen of course he is cooking but the crazy thing is, he is dancing while holding a spatula. Suga hyung? Don't bother searching for him because he is busy at his own chamber of hibernation. 

  Click-clack
Badda bing badda boom
muneul bakchamyeon modu nal barabom
gudi aesseo noryeok an haedo
modeun namjadeuleun kopiga pangpangpang
pangpang parapara pangpangpang
jigeum nal wihan chukbaereul jjanjjanjjan
Hands up nae sonen
Bottle full o' henny
nega malloman deuddeon gyaega naya Jennie

I mentally scoffed. This is the REAL BTS. The one that a lot of cameras can't see. Yeah, we fanboy at the awards, but here at the safety of our own dorm is different. Here, we can do and say anything we want. We can be the realest version of ourselves without worrying about the issues that the media would make. 

I suddenly remember what happen when I saw her...... 

They are seated in front of us, well not literally in front of us but it's so near that we finally got the chance to spy on them , outside the screen of our phone and computers. 

I looked at each and everyone of them. They are all beautiful , as expected. But each of them has their own appeal and that's what makes them different. I found myself staring at the blonde. There's something in her that makes me look at her, it's enchanting me. 

I observe her every move, every breathes and eye blinks didn't go uncounted. Well, I am exaggerating . I can't count breathes and eye blinks for f*cks sake. Her co-members saw me looking at them, at her but I didn't mind it. As long as she's oblivious of everything. As long as she didn't see me gawking at her. 

But of course my spying session didn't turn out successfully. 

She turned her head in my direction and our eyes met.

That's the moment when I realized I'm doomed. 

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