We finally get a weekend off from basketball and Harry wants to have a come to Jesus about our relationship. I sat at my desk waiting for the teacher to pick up all the test from this morning. I had to stay up all night to study but I knew I passed this test. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and turned to smile at Johnny. He looked more worn out than me with his eyes blood shot red. He wasn't even wearing school clothes. He was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with slides and his usually spikey hair was lifeless.

"Man, I'll be so glad when this shit is over," he whispered, "What we got like 3 months of this?"

I nodded and said, "You look like shit man."

"I know you not talking," He said sounding every bit of tired I was feeling, "You still got eye crust."

I chuckled silently, "I was rushing to get out of the house man. Harry came over last night and ruined all my plans for a good sleep."

He pushed back with an impressed expression, "Ooooo! I thought you was mad at him though?"

"I was then he showed up drunk and I had to take care of him," I answered leaning back in my seat, "Now we are spending the day together. But get this."

Johnny leaned forward again waiting for me to say something. I waited for the teacher to sit down when I said, "No sex."

"What!" Johnny shouted gaining everyone's attention. Johnny and I looked on as the teacher stood up folding his arms.

"You two out in the hallway!" he shouted pointing to the door. We both got up with our things and left the classroom. Once we were outside, we burst into laughter. It was almost time for class to end anyway so we took off. As we continued our walk, we heard people talking. The voices were familiar, so we got closer. We peeked our heads from behind a wall and saw Darrius talking to Caleb. Darrius had his back on the wall while he held Caleb in his arms. Caleb leaned back against Darrius playing with the small hairs on his boyfriend's arm. They must have gotten out of Chemistry class early and decided to just have some alone time.

"They make me sick with how cute they look," Johnny said and I was about to turn away until I heard Darrius say, "I really hate that I didn't tell Chris."

Tell me what? We were always honest with each other so I would hope that he would tell me something if I needed to know it. I made sure my face couldn't be seen as I continued to eavesdrop when Caleb replied, "I know but I don't want you and Chris to have issues."

"Because you think it would affect us, right?" He sarcastically asked, "What about how Chris will feel when I tell him? Everything doesn't revolve around us C."

"I'm not saying that D," He said sounding worried.

"Yes, you are because if Chris gets mad at me, you think it's going to affect me and then since its involving you and your brother, you think I'm going to be mad at you. I care more about how my friend of 10 plus years is going to feel rather than my own reaction and you should care about him too."

"I do care about him Darrius," Caleb voice seemed shocked as he went on, "He gave me the courage to open up to him about how I felt about you. He has been there for both of us and the reason I don't want you guy to have issues because yes it affects you and you know it does."

Darrius took a breath before saying, "I'm going to tell him and you just going to have to deal with the aftermath."

"Okay," Caleb reassured, "I'll be here if you want to talk about it."

The smacking of lips together told me that this conversation was over. However, I still didn't know what he wanted to tell me. Well, at least I got confirmation that he felt bad about it. Still, I was upset he kept something from me. We were best friends and if it's something eating him up, why hasn't he told me? I heard their footsteps coming towards our way and straighten up with Johnny. They came out of the hallway holding hands, looking shocked to see us.

"Hey what's up ya'll," I greeted them slapping hands with Darrius. He also looked chilled today with basketball sweatpants and a long sleeve black shirt. Caleb was dressed like he always was with a blue polo sweater and jeans with Sperry's. They smiled awkwardly as Caleb said, "Hey, you guys headed to lunch?"

"Yea, we can eat," Johnny joked and the uneasy atmosphere drifted away. Him and Caleb walked ahead of us as Darrius and I walked together. He was looking everywhere else but me as he spoke, "I know ya'll ass heard us."

"Heard what," I lied and Darrius stopped us.

"You know I want to tell you something," he stated, "Why ain't you goin' all apeshit right now?"

"Because I'm just use to people lying to me," I stated kind of aggressively.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you obviously have chosen who you want to stay loyal to, "I expressed, "It's like you do everything in your power to make sure Caleb is good these days. You didn't even call me and ask me about how I was feeling about seeing my dad again. You barely even hang out with me anymore."

He rolled his eyes and retorted, "You actin' like I pushed you to the way side. You already know the situation as to why I- "

"If he doesn't trust you by now, he obviously isn't going to later either," I yelled gaining Caleb's and Johnny's attention. Darrius looked towards his boyfriend whose facial expression was unreadable from where I was standing. He turned back to me and said, "Look, I understand we use to do everything together but you can't- "

"Don't try that dumb 'I gotta boyfriend now' shit on me," I said, "I don't have an issue with you being with someone. However, when you stop being a friend to someone that has been there for you all because you have them, that's the shit I don't like. So, just fuckin' tell me what you know so I can go eat lunch."

The strong clench of his jaw and the vein popping his neck didn't faze me. It needed to be said because he was so far up Caleb's ass that he hadn't even notice what was going on with me. Evan was beginning to know more about my life than he was and Evan was supposed to be the bad guy. Right now, I just wanted to know what he wasn't telling me, so it can determine how I'm going to react at this point. Caleb and Johnny were slowly approaching us and he was taking too long to answer.

"Just fucking tell me so I can go!" I yelled making the guys stop in their tracks, "Because you really takin' a long ass time- "

"I knew about your dad coming to the party," He blurted, "Caleb did too and his brother made me promise not to tell you."

I was speechless. My so-called friend knew that my dad was going to be at the party and couldn't even give me a heads up? He knew everything that went down in California and he still didn't think to tell me? My anger was sitting so close to the fucking edge that I had to pull it back before I even opened my mouth again. I just nodded and said, "Fuck you man!"

Before I could even walk away he was pulling me back and saying, "Naw man. Like we did it because we thought Harry was going to tell you."

"But you should have told me before anything," I charged back, "You supposed to be my boy. My dude. But you don't understand that do you?"

"Don't blame him Chris," Caleb jumped in coming towards us, "He wanted to tell you but I told him not to."

"No, he would have told me regardless because that's what we do right?" I said snatching my arm away from Darrius before walking away. Johnny followed leaving Caleb and Darrius standing in the hallway looking crazy as hell. The fast feet of the students going towards the cafeteria ringed through my ears but Johnny's voice surfaced above it.

"Hey Chris, "Johnny said holding on to his backpack. He had caught up with me and I wasn't about to stop until I made it in the lunch line. Once we got our trays he spoke, "Man, that was- "

"Don't say I'm getting mad for nothing," I huffed out sliding my tray down the aisle.

"No, you have every right to be mad but I think you are way more mad about something else other than him keeping secrets," Johnny expressed and turned to him confused before turning back around.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you seem...like...you- "

"What?" I yelled.

"Like you got problems expressing your anger," he rapidly replied. I rolled my eyes because I knew it but I didn't see it as a problem. A lot of things doesn't need a reaction. I placed a container of chicken nuggets on my tray before I answered, "Not expressing anger isn't bad Johnny."

"Yes, it is," He said reaching for the nuggets, "especially when you have anger like yours. You keep everything bottled up. You can't always be the cool funny dude Chris."

"Lies, Tre does it all the time," I stated getting fries.

"But Tre hasn't been through the same shit you have," Johnny fired back, "and Tre is never afraid to open his mouth and express himself. However, you tell Darrius everything and now that he isn't around as much, that makes you angry too."

Even though I wanted to tell him off, I couldn't ignore he had a point. It was always Darrius and I having each other's backs. I never told anyone half of the things I told him, not even Johnny and the guys. Quite honestly, I never really gotten close to many people besides Darrius and his family. After my dad left and Caleb did the shit he did, it was just us. Then now that he has someone and I saw how easy it was for him to just trust Caleb again, I guess I just questioned it. How could they build something so solid so quickly? A lot of adults are still trying to figure out if they want to marry someone they have been in a relationship with for over 5 years. I'm still trying to figure out if I could really open up to Harry.

I paid for my lunch and begin to walk towards the basketball table by habit. Then I saw Caleb and Darrius sit down. I was still pissed that he didn't tell me and I didn't want to cause a scene. I looked around the cafeteria and saw Evan sitting by himself as usual. I made a B line towards him, not missing the shock written across Darrius's face. Johnny followed confused as we sat down and Evan looked up with the same expression.

"What's up," I said putting my bag down, "Johnny this Evan and Evan this Johnny."

"Hey," The two said in unison and awkwardness. We sat down with our backs facing the other table. I took a nugget out and popped it into my mouth before I really looked at Evan and Johnny. They looked at me still with those confused expressions.

"What," I grumbled out swallowing my food and they just knew to let it go so they started to talk to each other.

"Hey, you are in my advanced English class, aren't you?" Evan asked Johnny and he blushed before nodding.

"Yea," Johnny said, "You read that poem in class about love and pain."

"Generic," I joked and they laughed. Johnny went on, "It was really good. I was wondering would you like to study for the test next Monday?"

I stopped my eating as Evan smiled blushing back and said, "Sure. I've been needing some help on the essay questions."

I looked between both feeling the attraction and sexual tension. They have been having class for almost a year, so how long has this been going on? I never heard Johnny express any interest in Evan and Evan never even mentioned Johnny. Did I just light the fire bringing them together? I know basing things off one interaction doesn't mean anything but the way Evan is looking at Johnny right now tells me otherwise. He was looking at him like he was a rack of ribs fresh off the grill, and Johnny was looking at him the same way.

"Uhm, Johnny," I said getting up, "Come with me to the hallway real quick."

He just shrugged and got up when I asked Evan could he watch our things. He nodded and we took off towards the double doors. There were some kids already sitting at the lockers, so I walked further before I stopped us.

"What's up?" Johnny asked before I hit him in the arm. He clutched on to his shoulder before whining out, "Why?"

"You know who Evan is right?" I said, "Evan, Evan. Evan who hurt Marcus."

He nodded still holding his arm and answered, "Yea...and?"

My eyes widen as my face scrunched up in confusion before I stated, "That means he is off limits. You know the story."

Johnny rolled his eyes letting go of his arm, "Yes I do but they aren't together."

"So you saying you like him," I proclaimed, "I knew you didn't want to study."

"The guy is hot," He expressed, "Plus, he has changed a lot since he came out. I never really paid any attention to him at first but now he has a different type of energy."

"But Marcus has never done anything to you and now you are going to do this to him?"

"No one is doing anything to anyone," Johnny sternly said, "Evan is single and I'm single. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I just want to get laid."

"What makes you think Evan wants to just do that?"

Johnny rolled his eyes again and laughed, "The dude is still stuck on Marcus. I'm not dumb. However, he is a guy. He is still going to want to have sex regardless of if he is in love or not."

"But you are still missing the point though!"

"Oh no I understand," He said, "If you tell Marcus, he is going to be hurt. He is the sweetest guy I know, and I don't want to hurt him. However, I want Evan. Wait, I know you aren't talking about hurting anyone. Weren't you going to have sex with Harry when he was with Roman?"

I sucked my teeth at his statement but it wasn't the same. At least I don't think it was. I shook my head and said, "I've known Marcus his whole life and Roman was an asshole anyway."

"So, hurting someone who is mean and you don't know is okay but hurting someone that you know isn't?"

I wanted to say yes but it's wrong either way. No matter how evil someone is, they still don't deserve to be hurt and same goes for those that aren't evil short men. However, I still don't think he should hook up with Evan because that will cause a lot of problems with not only Marcus but Darrius.

"I just don't want any drama," I told him and Johnny put his hand on my shoulder, "How about I ask Marcus?"

"He is going to say okay because he doesn't have a choice in who Evan or you have sex with," I answered, "But he is going to be really hurt Johnny. I'm telling you not to do it."

He huffed but didn't say anything further. Hopefully he caught on to how foul it would be to do that to Marcus. We walked back towards the cafeteria and as we went through the doors, Marcus was coming out.

"Hey," He said smiling bigger than he has in a while, "I didn't see your stuff at the table but are you guys sitting with us?"

I shook my head looking over his skinny frame. He was finally out of those baggy clothes and back to wearing jeans with a nice shirt. He must be really trying to move on from Corey and Evan. His skin even was getting the glow he once had. I smiled at him and said, "Hey you look good today? Got your hair all down and shit."

He put his hand through his hair shyly. I hadn't realized how long it had gotten because he kept it up so much these past few months. It had reached to below his shoulders and it was really thick. I looked towards Johnny who was whiter than usual but Marcus didn't notice as he continued, "Why not? You guys always sit with us."

"Darrius and I are into it right now so..."

"Oh! He must have done something stupid but I understand," He smiled, "So where are you sitting? Kevin and I will come sit with you."

"We are sitting with Evan," Johnny blurted out and looked just as shocked as I was that he said it. Marcus's smile deflated and I could tell flashes of painful memories course through his head. Then another look I've never seen him give me, rocked me. He produced a small smile and said, "Okay well, I'll just go sit with the guys then. I'll talk to you later I guess."

"Okay," I replied nodding. I couldn't say anything else because how he looked really scared me. He seemed hurt, the same way he stared at me when I told him Evan was staying with me but it felt deeper. Like I had betrayed him. He couldn't easily hide his feelings and when he showed you, it hit you right in the chest because you couldn't imagine hurting someone as ethereal as he was. Now I understood why Evan chose to not be with him. No one seems right enough to even be around him.

"If that is Marcus hurt," Johnny expressed, "I don't think I want to cause that."

I didn't respond, just walked through the double doors and sat down with Evan again. Johnny and him continued talking while I sat in silence eating the rest of my food.

**

I had come home to crash on the couch but my mother was sitting there with her blue funnel pj's watching her TV shows she had missed. She smiled and moved over. I sat down next to her and placed my backpack on the floor. I took her Doritos away and she gave me a rattled look before smiling again.

"Coming in here and taking my food," she joked, "Don't you got like some snacks in there?"

"Yes, but yours are closer," I said eating one of the chips. She laughed as we sat and watched the TV. A couple minutes later she asked, "Your dad came by today. Gave me the tickets to his little fashion thing."

I rolled my eyes at her obvious pettiness for my dad's career. I knew she didn't like the fact it took him away from us but at the same time she should be over it. However, I don't know what else went on between them as I was growing up. She never really explained much about their relationship other than what I knew to be true. She never let me in on her parenting business per say because she didn't think I needed to be concerned.

"Mama," I said gaining her attention, "Why do you call it the little fashion thing. You being petty."

She slightly smiled and said, "Well considering that he has had a few shows here and now he wants to invite us, is fishy."

"He had shows here?" I asked and she froze as if she wasn't supposed to let me know that. She turned to me, giving me that loving mother stare and I knew she was about to drop something on me. She cleared her throat and begin, "Yes he has. I've gotten word from people over the years and he has been down here plenty of times."

"Time he was supposed to be spending with me, right?" I asked nonchalantly. She nodded before continuing, "I didn't want to tell you and get you excited because whenever I would call him while he was in town, he would have changed his number. That's when his mom stepped in."

I smiled remembering my grandmother. She loved my mother and was very upset when she found out my dad left us. I could still remember when my mom had been crying the whole day and she took me to the aquarium for the first time. I remembered how she looked too. Her dark hair was always down and soft. It was curly like Marcus's but thinned out and grayed throughout the years. She had wide hips and stood only at 5'5 but she stood her ground like she was 6'6. Her mocha skin was always warm and it made her glow with the radiance of the sun.

She was the second woman I had ever loved and I couldn't take it when she was gone. My mind was drifting from the conversation but I still had questions. I turned to my mom again and asked, "Why do you really hate him?"

She froze again but didn't turn to me. She looked off into the fire place, probably formulating many reason why she does. She looked down at her feet after and said, "I don't hate him Chris."

My eyes busted open hearing her say that. I was amazed that she would say that from the many side comments and angry arguments I would hear them have over the phone. She finally turned to me and smiled looking at my expression. She continued, "I know but having hatred in my heart is too much. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't get myself to do it. Oh, trust me there was plenty of times I wanted to bang his fucking head in but me being angry wasn't going to change the situation."

Her eyes drifted away from me again but then came back, "He left me. He left me and you. It was such a bitter pill to swallow but I had to. Even when he begin not showing up for you, I couldn't let you be hurt. Even though now I know you were still hurting."

I was taken back now because I never really talked to her about anything regarding my dad's and I's relationship. Since I was 12 she gave me the option to either stay in contact with him or leave it alone. She thought I was grown up enough to handle my own relationship with him. So now when she says that I am still hurting, I don't understand how she would have caught on to it.

"What you mean?" I asked her. She gave me another small smile and said, "The last time I seen your father is when you Face Timed me to let me know you landed safely. Your dad didn't have a scar on his forehead though."

I was dead silent as I scratched my neck out of guilt and embarrassment. She waited for me to explain, knowing what I had done. It all hit me at once realizing that she noticed things better than I gave her credit for. She may not be at home all the time but she is the one person that could read me like a book.

"How you think it was me? "I asked. She gave me the same loving look before she took my hand and said, "Because no one is angrier with him than you are."

She had a point. From the missed times we should have been spending together. To the many lies he told me over the years. Then the broken promises he said he'd keep. I guess it boiled over when he took something I worked so hard for and tried to pass it for his own. I was still angry now because he was trying to make me forgive him. I looked at her with tears threatening to come down my face and said, "He really hurt me."

She nodded and clutched my hand harder to say, "I know. But you can't hold on to that forever. It's going to mess you up. He obviously is going to do what he wants to do and I don't want you hold on to those memories. You are old enough now to choose how you interact with him baby. Just don't make it to where you can't be in the same room as him."

Again, I was shaken and she turned to me smiling, "Oh yeah, he told me. Told me everything but you know what I said?"

I shook my head as she answered, "He deserved it and I closed the door."

"Savage," I said smiling wiping my face, "So that's how you deal with him?"

"Yes," She laughed, "Plus I didn't need him to be here when Lawrence came."

She had turned away as a loud boom came on the TV and that's what this statement felt like: a bomb drop. I turned her towards me, a chip hanging from her mouth. Then I yelled, "What the fuck mom?"

"Uhm, don't cuss at me," She calmly stated, "Plus, I am grown."

"But that's Darrius's uncle though," I whined, "That's nasty."

She huffed before gathering up her things and I asked her, "Why you leaving now?"

"Because this is my last day off and you bothering me," She said irritatingly, giving my leg a little kick, "Like you my daddy or something. Give me my chips."

She snatched her chips back from me as I laughed. Before she left, she turns to me and said, "The tickets are on the table. I can't go, so you can take someone with you."

With that said she went up the stairs, leaving me by myself. Even though I wasn't planning on going, I looked at the tickets laying out on the table. I saw that the date was 2 weeks from now and it was the week of the finals for our basketball division. However, it was on the weekend after the game. I groaned because I let my mom's words about forgiveness ring through my head. Was it time for me to just forgive this man? I've been angry for so long that I don't think I'm even close to that point. However, my mom has known this man longer than I have and the type of hurt she experienced, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Maybe. Just maybe. I could at least consider attending. Plus, it can't be that bad to pretend for one night he isn't scum.