Yangsan, December 2020

In almost 7 years of existence, Moon Chaewol never experienced such amount of confusion and helplessness. She couldn't recognize her surrounding: all the trees looked similar and on top of that she lost sight of the stream passing by the orphanage.

She was lost, truly lost in the forest.

A pity because the day started well: that morning Mr Lee Do Hyun (their second caregiver) took the kids of the orphanage on a camping trip in a forest near Yangsan. She played hide and seek with the other kids but wandered too far from the camp. She followed three different paths, thinking one of them would lead her back to the camp. Unfortunately her effort produced a counter effect by pushing her further in the forest.

That was how she ended up in this situation, with no way to contact anyone and no idea on how to find the way home. But was it really home when she felt like an outsider there?

As long as she could remember, she had lived all her life at the Children Home in Yangsan, a small town near Busan. As a matter of fact, she was one of the longest kid who lived in that orphanage. Some of her friends found new families over the years and left the orphanage. Sister Hanna explained to her the kids were adopted. Chaewol didn't understand at first what it meant but years later she became used to it. All of them were orphans or kids who couldn't live with their parents, therefore Mr Shin Jung Geun the orphanage manager looked for new families for them. Some of the kids were adopted or sent back home to their parents but never her.

For a long time she wondered what she did wrong. It was true that she was shy, not really talkative and didn't smile often. She wasn't as cute as the younger kids nor as funny as the older ones either. When she wasn't playing with her only friend Hwang Mi, her favorite activity was lying on the grass, humming songs she heard on the radio and day-dreaming. Mr Shin sometimes joked Chaewol's head was always in the clouds because her name meant bright moon.

She tried her best to behave well when the new parents came to the orphanage but they never chose her. Thus, at one point she just gave up making efforts. However deep down, she still craved for a mom and a dad like the other kids at school who had someone to pick them at the school's gate. They got parents or at least one parent who took them on holidays, gave them gifts and hugs. Chaewol got none. The two mean kids in her class often made fun of her and Hwang Mi because they lived in the orphanage and didn't have parents.

No one ever told her if her parents were still out there or if they went to heaven. She cried and fought back everytime the mean kids would say her parents abandonned her because she was a weird child. She knew it wasn't true and it was only an attempt to hurt her. Everytime she cried about it, their main caregiver Sister Hanna would remind her she was pretty and kind, that it was okay if she talked to the moon sometimes or prefered to play alone. Chaewol was special in her own way and she shouldn't give importance to people's mean comments.

Something in her knew that her parents didn't abandon her because they didn't want her. Maybe they were just lost like she was today and didn't find their way home to her anymore. Maybe it was the reason she ended up in Yangsan's Children Home. Maybe they were looking for her. With that thought in mind, Moon Chaewol made an impulsive decision that would forever change her life: she would go looking for her parents.

Sister Hanna would be worried, Hwang Mi would be sad and Mr Shin would be mad at her but she needed to find her parents.

She chose a random direction, and after a walk that felt like eternity to her, she finally reached Yangsan's main boulevard. She recognized the buildings and knew the train station was at the end of the road.

The station was buzzling with people : families from Busan and Ulsan loved to come to the Buddhists temples in Yangsan during the weekends as it wasn't very far from the city. Chaewol passed through the crowd and made her way to the first train she saw on the platform.

A man dressed in a blue uniform stopped her.

" Are you lost child? Where's your ticket? " He asked

Chaewol knew he would take her back in the orphanage if she told him the truth. She looked around and pointed towards a woman and an older child who were busy struggling to put all their luggages in the train.

" That's my mom and my brother. I went to the bathroom but now I gotta help them with the luggages."

She heard an announcement telling the travelers that the train to Seoul will depart soon. The man in uniform let her go and rushed her to join her family. A panicked traveler asked him a question and the distraction was enough for Chaewol to get into the train unnoticed.

It wasn't her first time in a train but now that she was alone and a bit scared to get in trouble, she realized how scary the train's speed and the noise of the people around her were. She took a seat next to the window and was alone during the whole trip.

She gasped when she went outside the big station and saw Seoul for the first time. She had never been here, only saw the capital on TV and on the pictures in her schoolbook.

Everything looked huge: the buildings that seemed like they would touch the sky, the big screens that showed advertisments, the number of cars in the traffic, the amount of people on the streets. The biggest building had a huge sign that said " Hotel del Luna." Seoul was no doubt prettier than Yangsan or even Busan.

She clutched her bag and made her way to the main street, looking around her. How can she find her parents? She didn't even know their names and their adresses. She didn't even know what they looked like. Finding them would be more difficult than she originally thought.

" Eomma, appa, where are you?" She sighed

🌜🌝🌛🌜🌝🌛

Seoul, December 2020

" Jieunie, are you sure you want to do this? " Her manager Hanteo asked her as he dropped her in front of Gangnam's hospital.

" Yes, despite our past disagreements and its fallout, Kang Ho Dong was still my manager, the one who helped me debut my career. If his last wish is to see me then I will talk to him. It feels cruel to deny a request from a dying person." Jieun explained.

The confidence she felt evaporated as her hand hesitated for 5 minutes to open the hospital room. She took a deep breathe and found the courage to confront her former manager.

The look of vulnerability in Kang Ho Dong's eyes and his physical fragility took her by surprise. In the years they worked together and even after the end of her contract, he always appeared as an imposant and scary figure. She can still remember his frightening expressions back in her rookie days when he threatened to ruin her life as well as Jungkook's. People feared him in the entertainment industry, he was strict but also had the reputation to have a good hunch when it came to find the next superstar. He made her a star, he did the same before with Hyuna, then after with Sunmi and recently Lee Hi.

Seeing him being physically diminished on his deathbed felt unreal, though she managed to hide her consternation.

" Hello" she greeted him politely

" Lee Jieun, it's been a while" his voice lacked the authority she was used to hear

" I know" she replied, instinctively lowering her eyes.

The last time they saw each other in person was about 6 years ago in december 2014 after her battle to get away from his grip and to be free from her agency.

2014 was a turning point in her career: her fame skyrocketed after the release of Good day, everyone was talking about IU and her three octave notes. Nagging was an immense success as well as Friday, shortly after in the same year. She went from the status of a rookie singer to a star in a matter of weeks after the release of her second album.

The success she dreamed of had a bittersweet taste because 2014 was paradoxally the hardest year of her life. In her desperate attempt to suppress the painful memories of Jungkook and her baby girl, she became a workhaholic. She poured all her energy into her work, trying to forget everything that happened the months before.

It worked for a time, until she snapped one day and took the heavy decision to end her life on a rainy night in August 2014. Her best friend and roommate Yoo Inna was the one who found her bleeding and unconscious in their bathtub. She stayed in a psychiatric hospital for one month to get treatment for her bulimia, burn out and depression. When she got released, the first thing she did was contact a lawyer to break her contract with her agency and to find a new one. She was desperate to distance herself from Kang Ho Dong to move on with her life and thrive in a healthier environment.

" How are you feeling?" She started with a polite question, unsure about how to lead the conversation. She heard about his lung cancer but wasn't aware before the hospital call yesterday that he was in the terminal phase.

" I had better days but now I'm mostly scared. Not of death, but of what's waiting for me after death. I have to face the consequences of my terrible actions."

Jieun remained silent. Ho Dong was not an easy person to deal with, he was a control freak and they had a lot of arguments in the past but she believed he was not a complete monster.

" I asked you to come because I needed to tell you something before it's too late. I can't take this secret to my tomb, I can't live with it anymore." He started to cry. It was such a weird sight to see him being so vulnerable, so weak.

" What are you talking about?" Her voice filled with dread

" I'm so sorry, you don't know how deeply sorry I am Jieun. I thought I was doing you a service, now I know how wrong it was."

" What have you done?" Her hands trembled as she took another step toward his bed.

" You were so young and had a promising career ahead of you. You were set to be the next Boa, everything was perfect until you told me you were pregnant with that trainee's baby. You were 19 and he was younger than you. What were you thinking? A baby would have ruined everything we worked hard for but you were adamant about keeping it. Did you really thought you could raise a child at 19 and him at 18 with no stable resources ? Imagine the scandal! Jieun, you were born to be a star, look at who you've become. You're IU, the nation little sister and most successful solo artist. You're a role model for all the new generation of artists. Look at all the prizes and praises you got during your career. You're my proudest creation and you would have never gotten to this point if you kept that child. I did him a favor too: Jungkook would have never become a worldwide star if your scandal broke out back then in 2014. That boy's career would have been ruined before it even began."

" Ho Dong, what have you done?" Jieun's body was trembling and tears cascaded on her cheeks. Those memories were too painful. Why did he dig into those subjects? Why did she had a feeling he did something unforgivable ?

When her pregnancy became too obvious, her agency moved her to a secluded house in Jinhae, a town near Busan. She stayed hidden there for 4 months. The irony of being so close to Jungkook's hometown didn't go unnoticed. Ho Dong told her the farthest she was from Seoul, the best it was so they sent her to the south of the country.

Ho Dong's eyes turned to the window on his left, avoiding Jieun's gaze. He sighed several times, wiped his tears and began to tell the secret he seemed finally ready to share.

" A homebirth with a doctor and a midwife was better because people would have recognized you at the hospital. I was aware you fainted several times due to your pre eclampsia during your pregnancy. Then you went into labor earlier than expected. The baby was premature, she didn't cry and seemed to present a small difficulty to breathe. The doctor said she needed an urgent check up at the hospital in case it was a newborn respiratory distress syndrome. You lost consciousness for several hours right after you gave birth but the doctor said it was nothing serious, you just needed rest. We left you at home with the midwife. We took the baby to the hospital where your doctor worked to run some tests on her and be ready to put her on a breathing machine if needed. And while I was in the waiting room, all I could think was how your career would be ruined because of that baby. I am deeply ashamed to say this but back then I secretly hoped the doctor would come up and announce it was too serious and she didn't survive. Then an idea came into my mind. You were still unconscious, your family wasn't there. The only witnesses were me, Kang Joon and the medical staff. No one else would know if something happened to the baby..I..I paid for everyone's silence and collaboration...The doctor was harder to convince but he gave in when I added another 0 to the offer. I forged your signature on the consent paper to put the child in adoption and give up your parental rights. I left the child at the hospital where she stayed for a few weeks in the neonatal unit. "

Jieun's brain had a hard time processing all the information provided.

" WH..What?" She searched for the truth in his eyes and she broke down to the ground when she saw his tearful gaze.

" All I remember from the childbirth was the pain and the fact that you all panicked and said something might be wrong with my baby's lungs...When I woke up, you told me...she.. didn't survive..."

" And you trashed around and got delirious when you learned the news so we sedated you."

" I don't understand... My parents told me they were present when you buried my baby... How...? Did they know..?" Were her parents aware of everything and lied to her too? No, no, no, they wouldn't do that to her. No, no, no...

" I needed time to produce proof for you and your parents. That was the reason we kept sedating you. I didn't call your parents right away. Two days after you gave birth, an abandoned newborn, found by a passant in the cold street, was admitted to the same hospital. That baby passed away a few hours later from hypothermia. It gave me the right proof. I called your parents and they rushed to your side but you were too delirious. I remember how heartbroken they were when I told them the news. They agreed given your mental and physical state, it was better to bury the child without your presence. I'm sorry Jieun. I thought I was helping you take the right path." He admitted, crying profusely

Jieun's entire world collapsed. The baby in the memorial she and her parents built in the garden in Jinhae wasn't hers. Her heart ached for that poor child with such a tragic fate. Her heart ached even harder for her own child who was the victim of Ho Dong's evil mind. He was a monster, a soulless and heartless monster.

" I never got to see her face nor hold her in my arms. I've been suffering from her loss for 6 years, almost 7. Why did you think I tried to kill myself? How could you have done that to me? How could you take her away from me? Where is she? Where is my baby?" She yelled at him. Her grief and rage were too strong, the feelings came in powerful waves that shook her body.

" The doctor called me a month later to say your baby was taken by the child welfare agency to an orphanage near Busan. She was fine, the problems with her lungs were fully treated... I made sure they took good care of her in the hospital... I wrote on the paper the name you wanted to give her " Ho Dong said as if the informations would somehow lessen the gravity of his crime.

" Chaewol" she mumbled. Her bright moon, her daughter was alive somewhere. She needed to find her !

Jieun gathered her remaining force and stood up from the ground. She had to leave, she couldn't stay in the same room as this monster anymore.

" You ruined an innocent's child's life and broke my heart in pieces. I can't believe you did that. You're a monster." She spat at Ho Dong and left the room, completely heartbroken and shocked.

She was still crying when she called Yoo Inna on her way to the parking.

" Inna, she's alive. I knew deep in my heart that somewhere someone was calling for me all those years. I told you I heard voices in my dreams. It was her, it was my baby." She sobbed on the phone

" Jieunie are you alright? What happened? What are you talking about? I don't understand." Her bestfriend asked with concern.

" Kang Ho Dong just told me my daughter is alive. He took her away from me and put her up in the adoption services in january 2014. You won't believe how far and complicated his plan was. I.. It's insane, I'm losing my mind right now. " she sobbed on the phone

" Are you serious? Oh my God! I.....Jieunie....where are you? Is Hanteo with you? I'll take the next plane to Seoul. This honeymoon is over, I'm telling Dong Wook and we're coming back home right now. Please stay strong!"

She was beyond hysterical when she explained the situation to her managers Hanteo and Jihwan in the car.

" How can I calm down? Call my lawyer, call your friend who is a detective. I need to find my daughter. Please help me find her." She begged them and right at that moment, another important thing came into her mind. She needed to call Jungkook.