The next morning I woke up early and crawled my way out of Nialler’s arms. I threw on some pants over my boxers and went to the kitchen. I felt so happy after spending the night canoodling and kissing Nialler. I hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed doing that with him until I’d gone without it for a few days.

I wandered to the kitchen and started to make breakfast as quietly as I could. It was amazing that Nialler was nineteen years old now. It sucked that his birthday was on a Monday, but we’d still make it work. We had invited Gunner and the guys over, so it would still be a fun night.

Of course, the most we would be able to do affectionately was the same old stuff we’d always done. I could only hug him and hold his hand. I wouldn’t get to kiss him whenever I felt like it. It was saddening, but I would have to get over it. This night wasn’t about me. It wasn’t my birthday, it was my best friend's--and secret boyfriend--birthday.

So after I had surprised Nialler with a huge breakfast, we’d made out for a while. Which basically resulted in us being five minutes late to our first class of the day. Of course it was worth it in our eyes.

All day, I kept worrying about what it was going to be like when Gunner came over. We still hadn’t had a proper conversation since that incident a couple weeks back. I knew he was mad at me still. He’d completely stopped trying to contact me after the first week of me not responding. I wasn’t stupid. That was his way of letting me know just how pissed off he really was.

It wasn’t as if I didn’t want Gunner to come over and spend Nialler’s birthday with us. Because I did. It wouldn’t be the same without him. But I was still pretty nervous. I was hoping we wouldn’t get into a fight. I was also praying that the kid didn’t say anything about Nialler and I being somewhat-together. We didn’t want the rest of our friends to know about that yet.

Once we finally got home after our long day on campus, Nialler and I did our best to clean up some of our mess around the apartment. That way when the guys came over, there was somewhere to sit and they wouldn’t be tripping over our numerous pairs of shoes and other junk.

It was about six o’clock when we were just sitting on the couch. I had my head in Nialler’s lap like old times. My eyes were closed as his hands were soothingly running through my hair. I felt so relaxed, that I felt like I could fall asleep.

“I’m sorry your birthday was on a Monday,” I said.

Nialler laughed above me. “It’s nothing that you can control. So don’t be sorry.”

I smiled and then, not being able to fight off the urge, I yawned.

“Hey,” Nialler whined. “You better not be falling asleep down there. We still have a full night of scary movies and shit to watch with the guys.”

“I know,” I said. “Just resting my eyes.”

“Then quit yawning.”

“Yes, sir.”

I felt Nialler’s pocket vibrate underneath me. Nialler jostled me around, much to my annoyance and fished his phone out. I glared up at him, receiving only a toothy grin. I pouted and shut my eyes again as he checked his messages.

“It’s Gunner,” he said. “He said he’ll be here in a few minutes so we’ll have to buzz him up.”

“Oh,” I muttered.

“Is everything alright with you two?”

“Why?” I asked, getting suspicious. “What do you know?”

“Nothing.”

I popped my eyes open to narrow them up at him. “You’re lying.”

“Alright, jeez,” Nialler said, rolling his eyes. “So he told me you haven’t talked to him since that night terror you had. He’s worried, but, knowing him, he’s pissed too.”

I sighed. “Yeah that sounds like the little brat.”

Nialler laughed and brushed some hair away from my face. “He also told me that he knows about us...”

I froze. I averted my gaze and looked away from him. Oops, I had completely forgotten about that slip of the tongue I’d had a few weeks ago.

The buzzer went off and I jumped off of the couch immediately. “Well, looks like that’s my cue!”

I was already shoving my shoes off and running out of the apartment door as Nialler called after me, “This discussion isn’t over!” I just smirked to myself as I let the door swing shut behind me.

It wasn’t until I was halfway to the elevator that I realized what I was doing. I swore underneath my breath. Now I was going to have to go downstairs and let Gunner in. I would be surprised if we didn’t get into some sort of argument before we got upstairs.

I took the elevator down to the lobby and made my way to the main entrance door. I saw Gunner right away, leaning against the building. He didn’t look up and see me until I was in front of the door. He just looked up at me and his face adopted a deep scowl.

I pushed the door open and let him walk inside. “Hey, asshole,” was the first thing he said. Then he just walked right by me and went to call the elevator. I took a deep breath to keep from killing him, and followed him into the lift. Gunner didn’t look at me, he just stared straight at the metal wall.

“Are you seriously that mad at me?” I asked, cracking under the silence.

“Obviously.”

“Dude, give it a rest. I don’t even know why you’re so upset with me anyway.”

Gunner turned to glare at me. “Caspar, how much do I really mean to you?”

“Gunner,” I said sharply. “Don’t be stupid, here.”

“I’m not. I just don’t understand why you’ve suddenly decided that you can’t tell me anything. We’ve always been completely honest with each other and now that you’ve moved out and have started to go to college, it’s like you don’t have time for me anymore.”

“That’s not true.”

“Well that’s how I feel,” he said.

The elevator’s bell went off to announce that we were on our floor. I went to walk out of the door when Gunner pressed the button to close it and hit the button for the lobby.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“We are not finished with this conversation.”

“So what, you’re just going to keep me locked in an elevator until I tell you what you want to hear?”

“If that’s what it takes,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. He was so impossible. Sometimes I could really just murder him. But then I’d have to explain that to our parents and the police. And I don’t think that would go over so well.

“Look, Gun. I’m sorry, okay?”

“You don’t even sound convincing,” he argued.

“Stop being ignorant,” I scolded. “I’m really sorry I didn’t let you see me that day. I just didn’t want to talk about it with you. I was freaking out and you always want to talk about my night terrors forever. I couldn’t handle it that day.”

Gunner huffed. “You could have said so.”

“I did! But you’re so pushy, you didn’t even listen to me. So I left instead.”

The elevator arrived on the main floor once again and the doors slid open. Gunner moved forward and pressed the button to go back up. I shook my head as I watched him.

“Whatever.”

“I would have called you back, too, if you hadn’t left me all those mean messages. You can be a real bitch sometimes.”

Gunner glared at me. “I repeat: whatever.” I just smiled, knowing that he was finally getting over his anger towards me. “So then how’s it been going? Nialler told me about the dream and your chest.”

“He seriously told you about that?” My eyebrows shot up in surprise as I stared at my brother. “That jerk.”

“Well you weren’t going to tell me,” he said. “So how are the injuries?”

“They’re fine, practically healed now. But, still,” I said, going back to his first comment, “Nialler shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not his business, it’s mine. And he could have asked permission first, at the very least.”

“Since when is your business not his business? You’ve been best friends for years now. Oh and don’t let me forget to point out that you’re now more than friends.”

“Okay, we’re done here.”

Gunner smirked at me. “Awwh, is somebody getting embarrassed?”

I sighed. “No. I just--I don’t want to talk about it.”

Gunner narrowed his eyes at me. After a moment, he furrowed his brow. “Why? Is Nialler doing something?”

“Just drop it.”

The elevator made it’s way back to the floor my apartment was on. This time, I managed to get out before Gunner made the damn thing go anywhere else. He followed me out into the hallway. I was about to keep walking, but he grabbed my shoulder to stop me.

“Seriously, Caspar,” he said, staring intently at me. “I really wish you would start talking to me again. You know you can tell me this kind of stuff.”

I looked at him. Seeing his expression filled me with guilt. He really did just want to be involved with what was going on in my life. This was the first year I’d be away from home. The two of us had always spent at least some part of every day together. But now I lived on the other side of the city, and it was a little more difficult.

I felt so bad as the realization sunk in that he was probably really lonely at home with our parents. Before, he’d always had me to hang out with and do stupid teenage guy stuff with. Now, I had Nialler, and Gunner had no one. Of course he had his friends from school, but that wasn’t the same as a brother.

“Alright,” I said.

Gunner’s face instantly brightened. I smiled at him. His mood swings could be quite entertaining sometimes.

“So what’s going on?”

“I’m just going to do a short overview. Because while we’re standing out here in the hallway and taking joyrides in the damn elevator, the kid whose birthday it is, is sitting in the living room by himself.”

“Fine, fine,” Gunner quipped. “Go.”

“So, we’ve both got girlfriends.” The utter look of mass confusion on his face nearly made me laugh, but I managed to reign it in. “Don’t say anything, I know. But anyway he’s dating this blonde model named Harriet and I’m supposedly dating her best friend, Skylar.”

“Supposedly?”

“Yeah, she figured everything out already. She knows how I feel about Nialler and we haven’t really talked all that much. She’s cool with it, though, and I think she’d pretty awesome,” I said. “Moving swiftly on, Nialler is too scared to come out. So it’s his idea that we’re dating girls.”

“Do I need to kill him for you?”

“No, just be quiet and listen. He’s probably wondering where we are right now.” Gunner huffed and I continued. “So yeah, he says he’s not ready yet, and I can kind of get that, even if I don’t feel that way. I could come out at any time now, and I’d be fine. I’m not worried about how mum and dad feel. Or Ni’s parents, for that matter.”

“Yeah, you’ve always been pretty brave about stuff like that.”

I nodded. “I think the most important thing I have to tell you, though, is that I think I’m dating someone else.”

“You already mentioned a girl,” Gunner said.

I shook my head. “No, I’m talking about another guy.”

“What!” Gunner shouted.

“Shh!” I scolded. “Keep it down, we’re basically in public right now. People do live behind these walls.”

“Well excuse me, you little whore. You just told me you’re dating three people at the same time. And two of them are guys. And one of them is your best friend. How do you expect me to react?”

“Honestly, not as annoying as you are right now.” I glared at him. “And I am not a whore!”

“That’s what they all say.”

“I’m honestly regretting telling you any of this. You’re so irritating.”

“I’m your little brother. That’s my job. Now quit bitching,” Gunner said. “Who is this guy? Like, I don’t even understand. I thought you loved Nialler?”

“Gunner, I do. I honestly do, but there’s just something about him that I can’t explain. It’s not even that Ely is just new and different, there’s actually something there. Something that I’m scared to figure out.”

“Ely?”

“Yeah, that’s his name. He’s also Skylar’s little brother.”

“Holy shit. Don’t you think it was complicated enough already. I mean, isn’t this like a love pentagon or something? That’s disturbing. How old is this kid?”

“He’d older than you, so shut the hell up.”

“Jeez, somebody’s snippy about their mistress.”

I set my jaw and pointed a finger at his chest. “Don’t even go there, Gunner. He’s a great person who doesn’t deserve to be talked about behind his back like that.”

“You seriously like him.”

I retracted my hand. I felt my face fall as the truth in his words rang out. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I hate this whole situation and I’m at a complete loss as for what to do about anything.”

“Caspar,” Gunner whispered. He sounded surprisingly gentle. “I think you already know.”

“Nialler has been my whole world since we were still living in Africa. But I can’t even lie and say that Ely isn’t fast becoming someone really important. I don’t get how this is even possible.”

“I hate to say it, bro, but I don’t think it is.”

“Then switch places with me right now,” I said, getting angry. “Because unless you’re me and you’re forced to have these conflicting feelings of mine, you’ll never understand. It’s impossible to explain this to you because you aren’t experiencing this. You just have to trust me.”

“Alright, I do,” he said. “But only because you’re being so deadly serious. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I’ve never been in love before.”

“Which one?” he asked.

“Nialler. But the feelings I have for Ely are there.”

We were silent for a moment. Then Gunner said, “I think you’re screwed.”

“I know I’m screwed.”

Gunner pulled me into a hug. I sighed into his shoulder and patted me on the back. He pulled away and smile sadly at me.

“Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out soon. I’ve got faith in you.”

He threw his arm around my shoulders as we started to head back to the apartment.

“At least that makes one of us,” I mumbled.

Gunner chuckled and dropped his arm as we got to the front door. I twisted the knob and pushed it open. Gunner and I filed in. I was completely surprised to see that Seph, Houston, and Callum were already there. They were just lounging around on the living room furniture with Nialler--who, by the way, was grinning broadly at me.

“When did you guys get here?” I asked, shutting the door behind my brother.

“Like fifteen minutes ago,” Seph said, shoving a pretzel from the bag in his hands into his mouth.

“Yeah, dude,” Callum said. “We waited for like ever for the fricken elevator to come.”

“And it wouldn’t!” Seph grumbled.

“So we ended up having to take the goddamn stairs,” Houston commented. “I hate physical labor, man.”

“You’re all so lazy,” I teased.

I went over and sat down on the couch next to Nialler. When he set his hand on my leg and I felt the heat coming off of his body, I realized just how much I missed everything. This was what we used to be like when our friends were over. When the cuddling and the intimate gestures actually held no meaning at all.

“Whatever,” Houston said.

He threw a potato chip and it hit me in the head. Nialler picked it up and ate it. “More for the birthday boy,” he said, making me laugh.

“Well then,” Gunner said, sitting on the arm of the chair Seph was in. “You three will be glad to know that the reason you couldn’t use the elevator was because Casp and I stole it.”

“Fricken jerks.”

“Assholes!”

“I hate you so much.”

I smiled as they all groaned and yelled abuse at us. “You’re all welcome.”