I had nearly broken down and started crying after what had happened to me. It was humiliating that I had just had an orgasm with Ely on top of my lap. Not to mention we had both been fully dressed. And just to top it all off, we were in his fucking living room. I honestly wasn’t sure that anything worse had ever happened to me.

With tears threatening to spill, I had shoved a stunned, and very aroused, Ely off of me and took off running for the bathroom. Of course Ely had been too quick and he had caught me before I had gone too far and briskly whisked me up to his bedroom.

He had apologized profusely for what had happened. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I was far too embarrassed by it all. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Hell, I almost wished that Anton had killed me when he’d had the chance. Then that whole incident never would have happened.

To make matters worse, Ely had to end up lending me a new pair of boxers and pants by the time he had calmed me down enough to actually speak to him. He had made me change in his room while he waited outside in the hall. Him being so smart, he knew that if he’d let me go to the bathroom, I’d never have come out of there to talk to him.

Once I had safely changed into the clean underwear and sweatpants, I had burrowed myself under the covers of Ely’s bed. That was where I was now. Ely had gone downstairs to throw my stuff in the wash. The fact that he was carrying my clothes down there was enough to make me want to cry all over again.

I heard the door open and I pulled the blanket tighter around my body. I didn’t want to look at him after everything. I didn’t know what to do, this had never happened to me before. And I really hoped I would never have to go through it again.

I heard Ely shut his door and softly pad across his floor to the bed in the center of the room. I felt the bed dip as he climbed up onto it. He laid down next to me, pressing against my side.

“Caspar?” he whispered. I stayed silent. “Please come out of there.”

I didn’t move, breathe, or speak. Ely grabbed part of the blanket near my own hidden hand. I felt him tug on it lightly. I just clutched tighter onto it, refusing to let it go anywhere. I did not want to face him.

“I don’t like it when you hide from me,” he said, sounding sad. I frowned but didn’t do anything. “I said I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t think...that was going to happen.”

I whimpered. I wish he would just stop talking about it. It was making it so much worse. And it was already as bad as I had ever imagined. Ely yanked on the blanket again when I wasn’t expecting it. This time it was rougher. He almost got it away from me, but I caught it at the last second. I tried to roll so I was facing away from me.

“Oh hell no you don’t,” he said. He pulled me to a stop and crawled on top of me, straddling my waist. “Why won’t you forgive me?”

“Ely!” I yelled, finally breaking my vow of silence. “Get off of me!”

“Not until you come out of there,” he answered. He grabbed the fabric in his hands and started to fight me for it.

I struggled with him, luckily winning so far. “No!”

“Yes, you little idiot!”

“Hey, don’t call me names!”

“Then let go of the damn blanket!”

“No!”

“Why won’t you forgive me,” he pleaded. “I’m sorry I made you jizz in your pants, okay? Now come on!”

I gasped and started kicking my legs to get him off of me. “I can’t believe you said that!” Ely stayed firmly in place, much to my chagrin. “You’re such a cruel bastard.”

“Well it’s true,” he said. “Now get over it. You’re apparently older than me, but you act like a baby.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled, not having a decent comeback for that.

Ely and I struggled for the hold on the blanket for a few more minutes. I was seriously just about to give in when Ely groaned very loudly. He let go, much to my surprise, giving up. What surprised me even more was that he simply flopped down and laid right on top of me, letting all of his body weight rest on me.

His legs were still on either side of me and his head was to the left of mine outside of the blanket. I felt his arms tighten to me on both sides of my body.

“What are you doing?” I asked in wonder.

“Hugging you,” he quipped. His voice sounded so pouty and adorable. It was strange coming from Ely. He was normally brash and loud, swearing constantly. So this was great. “So shut up.”

Ah, there it is. I knew it was too good to be true. I huffed out a breath. “If you’re going to be mean, get the hell off.”

“Caspar,” he whispered, surprisingly right into my ear. “Forgive me. Please.”

My breath caught in my throat. That undertone in Ely’s voice was what had got me. It sounded so hazy and seductive. It had me flashing back to what we had done downstairs, before the embarrassing part where I came in my pants. It sounded beautiful.

“Alright,” I said back weakly.

I couldn’t see it, but somehow I just knew that Ely was grinning in victory. A second later, I was proven right when I allowed him to pull the covers away to reveal my face. I saw that smile and I scowled at him.

“Stop it,” I snapped.

Ely cuddled closer to my body, rubbing his nose against my neck. I let out a little laugh because it had tickled. Ely touched the side of my face farthest from him and gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

“Oh gross,” I whined.

Ely turned my head and he looked into my eyes. I immediately stopped struggling to get my arms out of the blanket so I could wipe my cheek off. Instead, I just relaxed and looked straight back into his eyes. I wasn’t positive, but I think we both let our eyes slide shut at the exact same time. Then Ely softly pressed his lips to mine.

A sigh escaped my mouth as we kissed slowly and meaningfully for the following precious moments. I took it all in, not quite sure what to make of everything. But I didn’t want to dwell on the what ifs anymore. I didn’t want to complain and blow everything out of proportion. I really wanted to stop screwing things up by scaring myself out of doing what I instinctively felt was right. Mostly, I wanted to lay here for a few more minutes--maybe even hours--wrapped in Ely’s arms, and enjoy every second I had with him before it would eventually be called to an end.

**********

I felt something bump into my left leg, jostling me from my peaceful slumber. With my eyes closed, I brought my hand up to itch my forehead. I rolled to my left and my face smacked into warm flesh.

I sighed and rubbed at my nose. I cracked my eyes open slightly to see that what I’d hit was the skin of Ely’s neck. He mumbled something, his own eyes closed. I didn’t bother to move away as I let my eyelids get heavy and sink shut once more. A second later, Ely draped his arm around my waist and gently pulled me closer to him.

I heard a soft sigh of content escape his lips. I tried to smile but found that I was far too sleepy to do so. Instead, I just pressed my cold nose against his collar bone. Ely whimpered at the freezing temperature of the skin-to-skin contact. I let out a breathy, tired laugh.

“Mean,” he muttered. I shook my head against him. “Fine, I’ll forgive you. Only because I’m too tired and sleeping next to you is amazing.”

I smiled and pressed a kiss to his throat. “What time is it?”

Ely groaned. “I don’t know. Please don’t tell me you have to leave.”

I frowned. “Ely--”

He sighed loudly, cutting me off. I peeked through half-lidded eyes to watch him take his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. He checked the time, blinking rapidly to adjust his eyes to the light of the screen. His ceiling light had been turned off before we had fallen asleep and his lamp in the corner of the room wasn’t too bright.

“It’s almost eleven.”

“Oh,” I said quietly.

We’d been asleep for about two hours, after that one beautiful kiss we’d had. After our lips had finally parted--a good five minutes down the line--we had curled up and eventually decided to drift off to sleep.

“Can’t you stay the night?”

“I can’t.”

Ely pouted at me, making me nearly melt. “But why?”

“I just don’t feel very comfortable staying in a new place,” I mumbled, looking down at his chest. “What if I have a night terror? I can’t handle that on my own.”

“Caspar, you have me. I’m right here.”

“I know, but you’ve never been through this before and I usually have my brother or...” I trailed off, not sure if I should continue that sentence.

“I may be a jealous bitch sometimes,” Ely said, “but you can say his name, you know. I’m lucky you even want to do this much with me, so I’m not going to outlaw you talking about what’s important to you.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Well, I was just gonna say that I usually have Nialler or Gunner around. They’ve dealt with this tons of times and I’d just feel guilty as hell if I had to put you through that.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“But I am, Ely!” I cried, looking up at his face. “I honestly don’t want another night terror. They hurt me to have them. Maybe one day I can stay the night, but not now. I’m not ready yet. That last one is still very fresh on my mind and I’m scared, okay? I just--I’m sorry.”

I dropped my head down and let it rest on Ely’s shoulder. I really was terrified. I knew for a fact that sleeping in a new place for the first time was stressful. It almost always resulted in something bad. That was why my family hardly went on any trips. Putting me in a new environment tended to trigger the terrors and if I didn’t have Gunner or Nialler around to share a bed with, it was a disaster.

My brother and my best friend were literally the only people who could make me feel comfortable enough sleeping somewhere foreign to me. And even then, sometimes it wasn’t enough.

The panic attacks and those brutal nightmares were going to ruin me one day. I could just tell. But I knew I needed to stay strong and be positive. I needed to think about the good things, like how much people cared about me. That would have to be enough to get me through the rough times.

Tonight, I knew Ely cared. I knew he was willing to do anything and be there for me if something went wrong in the middle of the night. It just worried me that maybe he wouldn’t be able to stand it. I think I would be crushed if he saw the worst of me and decided he wanted to hang around someone who wasn’t such a mess. That would be about as scarring as my problems already were.

It wasn’t until Ely was cooing into my ear and cradling me close to him that I realized I was softly sobbing. I must have been really into my thoughts for that to have happened without my knowledge. I wiped my eyes and within seconds I was done crying. I didn’t want to cry, I just wanted him to understand where I was coming from. I also didn’t want him to feel hurt that I was choosing Nialler over him yet again. Even if Nialler was my best friend and I had a right to choose him, I was in some sort of relationship with Ely--whatever it was--and that’s what made me feel guilty.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered. He pressed a kiss to my temple. “It’s fine. It’ll work out eventually. For now, I don’t want you to stress out about it. I get it.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

I hugged him tightly to my side. After a couple minutes we both yawned and sat up in the bed. We looked at each other and I just stared and stared at those eyes. Even in this dim lighting, with his eyes looking darker than usual, I found them captivating.

I leaned forward without hesitation and pressed my lips to his. I felt his lips quirk into a smile and felt something flutter in my chest as if trying to tell me something. I had a feeling I knew exactly what it was. This was the boy for me.