author's note: this is inspired by olivia rodrigo's new song 'driver's license'. go stream it!!! it's beautifully written yet so, so sad :'(
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you were so tempted to go over to his place.

you missed the smell of the apartment that was filled of fresh books and older books, the look of how nerdy it was, the soft fabric of his bed, and the times that you laid in his bed until it was time for you to get ready to go to work with him.

you leaned your head back against your couch as you closed your eyes, feeling a few tears run down your cheeks.

you could still hear his voice, even in the loud traffic noises from outside.

-
you had trouble sleeping at night all the time because of the nightmares you had from previous cases but when you woke up, he wasn't there to make sure you were okay.

you were alone.

you pushed the blankets back, walking over to your coat rack and grabbing a coat as you threw it on top of your shirt and sweatpants before taking your keys and shutting and locking your apartment door.

you walked downstairs in the cold, opening the door to your car and getting in, shutting it and sitting there in silence for a moment before turning it on.

backing out of the parking space, you then proceeded to get on the road and make your way to his apartment.

you couldn't take it anymore.

you passed so many apartment buildings but you couldn't take your mind off of him.

soon, you arrived.

you parked, staring up at the building as you tried to comprehend everything that had occurred between you two.

you turned the car off, stepping out of it and lightly shutting the door before walking slowly towards the entrance to his apartment complex.

you climbed the stairs, reaching his apartment that was on the second floor as you stared at the door. you knew this door so well. so well that you had to pause and not search for the key he had given you at one point.

you slowly knocked on the door, stepping back as you waited for it to open.

you waited.

and waited.

and waited.

you felt your heartbeat still beating quickly out of nerves.

suddenly, the door opened as you stood staring at your ex-boyfriend who looked like he had just woken up.

"_____," he said gently.

you stared at him, feeling your stomach dropping slowly because of the girl's voice you heard in the background asking who it was.

"this was a mistake," you said softly, beginning to back up slowly as a girl came to stand next to reid as she looked at you in confusion.

"_____, wait," reid began but you shook your head, feeling tears welling to the surface before a few escaped as you rushed back downstairs and towards your car as reid followed you.

you got in, shutting the door and beginning to cry over the steering wheel. you felt so broken, so hurt, so empty and lonely.

reid got in the side passenger door as he shut it, causing you to look up at him. your heart was beating so quickly as tears fell down your cheeks.

"hey," he said softly. "it's okay, _____. what's wrong?"

you wanted to speak, but you felt like you couldn't.

"i miss you," you told him, feeling more tears escaping your eyes.

reid nodded, looking down towards his lap as you felt your heartbreaking further.

"you will get through this, you know? you'll be okay. you will find someone one thousand times better than me, ______. you deserve someone who isn't unable to be there when you need them."

"you were always there," you said softly, trying to be careful with your feelings right now.

reid shook his head.

"_____, you know you deserve better than me."

"spence," you said softly. "it doesn't matter if you think i deserve better when i still love you."

you stared at him with tears in your eyes.

"you'll be okay. you will."

"don't do this again. i can't have you walk away from me again. i just can't handle it," you told him as he began to get ready to get out of the car.

he turned to look at you, seeing your eyes pleading him not to leave.

"get some sleep, ______."

with those words, he climbed out of the car, leaving you once again. you watched him walk a little ways away from the car, turning around to make sure that you'd be able to start the car and get home safely.

you stared at him, tears rolling down your cheeks as you looked at him standing in the cold.

you didn't want to start the car.

you wanted reid back.

reid continued standing there, waiting to see if you'd ever start the car to get home but you felt so broken that you couldn't do it.

you didn't want to leave him again.

you didn't want him leaving you again.

he soon realized as he walked back over to the car, opening you door as you looked up at him before slowly getting out of the car.

he pulled you into a safe, tight hug as you held back onto him tightly, tears overwhelming your body.

"_____, you need to go home. you need to get some sleep," reid said softly.

"i've been having the nightmares again," you said softly.

"i thought you said they stopped?"

"only because of you," you said softly.

there was silence between the two of you before reid let go, standing back a little as he gave you a soft smile.

"get some rest, ______."

with that, he walked back on over to the stairs that lead up to his apartment before disappearing into the stairway as you immediately missed his hold on you.

you sat back down in your car as tears once again overwhelmed your body.