Nick 

I thought I was faking it, pretty well. I think everyone was convinced that I was over Demi & head over heels in love with Olivia. The red carpets, the radio interviews & television interviews all had me gushing about Olivia. I was pretty sure Demi was convinced as well & I was convinced she was way over me. Her & Wilmer looked more in love than ever & I tried not to let it bother me. Honestly, I was convinced me & Demi were over for good & I was trying to accept that. Her & Wilmer were this little family, with their starter child, Buddy. I needed to move on & not look back. I needed to accept that Demi & I would be friends & nothing more for the rest of our lives.

After the Miss Universe pageant when Olivia thought I was going to propose, I have to admit that I was very turned off when I thought about our relationship. It annoyed me that she thought I would propose to her on national television. It was like she didn't know me at all. I would never be into a public display like that for something so intimate & romantic. I also wouldn't propose to her after we'd only been together a little over a year. I didn't even want to live with her anymore, but here we were, still living in the same house. Thank God, I was hardly ever home. Even if I wasn't doing anything, I tried to never be home. Whenever I was, it always seemed she had a photoshoot set up at the house, which annoyed the shit out of me.

As the weeks went on, I was slipping more & more into a slight depression. I must have hid it well, because no one ever asked me what was wrong. To my friends & family, I pretended I was fine & my life was amazing. My life, actually, was amazing, don't get me wrong. Except in the love life area, because that wasn't amazing, but I wasn't ready to let anyone in on that secret. I was just hanging on until I was really ready to let Olivia go. I knew it was going to be huge in the media, plus I knew she'd be devastated. I feared she'd turn psycho on me, too.

I did make a decision, however, regarding our living arrangements. Olivia knew I had put my house on the market to sell, so we were planning on moving, anyway. One afternoon, I informed her that I wasn't moving any of my stuff into the apartment she had rented. I insisted she put it in her name because she would be there more & she thought nothing of it. Of course, I paid the deposit, but whatever, I wasn't going to argue. She looked confused when I told her about my decision.

"Why aren't you moving your stuff in?" She asked as she placed some of her things into a box.

"Well, the apartment is already furnished, so I'm going to put my stuff in storage. And... um... I'm actually going to move in with Joe instead." I said in a cautious tone.

Her eyes bulged out of her head, then that fucking crease appeared between her eyebrows. "What do you mean you're moving in with Joe?" She asked, her tone laced with disgust.

"I don't want to live in that apartment. And I think we need to not live together anymore. We moved in together, way too fast & look what it did to us. Now we're back together, so we should take some notes from our first go round... and we shouldn't live together."

"We already hardly see each other as it is, Nick. You're never home. You're either flying off to another city or you're at the damn studio or you're hanging out with your friends. We literally have seen each other a total of two weeks since January. And you're leaving tomorrow to film Scream Queens & your video & I get stuck doing all the stuff getting ready for moving day. Thanks." Olivia huffed as she shoved a box with her foot, angrily.

"You can be mad, but I am not changing my mind about this. I am moving in with Joe & putting my stuff in storage. We'll just have to actually have dates now. Imagine that... we're dating & we actually have to go on dates." I let out a chuckle, but she didn't find me amusing. Instead, she glared at me before turning & heading to another part of the house, stomping her feet as she went. I knew she was mad. Really mad. If that were Demi, I'd run after her & try to make her forgive me, but with Olivia, I was doing whatever I could to pick a fight. I was hoping she'd dump me & save me the trouble.

After a half hour of packing & hearing lots of doors slamming upstairs, I finally went to talk to Olivia. I managed to smooth things over & she forgave me & eventually, supported my decision. I could always get my way with her by either having sex with her, massaging her or buying her something. I won't say what I had to do on that day, but it may or may not have involved all three things. I also told her packing could wait a week & she should come with me to New Orleans while I filmed Scream Queens. I really didn't want her to come with me, but whatever kept the drama & whining to a minimum.

I had to do a lot of groveling, actually these days. I had to kiss her ass, a few weeks earlier, when she got mad at me for getting drunk with fans when I delivered wine as a publicity thing. I had a blast, but she got pissed & told me I shouldn't be drinking with strange women. She got pissed when I shot a new version of the music video for 'Chains' because I was basically partying with the hottest women in Miami. Needless to say, I continued to do the same things, but she never dumped me. It was looking like I'd have to be the dumper.

Once we were moved out of the house, it was time for us to go to her family's in Rhode Island for Easter. I really didn't want to, but I thought if I bailed she would know something was up. I had a feeling she was talking to her parents, too, because her dad talked to me about a future with her while we were smoking cigars on his front porch. I told him I was in no hurry to get married being I was so young & he took that opportunity to tell me I had his blessing so I didn't have to ask his permission, when the time came. I could not wait to leave, so I didn't have to tell her father that I'd never propose to Olivia. Thank God for her siblings & friends, because they made the weekend entertaining. They were all pretty funny & a great bunch of people. I didn't even mind Olivia as much when she was around them. They were the only thing I would miss when Olivia & I were finished.

Other than occasional texts back & forth with Demi, I didn't see her or talk to her much, which only made me slip into that depression more. I was giving her space & I was trying to move on. I missed her so much, though, it physically hurt when I would see her on tv or hear her song on the radio. I wanted so badly to call her up & ask to hang out, but I knew that wasn't the best idea. I was so busy, anyway, I barely had time for my girlfriend, let alone my friends. Not only was I doing concerts, I was filming stuff for Scream Queens & then the movie, Goat, not to mention training & getting ready for season two of Kingdom. That's pretty much what March & April consisted of.

At the end of April, I went to Cincinnati to meet with James Franco who was producing Goat & we ended up hanging out & partying at this local bar. We wanted to get to know the people who would essentially be in the movie because the movie called for lots of party goers for extras since it was a college movie. Luckily we were in a college town. But when the photos of me partying & doing shots with girls showed up online, Olivia got really mad. She was more embarrassed, honestly, because her sister was the one who saw the photos online & showed her. We had a huge fight when I got home. I thought for sure she was going to dump me, but she didn't. When I mentioned maybe we should break up, her tune changed completely & she started to kiss my ass. This wasn't going to be easy, that was for sure.

Another thing that was going on, was the label me & Demi wanted to start together was becoming a reality, thanks to a lot of amazing people on both our teams. Phil & Demi were talking a lot & then Phil would talk to me, later, letting me know how the progression was coming along. I was excited, actually, because it was something Demi & I had dreamed of for so many years. It was something her & I had talked about when we were just kids, dreaming big at the time, but now it was becoming a reality. Demi & I talked via texts about it, neither of us bringing up anything in our personal lives. We kept it business or social, but never talked about Wilmer or Olivia.

May came & I was pretty sure this was going to be the month I finally broke up with Olivia for good. I had to wait, though, because I couldn't dump her on or before her birthday which was May 8, nor could I dump her right after or I'd look like I was thinking about it & planning it for a while. Plus the Billboard Music Awards were in the middle of May & they were a big deal, so I kind of wanted a date, not to mention I didn't want all the focus to be on our breakup. I needed to be strategic with this.

On May 1, I filmed a video with Sage the Gemini for a song we collaborated on. His girlfriend, Jordin Sparks, who I have known for years, actually introduced us & suggested me, to him, when he was wanting a voice on his new track. The song was so relatable, to me, at this particular time in my life, I could have written the damn thing, myself. If Olivia would just stop being all serious & talking about our future & just lived in the moment with me, we could have kept the good thing going. Well, by good thing, I meant sex & companionship. Nothing more. I didn't see a future with her at all. I knew I couldn't be with her for the rest of my life. I had a feeling my mom knew this as well because when Olivia & I went to Texas for a few days, back in March, my mom was gushing over her & posting pictures online. My mom was just starting to accept Olivia & she only did this when she knew it was just about to be over. I could tell by the way my mom looked at me when Olivia couldn't see. My mom had a sense of humor, plus she never wanted to look like she didn't accept Olivia once the breakup became public. Gotta love my mother.

Shooting the video was a lot of fun & I was surrounded by beautiful women, one of which had to touch me a lot & I did not mind one bit. In fact, the more she touched me, the more I was hoping Olivia would see & it would be enough to push her over the edge & break up with me. The day after the shoot, my brother, Joe & I were going to the biggest fight of the year in Vegas. I was looking forward to spending time with my brother, without Olivia being a buzzkill. Joe & I had an awesome time & even hung out for dinner, meeting gorgeous female fans. I heard all about it from Olivia the next day, of course. I had to wonder if she stalked me on Instagram & twitter. She knew everything I did & it was a little annoying. Okay, it was a lot annoying.

I tried to forget all about the fact that Olivia & I were fighting, constantly, as I helped make her birthday special. I had two shows on the Saturday after her birthday, so I had plans that night with a bunch of her friends. Well, my friends I should say, since most of them were mine & not hers. She had celebrated on Friday night with a bunch of her girlfriends, which was fine by me. During her party, she could not have looked more in love with me & who knows, maybe she was. She posted pictures of us together & in each photo I looked annoyed, but in my defense, I was annoyed. Plus I was drunk. She annoyed me so much that night, it just made me want to dump her sooner rather than later, but alas, I had to wait.

After her birthday celebration, I had to be back in Cincinnati on Monday, so I was gone for the next week. Demi was finishing up her world tour in Asia & was coming home to L.A. sometime during that week. Then on Friday, May 15, I was heading back to L.A. for an evening dinner meeting with Phil & Demi. I was nervous & excited. My feelings for her were still there, but not seeing her in person definitely made me forget just how severe the feelings were. I hadn't seen her in person in months & when I thought about it, I'd get depressed.

I went to Phil's house straight from the airport & as the car, he had sent, pulled up in the driveway, I saw Demi getting out of her car. I sucked in my breath because she looked so amazing. She stopped & turned to look in my direction when I slammed the car door. I started walking toward her & the huge smile that took over her face almost knocked me off my feet. Then my heart flipped in my chest when she ran to me & threw her arms around me. I held her in my arms for as long as I could, all of the feelings rushing back & seeming to be stronger, which I wasn't even sure was possible.

"God, it's so good to see you." She almost moaned as she pulled away from me. I nodded, swallowing the lump that shocked me, by forming in my throat all of the sudden. "You look good, Nick."

I cleared my throat. "So do you, Demi. I've missed seeing your face in person."

"Me, too & I missed your hugs."

"Need another one?" I asked, smirking with my arms out. She giggled & came into my arms again. I sighed, almost groaning because my heart hurt so much. "It's been too long, Lovato." I said, in a deep voice, trying not to start crying.

I felt her nod her head, then she pulled away again. "Well, now that we're about to be business partners, we will be forced to see each other a lot more." She winked, then turned to start walking toward the door. I watched her for a moment as she walked, admiring her beautiful ass that I missed touching.

Phil greeted us when we got to the door & invited us in. He had a spread of food for us to celebrate the label that was now a reality. He explained to us all the details of how it would work with our label but still being on our other labels as well. He also said over the next few weeks, we would all sign the legal documents making all of this legal & binding until we didn't want it to be anymore. He added that he hoped that we were so successful & loved it so much that we never wanted to end the partnership. From now on, mine & Demi's music would be released on our own label, but also under Island Records & Hollywood Records. It was all so exciting as Phil talked about it. Demi & I both kept smiling all night & at some point it hit me. I wasn't depressed. I was with Demi & I felt the way I had a year ago. I hoped that once I was free of Olivia, I'd start to be less depressed, even though Demi wasn't going to be my girlfriend. I'd settle for her partnership & friendship.

Demi & I hung out with Phil until it was pretty late, then Phil said he'd call a car for me, but Demi offered to give me a ride home. Needless to say, I was elated at that & accepted without hesitation. We said goodbye to Phil & got in her car. As Demi drove, she sang along to the radio & when 'Jealous' came on, Demi stopped singing. "I love this song, even though, I hated it for a little bit."

I laughed, "Why'd you hate it?"

She sighed, throwing me a glance. "I saw the Miss Universe pageant & let's just say Olivia wasn't the only one who thought you were going to propose."

"Wait. You thought I would propose to her like that? In front of millions? Wow... I thought you knew me." I clicked my tongue as if I was ashamed of her, while I shook my head.

"I do know you, but for a split second, that fear came over me. I thought maybe it was for publicity or something. I don't know. Anyway, I couldn't listen to that song for a while after that because the memory would come back & so would the way it made me feel."

"So, you were jealous?" I chuckled.

"Shut up. I wasn't jealous. I was scared. She isn't right for you, Nick. I don't like her. She's fake." Demi was looking straight out the window with her lips jutted out, in a determined pout.

"I'm not going to marry her, Demi." I said in a quiet voice as I watched her profile.

"Promise?" Demi asked in a whisper, glancing at me, sideways, with a slight smile on her face. I nodded & she sighed with relief. "You two sure looked cute at her birthday bash."

"Really? Because I was annoyed most of the night."

"Really? Why?" Demi's eyebrows shot up as if she were really intrigued.

"It was a long day of performing & sometimes she just gets on my nerves." I shrugged, grinning at her. I saw a sly smile form on her mouth then she giggled.

"I can't imagine why." Demi said, her laughter turning to a cackle. We kept talking as she drove me home, then she pulled up to Joe's building & turned to me. "It was really great catching up & hanging out. We should do this again soon."

"I know we're both pretty busy, but call me & we'll try to figure something out." I opened the door then smiled at her. "See you later, partner." I gave her a wink & she laughed before I got out of the car. I went inside the gate & watched as she drove off, ignoring the ache in my chest. A half hour later, I was laying in bed, scrolling through twitter, when I got a text from Demi.

"That song, Should've been us, is on the radio right now & I am crying thinking about me & you." I read the text a dozen times, then got on one of my apps to listen to the song. I hadn't heard it yet & when I listened to the words, I felt myself get hopeful. She thought about us being together. A fleeting moment of hope was all I got because she shattered it in another text, later. "I know we won't ever be together like that, but once in a while, I think about how much fun we had. I hope you find someone like I have. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, Nick. Love you!" My heart sank in my chest as I tossed my phone & threw myself back on my bed. Tears filled my eyes as I realized how happy she was with Wilmer. I had to face it, that I could never make her that happy & I needed to move on. I still needed to break up with Olivia, though. That was my last thought as I fell asleep, so my dreams were of me dumping her & each time, the scenario didn't end well.

The Billboard Music Awards were amazing, even though Olivia was with me. I sucked it up, taking pictures with her, even though she was a bitch all night. She kept making snide comments to me about other celebrity couples or how people keep asking when we're getting married & it was pissing me off. I ended up snapping at her later in the evening while we were at the after party & she stomped off & ended up going home. Thank God, we didn't live together, but she was blowing up my phone the next morning demanding an apology. I did, just to stop the fighting.

More fighting happened after Olivia saw the video for 'Good Thing" later that week. Thank God, I was in Cincinnati & didn't have to fight with her in person. When I got home at the end of the week, she came over to fight with me some more. This time it was about the partying I had done in Ohio while filming 'Goat.' She also threw in the video so we could fight about that some more. It really was exhausting & she really wondered why I hardly wanted to spend time with her.

Finally, the day came. It was the morning I was leaving for Vegas for the iHeart pool party. I hadn't invited her to come, but she invited herself. I was packing my bag & she came over with her bag & I could feel myself getting pissed off. Then she made a remark that was the last fucking straw.

"I'm getting so tired of hearing & reading about Nemi since you guys announced this damn label. I really wish you would have stayed out of it. I don't know why you two have to be business partners. It's very inappropriate since you have history." Her tone of voice hit me deep & I lost it.

I spun around, throwing the shirt I had, in my hand, on the floor. "That's it. I can't fucking take it anymore. We are done. You're not coming to Vegas with me & you're not my girlfriend anymore. I'm done with your jealousy. I'm done with your whining. I'm done with your high & mighty attitude. I'm done with you! Get your bag & get the fuck out!" I pointed toward the exit of my room.

Olivia's expression looked like I just slapped her as she stared at me with her eyes wide & mouth open. "Nick." She whispered, her voice cracking.

"Don't even try to talk me out of this, Olivia. I don't love you. I have been pretending for months that I am even happy. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep doing this or I will end up in a mental ward. And it isn't fair to you. I'm sorry if this comes out of the blue to you & I'm sorry I yelled. I just don't want to be with you anymore." I put my hands on my waist & held my breath for a moment.

Olivia sat on a nearby chair, staring at the floor, looking stunned & like she might be in shock. "I'm not going to talk you out of it, since it seems that it's what you really want. But...." Her gaze met mine & I saw the tears. What kind of asshole was I? I didn't even feel bad. I didn't believe these tears were really for me. They seemed like they were tears for what she was losing. The red carpets. The spoiling. The attention. The clout. The media. The fans. I knew a lot of my fans were only her fans because of me. I know that sounds conceited, but it was true & she knew it. "I'm sorry I said that about you & Demi & the label." Olivia's voice was still quiet & it was shaking a little bit more.

I sighed, suddenly feeling a little bad for her. I didn't love her like I was should, but I still cared about her. I sat down across from her & leaned forward on my knees. "Demi & I are best friends, Olivia. Our relationship is in the past & she is happy with Wilmer. This doesn't have anything to do with her, I want you to know that."

"On my birthday, you posted that picture with the caption...."

I held my hand up to stop her from finishing her sentence. "I know. It was all an act, honestly & I am sorry. I shouldn't have been lying for so long. I just didn't want to hurt you & for a while I was really trying hard to have feelings for you. It just wasn't happening. I can't keep this up."

Olivia took a deep breath & wiped her tears, angrily. I knew she'd turn on me once she realized I wasn't changing my mind. "Fine. But don't even think about trying to get me to take you back again. I won't be fucked over again, Nick. This is it. If I leave, we're done & I don't even want to see you again."

"Well, I hope one day you & I can be friends again or at least be civil. I mean you have a lot of friends that are my friends & you're close with my aunt...." I stood up, slowly.

"I don't know about all that. You broke my heart. I'm pretty sure I won't want to see you or talk to you for a while." She turned, grabbed her bag then headed to the door. Just as she was about to walk out, she turned back to me. "Can we not go public with this for a while, though? I think you owe me that much at least. I have some big things coming up that I don't want to be overshadowed by a breakup."

I nodded, sucking in my bottom lip. "That's fine. I have a lot going on as well. In fact, we can act like we're still together in interviews for the next few weeks if you want & then I'm sure the rumors will start flying when we aren't seen together for a while. Once the rumors start getting bad, you can announce it any way you like." I gave her a sheepish smile as she rolled her eyes, then left. I heard the door slam shut a few minutes later, then heard something shatter. I hoped it wasn't something expensive or Joe was going to kill me. I breathed a sigh of relief, though as I smiled, gratefully. It was done. I was a free man & I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The only people I told were my closest friends & family, except Demi. I didn't tell her, right away. I don't even know why, actually. I guess I wanted her to keep thinking we were together. Maybe a small part of me was hoping Demi was jealous of me being with Olivia. I know I was an idiot for thinking it, but I was an idiot in love, so I couldn't really help it.