A/N - Hey, guys! Well, not quite as bad of a wait this time, was it? Just over 2 weeks, I guess. 🙈 Gutted that I'm a Celebrity... has finished, but grateful for all the laughs and adorableness we got from the boys over those three weeks! 

This chapter grew into a bit of a monster - roughly 5.5k words! - and I'm not sure if it's all just mindless waffle or if it's actually worthwhile reading. 😬 Anyway, I hope it's OK-ish. Please stay safe wherever you are in the world. Thank you for reading! ❤ -H. x

Wednesday, May 16th, 2018. Twelve days before the start of the week of BGT live shows.

Ali stared into the living room from the hallway, fingers tapping out a random pattern on her phone case, a worried expression on her face. She was no stranger to having tough conversations with her clients, but things had become a bit more complicated when one of them became her husband.

Normally, they would never talk work while at home. But now Dec had essentially become a hermit except when forced out of his safe space to go to a meeting or therapy – or to hang out with Ant – and separating home and work had become rather difficult.

She quietly padded into the room, her sock-clad feet making not a noise as she glided over the carpet to stand in front of her husband. He was lying on his back on the couch, nestled under a light throw blanket and partially propped up by a couple of pillows, tired, half-lidded eyes lazily following the action on the bright television screen while his hand repeatedly traveled from a half-full popcorn bowl to his mouth and back again.

He seemed almost in a trance, not appearing to notice her presence until she authoritatively cleared her throat. Dec startled slightly, eyes jamming wide open and turning up to look at her, his popcorn-laden hand freezing guiltily halfway between the bowl and his mouth. Sensing Ali's mood immediately, he paused the telly and turned his uncertain gaze to his wife, asking the unspoken question with anxious eyes alone.

Ali remained silent, nudging at Dec's feet to indicate she wanted him to sit up, before plonking herself down next to him, one hand automatically cupping her ever-growing pregnant belly. Dec now had a severe case of the deer-in-the-headlights look, a sure sign he suspected what was coming.

Unable to bear seeing him like that, Ali gently turned his chin and leaned in to kiss him tenderly, tasting the butter and salt on his lips from his new obsession: popcorn. He'd always loved popcorn, but since a phone call yesterday which he'd refused to divulge the details of, he'd been stress eating almost nonstop.

Ironically, yesterday he'd also made his first trip to the gym since before leaving for the Takeaway finale in Florida. Probably every single calorie he'd burned at that early morning gym session had now been reconsumed through the medium of popcorn. He'd not really given her a reason for his sudden return to working out, just mumbling something about Ant while rushing out the door in the morning.

He'd come home in a fantastically good mood that Monday afternoon, after having disappeared for hours without a trace on what should have just been an hour-long therapy session day. If she hadn't called Anne-Marie to ask about Ant's whereabouts, Ali would have been incredibly worried. But when she'd heard Ant had been dropped off at the clinic where they both had therapy at about quarter to twelve, she'd figured out pretty quickly where her husband was.

Sadly, the golden glow surrounding him on Monday only lasted until he woke up the next morning after several hours' sleep that had started off really sound but had ended with him tossing, turning, and mumbling in his sleep.

The now-typical heavy sadness had been back in his eyes the moment he awoke, dashing Ali's hopes that perhaps he'd turned a corner after his afternoon out with Ant. And then he got that phone call...As soon as he'd seen the caller ID, he'd rushed into his office, shutting the door behind him and reemerging an hour later with a hunted look and the weight of the world on his shoulders. She'd pressed him for details, but he'd said not a word.

And now here she was, sharing a languid kiss with her husband on the couch, trying to decide on the best method of broaching a topic that had the potential to set off a full-on panic attack. Finally pulling away with one final chaste peck of his lips, Ali tucked a leg underneath her and took hold of one of Dec's slightly greasy hands, tugging gently so that they were properly face to face.

Dec's eyes were a bit clouded from their prolonged kiss, but the spark of trepidation was still there. There was no way this was going to go well.

"Um, Dec," she began, snatching one of Dec's hands away from wiping on his sweatpants and shoving the napkin sitting next to him into his hand instead, "I just had a call from one of the exec producers at BGT. They said you've been avoiding their calls and emails all week?"

Dec's eyes immediately veered away from hers, settling on the remaining mound of popcorn in front of him and refusing to meet his wife's steady gaze. "So it's true, then?" Ali pressed, hating the flinch her words invoked across Dec's features, but knowing she had to do her job regardless. "You do realize that you are contractually obliged to do this job, right? Even if you don't want to?"

"Of course I bloody well know that!" Dec snapped indignantly, "I'm not stupid!"

"So why aren't you, then?" Ali sighed, leveling her husband with a questioning look. "You're seriously eroding their trust in you, Declan. They want to be understanding given the circumstances, but this is a week of live shows we're talking about, starting in less than two weeks! They need some level of engagement from you, otherwise they're going to be forced to look at other options. And we both know that would basically be career suicide," she mentally slapped herself for her choice of words as Dec flinched hard, "and would likely ruin any chances of you and Ant being able to come back together."

Dec groaned and hung his head, squirming uncomfortably as he tried to work out a way of getting out of this conversation. Everything he'd been attempting to crowd out of his mind with an endless supply of box set DVDs and popcorn came crashing back in – stress, anxiety, worry...just a horrendous weight settling on his chest accompanied by a dreadful feeling of being overwhelmed and unable to cope.

He knew Ali was expecting a response, but it was almost as if he was paralyzed by his anxiety, unable to speak even though he knew he should. It was stupid – he'd already done two huge shows on his own and he'd survived. But this was different. Because it was a different show. Plus, there were so many unknowns – so much could go wrong. And it was a brand new venue...With nearly ten times the normal audience capacity he and Ant were used to for live shows.

Just the thought of all of those faces staring back at him, cameras capturing his every move, millions at home watching, criticizing, judging; the press hounding him, having their body language "experts" analyze him, burning him at the stake in print when he made even the slightest mistake...

He could feel bile edging its way up his throat, his heart beating ever more rapidly and stomach cramping painfully. The surroundings faded out of focus, the sound of Ali's voice became distant and fuzzy, rapidly being replaced by a loud ringing sound. He couldn't breathe. He was going to die. He just knew he was going to die. This was it. The end.

At least he'd had one last nice day with Ant.

Blackness was enveloping him. His chest ached like he'd been run over by a freight train. A smarting pain burned his cheek, once, twice, thrice. He was confused, unsure of where he was and what was happening, but certain of only one thing: he was dying.

Something cold was being pressed to the side of his face. Or was that his imagination? Was he hallucinating now? He must be hallucinating. Did people hallucinate when they were dying? They must. Because he certainly must be.

His lips moved of their own accord, chanting a broken litany of gasped pleas dictated by his panicked mind: "Ant, Anth, Anth, Ant, Anth..."

His lungs burned as he suddenly pulled in a big gulp of air. And another. And another.

The ringing in his ears started to subside. Light began to filter back into his blurred vision.

He became aware of tears running down his face.

His hands were tightly gripping the fabric of the couch, fingers aching from digging in so hard.

"Declan? Come on, love, breathe, okay? Breathe."

Bewildered, Dec turned his head, wincing when the side of his face clunked into something hard.

"Anth?"

"Deccy! You with me now?"

"Anth? I-, I don't...Where-?"

He shook his head sharply, trying to rid himself of the cobwebs crowding his brain, again inadvertently slamming the side of his face into something hard. His breath caught as another terrified, miserable sob wracked his small frame. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to calm himself as a soothing voice reached his frenzied brain.

"Declan? I don't know what the hell is going on, but you've gotta calm down, kidda; just try and go to your happy place and take nice, deep breaths, okay?"

"But you're not here," Dec murmured bleakly, gaze sweeping his surroundings as his vision finally cleared, finding no one in the room but himself, a nervously panting Rocky, and a pale Ali pressing his phone up to his ear.

"Al is, though," Ant responded, voice taking on an oddly tight tone, "Cuddle up to her and you'll be fine, mate." A pause, then a choked, "I love you, Declan."

Sensing something very, very off with Ant, Dec tried to push his panic and anxiety to the back of his mind and focus, saying, "Everything oka-?" only to stop when he heard the line go dead.

"S***!" he swore, immediately snatching the phone out of Ali's grip and hitting redial, only for his call to go to voicemail. After leaving a worried message with a demand that Ant rang him back immediately, Dec hung up. His chest was constricting again, concern over Ant's frame of mind swamping him. His hands were shaking.

Soft arms enveloped him and gentle lips caressed his temple as he attempted to stop another encroaching anxiety attack. He breathed in the flowery scent of Ali's perfume, burying his head in her neck. He loved her, he really did. But her cuddles just weren't the same as Ant's.

Ant.

"Wha' just happened?!" Dec murmured breathlessly into his wife's neck, his voice small and confused.

Ali sighed, sounding decidedly exasperated. "You just had another panic attack, Declan. Ant rang you a minute or so in, so I picked up and had him try to talk to you 'cause I wasn't getting through." She paused, determinedly pushing Dec away despite his iron grip on her and turning to look at him full-on. "We need to get this under control, Dec. I've known you 20 years and I've never seen you have this many panic attacks in such a short period of time."

A couple of tears slid down Dec's face as he tucked himself into the corner of the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging his legs tightly. That was when Ali realized his entire body was trembling.

She let out another breath, heart aching for him but at the same time knowing that she had to shut off the "concerned wife" part of her, remain professional, and press on with what she'd started. "Why have you been ignoring the BGT team, Declan? You know you have to do the job...Isn't it better to just get on with it and get it done? Putting it off is just going to put you in more of a bind because you won't be prepared. If you don't start cooperating, the team is going to have to find someone else. And you don't want that, do you?"

Dec was now leaning his forehead against his knees, eyes closed, taking in slow, shaky breaths. He was still trembling head to toe, the tremors traveling through the frame of the couch to Ali. Realizing Dec needed her to go a bit easier on him, Ali reached out and touched his shoulder, receiving a full-body flinch from him in return.

"I'm not trying to push you over your threshold, love," she said quietly, gentling her voice and removing the harsh, professional tone from it completely, "But I need some sort of explanation. I'm your manager, I represent you – I have to know what's going on in that head of yours and whether you're up for going ahead with this. Because if you want to pull out, it's only fair they know as soon as possible."

A broken voice emanated from the huddled form of her husband. "I'm not en-joying it any-more. I'm d-dreading it; d-don't wanna do i-t."

"How can you not enjoy it anymore when you're not doing anything??" a bewildered Ali pressed, "Surely you'll enjoy it once you're out there doing the show...You always have in the past, remember? You'll get all worked up and stressed about something new, and then once you're in it you're fine and having fun-"

"There was t-two of us then."

Ali sighed internally. It's a good thing this job paid well. She wasn't enjoying her job anymore, either.

"Look, I know you're scared, I know you're anxious and stressed...But if you work through all of that, it's still the same job you've done for years. BGT really isn't that difficult in terms of-"

"'Not that difficult'?!" Dec yelped, head whipping up and eyes fixing Ali with a burning stare, "'Not that difficult'?! Have you ever presented a bloody telethon live on telly?! Have you ever thought about everything that could go wrong?! It's a bloody nightmare!!!"

Dec scrambled up into an upright position, leaning forward and tucking one leg underneath him whilst beginning to exaggeratedly count out on his fingers: "You've got technical problems, acts going wrong and having to be stopped live on air, you've gotta deal with the bloody judges and their antics, you've got hecklers and stage invaders, you've got a bloomin' massive audience – an' if the jokes don't go down well, then you've got silence surrounding you and you wanna die on the spot – you've got huge opening numbers and dance routines and songs, you've got awkward silences to fill with chatter, you've got-"

"Okay, okay, I get the drift," Ali broke in irritably, "But you've still done it all before."

"NOT BY MYSE-LF!!!!!" Dec's raised voice snapped and broke and withered as he reiterated, "N-ot witho-ut A-nt."

"Well, then, you should've thought it through a bit better before saying yes to doing it, shouldn't you," Ali sighed, annoyance more than evident in her tone despite her best efforts at not letting it show.

"I didn't have a bloody choice!" Dec shot back, voice heavy with misery but sharp with acid. "It's in our contract – ya can't just say no!"

Ali had to resist the urge to reach out and take Dec by the shoulders and shake him. "So WHY are you NOT doing it, then!!!!?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T," Dec spat out, stumbling and nearly falling on wobbly legs as he jumped off the couch and snatched his phone off the table, storming unsteadily out of the room and heading for the door, grabbing a coat and his keys and wallet on his way out. After hesitating for a second, he yanked open the door and then slammed his way out of the house.

Ali rose shakily, heart in her throat as she went to the window and watched as Dec reversed the car and hurriedly exited their driveway, turning left as he drove out. She hadn't meant to lose her temper. She hadn't meant to say all of that. She'd meant to be loving and understanding. But she wasn't in control anymore...Pregnancy was wreaking havoc with her emotions; she was stressed, worried, unhappy...

The sobering realization hit her out of the blue: she needed help.

~~~

Ant screamed and nearly jumped out of his skin, swollen eyes springing open as he cowered away from the pale hand which had just touched his shoulder. He wasn't sure if he was asleep or awake – was this a nightmare?! A shuddery breath left his body and he sniffled thickly, blinking his eyes rapidly to try to clear his vision.

"Anth, it's just me," came a small, hurt-filled voice from beside him.

Turning and slowly sitting up at the familiar tone, Ant looked up and was greeted with his best friend's concerned gaze. "Declan?" The mattress dipped beside him, and the next thing he knew he was being held securely in his friend's trembling arms. Wetness dripped onto his skin as Dec held him close, and that got Ant going again, tears coursing down his face in an endless waterfall of pain.

They wept together in silence for a while, each one's tension slowly ebbing away as they melted into each other's arms, Ant burying his head in Dec's shoulder, while Dec snuggled into the crook of Ant's neck, forehead pressed into the hollow of Ant's collarbone. No words were needed as of yet. They both just needed the comfort of each other's embrace. Explanations could come later.

After what seemed an eternity, they slowly untangled themselves, Dec grabbing a couple of pillows and propping them up behind him as he leaned into Ant's side and slipped an arm around his waist, holding him close. Following suit, Ant wrapped his arm around Dec's shoulders, tipping his head against Dec's when he felt it come to rest on his shoulder.

Silence remained in the darkened room for a few moments, each finding the courage to voice the burning questions they had for each other. Surprising even himself, Dec spoke first, tone thick with emotion. "What's happened?"

Ant tried to draw away from Dec's side embrace, but Dec tugged him back firmly, leaving no room for discussion on the matter. It felt good to be cared for. A lump forming in his throat again, Ant realized Dec was still waiting for an answer. "Me an' Anne..." he choked out, "We-, we had a row."

A bitter chuckle reached his ears. "Me an' Al did, too."

"Copy cat," Ant joked weakly, before adding morosely, "At least she'll forgive ya..."

"What'd ya row about?"

"Just some stupid s***...'Bout moving and Lise an' the divorce, and Amzie's ex, and-"

"So basically everything, then, yeah?" Dec responded jokily, gently nudging Ant's shoulder with his own. His voice softened. "Is that why you called?"

"Ye-ah," Ant's voice broke, "Didn't have anyone else."

"What are you talking about? You've got loads of friends! And you've got your mam and Sarha and Emma and David, a-and your d-ad," a wistful tone came apparent for a moment before Dec continued on, "There are loads of people who ca-"

"You saying you don't wanna be bothered with us?" Ant huffed, attempting to draw away from Dec's hold on him and failing yet again as Dec snuggled even closer and made an annoyed noise.

"No, ya daft radgie!" Dec replied thickly, hesitating momentarily, "Just...If I'm ever not here, I don't want you feeling alone in the world...There are lots of people who love you."

Ant tensed. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Dec sighed, remaining silent.

"Ya can't just say stuff like that!" Ant protested, "Not after-, after..." he trailed off, unwilling to finish the sentence.

"I just don't want you feeling like that," Dec finally mumbled, hiding his face in the fold of Ant's jumper.

Ant let out a heavy sigh, protectively tightening his hold on his little friend. "What was your row about, then?"

Stiffening, Dec shook his head. "Nowt for youse to worry 'bout, Ant."

"Ahhh, work, then, is it?"

"How d'you always do that?" Dec's tone took on a petulant ring, "Always snoopin' in me mind!"

Ant gave a half-hearted chuckle. "Comes from spending me life with ya – I can read you like a book, son."

Dec huffed by way of response, tipping his head back against the headboard, the back of his neck resting comfortably on Ant's warm arm. "Is it worth it?"

"Huh?" Ant's eyes slid over to rest on Dec's pensive face, barely visible in the dark.

"This life of ours. All the stress an' anxiety an' worry...Is it worth it?"

"You mean our job?? We love our job, Deccy! It's not like work, not really," Ant jostled Dec gently, trying to get him to turn his gaze from the ceiling. "No?"

"It nearly killed you...it's tryin' to kill me...I dunno...Maybe we should just knock it on the head."

"You serious??" Ant questioned, loosening his hold on Dec to turn and face him properly, heart clenching when he saw the tear tracks glistening on Dec's cheeks. "You are," he said gravely, answering his own question. "Is it that bad?"

Dec nodded mutely, head rolling to the side to meet Ant's eyes with a doleful gaze.

"Oh, kidda," Ant muttered tearfully, gathering Dec in his arms and hugging him tightly. "That why you were in such a state earlier?"

He felt Dec nod against his shoulder, moisture seeping through his jumper onto his skin as Dec cried silently. If he was honest, he was shocked to the core that Dec was considering giving up their career. However, deep down, he knew it was just an anxiety-driven knee-jerk response to pressure. Dec could be like that sometimes – if things became too much for him, he simply shut down.

The problem was, Ant didn't quite know what to say to make things better. Before, they were always in this together – he was there onstage to support Dec and vice versa. But now Dec was facing everything all alone. And goodness knows that Dec didn't cope well with high stress.

"You sleeping properly?" Ant questioned softly, already knowing the answer but not knowing what else to say.

Dec shrugged in his arms, sighing and slowly pulling away, wiping bashfully at his eyes. "Keep having dreams," he mumbled, "Always the same thing, over and over, all night long..." His voice became choked, "You're never there. It's just me, all alone, making a right c*ck-up of everything. An' I'm always panicking, tryin' to find ya, but I never can...."

"Declan," Ant chided gently, "That's just your anxiety talkin'...Ya always get them anxiety dreams before live shows."

"I know," Dec responded, "But you're normally there in 'em...So even if I make a tit o' meself, there's someone to try and pick up the pieces."

Ant sucked in a breath. "Like I said, just your anxiety, kidda. Ya don't need anyone to pick up the pieces 'cause there won't be any to pick up. You've never let anyone down yet, love..."

"'cept you."

"'the hell're you on about?" Ant exclaimed, "You've never let us down, Deccy...I'm the one...I f***ed everything up."

"No," Dec replied impassively, "You f***ed up only after I let ya carry on even though I knew sommat was wrong. I let you down, Ant, end of."

Rolling his eyes but not feeling in a proper frame of mind to argue his point, Ant changed the subject. "You really wanna knock it all on the head? I thought you loved our job?"

"I did," Dec started, hastily correcting himself, "I do...I just don't right now. It's doin' me head in."

"But if we're back together?" Ant pressed, "Would that change owt?"

"Aye, 'course it would!" Dec immediately shot back, adding passionately, "I hate working on me own."

"Well, then...Don't make any hasty decisions, Declan. I know how youse get – it's the stress an' anxiety talkin' right now. You'll be right as rain once you get into it."

"Oh, yeah, I'll be right as rain all right," Dec said drily, "Havin' a flippin' panic attack live on the telly!"

"I can hear your voice in me head, can you?"

"Wha-??" Dec gave Ant a look that said he thought he'd lost his marbles. "What the hell you on about?!"

"If I'm gettin' a bit panicky or sommat an' you're not there, I'll sometimes hear you in me head tellin' me to calm down or whatever," Ant explained. "If ya start gettin' panicky, just try and pretend I'm there, maybe?"

Dec's brows knit together and there was a flash of white in the dim light as his teeth worried at his lower lip. Ant added, "Ya know I'm there with ya in spirit, kidda. I'm always with ya right here, anyway," he reached out and laid a gentle hand over Dec's heart, feeling it thumping away underneath his palm.

Dec nodded wordlessly, tongue poking at the corners of his mouth as he battled against another surge of emotion, the lump in his throat growing rapidly. "Sorry," he choked out, "Came to check on you, an' then I start unloading on you instead."

"That's what I'm here for, kidda," Ant murmured thickly, pulling Dec close and pressing a salty kiss to his hair, "Wouldn't have it any other way."

"'When the rain is pouring down, you make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong,'"* Dec quoted suddenly, laying his head on Ant's shoulder and wrapping his arms around his slim waist.

Chuckling, Ant raised a small smile as he joked, "Is that a confession? Or...?"

Dec whacked his arm with a little huff and half-hearted giggle, "That ship's already sailed, innit? Nah...The lyrics just popped in me head...'Cause ya always know what to say to make me feel better."

"That's what I'm here for, innit?" Ant smiled sadly, feeling Dec squeeze him a bit tighter in response.

"So you and Anne?" Dec questioned hesitantly, contemplating straightening up but instead locking his arms in place around Ant when he felt the shuddery intake of breath. "You gonna be okay?"

"Bloody hope so," Ant mumbled despondently.

"You goin' back to hers later?" Dec rested his chin on Ant's shoulder, warm breath hitting Ant's cheek as he spoke.

"Nah, don't think I'm welcome." Ant's voice had now taken on a thoroughly downhearted tone, something which Dec found extremely worrying.

"Want me to stay the night?" he asked on impulse, feeling a strong surge of protective ire come over him at the thought of Ant being abandoned by Anne-Marie when he was still in such a fragile mental state.

"What?" Ant tilted his head to look at Dec, "What about Ali?!"

"She'll be fine," Dec quickly answered, adding ruefully, "Prob'ly wants a break from me, anyway."

"You'd really kip over with me?" Ant was truly incredulous. If he was completely honest with himself, the prospect of spending the entire evening alone with his thoughts wasn't an entirely pleasant one. He'd been in a really bad place when he called Dec, and being shoved straight into trying to help his best friend through a panic attack apparently brought on by his actions really hadn't helped at all.

His mind had been in a very dark place when Dec arrived out of the blue earlier.

Suddenly overcome with emotion and gratitude, Ant squeezed Dec impossibly tight, turning and attempting to press a kiss into his hair but instead placing his lips on Dec's forehead. Choked up with emotion, he said a garbled, "Thanks, lad," feeling the warmth of Dec's undying love swell his heart to bursting.

Dec merely cuddled him closer for a moment before pulling away to sit next to Ant, looking at his watch which had just lit up in the darkened room. "Al's texting," he murmured, "Gonna have to let her know I'm kipping over wi' you."

"Have you seen the stories?" Ant's tremulous voice rang out loud in the quiet house, "About us two?"

Dec stiffened beside him, audibly choking mid-intake of breath. "Why've you been lookin' at the papers again?"

"I was in the chemist's yesterday...Saw 'em all sittin' there wi' us on the front page." Ant sounded downhearted and utterly defeated. "Sort o' hard to avoid, ya know."

Dec remained silent for a few moments, a silence which made Ant's heart stutter. Then, "Yeah...Th-they want their pound of flesh off us, Ant...I-...What'd you see??"

"All of it," Ant answered simply, low tone conveying his misery.

"S***," Dec swore, voice becoming dark with anger, "I'm gonna bloody kill them!"

"You an' me both." Ant could feel the tears coming to his eyes again, remembering the words he'd read the day before and how much they had hurt.

"It's all b***s***, ya know that, right?" Dec pleaded with him, voice unbearably sad yet hard and full of ire, "They're tryin' to pull us apart...They want us gone...maybe dead, I dunno..."

"Don't say that," Ant implored, voice catching, "Don't-...I'm sorry, Declan, I'm so bloody sorry. You were right, we shouldn't have gone out."

"F*** 'em," Dec ground out, "It was the best, happiest day I've had in months, Ant...I don't bloody regret it. We've just gotta, I dunno...Ask fans not to post s*** about us?"

"Aye...Guess so," Ant agreed sadly, "We'll still do the photos an' that, but...we cannae go through this every time we go out."

Dec sighed. "Yeah, s'pose..."

"And why the hell did they say it's a pub?!" Ant broke in abruptly, "Just so they could drive the knife in a bit more?!"

"They've been twistin' everything up for months, Anth," Dec let out a devastating sigh, "The lies have been everywhere...You just haven't seen the half o' it 'cause you've been sheltered from it all in hospital."

"What else've they said, then? Tell me," Ant demanded, voice quivering with emotion, "I've seen some o' it, but..."

"Can we not...?" Voice strained and somewhat high-pitched, Dec put his head in his hands, fingers pushing through his hair in a desperate motion as the pain, stress, and anxiety upon remembering all of the horrible headlines of the past couple of months returned full force.

Realizing his mistake instantly, Ant apologized. "Sorry. Sorry, Dec...I-, I shouldn't have asked, sorry."

"Gonna go ring Al," Dec choked out, springing off the bed and hurrying out of the room, leaving a distraught Ant on his bed, berating himself for having upset Dec yet again...He really was a knob. A worthless knob. Just like Anne-Marie had said.

~~~

Ali blew out a tense breath of relief as her mobile started ringing, her husband's name popping up on the screen immediately. She felt awful. Truly horrible. She'd learned a lot in the past half hour. And she'd also cried. A lot.

And after getting off the phone, she'd been panicking. A lot.

Normally, she wouldn't worry if Dec just stormed off without a word. Not anymore.

A bunch of sobering words flew through her mind as she reached for her phone.

"Severely destabilized."

"Lack of security."

"Debilitating anxiety."

"Mentally unstable."

"Deeply depressed."

"Highly stressed due to loss of his safety net."

"Sweetheart?" she answered the phone, eyes filling with tears upon hearing her husband's voice. "I'm so sorry, love...Where are you?? Are you okay?!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Dec's voice was muffled and choked with emotion, "I'm at Ant's. Staying the night."

Ali's heart plummeted. "What?? Why?!"

"He and Anne rowed." His voice caught, "H-he's a me-ss."

"Oh." Ali couldn't hide her disappointment. But she tried to be understanding. And maybe Dec was staying over as much for himself as he was for Ant? That aspect had been explained to her as well.

"Anxiety over Ant's wellbeing...Scared of losing him."

"Is he okay otherwise?" She asked, guilt overwhelming her as she remembered her words from earlier that afternoon when she'd picked up the call from Ant during Dec's panic attack. No "Hello, how are you, can you please help me," just a harsh, angry, "You caused it, you deal with it," before shoving the phone up to a gasping Dec's ear.

How could she possibly have been so horrible to someone who was like a brother to her?!

And now to find out that Ant was probably calling Dec because he was in a bad place mentally and needed to talk...The shame and guilt were suffocating.

"Yeah, yeah...I guess. Well, not really, but..." Dec trailed off, sounding a strange mix of bitter and heartbroken. "We'll be okay."

Ali heard a clatter in the background, followed by a muffled swear word. "What was that?!"

"Erm...I think Ant's just dropped sommat on his foot. I'll text later, yeah," Dec said hurriedly, ending the call without another word.

Ali stared at her mobile for a few seconds, all sorts of emotions swirling in her chest. Blinking through the stinging tears in her eyes, she opened the messaging app, sending a three sentence text:

***They're both fine. Dec's staying with Ant. He hung up on me.***

She curled up on the couch, grabbing Rocky from his preferred spot on his fluffy blanket and clutching him to her chest as she wept, the little dog licking the tears from her face while wagging his tail. He didn't understand why both his master and mistress were so distressed all the time these days...It was upsetting and stressful for him...He whimpered, snuggling into Ali's arms and pressing his wet nose into her chin with a small, insistent yip, earning a wet giggle from Ali.

Rocky gave a discontented grumble as Ali's phone started to ring, sighing as she answered and curling into a ball on her pregnant belly, listening unhappily as his mistress cried.

"I feel so alone, Linda."

* - Lyrics excerpt from "The One" by Kodaline