A/N - Multitudinous apologies for the delay in updating. It's been a rough week and I've had very little time or energy for writing. I managed to get a few thousand words written yesterday, however, so here's the next update for you guys. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story from the start and is still reading, and welcome to those of you who have just joined in. I genuinely appreciate each and every one of you, and I hope that what I'm writing is still interesting and a worthwhile read. Thank you again, and remember, #KindnessOverEverything. 💕

Yawning widely, feeling the stress of the day in the overwhelming exhaustion rapidly overtaking her, Linda shut off her office computer, having just clocked out for the day. She was looking forward to a quiet night in with a hot cuppa, a book, and a relaxing bath. This had been one of those severely testing days which had, at times, made her question her choice of career and her efficacy as a practitioner.

Every time she thought about what had happened earlier in the day, a shiver ran down her spine and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. Never in a million years would she ever have thought that she would one day be tasked with trying to talk the Declan Donnelly out of committing suicide. Then again, she never would have thought she would be the Ant McPartlin's counselor in rehab....The random twists and turns of life never failed to surprise her.

But some of today's events had been rather horrific, and if she still drank, she definitely would have been sinking a couple of glasses of wine tonight. She'd given that up years ago, though, so would be resorting to rather more healthy de-stressing techniques. And she couldn't wait to get to her apartment. It had been a long day.

After locking her filing cabinets, Linda took her phone out of her desk drawer – seeing some flashing notifications but deciding they could wait until she was "home" – wrapped her cardigan sweater around her shoulders like a shawl, and walked out of her office, securely locking the door behind her. She'd had far too many well-known clients over the years to risk anyone getting into her office and accessing her files. There was no imagining what the press would do if they knew the half of what some of her clients had confided in her....A leak to the press would certainly result in more than one ruined career. If there was one thing the tabloids were good at, it was at making a mockery of mental health....

As she entered her humble apartment, Linda let out a long sigh of relief. Finally, she could relax. After a brief battle, she decided she probably ought to eat dinner first, even though every fiber of her being was yearning for that hot bath. Quickly changing out of her professional clothes into comfy PJs, Linda tossed her phone on the bed, figuring whoever had texted or called could wait a few more minutes until she had dinner underway.

She was definitely going to be checking in with Ant tonight. Maybe she could do that over dinner before it got too late. She certainly didn't want to risk waking him up, after all. He still wasn't always sleeping too great, she knew that much, and it worried her. Long, lonely nights spent with insomnia were extremely draining, both mentally and physically. It didn't help that he was sharing equal custody of his chocolate lab, Hurley, with his ex, so would be all alone for an entire week at a time. A completely silent house with no one to comfort you or look out for you was a very, very bad thing for someone struggling mentally.

By the time she got to the kitchen, Linda had lost any motivation she'd had to cook something, instead deciding on a frozen meal she could just throw in the microwave for a few minutes. She didn't really feel like going through all the bother of cooking from scratch – cooking wasn't something she enjoyed on a good day, so she definitely was not in the mood after the day she'd had.

Settling herself on a bar stool at her kitchen counter while her food heated up, she finally decided to look at her phone. She wasn't feeling sociable tonight. Hopefully it was just a scam call or something...

Oh. Oh, no. What the heck?!

*Linda, I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you. But it's been 20 minutes and I can't reach Ant. I've texted and called and he's not picking up. Can you try him??*

There was another text from just a few minutes ago, too.

*Still nothing!! I need to know if he's ok, I'm panicking. My wife says I'm overreacting*

And just as she started typing out a reply to Dec, her phone buzzed again.

*Linda??? It's like 45 minutes now. Where the hell is he?!*

Quickly realizing a text wasn't quite going to cut it with Dec's current state of mind, Linda dialed his cell, steeling herself for what she was about to encounter. Her fears weren't unfounded. Her call was answered on the first ring, and all she heard as soon as the other end of the line picked up was rapid, shallow breathing. He hadn't been exaggerating when he said he was panicking, then....

"Dec?" she said, firmly but gently, "Don't speak, just listen to me, right? I have no doubt in my mind that Ant is perfectly fine. We talked about suicide a lot while he was in hospital, and I'm confident he wouldn't attempt anything. I'm going to try calling him just as soon as you've calmed down a bit, okay? So let's get that breathing under control. Now, listen carefully, right? Take a deeper breath if you can, okay? Now hold it...1, 2, 3...Okay, good, release it slowly through your mouth...."

Pleased when Dec managed to follow her instructions, getting in one almost normal breath, Linda opened her mouth to continue when a breathless voice cut through her phone speaker. "H-he's ringing me! Gotta go!" And then the line went dead.

Regarding her phone dumbly for a moment, Linda eventually shook her head. She must have temporarily taken leave of her senses to have agreed to be the counselor for both Ant and Dec. At least it seemed Ant was probably okay, given he was calling Dec....She'd still be touching base with him later, just to make sure. Hopefully everything was okay like she'd thought it was. So much for that relaxing evening she'd been looking forward to....

~~~

"Oh, s***!"

Soft footsteps sounded as a drowsy-looking Anne-Marie appeared in the entrance to the family room, pulling a soft hoodie over her head. "What is it? What's wrong, Ant?"

Drawing closer to him, unable to stop herself from staring at his defined physique rippling underneath his thin undershirt and the prominent muscles in his forearms as he fumbled with his phone, Anne laid a hand on his, stilling his hurried movements. Peering up at him through her long lashes while brushing her untidy hair out of her eyes, she gave him a gentle smile, eyes shimmering with unbridled affection.

"Dec told me to text him tonight 'cause he was worried about me, and...well, ya know...." Ant trailed off, a light blush rising on his cheeks as he gave Anne-Marie a meaningful look which she met with a coy smile and a little giggle.

"Just text him now, then," she suggested lightly, "It's still evening, it's not like it's really late or anything. He's not been trying to get in touch or anything, has he?"

"But that's just it!" Ant exclaimed, an incredibly guilty expression coming over him, "He's texted and I've got a voicemail, too, that's probably from 'im."

Hitting the voicemail notification with his index finger, Ant held his phone up to his ear for a moment before quickly punching in his passcode. His expression turned to one of horror when Dec's breathy, panicked tones came through the speaker. "S***!!" he exclaimed again, ending the call and stabbing the speed dial button for Dec before sinking onto the couch and dejectedly rubbing a hand over his face as the call went through.

After a few seconds, the line crackled into life – quite literally, in this case, as the first thing he heard was the crackle of rapid, shallow breathing – and a weak but hopeful voice came through. "Ant??"

"Dec, I'm sorry, mate," Ant breathed out, concern growing as it became ever more clear that Dec was hyperventilating. Realizing his friend didn't need an apology right now, Ant's tone of voice changed as he began speaking quietly and calmly, "Declan, listen to me. I'm fine, nothing's wrong, okay? Breathe with me, come on..." he cajoled sweetly, talking Dec through his panic until his friend was breathing fairly normally again.

While this was going on, Anne-Marie slipped quietly away, returning a few minutes later with a couple of steaming hot mugs of tea. Settling herself down close to Ant on the couch, she studied him silently, kind blue eyes sparkling in the soft light of the table lamp. Her hand itched to reach out and intertwine with his, but she wasn't sure if she should or not. She wasn't quite sure where their relationship stood at the moment.

"Aye, I was, erm, taking a nap..." Ant said hesitantly, a dark blush creeping up the back of his neck when he caught Anne's smirk out of the corner of his eye. Recovering slightly, he teased, "Honestly, Declan, what'd ya think I was doin', ya daft radgie?? I told you I was okay this afternoon!"

Suddenly seeming to become very uncomfortable, Ant began fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt, eyeing Anne out of the corner of his eyes. "Erm...Aye, I...I'm home...Anne dropped me off...I'm just chilling now, watching a bit of telly, ya know...."

Mouth falling open in shock as she watched Ant outright lie to his best friend of nearly 30 years, Anne-Marie reached out on instinct and slapped his shoulder. She couldn't believe he would do this. It wasn't the fact he was trying to hide what had transpired a few hours earlier, it was the fact that he was marring his new start in life with a lie...To the one person he'd hurt the most.

Ant started guiltily, but continued the conversation as if nothing had happened, talking to Dec for a few more minutes and repeatedly reassuring him that all was fine before managing to wrap up their little chat with a lame excuse which Dec happily bought without a second thought.

As soon as Ant hung up, Anne-Marie whacked his arm, fixing him with a furious glare that had him shrinking back into the couch cushions. "How dare you lie to him?!" she shrilled, "After everything he's gone through, don't you think he deserves the truth and nothing but the truth from now on?! I get it, you're ashamed or embarrassed or whatever, but that's no excuse to lie to him. What about rebuilding his trust, what about repairing your relationship?? How do you expect that to happen when you immediately fall back into your old habits of lying to him all the time??"

Ant stared open-mouthed at his PA-turned-lover, shame painting his cheeks and tears welling up in his guilt-ridden eyes. "I-, I...I-I didn't...I'm not...." he stuttered, trying and failing to come up with an explanation for his actions. He was saved from further futile attempts when his phone began ringing, this time with Linda's name popping up on the screen.

Eyes widening as his therapist's call came in, Ant muttered thickly, "Can I have a bit of privacy, please, Anne?" With a nod, Anne-Marie rose from the couch, taking her tea with her, but not before squeezing his shoulder gently, as if to tell him that her outburst hadn't changed things between them...Whatever that was....

"Aye?" his slightly tremulous voice rang out through the suddenly still room as he answered the call. After a pause, "Aye, I'm fine, Linda. Ya know how Dec is, always a worrier, that lad," his voice briefly took on a deeply affectionate tone as he spoke about his best friend, then, "He's okay now, poor lad was in a right state...He thought I'd offed meself or sommat, but I, erm, I didn't have me phone on me...."

Ant scratched nervously at the back of his neck, hesitating for a moment before hesitantly asking, "Look, Linda, do you have a minute? I sort of...need to talk to yous..."

Linda's voice took on a worried tone at Ant's request, "Of course, Ant, you know you can always talk to me about anything. What's up?"

"Erm..." Ant trailed off, glancing nervously at the connecting entrance to the kitchen where he could hear the clanging of pots and pans as Anne clearly started rustling up some semblance of dinner for the two of them. "I, erm...Things sort of...changed...between me and Anne-Marie today...."

Surprised when a bell-like peal of laughter sounded through his phone speaker, Ant let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Dec was right!" Linda finally giggled, making Ant's eyebrows shoot up, "He told me just this Monday you and Anne would be together before the end of the month!"

Blushing furiously now, Ant rubbed at the back of his neck, stuttering out, "W-we-, we're not really...t-together...I don't think...."

Clearly still trying to stifle her giggles, the smile was more than evident in Linda's voice when she replied, "No, of course you aren't..." but her tone changed suddenly and she added, more seriously now, "Just take it one step at a time, Ant. You know what we talked about: no hasty decisions, think before you act, don't rely on any one person or thing for your recovery, all of that....Remember no one can 'heal' you, you've gotta do all the hard work yourself or it won't last..."

She trailed off for a moment, and was met with awkward silence from Ant's end of the line. After a couple of seconds, she rejoined, voice completely serious now, "But that's not what you wanted to talk about, is it...Just tell me, Ant, you don't have to be shy."

Several seconds of uncomfortable silence followed Linda's request, but she refused to let up, knowing that whatever was bothering Ant had to be addressed now rather than later. If it was that bad he didn't even want to admit it to her, it needed talking about.

Finally, Ant covered his face with his left hand, anxiously lacing his fingers through his mussed up fringe and mumbling, "I, erm, I sort of...lied...to...Dec...."

Linda didn't say anything for several long seconds, exponentially increasing Ant's anxiety and shame. Then, her quiet voice came through the line, free of any judgment or disappointment. "Okay, and what did you lie about? Was it something we talked about today?"

"No! No," Ant quickly shot down her suggestion that he had lied during their joint counselling session, biting his lip before continuing, "He was asking where I was and why I hadn't answered my phone an' all that...I-, I told 'im I'm home watchin' the telly...."

"And where are you, then, if you're not home?" Linda's voice had taken on an odd tone now that Ant couldn't quite decipher. Was she curious, or was she silently judging him?? It was impossible to tell.

Letting out a sigh, Ant admitted, words laced with shame, "I'm still at Anne's...I never went home..."

Silence for a moment, and then Linda replied quietly, voice devoid of any emotion at all, "You know this is going to hurt him again, right? I don't want to assume anything here, but, well, if things have changed that much between you and Anne, he's going to find out sooner rather than later that you fibbed. Why did you feel you couldn't tell him the truth?"

Ashamed now, Ant sounded contrite as he tried to answer Linda's pointed question. "I...I sort of...panicked....I th-thought he'd think less of me....He-, he was always so fond of Lisa, treated her like a little sister...I-I'm not sure how he'll t-take the news...."

"But, Ant, you broke up with her ages ago now!" Linda exclaimed, sounding confused, "Surely he doesn't expect you to become a monk for the rest of your life??"

Letting out a surprised huff of laughter at her response, Ant couldn't help but grin, joking "Oh, aye, he's a right strict little bugger," before growing serious again, "Nah, course he doesn't. It's just...Our relationship is still so...shaky....Will he think I'm brushin' him off if I tell 'im I'm startin' a new relationship? ... I mean, it's not like we're together or anything, me and Anne, but...."

"Ant," Linda smiled, fond exasperation creeping into her voice, "Stop worrying about what he's going to think or how he's going to react. I can tell you right now he'll be fully supportive of you, and he'll probably be happy for you more than anything...But lying to him is going to seriously damage your relationship. He's just starting to learn to trust again – in fact, he's not even to that point yet, he's just trying to convince himself he can start to trust you again – and if he finds out you've lied to him again, no matter how understandable a lie it is, it's going to potentially erase any progress you've made."

"So...what do I do??" Ant sounded like a young child who'd been caught out by his mother, full of remorse.

"Well," Linda began, "You could call him and come clean...The fact you're willing to admit your mistake and apologize for it will show him you've changed. It's not going to erase his hurt at being lied to, but the longer you let that lie fester, the more it's going to hurt when he finds out. Better to just nip it in the bud now."

"Aye, you're right..." Ant finally admitted, then hesitating, "Erm...But...What do I say?"

"Oh, Ant," Linda smiled, her affection clear in her tone, "Just tell him the truth. He's your best friend, remember. You've told me that talking to him is the easiest thing in the world because you understand each other so well...So just talk to him. That's all you need to do. It's going to be fine. Text me after, all right?"

Sighing heavily, Ant nodded, murmuring, "Thanks, Linda, I appreciate it. Sorry we're mucking up your evening-"

"Don't worry about it, Ant," Linda quickly butted in, voice firm but gentle, "I told you I'm here for you both and I meant it. Now you go and call Dec and get this sorted, okay? I'm proud of you."

"Aye...Thanks...Erm, talk to you later." And with that, he hung up, breath catching in his throat as he stared apprehensively at his phone. Closing his eyes, he consciously took a moment to suck in a long, deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before slowly letting it out. His stomach was doing little flips, his heart was racing, and his palms were growing sweaty. His anxiety was skyrocketing, but he knew he had to do this. Dec deserved the truth.

This was how it had started last time, after all. One seemingly white little lie, which then progressively snowballed until he was routinely lying to Dec at least once a day, sometimes multiple times per day, obsessively hiding things from him to protect him from the truth. Almost his entire life became a lie. And that was the worst feeling in the world, lying to his best mate.

Dec, bless his little heart, mostly didn't seem to suspect a thing, and when he did, he always bought Ant's excuses – although, to be fair, he always had been a very trusting soul. Plus, he'd generally always been honest with Ant, and vice versa, so he'd had no basis for expecting a change in that particular aspect of their friendship. Mutual trust had been the basis of their relationship from the start. He'd broken that. And now he'd done it again.

Anne-Marie and Linda were right. He had to come clean.