(Scene: Luigi's Castle, dining room. The room is shadowy, with lit torches lining the wall. A huge dining table dominates most of the room, dressed with doilies, placemats, silverware, plates, and wine glasses. Luigi sits at the head of the table, wearing a suit and a bowtie. King Boo floats beside him, waiting for orders)

Luigi: (straightens his tie) a-Minion, how to I a-look?

King Boo: Impeccable, your Greenness.

Luigi: a-What time is it?

King Boo: (checks his watch) 7:45 pm, sir. She should be arriving any minute now.

(A butler Koopa suddenly enters through the double-doors)

Koopa: May I announce Her Highness, Princess Daisy Floral of Sarasaland.

(Luigi stands as several servant Koopas enter the dining room, escorting Daisy inside. She's wearing a glittering orange dress with a matching shawl, and her hair is spun up into a beehive)

Luigi: (elated) a-Daisy! a-Thank you for a-coming!

Daisy: Where's Pauline, Luigi?

Luigi: (frowns) Let's not-a get to business just a-yet. (points) Please, take a a-seat.

Daisy: (stands) Luigi, I didn't truss myself up, swallow my pride, and march into your stupid castle to sit down at a freaking table and take orders from you.

Luigi: a-Take orders? a-No, no! I just want to have a a-friendly dinner. I know this must be a-stressful for you, a-Daisy, so I want you to a-relax and-

Daisy: I am relaxed! Now where's Pauline? I want to know that she's safe before I-

Luigi: (bursts into green flames) a-SIT DOWN!!!

Daisy: (blanches and shakily sits down)

Luigi: (takes in a breath) I apologize. I didn't mean to a-yell. I suppose this is a-stressful for me as a-well. (sits) Can we a-start over?

Daisy: S-sure.

Luigi: (beams) A-Okay then. Daisy...(places his hand on hers) I'm-a so glad that you're a-here. When my a-servant called and a-told me that you agreed to take the a-deal, I was so, a-so happy.

Daisy: ...

Luigi: I know that I've been a-mean. a-Rude. Maybe you've even a-thought of me as a-evil. But all of this... (gestures to castle) I a-just wanted to show you that I am a a-man worth his a-soot.

King Boo: (coughs) It's "salt", sir.

Luigi: ...a man worth his a-salt.

Daisy: (scowls) And that's how you show you're worthy? Kidnapping my friend? Trying to force me to marry you?

Luigi: (lifts a brow) a-Yes! It a-shows how far I'm a-willing to go to get a-your attention! And winning that a-war, taking over a-Bowser's Castle...that demonstrates how a-awesome I am! a-Right?

Daisy: ...

Luigi: Don't a-worry. Around... (thinks) Maybe a-two years into our a-marriage, you'll see what I a-mean. (claps) Now! How about a-dinner?

Daisy: I'm not hungry.

Luigi: But I made peppered a-sausages! You're a-favorite!

Daisy: I'm sorry, I just...I just don't have the stomach for it.

Luigi: (pouts) a-Daisy. You're going to have to get over this a-denial sooner or a-later.

Daisy: ...tell you what? How about a gesture of goodwill? Let me see that Pauline's okay, and I'll eat your food.

Luigi: Hmm...Okay. (claps) Bring in a-Pauline!

(A minute later, several Koopas enter the dining room with Pauline, whose hands are tied together)

Pauline: Daisy!

Daisy: Pauline, you're okay. Thank goodness.

Luigi: Of a-course she's okay! What do you a-take me for?

Daisy: Pauline, don't worry, I'm going to get you out of here.

Luigi: Yes, yes. But a-first... (claps again; kitchen door flaps open, and two Koopas carrying covered trays enter. One is placed before Daisy and opened to reveal peppered sausages inside)

Luigi: a-First, you-a eat.

Daisy: (rapidly stuffs her mouth full of peppered sausages) There. I'm done. Now where's the marriage license so I can sign the stupid thing.

Luigi: ...All a-business, eh? a-Fine, if that's the a-way you want to a-do it. (Glances at King Boo, who produces an official copy of the marriage license along with another official-looking document)

Daisy: (points to second document) What's that?

Luigi: Your a-contract. It a-states that in return for Pauline, you will a-sign this marriage license and become my a-legally wedded wife. Do you agree?

Pauline: (eyes widen; glances apprehensively at Daisy)

Daisy: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Yes.

Pauline: Daisy!

Luigi: (grins) a-Excellent! (produces pen) All that's a-left is for you to a-sign...and Pauline is a-free to go.

Daisy: (takes pen)

Pauline: Daisy! Hold on! Don't!

Daisy: I'm sorry, Pauline- I don't have a choice. It's the only way to save you. (leans down towards document)

(Suddenly, explosions and screams come from somewhere beyond the dining room. Everyone turns towards the double doors, which burst open, revealing a beat-up-looking Hammer Bro.)

Hammer Bro: S-sir! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Luigi: a-What?! What's a-going on? Someone got into the a-castle?!

King Boo: Who is it?

Hammer Bro: It's that crazy, skinny guy, with the tennis racket! (something hits him from behind, and he collapses to the floor, unconscious. The mysterious figure steps into the room, smacking a tennis racket threateningly into one hand)

Pauline and Daisy: WALUIGI?!

Daisy: What are you doing here, you nincompoop? I told you that this was my decision!!

Waluigi: Sorry, darlin', but I can't let ya do it. I can't let ya bend ta the will o' some crazy mustached psycho who takes over kingdoms fer kicks.

Luigi: a-How dare you?! This is a-private dinner!!

Waluigi: Stuff it, Greenie. I got nothin' ta say to ya. After I beat yer keister, yer goin' where you belong: behind bars.

Luigi: Ha! I'd like to a see you try, a-Scarecrow Man!

Waluigi: (tic)(tic) What did you just call me?! Have ya forgotten how hard I beat yer behind the last time we got into a fight?

Luigi: That was a-back then. Back a-then you battled a-Mario's cowardly, a-overshadowed brother. But a-now? (sweeps his cape out in a flourish, and blazes with green fire) a-Now you face the a-awesome King of the Koopa Kingdom! The-a King in Green!

Waluigi: (scoffs) Yeah, whatever. (Turns to Daisy) Daisy, grab Pauline and get outta here.

Luigi: They're not a-going anywhere. (leaps forward) And a-neither are you!

Waluigi: Bring it, weaklin'!

(Luigi spews green fire towards Waluigi. Waluigi dodge-rolls, sets a tennis ball on fire, and smacks it towards Luigi. Luigi vaporizes it and sends another tidal wave of green flame towards Waluigi. Waluigi runs, dodging all the attacks)

Luigi: (cackling) Is that a-all you've a-got?! I thought you were a-stronger than this!

(Luigi throws several green fireballs at Waluigi; Waluigi smacks them all back towards Luigi. With a laugh, Luigi lifts a hand, halting the fireballs, and mashes them all together, forming one massive ball of fire that he hurls towards Waluigi)

(Huge explosion ensues)

Pauline and Daisy: Waluigi!!

(Smoke clears, revealing Waluigi singed from head-to-foot. He drops to his knees, his tennis racket tumbling out of his hand)

Waluigi: (gasping) How? I thought you was a weaklin'...

Luigi: (maniacal laughter) It a-looks like you a-thought wrong, Scarecrow.

Waluigi: (faints)

Daisy: Waluigi? I-Is he...

Luigi: a-Relax. A a-king is not without a-mercy. He's a-just unconscious.

Daisy: What? You didn't... Even after he beat you up in front of your biker club?

Luigi: (shrugs) I'm not a-that evil. He a-beat me in front of the a-Bowser Boys fair and square. And now, I just a-did the same. We're a-even.

Daisy: ... ... ... ...Wow. Given the current circumstances, that's kind of...admirable.

Luigi: a-See? I'm not as a-bad as you think.

Daisy: No, I guess not...and the way you beat him so quickly...so easily...I have to admit that was impressive.

Luigi: a-Really?

Daisy: Yeah. (pauses) Maybe...maybe you were right, Luigi. I mean, we've been friends since we were kids, and I always did kind of like you, but...I don't know, maybe I was just kind of afraid to admit my feelings, so when Waluigi came along, I kind of just went with it.

Luigi: (eyes wide and sparkling) Yes? a-Yes? And?

Daisy: And now, maybe it's time for me to stop hiding. To admit my feelings.

Luigi: (waits impatiently) Yes?

Daisy: Luigi...you are awesome. And I like you a lot. I always have. The fact that you did all of this for me...it's really flattering. I... (smiles hesitantly) I think maybe we'd make a great couple. And with us ruling the Koopa Kingdom...heck, the world will finally see peace- once and for all.

Luigi: (10 seconds away from fainting) So you'll do it?! You'll a-marry me?

Daisy: (opens her arms) Yes, I'll marry you, goofball.

Luigi: (squeals and runs forward, arms outstretched) Oh a-Daisy!!

Daisy: (knocks him out with a hammer [like in anime] when he gets close)

Luigi: OOOF! (collapses)

King Boo: Your Majesty!

Daisy: (shoulders hammer and spits) Bleeccch!! Saying all of that sappy stuff...I think I'm gonna puke. (glances at Pauline) You okay, P?

Pauline: ... ... ...You know, I was waiting for the punch line. I knew you couldn't be serious about marrying him.

Daisy: Nope.

King Boo: What do you think you're doing, you crazy orange wench?!

Daisy: Retaking Bowser's Castle. Duh. (points to Pauline) Get out of here. Call the cavalry, they're stationed around the castle. And send the medic in for Waluigi. He played his part a little too perfectly.

Pauline: Uh...okay? (runs out of the room)(Daisy moves over to Waluigi and yanks him up. He's awake- barely)

Waluigi: H-how do I look, darlin'?

Daisy: (snorts and kisses him on the cheek) Like my hero. Very nice acting.

Waluigi: That waddn't actin'! How da heck was I supposed to dodge dat fireball?

King Boo: Wait, wait, wait!! Are you saying...are you saying that all of this was a setup? That Waluigi barging in and fighting Luigi...

Daisy: Was all a ploy to get Luigi to lower his guard? Yep.

King Boo: (angrily) How dare you? I will not stand for-

(Footsteps- thousands of footsteps. King Boo pales [somehow])

Daisy: Looks like the cavalry's arrived. If I were you, I'd get scarce.

King Boo: (thinks about staying for King Luigi, but...) Ugh. I can't believe this. (ghosts through nearby wall)

Luigi: (on the floor) Urgh...what's...a-what's... (doors suddenly burst open, and soldiers from the MK Army flood the room) Gyah!!

___

A/N: Welp, she did it, like she said she would: Daisy took down Luigi.

Or...or did she?

Find out next Sunday! Smash on!