"Do you think it was wise to send Arthur on this mission? It's dangerous."
A light breeze cooled the air within the not quite empty throne room. Two figures were present.
One, with broad shoulders and a long unnecessary cape, stood to look outside the giant window. The king of Camelot wasn't really looking at anything.
He just watched the casual movements and interactions of his people sometimes. It gave him peace. Uther Pendragon was painfully oblivious to all the chaos and disturbances the purge had caused in his kingdom.
He was oblivious to their suffering, their starving, their poverty. All of which he caused.
To him, this was normal. And it was calming and peaceful to him. It was an achievement. The king was too stuck up to be corrected. Too insistent on his successes to see his wrongs and his failures.
He thought himself smart.
And because he was king, there was no one to proof him otherwise.
"Arthur is Camelot's best warrior. He can handle it.", he said and his hands were crossed behind his back, as if he were absolutely relaxed.
"Sire..."
"I send Sir Leon with him.", Uther sighed, as if that explained anything and nodded at the window as if to reassure himself.
Gaius nodded with concern. "Do you think that wise, Sire? Sir Leon will suffer from the curse like his father did. I don't think they will be welcomed at the island. And I certainly don't think Leon can fight the dragons all on his own. Especially, if he is weakened like that."
Uther sighed. Half admitting that the situation wasn't exactly ideal. "For once, I wish Sir Leon was less like his mother."
Gaius eyes moved downwards, regarding the floor with disinterest. "Sir Leon's father has sacrificed a lot to ensure Camelot's win against the dragon lords.", he agreed. "But he has also proven himself to not be very trustworthy. And Leon lacks the knowledge that his father possessed. I'm not sure we should count on him too much."
Uther nodded. "I should have killed him where he stood, when I had the chance." He didn't clarify whether he meant Leon or his father.
"I suppose the attempt itself could have doomed Camelot.", Gaius commented simply.
"That is true.", Uther hesitantly admitted. "But it would have saved us the upcoming war."
Against that, Gaius could only nod. Gaius was aware that Uther didn't mean that the war could have been avoided. He meant, it wouldn't have to take place at all. Because the war would have already been won.
Neither of them were aware of the startled figures that were hiding in the nearest closet. What Gwen an Morgana had been doing in the throne room before Gaius and the king disturbed their girl time?
The answer is as simple as it is obvious.
If there was any light inside the closet, you could see that their necks were covered with "bug bites", as they would later explain. Not to mention their clothes needed some serious repositioning (if not repairing, in Gwen's case, cause Morgana had sharp nails).
Anyway, both had been forced to hurry inside the fortunately giant closet and overheard everything. They exchanged glances, as they tried to hold their breaths to not be heard by those unwelcome figures outside.
-------------------------------------------------------
If Arthur had ever known what a tropical island was, he would have something to compare the giant leafs to that seemed to grow from almost everywhere.
The trees didn't look like trees at all, more like giant straws and it had giant nuts hanging from them. There were other plants with yellow fruits hanging from them too.
The sight itself was bizarre. But absolutely fascinating. If only Arthur wasn't facing a said to be invincible creature that could kill them each within a second.
Arthur had seen a dragon precisely once in his entire life. And the damn thing had been the size of a castle, with claws made to squish him like a bug and a mouth that was meant to eat horses or cows.
It had been giant and terrifying and murderous.
The thing that stared at him right now, was tiny. Small enough to wrap itself around his arm and fit it's small head snugly into his hand.
It was covered in blue scales that flapped up and down with each movement and shimmered golden in the sun light.
By the way, it was considerably warmer outside than it had been inside the cave. It was like walking from a winter snow land into a warm living room. Their skin buzzed from the sudden warmth.
The dragon's eyes were green and it's teeth round, as if meant to eat vegetables, not meat.
It's wings were wide, but it had them pressed tight to it's long and thin body. And it looked at them with curious, but not unfriendly eyes.
It tilted his head. Arthur assumed that was, because the eyes were attached to the side. To look at what was ahead of it, it had to move it's head in all directions.
Despite it's unexpected friendly appearance, Arthur found himself breathe in a panic. He had positioned himself between Merlin and the creature – as he always did when faced with dangerous monsters – and pointed Excalibur at the thing.
The dragon just looked at him with tired unblinking eyes. Like a snake, it had no eyelids and was therefore unable to blink at all. So Arthur couldn't tell if it was judging him or not.
"Merlin, stay back.", Arthur whispered. Not for the first time today and he could practically feel Merlin pull at his own arms.
"No, Arthur, you won't.", Merlin growled, knowing exactly what Arthur was doing and pulled at his sleeve to drag him away. Which resulted in Arthur and Merlin to fight each other to who was to face the vile creature and get eaten alive.
Because, you know ... that's their entire dynamic. (2)
Okay, maybe not eaten. The creature hadn't moved or done anything yet. It just watched them curiously.
"You wield the mark of Kilgharrah.", the dragon suddenly commented.
This finally distracted Arthur enough to be pushed into the dirt beneath them. His hair was a bit disheveled, because Merlin used unfair methods in a fight.
Unbelieving, he stared at Merlin. Most of all, because Merlin had managed to push him to the ground. A lot less, because he didn't know the word Kilgharrah.
"What are you talking about?", he huffed out. What he thought he had heard made no sense. It came out of absolutely nowhere. And admitting that he had lost was an absolute no go.
"I didn't say anything.", Merlin waved his arms in front of him, crossing them repeatedly to underline his point. He – however – didn't appear to be as startled as Arthur was as he turned to frown at the dragon.
Which Arthur should noted as odd. Why would Merlin look at the dragon?
Then, however, Arthur realized what Merlin was implying.
The dragon talked! (They always do that, Arthur. Yet, you're always surprised.) Arthur gaped, incredulously, before jumping to his feet and holding up his sword yet again. (Obviously, it had hindered him in the fight against Merlin, because he couldn't exactly use it against him, right?)
"Hmm", the dragon suddenly flapped it's wings and flew in a circle around Arthur. Paranoid to equal amounts as curious, Arthur twisted around himself to follow it's movements.
"Did he send you?", it asked him, as if Arthur somehow knew the answer. In reality, Arthur didn't even get the question.
Before Arthur could open his mouth to reply, the dragon's attention shifted to Merlin.
In a similar way as it had around Arthur, the creature snaked it's way around Merlin's neck. Much much closer than he had been to Arthur as it was now sitting directly on his shoulder.
But Merlin made no sign of discomfort or surprise. He only eyed the creature with suspicion.
Arthur could only marvel at such bravery.
"This can only mean one thing.", the dragon continued. Arthur blinked. It's voice was strange. It didn't waver when it came to high or low. But somehow sounded more feminine the one moment, more masculine the next. It's richness, it's smoothness and softness, roughened and loosened from sentence to sentence.
Yet the voice was unmistakably theirs/ hers/ his. (1)
"You must be the once and future king.", the dragon's voice finally settled into something more masculine, while some of his scales flipped and turned a rich purple.
He flapped his wings against Merlin's face, and tilted his head in a way that allowed him to look at both Merlin and Arthur at once.
"The what now?", Arthur felt lost and confused once more. And he was fighting the urge to stab the creature, because it was far too close to Merlin's neck. Which is why he settled on ... not doing that.
The dragon snickered amused and swirled around Merlin's neck further.
"The old bastard kept you in the dark, didn't he? Let me guesss...", he hissed out the last word, as if to keep them silent while he thought things through.
"You're the other half, aren't you? Hmm.... Your presence is clouded, young man. Tell me. What does destiny have in store for you?"
Merlin swallowed, while Arthur began to sweat with nerves. 'The other half? The other half of what?', Arthur asked himself.
"Hmm... it's not easy to get that old bastard on your side. How did you do it?", the dragon hissed out a snake like tongue and scented the air around Merlin's cheek while staring at Excalibur, instead of explaining further.
Arthur slowly came to the realization that the creature was talking to himself and just examining them. He wasn't expecting answers. Furthermore, he seemed to know they didn't have any.
"I don't know what you're talking about.", Merlin tensed and stiffened his shoulders as the dragon's stare started to make him itch all over. Arthur blinked. Merlin was a horrible liar. And his defensive stance just now, proved that he knew more than he let on.
This couldn't be. What did Merlin know?
Finally the dragon seemed to have had enough and had decided that Arthur and Merlin were not worth any further suspicion.
"Welcome to Drakonier, the dragon island. Where the last dragons hide and the last members of destroyed and powerless dragon lord families reside.
My name is Ciril. I am the master of the gate you just stumbled through."
Ciril bowed to them both, his snarky voice giving away just how honored he really felt to see them. And that introduction was perhaps the most straight forward sentence Merlin had ever heard a dragon utter.
It was silent for a few more seconds. Which turned into minutes. Arthur was still uncertain whether or not it was okay for him to move. Let alone attack the creature.
Merlin was frozen still in his position, as if contemplating whether or not to save himself or risk getting eaten alive, so Arthur had a chance to flee.
After all... who was to say the dragon was actually friendly? + Merlin decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, as the dragon was clearly just confused why Kilgharrah was helping them.
Knowing the great dragon and his very dramatic appearance, his riddling tongue and the way he killed a few dozen people after being freed, because he was so hung up on revenge on Uther, Merlin couldn't say he was surprised.
They didn't really start of on the right foot either. Manipulation here, unkept promises there.... well.
Ciril tilted his head, before he blustered up his scales and their color changed into red for a few moments. "Are you going to tell me your names? Or should I introduce you as Dumb and dumber at the village?"
Arthur blinked, before straightening his back.
"I'm Arthur. And this is Merlin."
Arthur made the wise decision not to offer his last name and therefore reveal himself as an enemy. The dragon didn't appear to hostile at the moment and Arthur didn't want to risk getting on his bad side.
"Merrrrlin.", the dragon hissed and swirled around Merlin's neck once more. Merlin only followed him with his eyes in suspicion.
"You're an interesting one."
"He's just a servant.", Arthur commented, hoping to get the dragon to stop. He wasn't supposed to see Merlin as a threat. Or in any way important. That wouldn't exactly increase Merlin's survival chances. "Let him go.", Arthur added.
Ciril snapped his head to him. Then his eyes softened, as did his/her voice. And then she sounded a lot more comforting than before.
"I mean him no harm.", she said and her scales turned green, before she jumped off Merlin's shoulder and lay herself around Arthur's neck instead.
Arthur was still confused about her intentions, so he let her. Her scales felt warm and inviting and their claws softly sat on his shoulders, without hurting him in any way.
Arthur – who wasn't used to such close proximity – (he even struggled with dogs. Because his father had said their animals were tools for hunting. If he treated them too nicely, they'd soften and become useless at their job.)- tried to wiggle himself out of the situation.
Ciril seemed to notice his distress and flapped her wings to fly between them instead.
This act of awareness, caused Arthur to pause and take a deep breath.
"Alright then.", she said and nodded at them both. "You too should dry up, before you get to Senvilla. (3) I'll tell them of your arrival. But you should seal your sword, young king. It can seriously harm us. Some of our kind may see you as a threat.
But do not hide it anywhere. You are under the protection of the great dragon Kilgharrah. This sword was made for you and you alone. Therefore, we can not attack you, unless you prove to have ill intentions. I advice you, to not attack anyone. Understood?", Ciril eyes Arthur warily who nodded in confusion and slight panic.
"And you boy, stick to your partner. They may not treat you nicely, if you wander around by yourself."
With that, she flew off, leaving Arthur completely flustered at the word 'partner.'
They stared after her for a few minutes, before Merlin decided to clear his throat.
"She's right.", he said. "We should dry up. I'll get us some firewood.", he said and already turned around to walk into the forest, when Arthur stopped him.
"She just said, we should stick together. I'll help you."
"Since when do you know how to collect firewood?", Merlin asked casually, one eyebrow raised.
Arthur frowned and the implied insult. "Shut up, Merlin."
It wasn't exactly difficult for them to find firewood. Mostly everything in this forest was dry enough to burn and there was more than enough for them to carry around for a whole night.
But Arthur had never seen plants like these.
The forest could hardly be called a forest, because non of these trees looked like actual trees.
There were bushes, everywhere with some plants he recognized, and there was plenty of fruits and nuts and the like. But trees? Nope.
Arthur and Merlin kept bantering the entire time, but eventually they found a place to make a fire without endangering all the wild life here.
They had seen lots of wild animals too. And none of them seemed scared by Arthur or their weapons. It was like people weren't hunting on this island at all.
Finally the fire was made and Arthur realized that the day was starting to fade anyway. It was probably a good idea to make up camp for now.
So they built themselves a small pyre and burned the wood like stuff they had found in the forest.
And because Arthur had no armor anymore and was therefore unprotected anyway, he decided to take of his still wet clothes and put them on a rock beside him to let it dry.
He'd do the same with his pants. But should they get attacked, he'd rather not defend himself in his underwear.
Merlin watched him, causing Arthur to get that unnerving feeling you get, when you undress in front of clothed people. Arthur bit his lip and then moved closer to the fire, to warm his cold skin.
Finally, Merlin followed his example. And step by step, he removed first his scarf, then his jacket and, after a considerable amount of hesitation, his shirt as well.
Arthur pointedly did NOT watch him doing that. He stared at the fire instead and Arthur begged and prayed that Merlin wouldn't notice how uncomfortable he started to feel again.
They took off their shoes to let them dry at the fire as well. And stretched out their toes to dry their wet socks.
Silence stretched between them and Arthur started to feel weirder and weirder under his skin. The night was a strange thing.
The stars lighted the sky, as well as the moon, and it had the effect to make people dream. No matter were they awake or fast asleep. And it made Arthur nostalgic and strangely emotional.
And he wondered, if he should talk about these things with Merlin. These things that worried him.
But maybe, opening up to Merlin would only push the man away?
Or maybe it would make their entire dynamic too strange? Would they always have to be emotional and open with each other, if Arthur started with that now?
Arthur – for the first time – looked up at Merlin, his mouth open to say something. But then his mouth clapped shut immediately.
Merlin was comfortably resting against a rock, his toes playing how far they could get to the pyre. And the fire light flashed golden in his eyes and on his scarred chest.
Scars. So. Many. Scars.
Arthur sat up, confusion and startled alarm widened his eyes as he finally noticed.
There were burns and cuts and bruises and all kind of things marked into that skin that did not belong there. That Arthur couldn't explain the heritage off.
Earlier, Merlin had seemed like he knew things that he wasn't supposed to know. About the dragon for example. Things he pretended not to know. Then there was Freya, the woman Merlin never cared to mention. Was there more that Arthur ought to know? More he was so horribly oblivious to?
Whatever it was, it proved one thing once again. Arthur had no idea who Merlin really was.
Arthur stared at him, unable to open up now.
What had Gwaine said again?
Merlin was the most affectionate person he knew. And he was open about his feelings.
Obviously, he wasn't open about them with Arthur.
"You're keeping secrets from me.", Arthur finally pointed out. Merlin looked up in a daze, suddenly aware of Arthur's presence again. He followed Arthur's gaze and froze comically.
Had he forgotten those scars were there? Did he think them nothing? Unimportant? How old were they that he was so used to their sight?
"I don't know what you mean."
Arthur looked at him one moment, then he looked down and fiddled with his hands again.
"You know exactly what I mean.", Arthur said and bit his lip yet again.
"I'm serious, I don't -"
"It's okay to have secrets, Merlin."
Merlin stopped, confusion and startled surprise written all over his face.
"I think, everyone has stuff they don't talk about. Or ... can talk about. Even you.", Arthur picked up a stray branch that they hadn't burned yet and started playing with it in the fire.
Arthur didn't look at him. He felt... ashamed that Merlin didn't trust him.
But, he had to admit, he wasn't much better himself, was he? He was hiding his feelings from Merlin. His feelings about how his father actions wore him down. About how Arthur felt about Merlin. The way he felt about this entire mission. About Merlin sacrificing himself for him again and again. About his fears, stuff like that.
Occasionally Merlin figured things out, of course. And he always reacted perfectly. Which only proved that he deserved the truth. Even if Arthur was never really ready to tell him.
Arthur had managed nothing like that in return and he was painfully aware of that. He didn't think he deserved that Merlin shared such personal information with him.
"You don't have to tell me whatever it is. I just... I thought I knew you.", Arthur said and already regretted his wording.
"I thought you trusted me." That.... made it worse. Arthur cursed his own mind and turned his head away once more.
Merlin stared at him for a moment, before he stood up and walked around the fire to sit beside Arthur. The prince didn't move an inch, as Merlin finally sat down.
"I do trust you."
Arthur hated how Merlin sounded so pitying towards him. How he didn't deny that Arthur didn't know him fully. Yet, it was so comforting. So much, it felt wrong as well.
Merlin was the one with the personal problems that he couldn't share with Arthur.
Arthur should be comforting Merlin, not the other way around. He should be the one who picked up on the other man's distress and pat his shoulder and what not.
But no – Arthur was wallowing in self pity once again and Merlin had to play therapist as usual.
Arthur hated himself sometimes. This had not been his plan.
He took a deep breath. He had to do this differently. But how? Arthur didn't know.
"You didn't trust me with Freya.", Arthur pointed out and it felt like an accusation. Arthur held his breath. Why was he always sounding like that? He didn't WANT to sound accusing!
Merlin pressed his lips together. "You're right. I'm sorry. I should have told you."
"What do you know about the great dragon?", Arthur averted the point, because... Merlin shouldn't be the one apologizing.
Merlin looked at him in confusion that the topic was suddenly changed. "What do you mean?"
"Ciril said, the sword was the mark of Kilgharrah. That I'm under his protection, because this sword was made for me. That's the great dragon, right?
This makes no sense. I found this sword in a stone.(4) The dragon was supposed to be dead by then. And the sword is supposed to be stuck inside that sword since king Bruta.
As you told me. Because it was Bruta's sword.
Even if the great dragon is a few thousand years old and gave the sword to Bruta, there is no way he knew I would be born one day.
You don't owe me the truth about everything, Merlin. But please don't lie to me."
Arthur watched Merlin flinch at that last line. And another wave of regret formed in his stomach. Merlin shouldn't feel bad. Arthur didn't want him to feel bad. He was supposed to feel comfortable sharing the truth. He should have never felt forced to lie. That's what Arthur meant and what he failed to explain.
Merlin took a deep breath. And then he exhaled, as if for once, it was him who was actually unable to deal with his feelings.
Arthur waited and watched and realized that some of those scars made no sense either.
He fought the urge to trail his hand over that one scar on Merlin's back that looked suspiciously like a serket sting.(5)
But that was impossible. Nobody survived those wounds. Not without the help of magic. And Arthur didn't want to think that Merlin in some way had been saved by magic. Because that would be another thing Arthur ought to know. Another thing that would change Arthur. Perhaps it was a change that needed to be made.
Arthur was a lot more mad about those secrets than he wanted to be. That he thought was fair to be. He meant it. Merlin didn't owe him that explanation.
But it hurt so much that Merlin didn't seem him worthy enough for it.
Merlin looked down. "Alright. It's true. I do have secrets.", he admitted and closed his eyes. As if the confirmation of that was a secret in itself.
Arthur sucked in a deep breath he didn't know he was holding. And his frustration melted away a little. Finally. Some truth.
"But I can't tell you about them.", Merlin looked down.
It stung. Arthur looked away.
"Not yet."
Arthur waited, but Merlin was obviously nervous.
"Why not?", Arthur asked and sadness washed over him once again.
Merlin seemed to fight with the answer. Arthur had already decided to tell Merlin to just leave it be, when Merlin finally found one that startled Arthur enough.
"I couldn't bear to loose you.", Merlin finally said and looked at Arthur with an open honesty that Arthur had never seen on his face. A fact which he was horribly aware of.
And it was this openness, that gave Arthur the courage to share a truth himself.
"I don't think there is anything you could do to lose me."
Merlin locked eyes with him. Arthur felt vulnerable again. Too vulnerable. Like he had cut himself open. It burned. It was a humiliating truth and he was almost certain that Merlin would question it. That he wouldn't understand it at all.
But Merlin suddenly grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Causing a shiver to run down Arthur's spine. He should really put his pullover back on. Maybe it could protect him from this feeling.
Deep down he knew, he would feel naked either way. Regardless if he wore armor or not.
Had it been anyone else, Arthur may have thought the gesture was meant in a romantic way.
But Merlin was affectionate with everyone. This was normal for him. And right now he needed comfort.
For Arthur it was completely different. But he let it happen anyway. Despite knowing for sure, that Merlin couldn't mean it the way he wanted him to mean it.
At the same time, he DIDN'T want him to mean it. Because that would cause even more problems. The heart can contradict itself. That's why it's hard to make sense of it.
"You don't know what you're saying.", Merlin said and looked at their intertwined hands almost in confusion. As though it had been a mere instinct for him to grab it and he was surprised that Arthur hadn't slapped him away yet. To be completely honest, Arthur felt just as surprised.
Arthur looked up at Merlin. "I mean it.", Arthur admitted, but pulled his hand away from Merlin's grasp. It was too much after all.
Merlin watched after it in thought.
"You don't.", Merlin shook his head and Arthur sighed with barely contained frustration.
Merlin, however, didn't stop. "You can't."
"I know you think you love me, but you don't.", Merlin said. Arthur startled immediately, his face paled and then flushed in utter shock. They had never talked about that before!
And there Arthur had thought Gwaine was right that Merlin didn't know about his obvious affection for his servant. Clearly that idiot was wrong. Merlin knew. He clearly knew. And now Arthur had gone and -
Wait a second.... "think?", Arthur asked out loud and cursed himself. That was as good as confession. What on earth was he doing? Giving Merlin every chance to tease him about it!
"I overheard you talking to Gwaine.", Merlin sighed and looked away. Which gave Arthur more than enough room to realize, that .... nope... Merlin REALLY didn't know before.
Which meant.... Merlin wanted to talk about it with him now. Oh hell no.
That was even worse than teasing. Before Arthur had been certain Merlin knew and was fine with it and just left him alone. But now that he just figured it out.... Arthur felt like his head was served on a silver tablet and Merlin was ready to eat him skin and hair and all.
"You don't know what you're talking about.", Merlin shook his head and stared at the fire now.
"You don't know me after all." Really, Merlin was thinking about destiny. And how destiny had forced them to be two halves of the same coin. Always together, but never meant to be.
Somehow, Arthur had the feeling they were talking in circles. Contradicting themselves at every turn and being completely lost in their own thoughts. But that one.... that 'you don't know me', felt like a slap to his face. Because it was exactly what Arthur was afraid of.
"I know you enough.", Arthur finally said, because now that it was said out loud, he didn't believe it. But Merlin shook his head. However, Arthur's didn't let him interrupt him again.
"You've changed my entire life, Merlin. I wouldn't be who I am today, had you not walked in and insulted me."
Merlin scoffed. And it was clear that he didn't understand what Arthur meant. At least not at the level that Arthur meant it.
"I wouldn't be alive today, had it not been for you. And I cannot imagine my life without you anymore.
You challenged me and I accepted that challenge. And for that I have changed the way I look at people, the way I look at myself, the way I make decisions.
Everything I do, I do for you. Or because of you, or with you as a guide. Because it feels right. Nothing ever felt this right.
I know it's selfish. But there is nothing you can do, to change what you've already done. The way you changed me and Camelot for the better. You could be a murderer, a thief, a spy, I wouldn't care.
Nobody can replace you. Even if someone came now and did the exact same thing. They wouldn't be able to replace you. They couldn't, because they weren't there, when Camelot, when I needed you most.
There is only a life before you. And a life with you in it. Even if you were to leave, I could never forget you and you would never leave me. You have shaped me to be the man I am today and I am proud to be that. And I would never be able to not talk to you every day. Even if you're not there.
I don't love you, because it's some kind of infatuation, there is no condition or anything, Merlin. Just being yourself, means everything to me. And I hate that you can't be that completely. I love you on purpose. There is nothing you could do to change that. You could hate me, leave me, betray me, try to murder me even, it wouldn't change that I want you to be happy. And if possible, I want to be the reason for it. Don't ever hold back because of what I might think. But you should know that the way I feel will never change.
Hell, I know you love this Freya woman that you never told me about and I'm so sorry that she's dead, because you deserve to be happy, Merlin.
Just... don't tell me, I couldn't love you, just because I don't know everything about you yet."
Merlin looked at him with wide eyes.
Arthur however, had to look away again. What was with him and confessing all these embarrassing things lately. Maybe it was the almost dying all the time thing. The... my father send me on a mission that he knows I cannot survive thing. Or the, I thought I lost Merlin part.
Probably the latter. Merlin should know that he was loved. He shouldn't live, having to hide or keeping secrets.
Finally, Merlin grabbed Arthur's hand again. And now, that Arthur had told him all that, it suddenly didn't feel out of place. Instead, it felt reassuring, as if Merlin was saying he understood. And he wouldn't leave Arthur for anything in the world. It was a promise.
"I would never betray you.", Merlin said and he locked eyes with Arthur.
Arthur smiled embarrassed. "Then what secret could you possibly have that makes you think you'd lose me?"
Merlin stared at him. Eyes still wide, face flushing and his breathing fastened.
"And I've moved on from Freya years ago. She knows that too.", Merlin tilted his head and Arthur nodded silently. "I believe you.", Arthur said and hoped desperately that wasn't a lie.
"But -", Merlin closed his mouth, as if he had multiple things to say and confess and didn't know where to start. He looked close to panicking too, because he had not expected to be ready to confess now.
"Arthur, I..."
Arthur nodded, waiting, as he put a free hand on Merlin's scarred shoulder.
"I have magic."
The bomb dropped so suddenly, that Arthur had no time to evacuate his feelings. Arthur had expected, or rather hoped, for anything. Just not that.
And yet.... Arthur couldn't say he felt totally surprised. He didn't lie when he said, he would accept Merlin for anything. That there was nothing that could make him lose Arthur.
Arthur was prepared for anything.
Even this.
The bomb had dropped, but it didn't explode.
The hand Arthur had held on Merlin's shoulder now wandered up, to cup Merlin's jaw. Merlin leaned in to hit, panicked tears in his eyes. For a moment Arthur wondered why.
And then he realized that Merlin just admitted to having magic. He finally registered, this meant Merlin was a criminal. That – according to the laws – Merlin should be hanged or burned or killed in another similarly disturbing way.
And Arthur? Arthur marveled at the fact that Merlin was still here. Still at his side. He didn't run away. He lived directly under Uther Pendragon's nose, at Arthur's side. And now he told him this. Even though Arthur immediately understood why he shouldn't.
Not for a second, did Arthur think that Merlin was actually a criminal. Not for a moment, did he feel betrayed by that. Because there was no way that Merlin would ever use it against him. Arthur just knew that. And if he did... he'd do it for a good reason.
"Okay.", Arthur said and tears spilled from Merlin's eyes in utter disbelieve.
"Okay?", he asked, utterly shocked.
"I told you.", Arthur nodded, even though he struggled to imagine Merlin using magic. "It doesn't change a thing."
All of a sudden, Merlin jumped at Arthur and buried him in a sobbing hug. Once more today, Arthur felt completely overwhelmed. But he also didn't push Merlin away.
"Thank you.", Merlin whispered in Arthur's ear. Arthur, however, was completely occupied by the fact that they were both pretty much shirtless and Merlin already knew about his feelings and obviously didn't give a damn.
"No. Thank you for telling me.", Arthur mumbled back and tried not to show just how overwhelmed he actually was.
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(1) Ciril (the blue dragon) is genderfluid. Any nonbinary folks in this story express themselves however they feel through other means than pronouns and dress codes (because ... duh... dragons don't wear clothes.)
This counts for appearances as well as behavior. As far as dragons go, dragons shapeshifters in general. Ciril, the blue dragon, has used this advantage to change their voice on will as a means of gender affirmation. Meaning, that upon meeting strangers, they will let their voice shift freely, so the stranger takes note of the shift, and remembers to change pronouns, whenever the voice noticeably differs.
Many dragons do that.
Later on, when the stranger has turned more familiar, the dragon will settle on the voice that fits their gender at the moment best. Of course, there are alternative methods, for example if a dragon is deaf or blind. Obviously, neither behavior nor appearance define what gender is, but it works in an affirmative way. It's functional. And what is gender anyway, beside a social construct?
It won't be addressed much. It's just a little background information about this tiny character. I don't really make up characters. They just appear out of nowhere. And they are who they are. I am always surprised myself when they introduce themselves.
I know I use they/them pronouns a lot in my stories and I am well aware that there are many variations other than this. I do that, because I find gender neutral terms fitting for everyone. They neither confirm nor deny anyone's gender and I like that. I'm not familiar with the combination of multiple pronouns yet and before I go and mess up every sentence, I'll stick to these first.
If I do anything wrong, don't hesitate to correct me. I'm here to learn too :)
(2) I rewrote this entire chapter at least 9 times, because their reactions didn't fit the situation. At one point I had Merlin hide behind Arthur. Which isn't totally OOC, but they both just almost died. I'm pretty sure Merlin doesn't really give a damn at that moment. He gets reckless when he's nervous and afraid for Arthur. And that's what he is right now.
(3) Honestly, I have no idea how I come up with names anymore
(4) the entire story doesn't really line up with canon. I just picked out stuff that fit the story. I mean, by all means, Uther should be dead, when Arthur has the sword.
(5) Look at (4). Morgana isn't evil in this one. So where would he have gotten the serket sting? Morgause everyone?