"What are they doing?", Ciril asked. Her voice a mix of irritated and worried.
"I have no idea.", Leon swallowed.
"But we got to stop them."
With determination, Leon rolled his shoulders in a weird warm up movement and basically jumped out of the hole in the wall.
They were high up on the mountain and the slope went nearly 90° straight down.
He skidded his feet into the ground and slid down, rubble and dust scattering everywhere.
"Holy shit.", Elyan muttered as he peaked down and looked after him. Literally questioning his own sanity, because this couldn't be real.
"What are you waiting for?", Gwaine asked, an amused eyebrow raised, before he jumped after Leon. Maybe a little less graceful than the older knight. But for that, he was about twice as enthusiastic, according to the happy squeal he made down the slope.
"What the fuck.", Elyan muttered and looked at Lancelot as if to ask, if he was seriously supposed to follow their example and risk his life like that.
Lancelot sighed. "I suppose that's the difference between royal born knights and commoners.", Lancelot took a deep breath.
"Huh?", Elyan asked, eyebrows raised, while Lancelot as well squared up, with much more hesitation than his fellow knights and more skidded than glided down the slope.
Elyan blinked. "Was someone going to tell me that Gwaine was born royalty, or was I supposed to find that out while being expected to jump into my own death myself?"
Ciril flapped her wings. "Hurry up, Sir knight.... Freya, are you coming too?", Ciril paused for Freya.
"No, I shall wait here. I can enter this island. But I'm not supposed to interact with the living so much. I've already overused my welcome."
Ciril nodded in understanding.
"Alright. We will be back with Merlin and Arthur and Kilgharrah as soon as we're able.", Ciril nodded at them and like an arrow shot through the wall. She was faster than sound, but basically stopped midair, before letting herself drop down after the knights. Only when she reached Leon, who was almost at the bottom of the slope now, did she open her wings again to brace the fall.
"These people are all nuts.", Elyan muttered, before taking a deep breath and jumping after them.
He was by far the least graceful in his way down. He was swaying at every turn and breathing way too hard. At one point he lost halt and more rolled than skidded down the slope. Much to Gwaine's entertainment.
In his defence... Lancelot was stupidly brave and exceptionally talented at everything. Gwaine loved playing with his life like some drunken suicidal maniac. And I mean, what's the worst that could happen to Leon? Death?
Elyan was probably the only normal person among these people. Grand him some slack.
Without a thought, the knights ran after the light show. Never stopping, only panting as one does while running, and only guided by adrenaline they hurried towards the field where the most beautiful fight either of them had ever seen was taking place.
Right in front of them, between glowing grass, was Merlin throwing light ball after light ball at Arthur. Each of the dropped somewhere behind the prince, exploding into waves of different colored light.
The prince was dodging them. Though it was questionable if those orbs would have harmed him at all, had they hit him.
The glowing grass was also growing to life and if Arthur wasn't already on the move, they would be taking hold of him for sure.
Arthur had drawn his sword, but he was only using it to cut off the vines that DID manage to grab hold of him once in a while.
The entire fight varied from long to short distance in the matter of seconds. Each attempt of Arthur's to go all out and fight Merlin, had Merlin punch him with glowing golden arms that send Arthur flying several feet away.
Yet, Arthur never seemed too hurt to stand up again.
It was like each shock wave of the magic ran through the entire ground beneath them, calling out for the vines to catch Arthur, should he be thrown too far.
All of that happened while Merlin's eyes were glowing wide and golden in concentration.
Had they not all already figured out Merlin's abilities, they would be shocked beyond believe.
But right now, they were level headed enough to see that something about the fight didn't add up. It didn't look like a serious battle.
Leon stopped, several feet away from the fighting duo and raised his hand for the dragon on the knights to halt behind him.
Elyan almost ran into Lancelot at the sudden change of orders.
"What on earth is...", Leon muttered, eyes wide.
But in that moment, Merlin send Arthur flying again. Momentarily distracted by their presence, he startled, and threw Arthur too far. The sword was slapped out of Arthur's hand by a vine, getting stuck in the ground beneath him. And Arthur yelped yet again.
Merlin immediately shook himself into focus and raised his hand. A giant hand of roots caught Arthur mid air. Gently letting him down again. Arthur seemed almost frustrated, because he realized that too. He also, simultaneously, looked like he was having the time of his life.
(Well, his father never hugged him. He certainly never picked him up to throw him around like good parents or siblings do. Before they drive you to the hospital, because they accidentally threw you at the stoned window sill........*cough*)
Irritated and his head probably spinning, Arthur wobbly got to stand on his feet again. For a second he was grinning excitedly, then he noticed the knights. And his excitement was replaced by relief. Then confusion. Then realization. And then absolute horror. His eyes widened, awareness of the situation washed over him, as he realized that was Merlin using magic right now. Against the crown prince of Camelot no less. He knew what they must be thinking.
In a mild panic, he searched for his sword.
He was saying something they couldn't understand, but within a second, Arthur pulled the sword out of the ground and instead of attacking Merlin again, he jumped in front of his servant.
He raised his sword and stood there, breathing and sweating heavily.
Ready to fight each of them. Despite the fact that he was clearly worn out from being thrown around so much.
Merlin too seemed out of breath, as his eyes and arms turned back to normal and the life left the field around them. On his flushed face was worry visible, as he hid behind Arthur.
What a ridiculous display, really. There they were, just fighting each other, Arthur Pendragon completely at the mercy of his servant, only capable of defending himself, because Merlin would never truly hurt him, and now Merlin was cowering behind him like an injured deer from a hunter.
"Weren't they fighting each other a second ago?", Elyan whispered in Lancelot's ear.
But Leon rolled his eyes. "Did that look like a real fight to you?"
"Kinda? I mean... Merlin was clearly winning, but-"
"Merlin wasn't winning. He was playing with Arthur.", Gwaine laughed, absolutely delighted by the situation. His grin was so wide, seeing Merlin's power in full action, it radiated waves, that probably reactivated Leon's headache.
Leon sighed, before he stepped forward to face Arthur, but the prince only raised his sword.
"If you dare lay a finger on Merlin -", Arthur frowned, but Leon merely pushed the sword aside with a finger. He had no sword of his own to counter Arthur's weapon, but he didn't need one right now.
"Merlin, we need your help."
Arthur paused. For a second, his hold on the sword loosened and Merlin carefully stepped aside to look directly at Leon.
"My help?"
"Yes."
"But...", Merlin swallowed in confusion. "Didn't you just see..."
"Of course I did. I'm not blind.", Leon rolled his eyes, more annoyed than he should be.
"Look, we can explain everything to you. But I'm going to sum it up real quick. I believe Gwaine will love to give you an in debt explanation later."
Merlin startled, not expecting to be completely ignored.
"Merlin, we know you're the last dragon lord. But you're also the reincarnation of the first dragon lord Myrddin who more or less enslaved the dragons.
You need to call the great dragon, so you and Arthur can unseal the curse on the entire dragon kin. Or else they will go extinct.
Are you following?"
Merlin's jaw dropped. And Arthur was making that face. I'm saying THAT face. Because I mean the one he made in the show, when Merlin confronted the court and claimed to be a sorcerer.
You know. The canon look of utter confusion and disbelieve. I love that expression. It's hilarious.
"You're not..."
"Please, Merlin. You have no idea what we've been through the past 24 hours. You can ask questions later. Now... I haven't slept properly in a week. And if I get ONE more piece of information today, I will murder someone. I don't know who yet. Most likely Gwaine -"
"Hey! Why me?"
"Because you're face is irritating.", Leon frowned at him for the interruption. "But if we could just make up camp now and get some decent form of sleep, I would be really grateful. Yes? Thank you."
With that, Leon turned around and ran a gloved hand through his exhausted face. He had been ready to stop the two men from fighting seconds ago. Now that the adrenaline was calming down, all he wanted was to curl up into a ball and loose consciousness for a couple of hours.
Gwaine muttered incoherent words under his breath, but his grin was still present, as he went over to the two confused men and offered his arms up. Merlin hesitated for just a second, before walking forward and hugging Gwaine shortly.
Then Gwaine offered a hand to Arthur, who grabbed it reluctantly. His sword clinging against the grassy floor.
Elyan was huffing, but he looked relieved that they didn't actually have to fight their friends, as he too just grabbed for Arthur's arm and patted Merlin on the shoulder. Lancelot was keeping his distance from Merlin, as he clasped arms with Arthur as well.
"You're secret's finally out, huh?", he winked.
Merlin blinked sheepishly, but smiled.
"Wait... did you tell Lancelot?", Arthur asked, slightly shocked that Lancelot was talking to Merlin like they've had multiple conversations about this already.
Merlin grinned, as if caught red handed. "Not quite."
"I found out during the Griffin attack.", Lancelot scratched his neck apologetically.
"Yes, yes. Can we please go to sleep now?", Leon basically begged.
"What's wrong with him?", Arthur asked. Lancelot looked at Leon's scowling expression, then he turned to them with a whisper.
"That's a long story. But let's do him the favor."
In the meantime, Ciril had jumped on Leon's shoulder, catching the knight off guard.
"I think that dragon has taken a strange liking to Sir Leon.", Gwaine crossed his arms curiously and tilted his head in consideration, while watching Leon trying to keep himself from falling over.
Ciril looked over her shoulder at them.
"His father had done me lots of kind services back in the day. He was the only one who defended me against my master. When my dragon lord was killed in the war, I was without family. So I swore loyalty to Hector's family. Kendris, the dragon of their family before me, died a cruel death.
I'm soul bound to this man."
Everyone paused and looked in her direction.
Leon too had his eyes wide, as if ready to just collapse on the spot. Not even to fall unconscious. He just had the strange desire to faceplant into something. Really hard. Until his head exploded, favourably.
"But.... you almost killed us earlier."
"There is a reason why I spared your lives, young knight.", Ciril said, unimpressed, but also feeling guilty and worried at the same time.
Leon threw up his hands in all directions, almost throwing Ciril off. "What did I say about new information?"
"Sorry.", Ciril snickered.
Elyan, Gwaine and Lancelot, however, paled and shared a look.
"What does Leon's father have to do with this?", Arthur leaned over, whispering too now.
"I told you. LOONG story.", Elyan whispered back.
"But... you're not trying to kill dragons, right?", Arthur asked cautiously.
Elyan paled even further. "We tried to fight that little beast over there. No way in hell."
He pointed at Ciril again, who was snaking her way around Leon's shoulder. Leon was so done with everything, he stopped fighting it altogether.
"Ciril?", Arthur asked, eyes wide. "But they're tiny."
"That doesn't make her slow. Or powerless. She got magic by the way. We were literally. Swallowed. By. The mountain.", Elyan pointedly opened his eyes wide and paused several times to underline his point.
Arthur stared at him in wonder.
"Okay...", he said slowly.
"I think Leon is right. We should probably go to that hut that Rebecca is preparing for us and get some sleep.
We can exchange information there. I think a lot happened on both sides today. We could need some rest."
"That's the best idea anyone has offered all day. Thank you Merlin. I knew I could count on you.", Leon sighed with a dramatic amount of relief.
"Would be bad, if you couldn't count on your own kin, right?", Gwaine wiggled his eyebrows at them both.
Leon's relief fell away in favor of bitter disapproval.
"Kin?", Merlin raised both eyebrows. Slowly gaping as he was getting the hint. "No fucking way."
"Language.", Lancelot muttered, as if that was the first curse he had heard all day.
"I hate you so much.", Leon looked like he had aged a hundred years between the last two sentences, as he regarded Gwaine with the upmost exhaustion any man could express with facial features.
"Seriously, Merlin. Who taught you such foul language.", Arthur grinned humorously trying to evade the situation.
"I'd motherfucking like to know that too, you lucky bastard.", Gwaine grinned and draped an arm around Merlin's neck.
Everyone turned to look at Gwaine.
"Merlin, which hut?", Elyan sighed.
------------------------------------------------
As it turned out, Leon wasn't just tired. He was beyond exhausted.
For some reason, no one had stopped them, when there were suddenly four more people at Arthur's and Merlin's side. Probably, because Ciril was glaring at everyone who started to even whisper in their direction.
A friendly little girl finally send them in the right direction.
The hut or house maybe, was big enough for them all to fit. And if it weren't, there were plenty of other empty houses just standing around.
"This is Hector's old house.", Ciril said, as soon as they had entered through the wooden door and they found themselves in a freshly cleaned living room. There was a table with prepared food and a couple of blankets draped over a chair.
There was also a pitcher full of water and two handcrafted cups ready for them. (After all, they had known only of two guests.)
"Quite frankly, I don't give a shit.", Leon said, grabbed one of the blankets and flopped himself on a free bench just in front of the window.
It took precisely 0.001 seconds for him to just fall asleep.
With fascination, the other knights, Ciril and Merlin watched, as Leon started snoring.
"Is he... is he okay?", Arthur asked. He had never seen Leon like this. And he went through hell and back with this knight. They had fought battles together that would leave ordinary knights shivering in fright just thinking about it.
Arthur sometimes still woke up with nightmares from them. Leon never seemed to have that problem.
"He died today. Let him rest.", Lancelot sighed and shook his head.
"You mean... he almost died. All of you did. Because of her...", Arthur tried to make sense of it, as he pointed at Ciril, who had decided to let Leon sleep and sat on top of the back rest of the bench.
"No. Literally.", Ciril shortly answered.
It was quiet for a second.
"What?", Arthur asked. He had been waiting for an in depth follow up explanation, but nobody was saying anything.
Lancelot sighed. "Okay. So. This is a lot. I suppose. Let's just... sit down. And start from the beginning, alright?"
Ciril nodded, but didn't move away from her watch position.
Gwaine immediately went over to the table in the middle of the room and grabbed for an apple, before flopping down on the next chair.
"Sit down.", he said, while chewing. "It's a long story."
"I bet it is.", Arthur muttered and followed his example. Not without offering Merlin a chair first. Merlin accepted it without thinking about it. But the chivalrous action did not go unnoticed by Gwaine. His eyes flickered from one man to the other. With a knowledge of a conversation neither Lancelot not Elyan possessed.
"Speaking of long stories. What happened between you two earlier? You were play fighting. Merlin was using magic. How long did YOU know about Merlin, Arthur?"
Arthur pressed his lips into a thin line.
"Well.. I basically found out some time after we both almost drowned.", he admitted, slightly ashamed that they all seemed to be aware of Merlin's secret, while he had been completely oblivious.
"Yes, but... did he tell you? Or did you find out?", Gwaine added, watching as Merlin shrunk into himself.
"He told me."
"What else did he tell you?", Gwaine asked, an eyebrow raised and now Merlin was flushing dangerously.
Arthur blinked confused, before looking at Merlin. Then he blinked again, as it dawned on him what Gwaine was referring to.
Then he blushed.
Hard.
And that action did NOT go unnoticed by Elyan and Lancelot, who were now – once again – lost.
"Is that really.... we didn't... I mean.. we did talk about it. But do you really.... Shut up, Gwaine.", Arthur stuttered, while Merlin buried his face in his hands.
It shall remain unclear, if he was blushing himself, or if he was trying not to laugh. Perhaps both.
Gwaine was definitely laughing.
"Why now, is the princess embarrassed?"
Arthur groaned into his arm.
"Gwaine, don't be mean.", Merlin pleaded.
"I'm not mean. Seriously, Arthur. You have nothing to worry about. You're literally Merlin's soulmate.", Gwaine rolled his eyes. Arthur looked up.
"How did you find THAT out?"
Gwaine blinked. For a second he was confused, how ARTHUR knew, and still felt it necessary to be embarrassed by the situation.
But then Gwaine decided it wasn't important and started right at the beginning.
He started with the story of Myrddin and Bruta, which had Arthur and Merlin gaping and staring and also reddening at the right moments.
He continued with what little they figured out about Hector. Leon's father. And – ultimately- what that meant for Leon.
That part especially, had Arthur and Merlin stopping him, because they needed to take a breather first.
Then Gwaine continued with how they met Ciril and Freya.
At the mention of Freya, Merlin finally chimed in, starting to explain THEIR side of the story. Which was much shorter to explain.
Because they almost drowned, they met Freya, then Ciril. Then they made camp right outside the village.
Then they met Rebecca, the leader of the village and then Merlin's apparent shitty tempered grandmother.
Of course, none of Merlin's explanations were very long.
As he was keeping Arthur's inner crisis more to themselves. Which Arthur was probably thankful for.
Merlin merely mentioned that he confessed to having magic and being a dragon lord and that was all.
However. Gwaine's line of information had been much longer and much more twisted, which is while it took them so long to finish. Mostly, because he was using his acting skills to replay each scene.
Which he managed to do quite impressively.
It was long passed midnight, when they were finally done and the bread and water on the table had long been eaten.
Somewhere in between, Ciril had turned into a tiny heap of a dragon on Leon's face, because where else would she sleep. Literally anywhere else?
I mean... she could've. But it's less funny.
Lancelot and Elyan had said good night somewhere in between "we were swallowed by a wall" and a very eccentric replay of the entire situation.
The first sun rays were already starting to blind them through the cracked window, when Gwaine finally decided, he needed some sleep as well.
He grabbed one of the two remaining blankets and just lay down in front of the fireplace, that Merlin had lit with magic somewhere in the middle of the night.
Because even on the island, it was getting cold sometimes.
"We should probably head to sleep too.", Merlin finally said, head turned to Arthur.
So they got up and left the room. The house had more rooms than just the living room with the hearth and the small room full of hey that Elyan and Lancelot shared.
(6 feet apart, because they are not gay.(1))
There was another room next to this one. This room had a bed. But the bed was too small to fit more than one person. Arthur would have granted the bed to Merlin, but the servant
wasn't even batting an eye, as he grabbed for Arthur's wrist and dragged him up a ladder to the hayloft. A small basement full of hay right over the living room.
This definitely explained where Lance and Elyan had gotten the hay from. And they must have left the one bed for Arthur (as he was the prince).
Without further ado, Merlin magicked a pile of the hay to form a giant nest. Fitting for two people.
"Your highness.", Merlin smiled and waved for Arthur to go ahead.
Arthur blinked at him, but didn't let Merlin shush him into the make shift bed twice.
There was plenty of room. Plenty. The basement could have fit at least twelve knights, if they slept side by side. There was more than enough hay as well.
And yet, the nest was seated in the middle of the room. For two.
And Merlin decided to lay down right beside Arthur. He had the last blanket with him and draped it over them, while casually hugging Arthur from the side and laying his head on Arthur's collarbone.
An action which decidedly did not make Arthur flustered. (Of course not, Arthur.)
"Merlin -"
"Thank you.", Merlin interrupted him. Arthur stared down at Merlin, before he decided to damn the consequences and hugged Merlin back.
The amount of physical contact he'd had the past two days was insane. He could barely believe it. Barely believe that Merlin wasn't shoving him away. That he was here at all.
"What for?", Arthur asked, trying to force himself to relax.
"For the fight.", Merlin said. And for the first time, Arthur just snorted.
Which made Merlin chuckle as well.
"We should do that more often.", Arthur joked and closed his eyes.
But that made Merlin pause. Arthur could tell something about that sentence set Merlin off. "Merlin?", he asked, but Merlin shook his head.
"We can't."
Arthur frowned. "Why not?"
"Magic is illegal in Camelot.", Merlin said. But not as if it was hurting for him. He was shrugging as if this was simply a fact. Which it was, but how was Merlin so indifferent about it?
Arthur sat up all of a sudden. "Not if I get to say anything about it.", he said with sparkling eyes. Basically promising it.
Merlin stared at him.
"Arthur... your father is still king."
"I don't care.", Arthur shook his head vehemently, before going soft again. "Merlin... I don't want you to have to hide."
Merlin hesitated, then he sat up as well.
"I have to. If I want to stay at your side. I'd rather hide than loose you."
Merlin was looking directly into Arthur's eyes now. "I heard what you said to Gwaine on that ship, Arthur.
You won't let anything come between what we have. Not your father, your future wife or your own feelings.
I'm the same. It's my destiny to protect you. I will not let anything come between that. Nothing and no one.
So I will hide. As long as I have to."
Arthur stared at him. Really really looked, because he couldn't believe what he just heard Merlin say.
"Did you just say my future wife?"
Merlin flushed and bit his lip.
"Merlin, you don't seriously think I could just go and marry some random woman, do you?"
"Someone you love then."
Arthur gaped. "Merlin -"
"Arthur. I know. Right now you love me. And maybe that will be strong for a while. But eventually, you will HAVE to find a wife. And... and get kids and all that."
Okay, this was getting ridiculous.
"YOU told me that I have a choice how I want to rule Camelot! YOU were the one who reminded me, that an unhappy king doesn't make for a better kingdom, even if my father believes otherwise!
You told me to marry for love!", Arthur was slowly starting to get frustrated. 'Merlin, what the fuck?'.
He had not planned to discuss marriage so soon with Merlin. But here they were.
"I'm not saying you won't love her. But Arthur, I can't exactly give you children."
The mere implication that Merlin had thought about that send shivers down Arthur's spine. For multiple reasons.
"That logic is fucked up and you know it.", Arthur exclaimed in disbelieve.
"Maybe. But Arthur -"
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to even imagine marrying because my father is telling me to, while I can't get you out of my head?"
"Arthur, please. What you feel right now -"
"Merlin, I've been in love with you for years. We'll can find a way.", Arthur confessed, eyes wide.
"You only love me because we're soul bound!", Merlin panted. Loud enough to wake up everyone else in the hut.
Arthur's entire defense speech fell apart. He blinked several times. His wall of certainty and conviction finally cracked.
"What?" Because, truth be told, of all the things Arthur had imagined Merlin would say to object their talk, THIS was not one of them. It rendered him speechless.
It hit him right in the kokoro. (kokoro means heart. I googled it. I'm smart.) (2) (3)
Merlin's eyes widened at the broken sound of Arthur's voice.
Merlin swallowed. "Look, Arthur, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."
"What the fuck, Merlin.", Arthur muttered and actually distanced himself from him. Physically.
"I'm just saying. Arthur. You told me, you chose to love me. But really, you didn't. Okay? I knew that. The dragon already told me we were two sides of the same coin the day we met.
You did NOT have the choice. I shouldn't have....", Merlin was looking down now, as if only just now realizing how close they were.
He took a deep breath. "Sorry. I shouldn't have... It – this is a mistake. I just. I felt..... I'm sorry.", Merlin scrambled to his feet. Leaning so far away from Arthur, he could only stare at him.
Arthur's face was getting hot again. This time with hurt, rather than embarrassment.
"What the hell? You mean to say, you don't like me back, but you decided to make me hope, just to reject me like this?
By downplaying my feelings? Do you think my feelings aren't valid, just because some weird dragon told you about them?
You think my love isn't real?"
Merlin looked up, eyes wide, but full of regret for bringing it up.
"Then, Merlin. Tell me. How do YOU feel? Do you love me? Can you feel somewhere inside that soul of yours-", Arthur poked at Merlin's chest angrily, as he leaned over. "that whatever you feel is fake?"
"But -"
Arthur shook his head before standing up. "What did I do wrong, huh?", he asked, voice suddenly angry and broken as he walked to the other side of the room. He began to pace.
A man who is alright, does not pace (, Gaius (2)).
"If you don't like me, Merlin, then don't play with my feelings." Arthur gritted out, trying to hold back the sudden anger that welled up inside him. He stopped and hit his back against the next wall. Sliding down, to sit cross legged against it.
How dare Merlin say all this, right after saying, he wanted to stay with Arthur as long as he was allowed? That he'd let nothing come between them?
Merlin seemed to be panicking now. He was breathing heavily, as if he couldn't believe the situation they were suddenly in. That it would suddenly escalate like that.
But he had really hit Arthur where it hurt.
"Of course I like you too. Arthur, I feel the same that you do!"
Arthur swallowed down a comment, before glaring at him. "But it's fake!"
It was an accusation and he could see the same hurt reflected in Merlin's eyes that he felt himself.
Merlin looked at him, as if Arthur had slapped him. In that very moment, Arthur reconciled and his shoulder slumped, as if Merlin had just disarmed him.
"Shit.", he muttered, as he covered his mouth with his hand. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was that look on Merlin's face.
And knowing he put it there, caused an internal turmoil that he could only compare to the times he let his father burn sorcerers.
Which is where he usually saw that face on his manservant. Maybe the comparison was a little off.
"Arthur, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it?", Arthur asked, but there was no actual question in that sentence. Merlin pressed his lips together again.
"Just... not like that."
'Very helpful.', Arthur sighed and took a deep breath to calm himself down.
Arthur held his breath right after that and leaned his head against the wall beside him, so he was facing the ceiling now.
"I just mean -", Merlin finally said, still panting. Still panicking. As if he was realizing he was loosing Arthur over his own words, and lost control of what he was supposed to be doing.
Or at least, saying.
Arthur blinked and flickered his eyes to his manservant, as Merlin began to speak again:
"We were bound to each other. In another life time. We didn't have a choice in this.", Merlin was getting more and more quiet with each word. And equally frustrated as well. He couldn't make that sound any less like he had before.
Arthur sighed and thought about this first. He knew what Merlin meant. And yet he felt what he was saying was wrong. And he somehow had the feeling that Merlin felt it was wrong too. But Merlin didn't seem to know how or where he went wrong.
"Other people would call this romantic, you know that, right?", Arthur countered half heartedly.
Merlin opened his mouth, but closed it again. Carefully not commenting on that.
"Merlin, being soul bound doesn't mean -", Arthur took a deep breath.
"That never meant we were destined to fall in love." After a pause he added. "With each other."
Merlin looked miserable and in disbelieve. But he was listening. At least he was looking at him.
"It meant we were destined to FIND each other.", Arthur smiled slightly, encouraging, as he regarded Merlin with another look. Strangely enough, he had the feeling he was seeing Merlin for the first time again.
A wrecking ball in his life. Destroying each and every concept his father had indoctrinated in his brain and simply taught him better.
And yet, for the very first time, self conscious. Merlin was always confident. But Arthur had seen multiple new sides of his servant today.
And looking at him right now, after being catapulted into this strange distance, unlocked something in Arthur. An understanding he didn't know he possessed before.
He felt like with each side of Merlin, he just saw more of him. As if he was gifted with more and more information. With more and more sides of Merlin to just... love.
Even if this one – this doubtful side of Merlin – hurt him worse than any weapon ever did.
"Look at Leon. I mean... we just learned a lot about him. But you did see how Ciril is clinging to him, right? And she told us, she's soul bound to him. The same as us, right?
But that doesn't make them lovers. Not at all. It makes them family, in a sense.
The moment I met you, I saw something in you I couldn't place. I didn't know what it was until you became my servant.
I felt I belonged at your side. And you to mine.
And then I slowly fell in love with you.", Arthur paused meaningfully, while Merlin's eyes were even wider than before.
"Those are two completely separate feelings, Merlin.
And seriously, normal people don't choose who they fall in love with. They just do. And they don't ever question it.
I did fall for you just like that. But I reevaluated how I felt about you. Why I felt this way. And I couldn't find a single reason NOT to love you. It just happened. And I agreed with that feeling.
That hasn't changed now. I don't know why you're doubting me. But believe me, if you gave me the choice, I'd choose you a thousand times over. "
Arthur looked away. Or rather, he closed his eyes. Not sure he wanted to see Merlin's reaction to that.
After all, Arthur just laid his heart bare in front of him... again.
He heard shuffling and the slight crackle of hay that was being stepped on.
A second later, Merlin was kneeling before Arthur.
And finally, Merlin's hands wandered to cup Arthur's face.
Arthur opened his eyes to a face that was so close to him, they shared their breaths.
He saw amazement. He saw a man who was mesmerized by what he had just said. He saw trust and believe and oh so much love in there.
Merlin's eyes were just as wide as Arthur's own. And Arthur found himself getting lost in blue.
"What are you doing?", Arthur asked weakly, as Merlin made no other move. He just stared at him, as if seeing him for the first time as well.
But finally he answered: "I'm reevaluating my feelings for you."
Arthur sat up in surprise, heart hammering hopefully in his chest. "Your what?"
Merlin shyly smiled, before his eyes softened. "I think...", Merlin made a cruel pause, and then he shook his head in determination, as if he just came to his final conclusion.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I've been stupid. I love you, too, Arthur."
And maybe, Arthur would have asked another question, if Merlin wasn't suddenly leaning forward.. Kissing him.
Arthur will later, forever, for the rest of their lives, deny that in those first few moments, he was completely frozen in shock.
In a daze, he grabbed for Merlin's shoulders and pulled him onto his lap, refusing to ever let go.
Merlin laughed into the kiss, but let Arthur pull him in, after he had finally caught himself.
It was such a chaste kiss. Barely more than lips pressed together. But Arthur was so starved for love, he looked at Merlin, as if he had hung the stars for him, as they finally let go.
"I take it, you found no reason not to love me back?", Arthur was grinning like an idiot, hugging Merlin impossibly closer.
In disbelieve, by the way. Arthur's day had already been a rollercoaster of emotions. He had trouble grasping his fleeting feelings anmore.
"Hmm.", Merlin smiled in a fond gaze, but mockingly, too.
"Still debating on that one reason.", he said and tiredly sighed, contently hugging Arthur's chest.
Arthur raised an eyebrow. "What is it?", he asked, slightly worried and selfconscious.
Merlin smiled and poked his nose in response. "You're still a prat."
Arthur didn't think he ever laughed this relieved in his entire life.
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A.N.://
(1). The meme references used in this chapter are one of my best yet. You cannot change my mind.)
(2). I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it XD I've been stupid writing deprived for weeks.
(3). I know you think I'm doing this on purpose. But I revisoned that sentence three times and each time I just made it worse. And I couldn't stop laughing. Now you're stuck with my humor. You clicked on this story. That's on you, not on me (: