Arthur must be the biggest idiot in the world, if he thought he could swim while wearing armor.
Merlin was already thinking up new insults and curses, as he dived deeper and deeper into the ocean.
It was cold. Cold and freezing. His movements only warmed him a little. But the cold pressed on his lungs and begged for his mercy.
It reminded him that his oxygen supply was limited and he couldn't waste it by thinking too much. So, instead, his only thought, the very focus of his mind was:
Get Arthur to safety.
But as Arthur was wearing armor, he was dragged down faster than Merlin could swim. Merlin's eyes were wide, burning from the salt water, as he could see Arthur drift further and further away.
And he knew, if he swam back up to get air, he would loose every chance of getting Arthur back for good.
Arthur's eyes were wide open, as he recognized Merlin above him. None of his movements to get to him and stop himself from sinking, helped him. If anything, they just exhausted his energy and precious oxygen.
Compared to the storm, it was eerily silent under water. Everything was muffled and the pressure from sinking lower pressed on their ears. Here and there they could hear objects being thrown into the water far far above them.
That was all they heard. And they couldn't scream or call out. They could only hold their breath and hope they'd manage to reach each other in time.
Merlin was getting desperate. He couldn't reach Arthur. Arthur was sinking much faster than he could swim. And it didn't take long until Arthur gave up trying to swim upwards. The weight of his armor restricted his movements, exhausted him faster. His eyes went glassy, and he began sinking motionlessly. Even faster than before. He had exhausted his resources.
Merlin panicked. And panic is not good when you're under water and can't breathe. There is a reason why people hyperventilate when panicked. Your brain needs oxygen. Air. Neither of which was around them.
Still, Merlin didn't even get the idea to swim back up. It was far too late anyway.
In a split decision, he magicked the straps and belts open that held Arthur's armor together. And he forced it to fall off.
He didn't even care that Excalibur sank down with it. You could blame him for not doing this sooner. But the entire situation took maybe a minute. Thinking up useful solution takes time sometimes. Especially, when your mind is occupied with thousands of ideas how this could end. Each idea worse and more terrifying than the last.
Now Arthur was without his armor. And the sinking slowed. But that didn't give him back his oxygen. And Merlin was already exhausted too.
His vision started to swim. No pun intended.
He barely managed to reach Arthur. But he did. All he could do was grab him tight and heave him upwards in one desperate motion. One kick of his legs. That was all he could do. All his energy had left for him.
Somewhere in his mind, he could only pray that this wasn't what destiny had planned for them. For Emrys and the once and future king.
The surface was too far up. And at this point, Merlin couldn't even tell were up actually was. Chances were he got them even deeper. And the water, roused by the storm, was dragging them both far away from the ship. His orientation was completely lost.
Merlin lost consciousness. The last thing he felt, was a magical presence close to them.
Whatever it was, it pulled at his arms. It grabbed both him and Arthur. But that was all he could remember.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Merlin and Arthur coughed out what felt like liters of water. But of course, it couldn't be as much. Because if their lungs were full of water, they'd be dead.
Heaving and rasping, they took in the salty air. Unable to see anything at first.
They coughed and sputtered and grabbed for their throats, because the salt had roughened them up.
When they finally came about, they realized they were inside a cave. And they were mere feet away from the shore. But they could see no sky, only darkness. Their surroundings illuminated by dim light only.
The light came from blue crystals and strange glowing markings that covered the walls. They reflected in the surface of the still water, making the water glow faintly as well.
Arthur was the first of them who found his voice again. "Where are we?", he asked, his voice raspy and broken. And then he realized that it was Merlin who was coughing next to him.
Arthur growled and slapped Merlin on the head.
"You fucking idiot! Why on earth would you hide inside a fucking barrel? You should have told me you're on the ship days ago!"
Arthur sounded genuinely angry. But Merlin, who had been witness to Arthur's and Gwaine's conversation that morning, found he could hear both relieve and worry inside that voice. Especially, because Arthur wasn't even complaining that he had been on the ship at all.
Now that he thought about it, that tone wasn't even a rare one. He had heard it before. But never recognized it as such.
"I'm not the one who jumped of the ship wearing armor! Are you KIDDING me! I wasn't even in that barrel!", Merlin growled and gritted his teeth at Arthur. "We almost drowned because of you!"
They stared at each other angrily. For once, Arthur had nothing to retort, because he finally realized that he should have listened to Lancelot's warnings.
Then Merlin smirked smugly. "You were worried about me.", he stated with satisfaction. Causing Arthur to flush and his eyes to widen as if caught red handed.
"I was NOT!"
"You jumped, because you wanted to save me!", Merlin grinned even wider and laughed, as Arthur's face reddened even further.
They were both completely drenched with sea water. It was cold and freezing and they both started shivering under the slight wind. Wherever that came from.
Suddenly, someone cleared their voice. Causing both Arthur and Merlin to turn around.
Arthur however, found that his sword was missing. And he only wore his thick underclothing. His armor was nowhere in sight. Merlin must have taken it off him under water. But how? Arthur couldn't remember Merlin reaching him.
"Merlin.", the soft voice said.
It was a woman. Only her head and shoulders were visible above the water. But Arthur could tell through the reflection that she wore a red dress. She was strangely beautiful.
She was pale, with dark wet hair and warm brown eyes.
Arthur found... she looked familiar.
But that was not his problem right now. Because the woman was swimming in the water, as though she lived in it.
Wait a second.... was this a mermaid? A siren?
Arthur's adrenaline started pumping again, as he held out an arm to stop Merlin from approaching her. Leon had warned him about sirens before. They were dangerous magical creatures.
How did she know Merlin's name? Was she calling out to him? Trying to leer him in?
This was not good. She was dangerous! "Merlin, stay back.", Arthur ordered.
The woman smiled at him.
"There is nothing to be afraid of. I mean you no harm.", the woman said and from below the surface, she pulled out a giant sword.
For a split second, Arthur thought she was going to attack them with it. But she lay it bare on her hands. Presenting it to Arthur.
"I believe this is yours, my king.", she said and looked expectantly at Arthur.
It was Excalibur. Slowly, Arthur walked forward and grabbed for the sword. 'My king?', he thought distracted.
Then he stepped back, holding it protectively to shield Merlin and him from her.
But Merlin shoved him aside without a second thought.
Her smile grew, as Merlin bend down. Arthur was cursing under his breath. Why, oh why, could Merlin never listen to him?
And suddenly, Arthur remembered where he had seen her last. And that was somehow worse than the siren thing: "Merlin get BACK! That's the BASTET!"
Merlin flinched, but the woman's expression saddened.
They both ignored him otherwise.
"Thank you for saving us.", Merlin suddenly said and his voice sounded so tired and broken and so unlike himself, that Arthur let his sword sink.
Wait.... she saved them? When.... Arthur was at a loss. He had thought Merlin had saved him...
Then again, they had been deep in the water. Deep enough to have Arthur loose consciousness. How would Merlin have been able to heave them both up again? He paled. Merlin was not kidding.
Merlin could have abandoned him, to save his own life. Scratch that, he SHOULD have.
But of course that moron wouldn't have.
Arthur's eyes softened. Merlin would have rather died with him than abandon him.
Curse his heart for being thankful for that. For being fond of that. He should be angry at Merlin for endangering himself.
The woman smiled at Merlin and cupped his face – which was now on her eye level – with both her hands.
"It's good to see you too, Merlin.", she put her forehead against his in an intimate gesture.
Arthur really wanted to yank him away from her.
But Merlin closed his eyes as well. And when Merlin grabbed her arms, it was not to push her away, but to hold her hands in place.
Arthur stepped back. And nearly fell on his butt. Clearly confused. If not overwhelmed by this unexpected turn of events.
She looked up again. "I knew you'd come.", she whispered softly.
Merlin opened his eyes. "What are you doing here, Freya? I thought you watch the gates of Avalon?"
The woman, Freya laughed a little. Arthur's eyes however, widened even further, upon the realization that Merlin apparently knew her.
"All waters are connected, Merlin. And I sensed that you were in danger. So I came to help."
"Thank you. Really. You saved our lives."
"It's the least I can do. I owe you, after all."
"You don't owe me anything."
"I owe you everything.", Freya smiled even wider. Even softer. As though she ...
Arthur's heart constricted.
She loved Merlin, didn't she?
And the way Merlin looked at her, the feeling was mutual, wasn't it?
Arthur's lips pressed into a firm line. What on earth was going on? How did they know each other?
Why was Merlin not scared of her?
Why on earth was she in the water?
Bastet's weren't exactly known for casually swimming in the ocean and saving people's lives. Quite the contrary, actually.
"I've missed you.", Merlin said and the whisper nearly knocked Arthur out cold.
Freya's expression was answer enough, but she faintly stroked his cheek.
"Merlin. You seek the entrance to the dragon island, don't you?"
Merlin nodded. As if used to the fact that random people just knew what he was doing at all times and that they ignored his emotional outbursts to get down to business.
"Then I've brought you to the right place. This cave IS the entrance. But be warned. The gate is protected by magic. Only dragon kin can open the gates. "
Merlin paled and his eyes widened. "Then..."
"You will need Excalibur. The sword is the mightiest in the realm of man kind. And it was forged in a dragon's breath. It should be enough to open the gates.", Freya said. Each word was dripping with honesty and care.
Only Merlin knew that there was something that Freya didn't know. Something that only him and Gaius knew.
But as even Arthur was not aware of it, it was not mentioned. It was a secret Merlin ought to keep.
"Thank you, Freya."
"You don't have to thank me, Merlin. I have to go now. But I will see you again. Take care.", with that, she let go of Merlin's face. And soon enough, she dove deep into the ocean. There Arthur could see, she had no fish tail. At least something.
She disappeared. She did not hold her breath as she started to swim. And she didn't come back up to refill her lungs again.
Merlin stared after her. A soft but sad smile lingering on his face.
Arthur blinked at him.
"I thought I killed her.", he started the conversation and mentally slapped himself. 'Way to comfort your friend', Arthur scolded himself.
"Yes.", Merlin said. As though there was no doubt about it.
"How is she still alive?", Arthur urged. Hoping that Merlin didn't have the answer.
"She's not.", Merlin corrected him.
"What do you mean? She was here, JUST now!", Arthur flailed his arms and his sword around. Uncaring if he hit someone with it.
"She's a spirit, Arthur. She guards the lake of Avalon. When she died, the bastet curse was broken too. That's why she's free now.", Merlin looked forlorn at the place where Freya had disappeared.
Arthur stared at him.
Guilt washed over him. "A spirit. You mean... a ghost."
Merlin sighed. "Not quite. Ghosts are dead souls who can't cross the veil to the afterlife, because they have regrets left in this world. They turn mad and attack people.
Freya was assigned with a job, after she moved to the other side. She is free to do as she pleases mostly. She's not vengeful.
Never was. Not even in life."
It was quiet for another few moments, until Arthur couldn't hold himself back from asking.
"SO... how do you know her exactly?", he asked, fidgeting with his hands.
A nervous habit of his.
Merlin looked at him.
"I was the one who helped her escape the bounty hunter. I was the one who hid her from the knights. I fell in love with her. You know the rest."
Arthur's mouth dropped open. "You WHAT?"
Merlin rolled his eyes. But he didn't answer that useless question.
"Merlin. She KILLED people!"
"I didn't know that at the time. And then I found out that she was cursed and how she was cursed and why. She couldn't help it. She didn't have a choice.
She was not a monster. I wanted to get her out of Camelot. But -", Merlin sighed.
"She didn't want to drag me into her mess and left the vaults before we were run away together. That's when you found her."
Arthur felt his breathing constrict and he let his sword fall to cover his face in his hands. Merlin had planned to run away with her?
God, how did Arthur not KNOW? How didn't he realize? Back then, Merlin had behaved oddly. He had noticed it. One day he was more cheerful and happy than ever, but the day after Arthur killed her, he looked like someone had killed the ....
Arthur didn't like to end that sentence. 'Love of his life', his traitorous mind did it anyway. 'Love of his life', his mind echoed, emphasize on the 'of his LIFE!'.
Arthur had never really dared to hope that Merlin could ever like him back. But as selfish as it was, it stung. It hurt so so bad, he could feel it in his bones. Or was that the cold?
"What the actual FUCK Merlin! If my father had found out, he'd have killed you for treason!
And I .... fuck, Merlin. I killed someone you loved! You never told me! Why would you not tell me that?!", Arthur looked desperate, but caring in a way Merlin had never noticed before. And it made Merlin smile a little.
"I didn't tell you, because I knew you'd blame yourself. You killed her to protect Camelot. I get that."
Arthur was lost.
"Merlin...", it was like he wanted to say more. Or something else. How could someone so kind, so caring, so loving, excuse that someone he loved was taken away.
How could Merlin forgive Arthur, without ever even telling him?
Arthur wasn't someone who boasted with his kills, but his father did sometimes. And the bastet story was one of his favorites.
If the entire thing was a curse and Merlin had lost so much because of it....
Arthur felt sick to his stomach.
But there was something else. Something that made him feel even worse. Something he HAD to blame himself for. Even if Merlin was right and the killing – god he hated that sentence – was done for a good reason, there was something else about this that bugged him. Something... somehow worse.
"I'm sorry.", he said and closed his eyes. Hugging himself close, to get some warmth back into his body.
Merlin chuckled and shook his head. "I told you. I'm not mad at you. Even Freya isn't. She's finally free. She's happy.
Of course I was sad, when she died, but -"
"I'm sorry you couldn't tell me.", Arthur interrupted him. Their eyes met. But neither said a word.
Arthur already felt too vulnerable. Which was odd, because it was Merlin's past that had been unraveled. But it made Arthur realize how little he knew about the man he loved.
And how little he deserved that Merlin cared for him so much in return.
Forgave him so much. Risked so much for him. Arthur didn't deserve that, if Merlin couldn't even trust him with this.
Merlin looked at him in shock. But he didn't seem to know for sure what to say or how to respond.
And Arthur didn't know how to explain himself.
The worst part is, Arthur wasn't even sure he would have reacted good enough, comforting enough to deal with Merlin's emotions then.
Merlin probably knew that. Which is why he kept everything to himself.
Merlin would have known how hard vulnerability was for Arthur. Showing that he cared – as Gwaine had made very clear – was not his fortune. And Merlin had respected that. Understood that. And suffered in silence instead.
Arthur felt horrible. 'Did your father ever hug you as a child?', Arthur couldn't remember. Ever since Gwaine had said it, he couldn't. And he wondered why that was. When was someone supposed to give you a hug?
Merlin had wanted to hug him after the troll Catrina incident and Arthur had refused harshly. Because he had been scared and isolated and the entire thing made him remember why his father said, you needed to be absolutely sure before you let someone in.
"Do you need a hug, Merlin?", Arthur asked, before he could stop himself. Merlin blinked in surprise. He didn't look like he needed one.
"You mean, you'd give me one?", Merlin asked. As if that was a legit question. As if Merlin wouldn't hug complete strangers, if they let him.
Arthur contemplated for just a second. Then he took all his courage .... and nodded.
Merlin's eyebrows shot up. "You serious, I mean, are you sure? You never let me -"
Merlin was rambling and Arthur always lost his courage when Merlin was rambling. So he interrupted him.
"Just come over here already.", he rolled his eyes. Trying to paint over the moment with annoyance. But he could feel his own heart beat loudly. And he was scared that Merlin would hear it too, would he strain to listen.
Hesitantly, Merlin moved over, gave Arthur a challenging glance and then he wrapped his arms around Arthur's middle. Arthur, despite everything still surprised, took a moment to notice the cold of Merlin's wet clothes and then realized there was warmth spreading through where they touched.
So he prepared himself and wrapped his arms around Merlin's shoulders too.
He was bad at this.
There was a faint distant between their chests, because Arthur was stiff and Merlin was respecting his distance. But after a while, as Arthur was already about to shove him away, Merlin must have decided that that position wasn't very comfortable and then he sank into Arthur's frame.
Arthur's breath hitched. He had never been this close to anyone before. Not for lack of advances. But Arthur just never.... He never dared to hug someone. Especially, when he felt this vulnerable.
Sure, there had been those love potion induced moments when he kissed some random girl whose name he doesn't even remember.
But that was different. That wasn't closeness. That wasn't warmth.
That wasn't what THIS was.
Arthur was wearing clothes, but he felt naked. He wasn't used to this. And it took everything in him not to push Merlin away. Don't get him wrong. He didn't want to.
But he feared getting too close.
"You're nervous.", Merlin said and only now did Arthur realize that Merlin's ear was just above his heart. Merlin could hear everything.
Arthur's panicked mind cause his heart to skip a beat yet again. 'I can't ruin this, I can't ruin this.', he told himself.
"I'm not.", Arthur obviously denied it. "I'm just not used to...."
"Hugs?", Merlin asked and smirked.
Arthur blushed.
"Sounds like it wasn't me who needed a hug, huh?", Merlin teased. And Arthur, too deep in his vulnerability, couldn't find a good retort to that. Because Merlin was right.
Was that selfish? Did Arthur – yet again – do this for himself and himself only? Did he never do anything good for Merlin?
Arthur's eyes were wide. Yet again, he felt caught. Even though it wasn't his intention.
Merlin blinked, then he leaned back into Arthur, as if he didn't even care.
"No man is worth your tears, Arthur.", Merlin mumbled and breathed into the crook of Arthur's neck.
Arthur blinked and yes... there was a tear rolling down his cheeks.
The hell was that for?
Arthur bit his lips, trying not to get even more emotional. What was he crying for?
From regret, of what he did to Merlin?
From fear, of what he was still doing to Merlin?
Actually, Arthur thought it was none of that. At least... not just.
Arthur was crying because he fucked up as a human being. He couldn't comfort his best friend, because he couldn't even deal with his own emotions. To the point, where his friend couldn't even trust him with his emotions.
He had repressed himself so much, to the point that everything inside himself felt like it was about to burst.
And he felt anger. So much anger at his father for causing it. For never even giving him a stupid hug in his entire life. He was his SON damn it! It was his JOB to show him how to deal with this!
Gwaine was right. Arthur's life was fucked up. And he fucked everyone else up too, because he said hurtful things. Because he did the same thing to them that his father did to himself.
He indoctrinated those stupid words into Merlin's head.
He had told him not to cry, when Balinor had died. Merlin had been open with him and with his feelings and Arthur couldn't deal with it, so he told Merlin to stop. How cruel was that?
Arthur closed his eyes and leaned his head on Merlin's shoulder.
"You are.", he finally managed to respond. And he felt Merlin stiffen, then relax at that answer.
Arthur's tears felt hot in his eyes, on his cold cheeks. And he was sure, Merlin would feel the heat through his clothes, as they fell on them.
Arthur tried not to cry. Tried not to lean in too much. Tried not to sob and quiver.
He didn't succeed. He was shaking, his sobs were quiet, but he held on to Merlin for dear life.
He made no sound. He didn't dare to make a sound.
Merlin didn't say anything through all that. He didn't blame him or teased him, even though a part of Arthur feared he would. Another part kind of wished he would.
But the rest of him was relieved and thankful, that Merlin was just like this. When he needed him most, he was there. Just the way Arthur needed him to be.
Arthur hated, that he couldn't do the same.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Arthur felt awkward, as he finally let go of Merlin. He grabbed for his sword, cleared his throat and felt so god damn cold, that he'd like another excuse to just get a hug.
The cold had returned, but he could still feel every point where Merlin's body had been pressed against him.
"Let's go.", Arthur said, without looking at Merlin. Relying on the trust that Merlin wasn't going to mention this again. Ever. As in... forever.
And when Merlin tripped over nothing again, only moments later and Arthur teased him for it, out of instinct, Merlin responded as insolent as always.
Arthur concealed a sigh of relieve. Things were back to normal.
The cave ended at a narrow passageway. It looked like a dead end. But the glowing runes on it marked the seal that needed to be broken to let them through.
"So... how do you do this? Do you just.... hold the sword up?", Arthur asked, finally and reached out to touch the runes with the tip of the sword.
"I don't know. The runes just say: "Welcome home, Drakonier."", Merlin shrugged.
Arthur blinked.
"How on earth do you know these things?"
"Gaius told me."
"I'm starting to think you are smarter than you look, Merlin.", he offhandedly complimented him.
He didn't compliment Merlin quite enough.
"Was that a compliment?", Merlin grinned and punched him in the shoulder.
"What gave you that idea?"
Yes, definitely back to normal.
"Maybe.... you have to stab it?", Merlin suggested. Arthur frowned, but tried it anyway.
The sword cut right through the barrier. As though it wasn't there at all.
Arthur had an idea.
"Merlin, could you hold the sword for a moment?", Arthur asked and held out the sword for him.
Merlin blinked, then he submitted.
Arthur walked forward to examine the wall. It was solid stone.
"Now give it back.", Arthur ordered and again, Merlin submitted.
With sword in hand, Arthur touched the wall once more. It gave way. His hand vanished behind the wall. No hindrance, no feeling at all. It was like there was nothing even there.
"Okay then.", Arthur took a deep breath. "Merlin, hold on to the sword again."
Merlin nodded and was about to take it out of Arthur's hand, but Arthur's grip was tight.
"I think we have to hold on to this. That should be enough."
Merlin blinked, than understanding rushed over him. "Ah.", he made, as if he had expected something else. The way he looked at the hilt of the sword, where their hands were brushing faintly. "Let's go then.", he smiled that radiant smile that Arthur couldn't live without.
And together, they stepped through the massive wall.
------------------------------------------------------
Back on the ship, the entire crew was in a panic.
Everyone was rushing around, trying to repair the damage on the ship, or searching in the waters for life signs of their prince and his servant.
Leon's headache had returned and he cursed everything and everyone for taking Merlin's magic away from him.
Lancelot was apologizing like crazy, after he realized that killing Arthur would be definitely his fault, as Merlin had never been in the barrel.
Which he had told Arthur Merlin was. Which is why they both stupidly jumped off the ship.
Gwaine was pale as a sheet, because his best friend had jumped off the ship and he had done nothing to protect him. Or stop him.
And there wasn't enough wine left to drown his frustrations.
Elyan was trying to calm down himself, as he was exhausted from shouting orders and trying to manage the direction the ship had been sailing in during a storm that lasted for hours.
They were lucky it didn't last longer.
Percival was busy keeping everyone safe and getting those people out of the water, who had fallen off the ship, but somehow manged to stay close.
He howled wrecks and barrels back on the ship. Which... obviously ... ended in half a dozen love confessions from Gwaine's part.
All in all, the atmosphere was drained.
Only Leon was calm. As calm as one could be with such a giant headache.
It was him ... standing on at the reeling and almost vomiting for the forth time that afternoon .... who saw Freya first.
The lady of the lake swam before him and winked at him, before diving down and swimming in a certain direction.
Leon blinked. 'A siren?', he wondered and didn't move.
Freya seemed to have noticed, because she turned around and waved at him. Leon stared at her tiredly. Was that all? No singing? No waging her tail to lure him in?
Not that Leon was ever affected by such things. But magic was magic. And brainwashing was brainwashing.
He didn't doubt for a second, that a love potion would work on him as well.
Leon had lived through a lot of things to be certain of that. If Arthur could fall in love with Princess Vivian of all people, even though she was everything Arthur disliked, then Leon could fall in love with a fish, given the right potions and magic tricks.
Freya sighed. Then she whispered something and blew it in Leon's direction.
Within a second, Leon's mind cleared. His eyes shot up. What kind of magic was that now?
What did that do? Did it make him want to follow her?
There was a voice inside his head that was no longer hurting. "Merlin and Arthur are safe.", the voice said kindly.
"They have arrived at the island. If you want to get to them, follow me."
Now if that wasn't a shady way to manipulate people, Leon didn't know either. But they were about a dozen knights on this ship. Armed.
They may struggle with dragons. But they could fight a couple of mermaids, couldn't they?
Actually... Leon doubted that.
Yet, he wanted to know what she wanted.
"Elyan. Set course north west. I think we might be closer to the island than we thought."
The entire crew startled at Leon's sudden order.
But who were they to question the man that Arthur himself had given authority to.
"What about Arthur? Shouldn't we send someone back to the king to inform him of his...", Elyan's worried voice faded out.
"Arthur is a warrior. And he's got Merlin. They'll be fine. I'm certain."
He wasn't certain. But pretending he was, gave the other knights hope. It gave THEM certainty.
"Aye aye, Sir.", Elyan finally joked and turned the ship around.
Leon sighed, as he watched where the woman swam. She stopped occasionally, waiting for them to follow. She seemed patient.
Leon frowned. Hmm... she looked familiar too.
Hadn't he seen her in a cage once?