126. This Is Me Trying (10/29/20)

"And in second place...Carolina Gomez!"

Her stomach sank to the floor. Next to her, her dance partner was congratulating her and trying to go in for the hug, but she would not allow it. Then, when she remembered that she was on live television, she planted the fakest grin on her face, trying to inconspicuously glare at the winner, Margo Deville. Who, Carolina liked to point out, had never earned a perfect score on the show; but thanks to the viewer votes, had somehow won the television dancing competition It's Time to Dance.

Carolina and her dance partner, Sasha, were escorted offstage so the host and judges could ask Margo questions and congratulate her.

"You did a great job," Sasha whispered to her, even though she was clearly on the verge of tears. "I'm glad you were my dance partner."

Carolina swallowed the lump in her throat before glancing up at him. "It's not good to lie, Sasha. Gives you wrinkles."

Sasha and Carolina had not gotten along during their two month stint on It's Time to Dance. Part of it had to do with the fact that Sasha had won last season, and was fully expecting to take home the trophy again this year. These high expectations didn't help Carolina, who was already being pressured by her parents to appear on the show. She liked dancing, sure, but had never felt a fondness for reality television. When she signed the contract, she promised herself she would try her best and not turn into a diva. But, her parents learned that the more Carolina acted up, the more screen time she received.

There was one other factor that was digging at Carolina's mind, but she couldn't begin to digest it. It was her one kept secret, and the key to winning the show, but even that had not worked out.

Sasha and her parted ways, playing nice for the cameras who were hoping to talk to Carolina before the celebratory after party. With a flick of her wrist, she shooed the cameramen away and searched for solace in her dressing room. Her parents, who sat in the audience during the episodes, would find her in a few minutes. She needed that time to unwind.

On the clothing rack was a black dress bag. When Carolina unzipped it, she found a sparkly red dress fit for the after party. A part of her didn't want to attend, but she knew she needed to show face, or else everyone would start to suspect something.

Carolina began to change into the gown before she heard a knocking at her door. If it was her parents, they would've barged right in, so she knew it was someone else. She returned the dress to the clothing rack and cracked open the door.

On the other side of the door was Jack Armstrong, the charming and charismatic host of the show. He gave Carolina a small smile before whispering, "Can I come in?"

"My parents are on their way," she replied through the small crack in the door.

"The cameras are on them." There were two things her parents loved in this world: her success and attention. Her mother could be talking to the cameramen for a full twenty minutes, which was the perfect amount of time for Carolina and Jack.

She opened the door just wide enough for Jack to walk inside. The dressing room only had enough room for a closet, dressing rack, and vanity. Carolina took a seat on the vanity, meeting Jack's eyes.

"I'm sorry you didn't win," he said, placing his hands on her bare arms. "I was sure you were going to win."

A single tear fell down Carolina's face. "It's...it's fine. I think my parents will be more upset than me."

When Jack didn't say anything, Carolina felt the words tumble out of her mouth and fall onto the floor. "I really tried, you know? I really wanted to win. But...there was all this pressure from Sasha and my parents, I just couldn't focus on the routines. The judges' criticisms went through one ear and out the other. I couldn't even improve."

"Your dances were great," Jack whispered, but his words did not make her feel any better.

When Carolina started talking again, her voice came out cracked, and her eyes welled with tears. "I never even wanted to come on this show. I just wanted to keep dancing, but my parents...they thought it would help me. The show just made me look like a spoiled brat."

"You believe that?" Jack was referring to the online bullying Carolina had suffered during her time on the show. The press believed she was a spoiled brat who always got what she wanted in life. It didn't help that they had proof, including multiple backstage temper tantrums that were mostly started because of Carolina's high stress levels.

"I think I'm gonna take a break from dancing." Carolina hopped off the vanity and walked towards the door, away from Jack. "I think I wanna go to college, or at least somewhere without my parents." She turned around to look him in the eye. "And that means leaving you."

Jack did not acknowledge the age difference between them, or the fact that he had a fiancée. Instead, he said, "We can still keep in touch."

"No, we can't. You...you remind me of everything that happened here." All of Carolina's memories of Jack were linked to the show. They had met while filming, and sometime throughout filming she had fallen a little bit in love with him. But whenever she thought about their time together, all the memories of the show flooded back into her brain. The first night they spent together was the time she received her lowest score, and had been yelled at by her parents following the episode. Her and Jack usually met at night, and they would discuss the day's episode before climbing into bed. Everything she remembered about Jack was connected to the show. Not to mention the fact that he was disgustingly older than her and engaged.

Carolina glanced at him over her shoulder. "Goodbye, Jack."

Before she left, she grabbed the red dress and her bag. It surprised no one that Carolina had not been present at the after party. Instead, she was on a bus driving to San Diego, not knowing what the future held.