38. Don't You (4/23/21)

If it was up to Cara, she would stay in bed all day. Maybe she would get up and make some food, but then she would climb back into bed and watch television.

Instead, it was Easter morning, and her mother and father were forcing her to go to church, even though she was technically eighteen and could make her own decisions. It didn't seem right to her; she was two months away from graduating, and then she would never have to see Sam again.

Sam was a boy she had met while helping with Vacation Bible School last summer. They were the two group leaders for the four and five year olds. The two tried to flirt while also watching the kids and making sure they could make the ark from the Noah story. Then, when all was said and done, Cara found herself falling for Sam. And she fell hard.

He consumed her thoughts. When the kids left Vacation Bible School and the other volunteers were helping to clean up the different stations, Cara and Sam would sneak away to the room saved for weddings. It was where the bride would get ready with her bridesmaids; Cara tried not to think about the symbolism of the location.

They would sit on the green upholstered couch and talk about school and future plans. Senior year was looming, and Cara had no idea what she wanted to do after graduation. Sam was torn on which business field he wanted to enter, and in a particular moment of vulnerability, he shared with Cara that he actually wanted to be a director and make movies, but his parents thought his dreams were hopeless. They didn't want him moving to Los Angeles and then crawling back to them a few weeks later when it all fell apart.

Now, Cara only had the memories of her relationship with Sam. She wasn't even sure if she could call it a relationship or not. It was merely a summer fling, but not the kind that they make movies about. Instead, Sam moved on once school started and acted like Cara didn't even exist. He was seeing a different girl every week, and Cara knew the truth; she was just another girl in his game, a pawn he could play with. Her feelings were game pieces, and he was the player.

Cara hadn't feared going to church on the other Sundays. She had dreaded it, but she knew Sam wouldn't show face. His family had slowly become one of those families that only came to church on Easter and Christmas. Gone was the boy who had helped with Vacation Bible School and kissed her in the wedding room.

Despite her growing feelings, her mother knocked on her door and said, "We're leaving soon, sweetie. Please get ready."

Cara rolled over in her bed and saw the light pink dress covered in flowers hanging from her doorknob. It bunched at the bottom where the dress hit the floor. At least she would look nice when she inevitably saw Sam.

Once she was dressed and done up with hairspray and makeup, she followed her mother and father to the car. The church was fifteen minutes away, but it felt like Cara was walking to her death. She cracked open her window to let some air in. Her parents were oblivious to what was going on; she had never told them about the summer fling, and they had never asked. If someone brought up Sam Hader, her parents would nod and coo, "Oh, what a nice boy!" They couldn't be more wrong.

The car pulled into the church parking lot, and Cara saw her heart sitting on the floor in front of her. She took a few shaky breaths before grabbing her clutch and following her parents inside.

Cara tried to appear invisible, but then she remembered that she and her parents were church regulars and everyone knew their names. The kind old ladies commented on how nice Cara looked today, the old man who couldn't see asked Cara what the Easter Bunny had brought her, and the pastor asked if she would help with communion. She respectfully declined and advised him to ask some of the younger kids, who were always eager to help. A few families flocked about in the vestibule, greeting Cara and her parents. Maybe he wouldn't show up after all. A small boy who she had taught at Vacation Bible School asked for a hug. When Cara rose to her full height after hugging the boy, she looked into the church and saw Sam watching her. Next to him was a girl with dark brown hair and rosy lips. He had his arm around her.

She felt like she was going to be sick, but there was no stopping now. Everyone was filing into the church and finding their seats; fortunately, her parents liked to sit on the other side of the room from where Sam and his new girl were sitting. Cara kept her eyes on him and saw his parents and younger sister join the happy couple. For a moment, Cara wondered if the girl was his cousin; then they were kissing and laughing, and she realized the truth.

The church service was quiet, with many references to Jesus' resurrection. Cara couldn't help but glance at Sam whenever she zoned out (which was a lot). He used to put his arm around her shoulder. He would whisper a funny joke about the pastor into her ear, and she would laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world.

The service ended an hour later, and Cara excused herself to use the bathroom, which just so happened to be next to the wedding room. Flocks of families left early, claiming that they were off to visit extended family members and celebrate Easter with egg hunts and candy.

When Cara left, she couldn't help but notice the brunette girl that Sam was with leaving the wedding room in a huff. Her hair was messy and mussed. Her brain started working overtime, wondering what could have happened.

Everything in her body was telling her not to open the door and see him. She could have easily turned around and went home with her parents. But there was another force controlling her, and in a split second, she was opening the door to the wedding room.

Sam was sitting on the green upholstered couch, a familiar sight. He had his face in his hands. When she shut the door behind her, Sam looked up and said, "Cara. What are you doing here?"

She decided to lie. "Sorry, I didn't realize anyone was in here."

He sniffed, as if he had been crying, and said, "You can sit down if you want."

Cara shouldn't have done it, but she did anyway. The memories filled her mind of last summer, sneaking away with him to kiss in the wedding room, hoping no one would walk in. Now, things were in a disarray, and her feelings were splattered on the carpet floor.

"I figured I would see you today," she whispered, but didn't expect him to respond.

"It's been awhile." He chuckled, but there was nothing funny about it.

Then, in an instant, he was taking her by the hand and kissing her on the cheek. Her brain flooded with memories and feelings, feelings of relief and misery, regret and sorrow. All she could picture was Sam ignoring her in the hallways at school, and then placing his arm around some other girl's shoulder.

Finally, Cara regained control and pushed Sam off of her. Tears pierced her eyes as she spit, "Don't do that! How dare you!"

"I thought you wanted it," he mumbled. She could tell he was trying to be the victim, but it would not work on her. Not this time.

"Go to hell, Sam," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat like a piece of Easter candy. She left the green upholstered couch and Sam in the wedding room, and swore she would never see him again.