Troye's POV

"Okay, just hold the camera like that..." Connor directed, gently taking my arm and guiding me to find the perfect angle. We were out to film for my first YouTube video and I was extremely nervous. Even though everyone had claimed that no matter what I put up the fans would love it I felt the need to make sure everything was perfect. But on the other hand, for the first time in forever, I wasn't simply just doing something for my label name or my viewers. I was finally doing something for myself. Something that I genuinely wanted to do and work hard on, not because I had to. "Right just move slowly to the right so that you capture the scenery. Remember to move slowly and steadily. " Cautiously I eased my body on to the small cart, moving at a boringly slow pace but through the lenses I could already tell that no matter what happens this will and already is a brilliant first shot.

The beautiful wild flowers a seemingly never-ending field of vibrant reds, yellows, and orange drifts by me in a wave as Connor slowly starts to push the cart I'm standing on. Panic rises in my chest as I felt my feet sway from the steadily growing pace of the cart. "Wait Con! Stop!" I blurted immediately feeling my heart drop. I talked. "Awe shit, now we have to re-film it..." A small pout wormed its way onto my lips as I stopped the camera disheartened by the small panicked voice shouting from the tiny microphones on the sides of the heavy camera; gazing forlornly down at the short clip.

"No you don't," Connor giggled clutching his stomach as snorts of laughter escaped his lips. "There's something called editing, babe."

"Oh," I sighed pursing my lips feeling slightly stupid as I carefully set down the camera knowing Connor was watching my every move. They seriously weren't lying when they said that Connor was almost as protective of his cameras as he's with his cats. "We should probably start heading back soon, I want to edit this!"

"Alright," he smiled an adoring look decorating his thin lips as we slowly packed up the tripods and cameras making casual small talk.

Connor makes me feel safe and loved, but not in that way. Not the way that drives me wild and pulls me far from ease, but instead its a calming fire like a happy little pill after a long day at work. He's so different from all the other boys I've been with, he's never pressuring or overwhelmingly clingy. He's always there for me when I need him sometimes I can't help but wonder if I even deserve his friendship. For the longest time I've tried to convince myself that I was in love but in reality I didn't bother keeping love around because I was so scared of getting hurt. Hypocritical right? Considering everything that I did to Tyler and all the boys I left after a one night stand. I never thought I would be the person I am today. Fucking people to erase my hurt. Using others for my own reasons. Breaking others apart to mend my own broken heart.

"Hey Troye? You might want to take a look at this," Connor spoke suddenly peeling his eyes from his phone.

"What?" I made my way over to him swinging my arm cheerily as the heavy camera dangled around my neck.

Fingers shaking Connor opened up his text messages and tilted the screen to me so we could both see. On the screen was a conversation between Connor and someone called titled under 'Matty Cakes </3".

"From Matt:

Where are you? Come back so I can fuck you senseless bby ;)"

I tore my eyes away from the screen, "um Con, should I be reading this? It seems to be a little personal..." my voice drifted off as the conversation refreshed itself and a new row of message appeared except this time it was 'Connor' typing.

"I'll be home soon, I was with Korey."

The chat box kept on refreshing itself and the conversation went on. But the more I read the more confused I got. It didn't seem like Connor to be having such an explicit conversation, much less openly showing it to a friend. But the names mentioned in the conversation sparked a distant memory. Matt. Korey. Truth or Dare.

"Who's Matt?" I asked cautiously as 'Connor' replied again in the conversation crossing my fingers behind my back, silently begging that it isn't actually him. That what I'm envisioning in my mind is nothing but a proof less nightmare.

"Tyler's ex."

I frowned feeling my insides turn to ice, reaching for the phone. "Can I see?" Pressing the home button I was once more returned to Connor's familiar home screen with the wallpaper of a very tumblr photograph of his book and filled with all sorts of editing apps and social medias. "Why are you texting Tyler's ex?"

"I'm not! The last time I talked to Tyler was when he threw the shit fit and stormed out on us! Lord knows the last time I talked to that dick of a boyfriend who ruined him!"

"Then why are you getting these messages?" I probed scrolling through his contacts my eyes taking in everything on the screen.

"Wait, check my Apple ID," he ordered urgently. Moving to settings my fingers flying across the screen as I went, I scrolled through the numerous features that no one really bothered using and entered into his account. Except it wasn't his. On the little box beneath iMessage it stated clearly as "Tyler Oakley." Worry flooded me as new messages came through each more explicit then the last until they were basically fucking each other over text.

"Connor why do you have Tyler's stuff on your phone?" I managed to get out feeling as if someone had kicked me in the guts. One last shred of hope. One last straw of sanity to prove that Tyler is home safely tucked away in bed with a cup of half drunk coffee on his bed side table and his phone plugged in.

"I-I think it was because he forgot his phone that one time we were challenged to trade phones for a day and needed to talk to someone or whatever and never ended up logging out. I don't use text message often as you know so I mustn't have noticed until now."

"But... why in hell is he with Matthew again? If all you said was true?"

••O••

"We need to go to LA now!" I screamed my voice breaking as angry tears formed in the back of my eyes. "Are you telling me that you're just gonna sit here and wait for Tyler to come to us for help? You know he's not like that! It would be the last thing he did to reach out and touch! He needs someone. Someone to look out for him because clearly he's blind and empty."

"Korey will take care of him." Zoe deadpanned her eyes wild but her voice faking confidence. "He will be okay."

"Well clearly Korey isn't doing a very good job as a friend!"

"He's Tyler's best friend." Zoe said slowly her face grave with worry. "He's going to take care of Ty."

I flinched at the term. That was once my position. My title. My crown that I wore so proudly. The name that I didn't deserve. Because guess what? I was a shitty best friend and I let him down. I gave everything away for this fake happiness.

"Zoe." I growled feeling spikes of hurt shoot through my heart as I stepped forward clutching her small hand in my own. I knelt down before her so that our eyes met and we were level. "I think I love him."

••O••

Hallo,

I'm literally laughing at how i haven't updated in like ages lmfao. remember the days when i used to update like everyday? lol. not happening.

this is so short I'm so sorry omg...

i think I'm gonna post a chapter where its just me giving u guys all the little snippets that never made it into the fic or things that were changed as I typed it out. For example... troye wasn't supposed to say the last 5 words in this chapter.................... but i don't want to change it because i think its fitting so you're gonna have to suck it up.

the frigging snapchat update lmfao, how do i puke rainbows?! i want to puke rainbows and promo cry baby.

and to the ppl irl wtf u doing.

i can't even write my smut scenes without cringing now. asjkdhadskhjhjkasdadshkj. but wutever you do you and I seriously hope that the next five years isn't gonna be extremely cringe worthy...asdjhgasjdk.

fuck.

k bye, go read Stolen Seconds, vote for le trash on Troyler Fanfic Awards cause I got nominated for some reason?! haha.

i love you all so so so much hope you have a good day, week, month, year, life whatever.

you're whalecum gotta zayn and plz remember that you are amazLOUIS.

i also SUGGest that you go buy Username: Evie.

haha,

xx

kelly.