"Underneath the echoes
Buried in the shadows
There you were

Drawn into your mystery
I was just beginning
To see your ghost
But you must know

I'll be here waiting
Hoping, praying that
This light will guide you home
When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love
Hidden in the sun
For when the darkness comes"

When Darkness Comes - From the Mortal Instruments City of Bones soundtrack.

By Colbie Caillat

(a/n - this chapter is going to contain a lot of lyrics and song references. Hopefully it will all make sense to you all.)

••O••

Tyler's POV

"I just don't know what to do anymore!" I wail clutching my head clawing at my hair, gripping the ends so hard that it feels like I'm ripping it out. "I feel like every time I see him despite my promise in trying my hardest to accept him in my life once more, it feels like I'm drowning. I'm only human and I fall down. I'm only human and I crash and I break down."

"Then why are you crying over him?" Niomi whispers wrapping her arms around herself, shivering in the slight breeze.

"I don't know..." I murmur staring down at my feet, scuffing the dirt floating like swirling ribbons of dust dancing around my legs. "I just can't seem to forget about him."

"Do you love him?"

A dog barks in the distance as thoughts rips through my mind and the faint scent of Niomi's body spray flitters off her mingling together with the musty scent of the forest on either side of us. Do I love him? Can I love him even through all the things he's done to me? Should I love him?

"I do."

Suddenly a scream fills the air and I spin around wide eyed. A figure bolts towards us like a frieght train. That's when I recognize the familiar mop of brown curls and sparkling blue eyes hooded beneath a mixture of unreadable emotions. "Tyler." He pants but my mind is already gone on racing, on a horse that's escaping as his lips move forming words that I will never hear.

"What do you want." I snap when he finishes feeling my body stiffen and eyes glaze over, masking away my broken heart and the confession that I just made moments before. "Why are you even here? Don't you have a boyfriend waiting for you back there? What do I even matter to you anyway."

His eyes widen in shock as the words sink in, "n-no! He's not-" my hand flies forward with a sharp snap and whips across his left cheek.

"Shut. Up." I scream feeling my heart snap in half at the red mark I left on his flawless skin. "You NEVER cared about me. All you cared about was fame. I can't help what's wrong, you've found your light, wherever we were lost, you've returned from but I have not been found. So go on, because I never want to see you again." I spin away running from the pair and the secrets I left behind with the feeling of utter betrayal and regret filling the void in my broken heart. And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small. Through I try, to resist, I still want it all.

••O••

Troye's POV

"Niomi please," I begg gripping her small hands in my own "what did he say?" She shook her head giving me a small, sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry Troye, you have to ask Tyler yourself. It's not my place to tell you."

My head drooped in defeat. I ruined everything. I was such a fool. Feet dragging I turned away from her and started to walk back the way I came feeling nothing but the feeling of regret and emptiness.

"Troye, everything will come around eventually."

Liar.

••O••

"We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

  Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"

I scream the lyrics into the microphone as Emma and Sam watches me with identical frowns decorating their lips.

"Okay, uh, stop. STOP." Sam puts up his hand hopping onto the stage and grabbing my hand, "mate, what's going on? You show up here at one in the morning and start singing Rick Astley."

"There is nothing wrong."

"We didn't ask you if there was something wrong we asked you what's going on." Emma said eyeing me warily. "What happened Troye? I thought we planned the rehearsals tomorrow?"

"It is tomorrow." I retort angrily shaking Sam off of me disgusted by his touch.

"We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see"

The mic is suddenly snatched from my grip and I glare at the two feeling rage pooling in my stomach.

"Give it back!" I growl reaching for the mic. "I have a show tomorrow. I have over 300 thousand people attending including those filthy rats watching my every move and friends watching. Are you trying to tell me that I can't rehearse when ever I want to?"

"You aren't rehearsing!" Emma snaps her words biting and sharp. "You're fucking wailing into the microphone like a dying narwhale. If you sing that song people are going to think you're rickrolling them."

"THAT SONG IS MORE THAN AN INTERNET JOKE. IT IS A LEGEND, AND I'M GOING TO SING IT." I scream back feeling frustration boiling in my veins.

"Troye, yes you can sing that, it's your concert after all but people are coming to hear your songs not covers." Sam says levely trying to calm us down.

"You guys have always told me that they will support anything I do."

They shared a look of pure defeat. "Troye come on," Emma said rubbing the spot above her right brow, smudging her make up. "It's getting late, and you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. Let's get you to the hotel and you can sleep it off. Tomorrow is a new day. You can practice then."

Ignoring them I jab my fingers against the touch screen scrolling through song after song until I found the one I was looking for.

"I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I'm only human"

"TROYE!" Emma marches onto the stage her stiletto heels clacking against the stage floor making hollow clicks against the boards as she makes her way to me clearly fuming at my stubbornness and refusing to comply. "Come on!" She yanked at my arms pulling me forcefully off of the stage. But I keep singing - or like she likes to say 'wailing like a dying hyena.'

  "But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human"

The microphone drops to the floor with a loud clatter as she shoves me down the stage stumbling.

"I am only human."

••O••

"Start the car." She snaps at a shocked Steven who hurries to stuff his newspaper away and vering the engines of the new company car. Emma, and Steven follows me everywhere around the world especially Emma. But never before has something like this ever happened. Sure they've seen me at some of my weakest points from stumbling drunk out of a party and puking all over the seats to sobbing when Nick cheated on me all those years ago. But never have I ever thrown a tantrum over leaving the studio early, if anything it would be me begging to leave.

"What the hell has gotten into you Troye?" Emma yells gripping my chin so that I was forced to look at her.

Suddenly it's like a dam broke inside of me and tears started pooling down my face soaking my already sweat stained shirt. "Oh baby," she murmured her gaze immediately softening as she wrapped me tightly in a hug clutching me to her chest. "I'm so, so, so sorry..." I sniffled against her blouse feeling pathetic and extremely small in this great big world.

"I never want you to get hurt," she whispered into my neck softly rubbing circles into my side. Emma and Steven were like my on-the-road parents. They were always there for me despite how naggy and annoying they could be.

A sob ripped from my chest as I curled into Emma's arms like a small child and clutched at her sniffling. "Emma am I a failure?" I whispered hiccuping as I spoke, shivering despite being dressed warmly.

"No, no, no, you are anything but a failure." She murmured squeezing me tighter, "you are so brave, so strong, so kind..."

I shook my head shuddering pathetically. "I-I'm not... I'm broken, I'm so e-empty.. I keep doing this because I made such a stupid choice... but I-I thought if I had to lose the most im-important thing to me, t-then I should at least, m-make the most out of the second."

A hush fell over the car but a familiar tinkling piano intro flittered into my ears.

  "Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer"

I sobbed, shaking to the core as my old lullaby wrapped it's wings around my frail body, picking me up and soaring away. But this time, it's not elation that conceives me - it's fear. Because I know, deep inside I might have lost him forever.

  "I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more"

It seems to be that one step closer is still a thousand away from my final destination.

••O••

" I FUCKING HATE YOU!" I scream at Simon, my body shaking with sobs as I collapsed in front of his leather clad feet. "I lost everything because of you..."

"Get up." He ordered reaching down and gripping my shoulders in an iron grip yanking me to my feet. I screamed in pain as I felt my arm twist behind my back and a blood chilling crack filled the air. "You are beyond lucky. If it wasn't for the fact that I liked you, you would be on the streets begging me for another chance. Now go, you filthy scum before I regret my choices and throw you out." Simon's fingers dug into my arm making me open my mouth in a silent scream as I felt my flesh rippling beneath his fingers.

Blood dripped onto the white carpet making dark pools like thousands of mocking eyes staring at me, laughing at me...

I snapped out of the nightmare screaming with my shirt clinging to me from the cold sweat I broke into each time that horrid memory resurfaced in my mind. My heart still pounding I peeled the soiled shirt off over my head and left it in a heap by the foot of the bed. Fumbling around for my phone I found it placed carefully on the small wooden dresser. The screen lit up in a bright glare as I squinted my eyes to make out the thousands of notifications flashing, waiting for me. There were at least 80 text messages and 15 missed calls as well as 3 voice mails. Most of them were from Zoe and Connor asking me where I went and if everything was okay. Ignoring them, I opened Emma's text first to see a short, sweet message telling me that she and Steven were in the room across from mine and to call her if I needed anything. 7:30 am the clock said, indicating that I had less than an hour to get dressed and make it back to the car so that I could go to the auditorium for rehearsals with all my backup dancers and meet my opening acts. As well as seeing them again. Is he going to be there too?

I hope so, though I'm not sure why. It's not like he wants to see me very much does he?

••O•• 

A/N

*casually waits for chapter ten to reach 100 reads so I can publish this.*

*CASUALLY PAN!C AT THE DISCO BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND SOMEONE TO EDIT MY CRAPPY FICS*

Dedicating this part to MariahLino IF YALL DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD THEN YA GOTTA BELIEVE IN ANGELS. AND IMMA TELL YOU THIS GIRL IS AN ANGEL. (though at times she can be one of satan's spawn... jk :)) go read her stories because i'm literally in love with them. HOPE YOU START UPDATING THEM AGAIN MARIAH, ILYSM.

I wrote this listening to "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri, "Try"and "When the Darkness Comes" by Colbie Caillat. I know most people won't use the soundcloud link so here's a list of songs I'm currently obsessing over/ thinks fits very well with the story. (and have made a shit load of references to)

Human - Christina Perri

Try - Colbie Caillat

When The Darkness Comes - Colbie Caillat

Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra

Heart by Heart - Demi Lovato

ILYSB - LANY (Tronnor anthem)

Don't Wait - Mapei (Troyler anthem)

Someone Like You - Adel

Okay, im gonna go write chapter 12 while I wait lol.

hope you have a good day, week, month, year, life whatever.

xx,

kelly