Troye's POV

I watched with an amused smile as the YouTube Boyband ran off stage, all five boys flushed from nerves and cheeks bright pink with happiness and excitement. They all made their way to me, eyes shinning with pride as waves of adeline rolled off them. I wasn't surprised at the outstanding reaction the massive crowd gathered just beyond the thin walls gave to them, and I couldn't be more happy at the adjustments I'd made last minute. These boys really do deserve a stage of their own one day.

"That was amazing!" Joe squeaked clasping his face between his hands like a little boy, still numb with shock and exhilaration. "Thank you so much mate," he beamed at me seemingly awe struck. "You'll love the crowd, they're insane!" I laughed cheerily, though my heart seemed to sink into my stomach with dread. The bundle of anticipation mixed with fear twisting at my chest never ceased to make an occurrence each time I waited to enter. But this time things were different. For this last concert, I designed my own performance order, choosing to not follow the practiced list my management wanted me to do, instead creating something out of thin air. All of a sudden, it seemed that just yesterday I  could do it again. Waltz on stage and stomp out every trace of hard work other artists left in impression to the judges before me. But back then I had someone out there to stabilize me. Someone to keep me calm when I'd have a panic attack. Someone in the crowd who I wanted to hear these words and understand these lyrics on a personal level. I guess you could say that still it's the same person ten years ago, and will still be the same person ten years from today. It will always be him. Forever and always, Tyler Oakley. 

Though now, circumstances seemed to have changed drastically. Last time I prayed that he might be watching on TV back home, a slight trace of belief that he'd be out there cheering me on. But now I know with a sinking realization with each time I ring up security, asking if he came. Begging to know if he would show up in time. But I know my hopes are so high I must keep them small. Though I try to resist I still want him after this all.

By now as the crowd starts chanting to the countdown I know for sure I've lost him, and I don't even know why except a burning determination to prove him wrong. To prove that I cared despite leaving him all those years ago. But the one time I need him out there most, he's not there listening, and as the realization hit me, it just about broke me. Because I did the same to him ten years ago.

Taking a deep breath I plastered on a smile, pushing down the panic and fiddling idly at the two string bracelets barely held together around my wrist. Stepping forward I walked into the metal gate that would lower me onto the stage and took in my surrounding. Beyond the bars I could barely make out the blinding light and tinny dots of my awaiting audience, but behind me stands all my friends and closest companions. An aching spot in my chest blossoms at the reminder that the one person I need is not here. Just like I wasn't for him all those years ago. The metal elevator starts rumbling and I turn back around gritting my teeth, but somehow in the last moments before I see my people and in the final seconds of security I find ease in the fact that for some reason I know he's out there listening. He takes my breath away each time knowing I'm bound to choke, and strangely, I'm okay with it.

••O•• 

"Good evening Londooonn!" I scream into the microphone as the crowd roars eagerly. "Thank you so much for coming out to see us today. It's a pleasure and an honour to stand up here tonight! So come on London, can we get a beat going!" The members of Pentatonix appear behind me as the smoke clears and music swells beneath my feet. The stage rumbling from the beat and heavy breathing of the vast ocean of people surrounding us on all sides. The familiar rush of adrenaline pounds through my veins as the first note is sung, thus propelling me a world with just me and my music.

••O•• 

Tyler's POV

Somehow I find myself standing in line waiting to be admitted to the show. I didn't want to come at first, but on impulse when I heard two girls chattering excitedly in the hotel lobby about Troye's concert I hailed a taxi and now here I am hiding beneath my hood begging not to be noticed. If they admitted me into the show then I'd go, but if they didn't I wouldn't force it. It's kind of like my own way of asking myself if I wanted to stay or go.

When I finally reach the front of the line the concert had already started fifteen minutes ago and excited screams could be heard from inside. The security at the gates were so tight I felt as if I were back at the Whitehouse to meet the President. It's actually hilarious to think that I'm going to my best friend's concert after I had technically un-invited myself.

"Hi," I said stepping to the counter pulling off my hood suddenly feeling extremely naked as gasps from the remaining people inline are heard all around me. "I'm Tyler, Troye's friend?"

The lady holding the ticket scanner seems to look taken aback as she blinks rapidly whipping out a walkie talkie speaking frantically into it. "He's here! Tell the boy!" The device crackled with static and a male voice with a thick accent spoke back. "Mr. Sivan is going on stage in five minutes by the time we get someone there he'll already be onstage. But send the boy in." The woman cursed under her breath before leading me in calling out to another man to take her place.

"Um," I asked my voice barely heard above the pounding base as we stepped into the arena. "Do I have a designated seat or anything I need to be aware of?"

"Ah!" She chirped, "first off, I'm a huge fan of yours and my name is Ashley. Troye requested for you and all your friends to have a box on the second floor so I'm taking you there right now. He'll be so pleased to know that you're here at last."

I blinked stupidly as she spoke feeling my head already start to throb from the overwhelming noise. Ashley led me into the box and immediately Zoe shot up noticing me despite the flashing lights and ear drums shattering noise, immediately bolting to my side. "Oh my god Tyler!" She screamed hugging me. "We were so worried, so, so, worried." I patted her head awkwardly as she swayed in my arms. Coughing nervously I allowed her lead me to our friends. "I'm sorry Zo, I shouldn't have yelled at you." She laughed, squeezing my arm affectionately. "You're forgiven silly Tilly." I gulped nervously, "w-what did you just call me?"

She studied me with an weird expression on her face as if she were trying to analyze who I was. "Um, Tilly. Troye calls you that, so I thought it was mutual." 

"Please don't tell him I came tonight Zoe," I begged her, "I don't want him to know that I'm here. I don't want to see him." She huffed in exasperation, "Tyler," A warning tone seeped into her voice. We were almost shouting at each other despite being so close together, "don't be an idiot. You've been tweeting each other non stop the past month, it would be ridiculously suspicious if everything just stopped. People are expecting you to be here tonight."

I opened my mouth to reply but right that instant the count down began and shrieks of excitement filled my ears in a deafeningly increasing volume. Shaking my head I turned away. It was most likely the last night before everything was going to be changed, and I might as well make the most of it. I mean, why the fuck not?

••O••

"Thank you LONDON!" Troye yelled into the microphone his image enlarged on a huge LED screen so we could see small beads of sweat collecting on his hairline and the rapid rise and fall of his chest beneath his black graphic tee. "But before I go today, I would like to dedicate this last song to a very special person." A hush fell in our little box as everyone strained to hear his every word, not wanting to miss out on anything. "I don't know if he's here tonight, and I sure as hell don't know what we are but," by now no ones eyes were focused on Troye, instead they were all staring me as I felt myself becoming light headed as he went on. Please don't say my name, please don't say my name. I chanted in my head my hands shaking nervously in my lap. "I want to dedicate this to him, because I want him to know that he will always be my choice. And that I'm sorry. So, if you know this song, I invite every single one of you to sing it with me."

The crowd wailed and shrieks of Troyler bounced around but I felt as if I were floating away. Ohh my god this was a terrible idea. Why the fuck did I ever think that something good could come out of this. I squeezed my eyes shut feeling sick to my stomach as he began to sing the first note.

"The sun goes down the stars come out," my eyes shot open in confusion. What? Of all songs he had to choose this one?! "And all that counts is here and now..." Violent flashbacks flicker to life as I watch younger versions of ourselves singing the lyrics at the top of our lungs, swaying back and forth in the warm midday sun. Warm cookies and chocolate chips melting on our tongues as we chase them down with cold milk, only thinking about shoving as many down our mouths before his mom came in the kitchen to scold us. "My universe will never be the same I'm glad you came, I'm glad you came."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched him in my bitter sweet memories clutching my hand in his own as we counted down from three before jumping off the jetty and into the crisp ocean water below. I watched him teach me how to play the piano and how I eventually got distracted by Jagga and hid in the closet with her after he went to the washroom. I remember us getting rainbow cake batter splattered all over my kitchen floor and ceiling. I remember everything, but why did he have to remind me of the beautiful past that we can never have back. Why remind me of the future that we can never have together despite how hard we try. There is no way we can every connect our past and future together seamlessly. I sobbed into my hands silently, shoulders shaking as the song went on. For once no one bothered to ask me if I was okay, no one tried to talk to me. Perhaps they didn't notice, perhaps they don't care. But I was grateful nonetheless. No one could help me but myself. I learned that from the many years I tried to live with his presence still haunting my life. His pictures still living in my phone. But now I know. To be able to stand up tall once more, I must learn to forget him once and for all. 

Running out of the box the heavy door crashing shut behind me I bolt outside blinded by tears. Hailing a taxi and I headed straight for the airport. My luggage could wait, my goodbyes could wait. Hell my life could wait, but for all I knew I had to get out of here at once, just like I did so many years ago. Heading off to San Fransisco because I knew that there I could finally have a chance in starting fresh. But little did I know he would come back into my life only to tear down my barriers and hurt me even more. I made the mistake once, I won't make it again. Fuck the press and everyone trying to pry into my life. I'm doing the right thing in getting rid of any lingering feelings I have left for him. And I will do that right now by starting with a new man.

"My universe will never be the same, I'm glad you came... 

I'm glad you came."

••O••

a/n

hey guys, your support and love is absolutely incredible and I can't begin to thank you enough. Especially to Mandy and Mariah, you are both two of the most incredible angels I could have had the opportunity to talk to. 

i'm feeling much better now so thank you so much to everyone that came to check up on me. I'd love to dedicate this chapter to wallflowerswriting Julia, Joe, my beautiful binch queen and best friend. I love you to no extent and nothing will ever change that. You mean the absolute world to me and i love receiving your texts right after I post a chapter telling me how much you support me. This crazy ass chapter is dedicated to you because out of everyone i know you can give me the best advice and guess what? i listened to you. for the past few days i've been itching to post this chapter but i know i need to edit and read through it before i publish it. i mean we all saw what happened to the last few chapters.... they fucking sucked.

well anyways your whalecum I'm sorry for the wait i hope it's okay.

have a good day, week, month, year, life, whatever and i'll see you all soon.

(btw go check out 'Stolen Seconds' I recently published some chapters. tell me what you think plz and i'll give you a pizza.)

ilysm,

kelly.