Guys I got some comments saying that the angst was basically to much for thier hearts and I apologize *cough* sorry not sorry *cough* so I decided to ....skip the upcoming three chapters (yes I was gonna feed you guys with about five angst chapters ¯\_ʘ‿ʘ_/¯ ) so here have this instead 😉

".....guys i already explained myself why are you still glaring at me? i said I'm sorry!" nuri had alligator tears going down her face as she used her tablet to load the next content

"A WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD!"

"I- bu-" nuri pouted angrily at Jiang cheng before she looked down at her tablet and furiously typed up something

On the tv appeared a recorded video of the last segment before nuri's voice is heard loud and clear

"The last request I have for you all is to brace yourselves because the first segment for this year is an angst mv"

nuri roughly pointed at the screen as she played the recording of her voice on loop six times while glaring into the offending purple grape's soul

"...."

".."

"i apologize nuri"

"HMPH!"

she turned away before she said

"now i'm mad that's it nobody is allowed to talk!"

"oh come on nuri-jie"

"shut up!"

"but-"

"shut up!"

"...."

"..."

"good now lets bring in wangxian"

nuri did her usual weird-ass hand signs before a purple light rose up from the ground were the silhouettes of a short and tall figure came up

immediately the voices of the owners of the bodies were heard

"wei lan zhan, i feel very nervous for some reason" the uncertain wei ying said with a cold sweat

"nervous?"

"yes, like im about to get a heart attack"

as soon as the light faded wwx and lwj were shown in the flash

but it was silent

why?

because both wwx and lwj were staring wide eyed at Jiang yanli who smiled at her dear a-xian

she got up in all her grace and walked towards them but stop in surprise as wwx quickly backed away and hid behind his husband

"...a-xian? " shock was present in her voice

wwx didn't answer but his erratic breathing was so loud in the silent room

immediately lwj knew something was hella wrong, he quickly turned around and grasp wwx by his shoulder and gently spoke to him even if his voice had a great deal of urgency in it

"wei ying! wei ying breath you're having a panic attack!"

it help a bit before-

"a-xian!? a-xian are you okay!?"

yanli's voice drove him overboard

wwx 's breathing became even more irregular and his face paled before turning blue from lack of oxygen

at this point everyone was in a panic

"wwx! breath! it's just a-jie!"

"wei ying!"

"a-niang!?"

everything was so chaotic before a even more pissed off nuri smacked wwx behind his head knocking him out intervened

"sigh.... i admit maybe just bringing him her and being like 'congrats the person's death you were blamed for and you also blamed and hated yourself for is alive! hooray!'was a bad idea but i didn't know it would be THAT bad"

"will wei ying be alright?" lwj

"yeah don't worry zhan-gege i just knocked him out cold, he should be awake in about four hours"

"mn"

"okay welp i'm not in the mood for this anymore but yanli meet wangji, a-xian's precious husband, wangji meet yanli, a-xian's dearest shijie, okay introductions over eyes on the screen"

"...."

"..."

"..did i really offend you that much?"

"SHUT UP YOU VIOLET OCTOPUS-LOOKING ASS PEACOCK!"

"...okay well damn"

"pffft-she hahaha called you a violet -hahahaha octopus peacock!"

"nie huaisang if you don't want you fan broken in your ass you will shut the fuck up"

"EEP!"

"OKAY! we have an AU on our hands!"

"nuri-jie?"

"yes a-yi?"

"what's an AU?"

"pretty sure it means alternative universe stupid!"

"oh shut up young misstress"

"OI DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"OKAY! well a-ling answered for me a-yi so i'll continue"

"okay"

"so in this AU everything happened how it did cannonly except the fact that jin zixun died, so yeah he lived till wei ying came back"

the room was filled with different groans and curses

"BUT! he is killed by some lucky person in here!"

everyone cheered making nuri sweatdropped

'so vicious'

"ahem anyways the old jin generation followers back in your time wanted to investigate this horrible 'crime' " nuri did air quotes when she said crime

"So they demanded an investigation, this is what happened, eyes on the screen"

The scene opens to show Jinling tai which although was made 90% out of gold, had a dark aura to it

"Okay usually I would complain everytime I see that gold fortress but the dark look just isn't working for me" jingyi commented

"Yeah me to it looks so weird seeing a shiny place like that suddenly dull" zizhen

".....I don't know about y'all but I'm living for the knew look"

"I agree with the perv!"

"Me too!"

"Oh my" yanli giggled into her sleeve as Jiang Cheng facepalm

Inside sat all four great sects, all with fake gloomy faces with poorly concealed joy

"Well I'll be, look at all those sad faces!"

"Yeah they look sooooooo sad as if they are gonna cry!"

"It's simply pitiful"

"They are being sarcastic right a-yuan?"

"Yes A-yi"

"Phew great"

"....did he really not-"

In the center stood Jin chan as he stopped interrogating sect leader Yao before turning to the lans

Jin chan: hanguang-jun, zewu-jun, senior wei if it's okay with you I would like to start the investigation with your sect

He asked, Jin chan was the one assigned by Jin ling to investigate the oh so tragic and unforgivable death of Jin zixun, he had already interrogated the others sects present and only the lan and Jiangs remained

"Ayo it seems a lucky person from the Jiang or lan are the ones todo it!"

"Damn so lucky!"

'How are-they are literally talking about someone's life!!!' nuri internally cried

'wait they have all killed before so how the fuck do the determine who is a murderer???.....OH THESE HYPOCRITES!'

Honestly speaking Jin chan had no problem with this, it's just that he knew who killed the man and he knew that the reaction from the other would be extremely hilarious so it's hard to keep a straight face right now

"...wait why do I feel like it's gonna be jingyi?" Jin ling tipped his head

"Yes it does seem to point in his direction"

"Wait what's pointing in my direction?"

Jiang Cheng pointed to nuri who kept gesturing to jingyi every now and then

"Oh.....OH HELL YEAH"

"A-yi watch you language"

"Right sorry a-die"

Zewu-jun: of course of course you may start with the disciples first

Xichen also knew who did it and was looking forward to a good show

Hell EVERYBODY knew who did it since the person did it in broad daylight, everyone even know the reason and is on that person's side

"It also seems I know as well, it really must be ayi"

"See!"

But there are still Jin guangyao and Jin guangshan fans around who demanded an investigation

Numerous grains was heard at that, some facepalmed, some flipped the bird at the screen while some, mainly a certain nie, started to plan another mass murder

So one they shall get

Jin chan turned to jingyi, still trying is best to keep still

"Here it comes! Here it comes! Anybody need any snacks!?" Jin ling suddenly got really excited

"Why are you so excited?"

"I have no idea I just am, I think I had to much cotton candy"

"And no more for you for at least a few hours how about some chocolate chip cookies and vanilla ice cream? You guys can contstruct them into ice cream sandwiches"

"...into what?"

"Aigooooo," nuri snapped her fingers making filled family size packets of chocolate cookies and two pints of vanilla ice cream along with a spoon and a small paper with instructions appear in front of everyone

"If you want ice cream sandwiches follow the instructions, if not you can eat them how ever you like"

After getting thier nods nuri snapped her finger unpausing the tv

Jingyi smiled knowing exactly how to annoy the boy Infront of him

Jin chan: excuse me young master?

Jingyi have his full attention to him

Jin chan: I would like to ask you a few questions about your senior

Jingyi tipped his head innocently

Jingyi: oh, what would you like to know about Jin zixun?

The question got whispers from the previous Jin generation followers whom were then silenced by a glare from lwj

"What are they whispering about?"

"No idea"

Jin chan: I hadn't said which senior

"Huh but wasn't this a mass interrogation? Wouldn't everybody hear what was being asked?"

"Yeah I'm so confused"

Jingyi: oh, who would you like to know about?

Jin chan: at a matter of fact it's Jin zixun

Jingyi : oh well I didn't know him that well

"And I don't want to for the matter of fact"

"Periodt"

That caused a random clan leader to question

Random bitch: what do you mean didn't?

Jingyi turned his attention to him

Jingyi: oh, well I just assumed something horrible happened to him, like he'd been murdered

The old Jin followers stared at jingyi

Jingyi: is he alright?

Jin chan struggled to keep his smile at bay

"Wow you're just evil" a random Jin person laughed his ass off

Jin chan: no, he's been murdered

Jingyi looked at Jin chan in shock

Jingyi: oh

He clenched his heart

Jingyi: mAh

He turned his head to the left with his eyes closed

Jingyi: GAWD

He turned his head to the right

"*Pff-ack*"

Multiple people chocked on the treat as they tried to laugh

Some still laughed anyways even though thier lungs are currently fighting for air

Jin chan along with the others all tightly grasp thier thighs in order not to laugh while the old Jin generation followers got angry

Jingyi: who could've done such a thing? And to poor Jin zixun....with a machete

More gasp echoed out from the old generation dumbass followers (imma call them OGDF from now on)

"THE OGDF!!"

"Fuck that so funny!"

" HAHAH I LOVE THAT NAME"

Jin chan: ....I never mentioned how he died

Jingyi: oh, then how did it happen?

Jingyi was internally cackling

Jin chan: ....with a machete

The crowd laugh as they did it together with jingyi

Crowd/Jingyi: oh

Chest clutched

Crowd/Jingyi: mAh

Eyes closed, head to the left

Crowd/Jingyi: GAWD

Head to the right

Jin chan: young master, when was the last time you saw Jin zixun?

Jin chan's face slowly began to turn red from holding in his laughter

Jingyi: oh, that would have to be on Tuesday, they day before it happened

All the OGDF pulled out thier swords and pointed it at jingyi who didn't bat them an eye

Jin chan: I never mentioned when the murder took place

Jingyi: oh, then when did he die?

Jin chan:.....on Wednesday

At this point the crowd completely forget about the food as they laughed making nuri smile and snapped her fingers silently, adding a preserving charm on the food

The crowd, well those who where not dying laughing said it with jingyi again

Crowd/Jingyi: OH

Chest clutch

Crowd/Jingyi: MAH

Eyes closed, head to the right

Crows/jingyi: GAWD

Head to the left

Jingyi: killed on a Wednesday.....by a machete

Jingyi made his face seem so shocked at the news

Even a-yuan hard a hard time not laughing

Jin cham: young master-

Jingyi: young master Jin you have to find who did this! Surly the killer left some sort of clue!, Maybe in his note?

Jin chan: so you know about the note?

Jingyi: OH MAH GAWWWD THERE IS A NOTE!?

Many faces turned red from lack of oxygen making nuri pause the video

"Okay I'm glad you guys are enjoying it but could y'all please breath? I don't wanna be responsible for a few deaths" she sweat dropped

"Right sorry sorry it's just that-hahahahah this is more amusing than it should be"

"I totally understand but still"

After they calmed down they went back to eating at nuri unpaused

At this point they couldn't hold it anymore

Everyone except the OGDF burst into laughter greatly upsetting the followers

Jin chan: yes, and the killer signed it, Lan jingyi, your name

Random follower: I knew it!

(Imma call em RF)

RF #2: murder! Just like the yiling patriarch !!

"Ayo how the fuck did a-niang get involved!?"

"I agree what the fuck did he do he literally was just sitting there!?"

"A-yuan, ayi please watch the language but I do agree"

"I do as well"

"So do I and the sad thing is that wei wuxian was not even there when it happened, he was in lotus pier with Jiang Cheng"

"Wow the cultivational world are all bitchasses"

"AGREED"

RF#3: WEI WUXIAN YOU TAINTED HIM!

wwx: naaaahhh how the fuck did my name reach into this?

"EXACTLY!"

Jingyi: *gasp* but......I never told you my name

Jin chan went silent

Jin chan: oh, then what is your name?

Jingyi: Lan jingyi

Jin chan deadpanned before

Jin chan: oH mAwH gAwWwWwD

"OH MY GOD LMFAO"

He did the full jingyi action: clutch chest, eye close, head to the left, head to the right.

The hall's laughter boomed even louder

The screen went black

"Okay guys how about-"

"HAHHAHAHAHAHAH"

"guys-"

"HAHAAHHAAHA"

"GUYS!-"

"HAHAHHAHAH"

"you know what Imma shove some angst in y'all disrespectful ass"

"...."

"OH NOW YALL STFU!? GET READY FOR SOME ANGST!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

TO BE CONTINUED