||SEAFORD, WE HAVE A PROBLEM||

|CAMI

"Alright, let's bring up our class valedictorian, Milton Krupnick. Milton?" a boy announced making me, Jack, Jerry, and Rudy applaud as our red headed friend walked up to the podium.

"Yeah Milton!" Jack cheered as Milton leaned on the podium.

"When I was 3, I remember looking up at the moon with a sense of wonder-"

"-woooo! Great speech Milton! I'll get the car," Rudy volunteered cutting Milton off.

"Rudy! We are here to support Milton graduating from the Junior Astronaut Program," Jack pulled Rudy back into his seat. "We are staying until the end."

"And now a poem," Milton smiled.

"Get the car," I opposed. Thankfully Jack looked like he was about to say the same thing based off his pained face.

"You're into space?" I heard Jerry ask a girl behind him. "Yeah, me too. I'm gonna be the first guy to walk on the sun. I know what you're thinkin'. It's too hot. I'm goin' at night."

"Jerry, leave the poor girl alone. Besides, that's not how the sun works," I sighed, pulling Jerry's shoulders to face the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt," a really high ranked looking guy apologized.

"We are not. Where were you 2 hours ago?" Jack asked.

"Jackson Oliver Brewer," I scolded.

"Not my name," Jack pointed out.

"Sorry, but I don't know your full name and it sounds more threatening when I use someone's full name," I replied in the same scolding tone.

"I just got off the phone with the president and he's informed me that our friends, the Russians, are planning on sending a 17 year old boy into space," the general continued.

"Wait, what? That'd be the youngest astronaut ever," the previous announcer said.

"That's a record we've held for years and we intend on keeping it!" the general dude insisted.

"General Jones, what're you saying?" Milton asked.

"I am saying that you, Milton D. Krupnick, are going into space!" General Jones declared.

"Holy Christmas nuts!" Milton beamed before fainting into the general's arms.

•••

Me and Jack were kicking into each other's hands when Rudy walked in, groaning. "Rudy, how you doin'?" Jack asked as me and him stopped kicking.

"Not good. Ya know, I had a weird dream last night that I had a baby alien in me and now I got the shakes and my stomach feels like a rollercoaster. Oh! What is happening to me?!" Rudy groaned, bending down before coming back up with his hand in an alien puppet. "Somebody help me!"

"Rudy, we know that's a fake alien you got from the new special effects and makeup store in the mall," I told him.

"You should've seen your faces. I totally got you!" Rudy exclaimed.

"Sure you did," I rolled my eyes, itching my stomach.

"Hey. What's wrong with your stomach? You've been itching it all day," Jack pointed out.

"Oh. This morning Jerry shoved me into my dresser and it's been itchy and painful ever since," I shrugged. "I don't think anything's wrong with it." I lifted up my shirt, revealing a large gash in my stomach. Both boys screamed and Rudy fainted. "Gotcha! And I think I got Rudy a little too much."

"How'd you keep that on for so long?" Jack asked.

"Lots and lots of latex," I answered peeling off the wound and throwing it away. I grabbed a rag, wiping away the extra fake blood and scar wax.

"What happened?" Rudy asked dizzily as he stood up again. "Ooh! There's Murray! I'm gonna go scare him!" Rudy decided before I had the time to respond. He started groaning, walking up to the old man.

"What's the matter Rudy?" Murray asked.

"Oh it's my stomach. I- I think I have an alien in me!" Rudy shot his puppet into Murray's face just to get a disappointed head shake.

"That alien doesn't scare me. Have you ever seen my wife?" Murray asked.

"Talk about me like that and I will end you," I muttered into Jack's ear, dead serious. "Love you," I sweetly added.

"Love you too," he sighed in response, giving me a quick peck. "What's new, Murray?"

"Uh my bingo game is in the toilet," Murray responded. "I was one game away from winning a trip to Spain. I was gonna run with the bulls. Anyway, this Bernice showed up 3 weeks ago and she wins every game, every game a hundred and twelve straight."

"A hundred and twelve wins?" I repeated.

"Yep," Murray confirmed.

"That doesn't sound right. Does it Rudy?" I asked.

"No, it certainly doesn't," Rudy shook his head. "Do you want us to come down and check it out for you?"

"Oh thanks. I knew my friends would help me out," Murray shook Rudy's hand. Rudy accidentally pulled Murray's fake hand making Rudy scream and sprint with it into the locker room. "I love that new store!"

•••

"Bernice just got in line behind you. You think she's involved in some kind of hanky panky?" Murray asked as me, him, Jack, and Rudy filed into the cafeteria for bingo hall.

"I don't know, but winning a hundred and twelve games in a row smells like hanky," Rudy replied. "And where you find hanky, you're gonna find panky."

"Hey Murray. Here's your card," the host handed Murray a card.

"Oh, thank you," Murray thanked before finding a table to sit at.

"Hey, sorry folks. Cant let you in. We have a strict over 65 policy," the host told us.

"Oh it's ok. We're with Murray," Jack tried.

"Don't care. Very. Strict. Policy," the host repeated. "Hey ma! Come on in. Kept your regular spot for ya."

"Hey, you hear that? He just called Bernice his mother," Jack pointed out. "They're definitely up to something."

"We gotta get in there. But how?" Rudy asked.

"Well, I'm really good with makeup," I spoke suggestively. "And that new store in the mall sounds promising."

"Well, what're they gonna do?" Jack asked.

"You'll see. Just come on," I pulled the two boys out of the bingo hall and towards the SFX store.

•••

"I can't wait to play bingo!" I exclaimed as an old lady, dressed with clothes and makeup like an old lady. Jack and Rudy were dressed as old men with the help of yours truly.

"I'm feeling lucky baby!" Rudy shouted.

"Hey, slow down you two! Where's the fire?" Jack asked almost making me break character and laugh.

•••

"You and I will watch Bernice. Cami, you keep an eye on Zeke," Rudy planned out. Zeke is the host's name.

"Should we tell Murray it's us?" I asked.

"No. That's the worst thing you could do. The man has absolutely no ability to keep a secret," Jack deadpanned.

"I have a mole on my butt the size of a pumpkin," Murray shared as me, Rudy, and Jack got into our seats.

•••

"B-....7," Zeke announced after watching Bernice pat her turtle a peculiar amount of times.

"Rudy. I've been watching Zeke and he keeps switching the balls to match," I whispered to Rudy, approaching his side.

"That's how they do it. They use the turtle to tell him what number she needs," Rudy started.

"And then he switches the balls to match it," Jack finished.

"Exactly," Rudy nodded. "Excuse me! Everyone! Put down your markers! I've got something to say about Bernice."

"Well, if it's about her ginger snaps we know, they're dry," Murray said.

"No, it's about the scam," Jack corrected.

"But I am glad I'm not the only one who thought- ow! Ok, sorry. Continue," I allowed after Jack slapped my stomach to shut me up.

"She won the last a hundred and twelve games because she's cheating," Jack revealed.

"How dare you! Boys!" Bernice clapped.

"Uh maybe you could explain why there's a wire under the table coming to your turtle!" Rudy lifted the turtle, uncovering the wire.

"I think it's time for you three to leave," Zeke spoke before trying to punch us. Jack caught his hand, per usual.

"You probably shouldn't have done that, sonny boy," Jack stayed in character. I had to say, it was amusing, but now is not the time for that. One of the other boys started attacking me so I provided him with a rapid fire than front kicked him into the wall.

"You guys should get some stronger tables!" Murray suggested. He was the only one, that wasn't fighting, still in the room. Well, Bernice was still there, but she was huddled in a corner. I continued with my dude, getting him into an armlock, shoving him face first into the cake before shoving him face first into the trash.

"Help your brother out of there. Come on, come on," Bernice ordered in her shaky old lady voice. "You boys are better than this, come on." They all left the hall as I walked over to the boys, peeling off the scar wax and makeup.

"Rudy, Jack, Cami! I can't believe you did this for us," Murray smiled. "Now, let's get back to bingo. I've got a trip to Spain to win." My phone went off making me pull it out and check it.

"Guys turn on the TV. Milton just texted me that Jerry's on the news!" I exclaimed. "And then he added a kissy face and a 'honey bear'."

"What?" Jack nearly growled.

"Oh. He meant to send that to Julie," I chuckled. I felt Jack shift himself behind me, pulling me into his chest. Jealous Jack is always adorable. I turned on the TV to see Chappy Chapman.

"Jerry Martinez is about to jump from his space shuttle and free fall back to Earth. I think I speak for the entire nation when I say we hope that that boy's lifeless body doesn't land on my new car," Chappy reported. "Back to you, Brittany."

"What?!" I screamed. "Wha- that's my cousin! If he dies I don't want the last thing I said to him to be 'Your underwear is hanging off the satellite!'" Jack hugged me into his chest even more, but in a comforting way. We watched in intense. The space crew just told Jerry to jump and I was terrified. "I can't watch," I almost sobbed, turning my face to bury itself into Jack's chest. He stroked my hair soothingly, muttering sweet nothings in my ear. I felt like I was about to have a panic attack or something, but Jack was able to keep it at bay.

"Where'd he go?" Jack asked.

"What do you mean where'd he go?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Shhh," he cooed before everyone started whispering so I couldn't hear anything. "He's ok. Where d'you think he's gonna land?"

"I don't know, but I'm glad he's ok," I exhaled, calming myself.

"Well, if the trajectory gets a hold of him, he could land in Mexico, Iceland, Florida-" Murray was cut off by a crash and Jerry's figure behind him. I ran up to him giving him a huge hug and a big slap on the chest.

"Ow! What was that for?" Jerry asked.

"You almost killed yourself! I love you, but do that again and you'll be dead," I glared before hugging him again.

"Kinda getting mixed messages here," Jerry deadpanned. "Milton, dude. I'm so sorry I went into space instead of you," Jerry apologized the second Milton walked in, shoving me into Jack.

"I'm just glad you're ok," Milton replied before hugging Jerry.

"Welcome back Carry. Of course for me it's bittersweet because somewhere up in space is my wife's little Wiggy!" the general saluted the sky.

"No it's not, sir," Jerry denied, unzipping his astronaut suit to reveal a ginger cat. "I was jumping for two."

"You, my boy, have the right stuff to be an astronaut," the general choked. "Doesn't he Kernel Wiggy?"

"Hey guys. Let's go to Phil's and celebrate. On me," Milton offered. We all agreed, heading out of the school, and towards Phil's.

•••

"Oh we're really proud of you Jerry," Milton clapped after hanging up Jerry's photo in the dojo.

"Yeah, you should be. Ya know, the general says I'm eligible for a purple heart," Jerry said.

"Wait, isn't that when you get injured in the line of duty?" Milton asked.

"Do you have any idea what that cat did to me when we broke the sound barrier?" Jerry asked, lifting up his shirt to reveal scratch marks. We all winced at the sight. Ouch.