||OH, CHRISTMAS NUTS!||

|CAMI

"Don't do it. Seriously, you're gonna break your hand," Milton tried stopping Jack.

"I'm with Milton on this one. You're gonna get hurt," I agreed.

"I can do this," Jack assured, trying to break Milton's fruitcake he brought in. I may be new to Christmas around here, but Jerry gets these fruitcakes too. He tried eating one once and ended up having to go to the dentist because his tooth snapped in half. Jack winced, retracting his hand from the cake. "Your nana makes one tough fruit cake," Jack deadpanned. "How does your family eat that?"

"We don't," Milton replied, huffing as he tried lifting up the cake. "My dad wedged last year's behind the wheel of our camper so it wouldn't roll down the driveway." Milton maneuvered over to the trash can, dumping the cake into it.

"Kim, you sure we shouldn't ask Rudy to help us decorate the dojo window for Christmas?" Eddie asked as he walked in with Kim. That's right. Kim's back! Carlos' country wide tournaments ended last week, so Kim is back and better than ever. Thank god she jumped around the dojos too or she wouldn't be nearly as good as she was before.

"Yeah, trust me. He doesn't really have an eye for it," Kim answered Eddie. Rudy came up to us laughing weirdly.

"Look what I did," Rudy held up a green toilet seat with a red ribbon on the top. "I made this beautiful festive wreath out of our toilet seat."

"I don't suggest you ask him for help," I muttered to Eddie and Kim who nodded.

"Come on, get in here," I heard Joan say with a mix of Jerry's groans as she dragged him into the dojo. "Tell 'em whatcha did, you."

"I accidentally used my dad's pressure washer to get rid of the line of people in front of the electronic store," Jerry gave in.

"Doesn't he put that thing under the tractor which is next to the random boulder behind your mom's car?" I asked.

"Yeah," Jerry nodded.

"He blew some nerd right out of his loafers," Joan sighed. "Ha ha ha. Nerds." Joan walked out of the dojo, leaving us with my delinquent cousin.

"So, did you get the Road Demon or not?" Milton asked excitedly, approaching Jerry.

"No. They didn't have any left!" Jerry exclaimed angrily.

"What exactly is a road demon?" Rudy asked.

"Only the hottest Christmas present this year," Jack responded, turning to Rudy. "It's a high tech, remote controlled, futuristic combat tank. I'm telling you, I want one so bad, Christmas isn't gonna be Christmas if I don't get a Road Demon."

"Dude, if I wake up and there's not one under my tree, oh ho ho is gonna be on," Jerry glared at nothing. Me, Jack, Jerry, and Milton all started overlapping with words about the Road Demon. Yes, I want one. Don't judge me.

"Guys! Christmas isn't about getting a remote controlled Road Demon," Rudy intervened.

"He's right," Milton agreed. "It's also about getting a pony! Yeehaw!" Me, Jack, and Jerry decided to ignore Milton and continue our overlapping.

"Guys! Christmas isn't about getting things. Alright, it's about being filled with the spirit," Rudy intervened again.

"Yeah, that's right Rudy. I mean, me and Eddie got here early to decorate the dojo window," Kim supported. "Because we got the spirit."

"I got the holly jollies and I got 'em bad," Eddie said.

"Eddie, honey. Don't say that. It's not exactly, what's the word?" I trailed off. "Appealing."

"Alright, the four of you are coming with me," Rudy decided. "I'm gonna teach you a lesson about the true spirit of Christmas."

"Great! But can we be done by 7? I have a caroling concert at 8," I requested. Everyone looked at me. "What? I love me some good caroling. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!"

•••

"Santa's Village raises money for needy kids. And volunteering is a great way for you to get in touch with the Christmas spirit," Rudy told us, leading us to the Santa's Village attraction on the other side of the mall.

"I'm all for volunteering, Rudy," Jerry nodded. "How much does it pay?"

"It's volunteering, Jerry. You volunteer. You don't get payed," I shook my head.

"Dude dude dude. And dudet. It's a Road Demon," Jerry spoke breathlessly, patting my stomach and Jack's chest. "No way!" Jerry grabbed the remote, powering it up.

"Scuse me! That's for needy children," a volunteer or worker, I couldn't tell which one, told Jerry, trying to take the remote for the Road Demon away. Jerry pulled it away, smiling broadly.

"That's great because I needy this," Jerry nodded. Rudy grabbed the remote before speaking.

"Mr. Elf, I've got 3 boys and 1 girl here who would love to volunteer," Rudy spoke as he set the remote back to it's original place.

"Oh that is really nice. But we don't need anymore help," the elf laughed. "Well, we need one more elf to help the children not scream and cry on Santa's lap. Any of you good with kids?"

"I am. I love kids," I volunteered.

"Ya won't by the time you're done here. They're monsters," the elf told me. "You've got the job! Here's the outfit. Go put it on!" He handed me red, green, and white colored leggings, a red undershirt, and a green overalls skirt with cotton lined on the bottom. Coincidentally, my shin high boots matched with it perfectly. I put on the outfit, starting my volunteer job.

•••

It's been an hour or so and Cherry, another female elf, was taking over the calming kids thing for around an hour before Karly takes over for an hour then it's back to me. Rudy told me the boys were able to volunteer, so I decided to find the boys and help them out. "Your friend's on gift wrapping duty. You two are in charge of the Snowball Toss. Give the kids a snowball, they toss it through the wreath, and then you give them a candy cane," Tinsel, the previous elf, explained to Jack and Jerry. Damn. How long did it take to find them a job to volunteer?

"What if they miss?" Jack asked.

"You give them a candy cane," Tinsel repeated.

"Wait, but doesn't that mean-"

"-ball, wreath, cane," Tinsel cut Jerry off. "Got it? Great."

"Hey, maybe Rudy was right. Yo I'm glad we're doing this," Jerry smiled.

"Hey guys," I greeted, walking behind the snowball table.

"Cami? What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be calming down the kids?" Jack asked.

"I finished my round for the next 2 or so hours, so I decided to help you guys," I shrugged. "I've been working for an hour already, so uh why have you guys just started?"

"Jerry had trouble finding a pair of pants in his size," Jack replied making me nod in understanding.

"Hey! I have a very unique body figure, yo," Jerry defended.

"Throw a snowball through the wreath, you get a free candy cane," Jack offered to Timmy who was passing.

"I don't want a dumb candy cane! I want a panini," Timmy scoffed.

"Here. Get it through the wreath and I'll give you money for a panini," I told him, handing him a snowball.

"Ok!" Timmy beamed, taking the snowball. Timmy threw the snowball at Jerry making me laugh.

"Even better! Here's an extra dollar you can spend on whatever you want," I laughed.

"Thanks Cami! You're the best!" Timmy hugged me before running off with the money and candy cane. Jerry lunged after Timmy, but Jack caught him, holding him back.

•••

Me, Jack, Jerry, and Milton finished our volunteering and were eating Cami Pizza (patent pending) in the dojo. I was next to Jack on a mat, Jerry sat on one bench, and Milton sat on the other. "Hey guys. How was volunteering?" Rudy asked upon entering the dojo.

"It's cool knowing that you're helping to make a difference," Jack answered.

"Well, I'm proud of you guys. You're finally getting the spirit of Christmas," Rudy smiled.

"To be fair, I am performing a caroling concert to help attract people to participate in the Toys for Toddlers event in the courtyard later," I defended. "But helping in Santa's Village is cool too."

"Aww alright everybody, the whole mall is on lockdown," Joan said as she entered the dojo. "High alert! Code green! Wee ooh! Wee ooh! Wee ooh!"

"Joan, what's going on?" Rudy asked.

"Somebody stole Christmas is what's going on," Joan answered. "A bag of presents was taken from Santa's Village. Unfortunately, that means there won't be a concert this evening. I was really looking forward to singing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer with Cami!"

"What? On Christmas Eve?" Rudy asked. "Those presents were for needy kids. Who would do such a-" Rudy was cut off by the whirring of a Road Demon from the lockers. We all got up, abandoning the pizza, to check it out. When Rudy opened the locker, all the toys and the Road Demon spilled out. "I can't believe you guys."

"Rudy, I know how this looks, but it wasn't us. We were-"

"-I'll tell you exactly how it looks!" Rudy cut off Jack. "It looks like you're the kids that stole Christmas!"

"And according to code 1645, if you're caught stealing from this mall, you're banned," Joan informed us.

"What?!" me, Jack, Jerry, and Milton exclaimed.

"You heard me. You four are banned from this mall!" Joan sternly spoke. "And that includes this dojo." Joan started walking away. "Oh, Merry Christmas," she happily added.

•••

We got our pictures taken for the 'Banned Board' in Joan's office, even though we didn't do it. "C'mon Joan. You don't believe for a second we stole those toys," Jack tried.

"Have these delinquents clear their stuff outta the dojo," Joan ordered before breaking. "And while this hurts me because- whoa- I am going to miss you, if you ever set foot on these premises, I will handcuff you to a water pipe and use my night stick to-"

"-I think they get it Joan!" Rudy cut off Joan's sobs. Joan unsteadily walked out of her office, leaving us with a disappointed Rudy. "You know what this means?" he asked. "No more dojo! I hope it was worth it for some dumb toy!"

"I can't believe you said that," Jerry scoffed. "It's not a dumb toy. It's a lifestyle. Hey, where's the remote?"

"Hang on, we can't control the Road Demon without a remote," I pointed out.

"Then how did the Road Demon start up in our locker?" Jack asked.

"Somebody must've used it from outside the dojo right when Joan walked in! Guys, we were setup!" I exclaimed.

"And I bet I know who it was," Jerry bet. "Panini boy!"

"It wasn't Timmy. He loves me," I deadpanned.

"Well, maybe it was Tinsel," Milton suggested making us all look at him weird.

"Why him?" Rudy asked.

"I don't know, he's been acting really weird. Uh like I went to get some wrapping paper from the gingerbread house. He grabbed it away from me like it was gold," Milton elaborated.

"Well, that's it! We gotta get inside that gingerbread house and find out what's so special about that paper!" Jack told us.

"Yeah. And I know how we can do it," Jerry nodded. "We can zip line down from the roof of the mall, land behind the house, and eat our way through the back wall."

"Or," I started. "We could use the door. I don't know. Just a thought."

•••

Jack threw a snowball at Tinsel. "Who threw that?" Tinsel demanded. No one answered. "I said, who threw-" he was cut off by Jerry throwing a snowball at him. Rudy, Jack, and Jerry were wearing snowball holders and beards, disguising them so they could distract the workers.

"There's only one authorized Santa Claus at this mall. Let me see your badges," Santa ordered.

"Badges?" Rudy repeated. "Badges? Badges. We don't need no stinking badges."

"Snowball fight!" Jack declared throwing snowballs at the workers. Rudy and Jerry joined in as me and Milton snuck into the gingerbread house. We quickly grabbed a roll of wrapping paper, giving the others a thumbs up before sneaking away.

•••

"Joan!" Jerry exclaimed as we all sprinted into Joan's office with the wrapping paper.

"Oh no! You're back!" Joan squealed. "Take it easy. I don't want any trouble. There's a turkey sandwich in my purse, just take it!"

"Joan! We're not gonna rob you," I assured.

"Yo, check this out. There's rolls and rolls of this in the gingerbread house," Jerry rolled out the paper, revealing fake money.

"It's just wrapping paper," Joan shrugged.

"No it's not," Jack denied. "It's got fake money printed on it."

"Oh I had a roll of toilet paper like this once," Joan nodded. "Dad came over for chili night and blew through a hundred grand."

"Joan! Don't you get it? Someone's replacing all of the real money from the donations with fake money!" I revealed. "We think it's Tinsel. He guards that gingerbread house like it's a temple."

"Wait a minute, you think he has the guts to do that right under my nose?" Joan asked as she shook her head.

"Lots of things have happened under your nose," Rudy deadpanned. "You lost the ATM machine to the Easter Bunny. The Thanksgiving day turkey took your scooter. And those leprechauns made all the-"

"-Can we just go?" Joan cut off Rudy making us all rush out of her office.

•••

We ran up to Tinsel, Santa, and the Sugar Plum Fairy who were holding wads of cash. "Uh sorry folks. Santa's Village is closed," Santa almost stuttered. Jack picked up a dollar.

"Evil elves I get, but, come on dude, you're Santa Claus," Jack sighed.

"Get 'em," Sant ordered. The Sugar Plum Fairy charged at me to which I roundhouse kicked him to the floor. He rebounded, jumping on my back. I flipped him onto the ground again. He grabbed my ankle making me stomp on his wrist. Tinsel attacked me from behind, but he didn't do much since I was able to flip him over. Tinsel got back up, lunging at me with a lollipop. A candy cane stopped it from hitting me.

"I got this guy! Go get the fairy!" Jerry grunted as he pushed off Tinsel. I walked up to the fairy, grabbing his arm to perform a front snap kick. He stumbled backwards trying to knee me in the stomach to which I blocked. I used my rapid fire technique, ending with a spinning back kick. The fairy was sprawled out on the floor, much like the other money smugglers. I saw Bobby, dressed as Santa, fight off the other Santa making us all clap.

"Bobby," Rudy beamed, clapping as he was crouched beside a collapsed Joan. "Alright! Take them away fellas!" The cops arrested the Santa and his helpers, leaving Santa's Village criminal free.

"I never doubted you kids for one minute," Joan told us as she got up. "You deserve all the credit. Did Joan see it? Oh no Joany didn't see any of it comin'! Not only did you save Christmas, you probably saved my job!"

"Joan, Joan. It's ok. Do you wanna come with us to get some hot chocolate?" Jack offered.

"Oh no no no. You guys go ahead. I gotta right this up in a report," Joan sighed. We all agreed, walking away.

•••

"Hey, why is it dark?" I asked the gang. It was right before my caroling concert and everything was lit by candles only bringing in a little bit of light. I was wearing a Santa Claus dress, holding a bedazzled mic.

"In the spirit of competition, we accidentally blew the circuit out on this side of the mall," Eddie answered. "No biggie."

"Man, I feel bad," Kim admitted. "A lot of people came to the mall to see the window displays and a good show. We ruined it for 'em."

"I can still play a good show in the candlelight. Sit back, relax, and enjoy my talent," I smirked hopping onstage earning a round of applause. "Hey guys! I hope you don't mind the blackout. My uh friends had a small issue to get past. Don't forget to donate for the Toys for Toddlers! Now, let's get this Christmas concert started!" The crowd cheered again as 'Let it Snow' started to play. "The weather outside it frightful, but the fire is so delightful. And since there's no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow," I sang.

•••

"You did a great job onstage," Jack praised as I walked up to him backstage.

"Aww thanks," I smiled shyly. I looked around to see the coast clear, taking the moment to give him a kiss. We held the kiss for a couple more seconds til we were interrupted by a familiar gasp. Kim's gasp.

"You- wha- when- you didn't tell me?!" Kim stuttered as I turned to her. I've got a lot of explaining to do.