(Still Rosie's flashback)

Chapter 4:

I convince myself that I am calm. I am calm and controlled. I can handle this.

I crawl over to the bag Rick left me and cautiously unzip the familiar fabric. It is mine after all.

Inside, the first thing I notice is my radio that I kept on my bedside table. I don't know why Rick put that in here with me, it seems too thoughtful. I am incredibly satisfied to see it however. The silence would have driven me crazy. I run my fingers over the cool plastic and try to turn it on. Nothing. I remember it is solar powered and place it by the windowsill. I pray it works.

Next thing I notice, clothes. That is terrifying in itself. He is giving me clothes which means I'm not leaving for awhile. I pull them all out and arrange them into piles. He gave me five shirts, four pairs of pants, one pair of shorts, one sweatshirt, six pairs of underwear, three pairs of socks, and three bras.

He gave me about five outfits. Just five. And who knows how long they will need to last. The thought of him looking through my clothes, especially my bras, makes me want to gag.

I push the clothes into a corner by the bed and I'm about to toss my bag onto the pile when I notice something else in it.

My heart skips a beat.

It's my journal.

I reach in hastily and grab the soft brown leather. I trace my hand over the spine and breath in it's worn yet comforting scent. It smells like paper and leather and I just love it so much. My fingers find a gap in the book so I flip it open. My black ink pen falls out of it and I smile. I can actually write in it.

Why would Rick give me all these things? This doesn't feel as angry and vindictive as it should. I could easily spend days listening to music and writing in my journal. Easily. So why is he trying to make this comfortable for me?

I arrange my tote bag, which is made out of padded cotton, into a pillow on the bed since there isn't one. I also slide the journal under the mattress.

Just as I do this I hear a scraping sound behind me. I turn and jump to my feet but all I see is a tray of food now present. I then notice that the bottom of the doorway has an opening large enough to slide the food under. Clever.

It's just a simple meal of an apple and two slices of bread with butter. Staring at the food, I realize how hungry I am. My stomach growls so I don't question the food, I just eat it. I try to pull the tray over to my bed but it won't budge. It's attached to a rope.

Wow. Does Rick think I'll steal the tray and use it as a weapon? Actually, I might have done that to be honest.

I eat quickly and silently until I become thirsty from the bread. I chuck the apple core onto the tray and pick up the plastic yellow cup on it. Empty.

I huff in annoyance until I realize I already have water. The shower head. Praying it still works, I walk over and turn the handle with much difficulty. The water pressure builds up until I have a stream of cool and clean water. I fill my cup and gulp it down. The water doesn't go everywhere because there is a drain in the slanted ground. This already feels too permanent.

My eyelids feel heavy and my head is swimming so I lay on the stiff mattress. I drift into an uneasy rest.

I snap my eyes open to the same sound of the tray moving and notice the sky has darkened. Rick has given me more food. It's the same apple and bread but this time there is also a boiled hot dog cut into slices. I don't like hot dogs, but I'm not complaining.

At this moment, I'm not hungry. I eat anyways though. Maybe it's a sort of survival instinct. Store up on food because you never know when your next meal will be.

When the sky is black, I open my journal and sit where the moonlight shines through the window. I'm going to keep a log of everyday I'm in here. I need to keep track of the days.

"Day 1:

This is sick, this whole thing. It really is. I shouldn't have to keep this log because some maniac has decided to keep me locked away in my own special prison. But it happened, so I am going to write this. Well, today I feel extremely frustrated and confused. The reasons why are pretty self explanatory. I'm a prisoner of Ricks. I still have many questions. Why is this happening? What was that letter for? Is my family okay? Is Niall okay? I don't know why I said that last one. It just popped into my head. He always does that though. Always."

I sigh and close the journal. Pulling the blanket over my body, I try to sleep. And eventually, I do.

-------

It's been seven days. An entire week of nothing. I've been in this hellhole for that long and he hasn't shown his face once. I get a meal three times a day, but they still don't fill me. My body seems to get weaker and weaker with each passing night.

I have showered once. I did it in the dead of the night so he wouldn't walk in on me. The water is cold and there's no soap, but at least I'm clean. I also rinsed off my clothes and put new ones on. I figure I'll wear them in a sort of cycle. Wear them, wash them, use the next dry ones until another pair dries, and so on.

I don't like the fact that I'm arranging long term plans in this cement prison. But I feel like I should do it anyways.

Night is falling so I pull out my journal.

"Day 7:

I don't feel much of anything today. I'm not frustrated anymore. I'm still confused, but I don't have the energy to care. I feel like I'm half here and half somewhere else. That somewhere could be heaven for all I know. Maybe a little bit more of me is dying each day. And maybe that's not a bad thing. I'd rather not be here any longer. And if dead is my only other option, so be it. Again I realize I sound like a psychopath. I'm not really wishing death upon myself. It's something else. I can't explain what I mean exactly. I don't want to die, but I'm not opposed to it. Anywhere is better than here. I guess I'm just ....empty."

I close my journal and slide it back under the mattress. Nobody else is even here, but I'm still protective of it.

I hear a loud bang and I jump as the door is flung open. Rick walks in silently and locks the door behind him so I can't escape.

I sit still on the bed and wait for him to speak. He has grown a slight beard and his hair looks disheveled. I see he is carrying a laptop in his hands. That's a bit peculiar.

"How you feeling sweetheart?" He asks in his usual condescending tone. That nickname has become somewhat of an insult. A reminder that he has the power and I do not.

I don't reply. I just stare at him with wide and tired eyes.

"Not feeling up to a conversation? I know you have questions. And trust me, I'll answer any of them now." He says and my mind snaps into motion.

As much as I despise him, I need to know what is happening. I need to talk to him.

"Why?" I spit through gritted teeth.

"Be more specific." He scolds me.

"Why am I being punished?" I ask, my voice surprisingly steady.

"Oh, I think you've figured it out by now. I know you're a smart girl Rosaline. So I'll confirm your theories. Yes, Kyle was my brother. And he was my only family. And what do you do? You ruin his life."

"I didn't-" I begin to interrupt him but he snaps at me.

"Hey I'm not fucking finished!" He yells, the veins in his neck popping out. He takes a deep breath and continues in a normal tone, "As I was saying, you ruined his life. You wrongfully accused him of murder and then drove him to kill himself. That was my brother. My brother!" He emphasizes.

As he speaks, I search my memories for warning signs of this, there had to be some. And then I remember one.

It was the last time I saw the boys perform. They had just sung Summer Love and I couldn't take it anymore so I ran outside crying.

I notice Rick walking out the door as I wipe the black from under my eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks the second he steps closer to me.

"Nothing. It's just...losing someone hurts." I sniffle and look up at him. His expression is stone cold suddenly and he isn't looking at me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I'm staring at him either.

"Trust me sweetheart, I know." He says. The way he said sweetheart gave me the chills. Kyle used to call me that. His eyes glance up at me and again they shock me. He still has the same beady black eyes I noticed in the car.

He nods at me before throwing his cigarette on the ground and stomping on the lit end. With one final glare at me, he turns and saunters back into the arena.

It was all right there. I was just too blinded by my own self pity. If I had opened my eyes to anyone's problems but my own then maybe things would be different. A lot of things. Again, I can't help but feel oh so selfish.

"I swear, Rick. I never tried to-" I try to make a case for myself but I'm silenced by him again.

"I don't want to hear it, okay? I just want you to suffer the way Kyle is suffering." He says and my blood runs cold.

He is going to kill me

I think he can sense my sudden fear.

"Do you think I'm going to kill you my dear? Oh no, no, no. That would be too easy. I want you to be here so you can feel what Kyle feels. I know you value the happiness of your family and friends more than your own. Killing you would take away the joy I get out of seeing you in pain. But not your pain, their pain."

"What do you mean? If you hurt them I swear to God I'll-" I start but like always he interrupts.

"Calm yourself." He says sternly, "I meant that you and Kyle both are dead. You just get the benefit of sticking around to see the pain it causes others. Then maybe you'll understand what Kyle's death did to people too. Maybe then you will learn the impact of your crime."

Everything suddenly snaps into place. I understand. The letter was a suicide note. And it worked. Rick has set up a plan so that everyone thinks I'm dead. They all think I committed suicide and of course they believe it. I'm not there to tell them otherwise. So I'm stuck in here while they are all in pain out there. It's genius in a sick way.

Rick wants to see me in pain and he wants me to feel the way he assumes Kyle does in heaven. Although, I believe Kyle is somewhere far worse than that.

There is, however, a major flaw in his plan.

"Just one problem Rick. I'm not around to see their pain." I say with arrogance.

"Aren't you though?" He replies with equal confidence.

It is then that he places the laptop in front of me and opens a file. It's a video.

"Being their security sure does have it's perks." He says as he presses play.

It looks like the security footage for backstage at a concert. There's a few leather couches and some tables with snacks on them. I also notice racks of clothes and booths for hair and makeup. Yes, this is one of their concerts.

And then I hear her laughter. Brook.

The wind gets knocked out of me when I see them all.

Tears immediately brim in my eyes, I haven't seen her in so long. And then the boys walk in. My eyes instinctively follow Niall. He is carrying Brook on his back and she is laughing.

"Niall I'm gonna fall!" She cries out. I feel a pang of jealousy and happiness at the same time.

"No you aren't." He reassures her and jogs faster. Harry walks by them and pushes Brook off of Niall and onto the couch.

"Don't lie to her Niall." He says and then begins to giggle like a schoolboy.

"Real mature of you Harry." Ashland says with a roll of her eyes. She came too.

"I'm sorry babe." Harry says and pulls her in. He kisses her right there in the middle of the room and my jaw falls open. Ashland and Harry, a couple?

"Save it for later, lovebirds." Louis says and fake gags.

I turn away from the screen as a tear escapes my eye.

"Watch or I'll start it over until you do." Rick threatens and I force my eyes back to the video.

Just as I do I see something I didn't expect.

My parents walk into the room. I notice the way my mom has her head lowered and my dad's arm is protectively around her. That's strange for them. Unless...they already know.

"Mom? Dad? You guys flew in for my last concert!" Brook squeals with excitement. So it's the last tour date as well I guess.

"It was great baby girl." My dad says but his voice is sad.

"What's wrong guys?" Brook says and takes a step closer to my mother. My mom brushes Brooks shoulder.

"Sit down please, everyone." She asks yet it is in a kinder tone than normal for her.

They all comply and sit on the large leather couch.

Zayn, then Louis, then Harry with his hands around Ashlands, then Liam, then Brook, and finally Niall sits on the arm of the sofa. My heart aches for them all already.

"What is it mom?" Brook asks timidly. I can tell she's nervous by my mothers vulnerable demeanor.

She clears her throat and pauses.

"Rosaline has...has..." She takes a deep breath to steady her shaky voice, "Rosaline has passed away." She forces out and my heart shatters.

I look at everyone's reactions. Nobody says anything. The silence is suffocating.

Zayn lowers his head and keeps his expression cold.

Louis runs a hand through his hair and avoids looking at my parents.

Harry clenches his jaw and snakes an arm over Ashland's shoulder then squeezes.

Ashland remains still but I can see her face and chest contort with emotions.

Liam leans forward on his elbows with his head in his hands.

Brooks cheeks already are wet with tears and her eyes are blazing with sadness.

Niall stands up quickly and paces for a few moments. I see him run a hand through his hair and down his face. He then walks over to a wall and punches it with his fist and a scream of frustration leaving a dent before sliding down it and putting his head between his knees.

My hand reaches out for a split second but I pull it back. My heart feels like it's about to explode.

"What happened?" Harry solemnly asks. Ashland leans onto his shoulder.

"She took her own life." My mother says quietly and everyone looks up, waiting for her to elaborate.

"The police found this sweatshirt and a picture in it folded by the edge of the bridge. She jumped, but it was high tide. They couldn't find a...body." She brings a shaky hand into her large bag and pulls out something. My hands cover my mouth so I don't let out a sob.

It's Niall's hoodie and our first picture from the beach that I keep in it. I cannot believe Rick fucking laid a hand on it. But it was a brilliant idea in terms of convincing them.

Niall stiffens at the sight of it. They all recognize it from the Ellen Show when it was reported missing.

"And then there was the letter...she wrote it." My mom clutches the paper to her chest. The police must have flown all of my things back home.

"I want to hear it." Niall says and stands up. He positions himself back in his spot next to Brooklyn who is now sobbing into Liam's shoulder.

"Of course." My mother says and unfolds it carefully. I can practically see her hands shaking.

She begins, "To whom it may, or may not, concern, I do realize that I have been nothing but a disappointment my entire life. I have tried so hard to be better than I really am, I swear. Nothing seems to make the hurt go away though. There is only so much a fake smile can hide. And I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of this miserable life I'm living, it's not much of a life at all. I've accepted the fact that everyone would be better off without me...and that's okay. Mother, I love you and I know now...and I know now..." She pauses and tries to stifle a sob with her hand, just as I am. Her voice shakes uncontrollably. My mom doesn't like crying in front of people. I'm actually shocked I have such an effect on her. I feel bad for underestimating how much she loved me.

"And I know now you only tried to do what was best for me. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner." She continues and then stops again as she hunches over and cries into her hands. Even though Rick wrote them, the words hold truth. I do wish I had seen how much she cared for me earlier.

"Honey, let me." My father finally speaks and gently touches her back. She nods and hands him the crumpled paper.

"Father, I love you and thank you for what you have given me in life. You are such a good person, honestly." He reads and his voice trembles. My dad's voice never trembles.

"Brooklyn, I love you more than life and I pray and beg that you never stop smiling. Be happy, always." He says. Brook sobs louder when he reads it.

"Ashland, I love you so much and I fear I may have hurt you most of all, especially because you were the one always there for me." Ash shakes her head no like she's telling me I'm wrong, like she's trying to convince me she doesn't hate me. The thought makes me cry out for her.

"Niall, I love you...I really do...and I bitterly regret what I did and said before. Please don't believe a word of it." Niall's face remains stoic as my dad reads this. I'm actually glad he's hearing those words even if not from me. He deserves them.

"Harry, I love you and I pray you don't think too low of me, though I know I deserve all of it." Harry also shakes his head like Ashland did. Like he's telling me I'm wrong about what he thinks of me.

"Zayn, I love you and thank you for being my dependent shoulder to cry on. I know I've completely abused your trust, and I'm sorry." Zayn's head stares at the ceiling as my dad says it.

"Liam, I love you and I know you are too lovely and kind of a person to understand what I did, but please try to." Liam bites his lip and hugs Brooklyn's shoulder.

"Louis, I love you and I hope you know that some days you were the only reason I smiled, please hold onto your happiness." Louis's eyes look tired as he stares off into space. The light has left them.

"Navy, I love you and Rebecca and I hope you know that you distracted me from the pain, so for that I thank you both." I didn't even think about them but as soon as my father says their names my heart aches for them as well.

"Caroline, I love you and I long to be in your welcoming embrace again. Please don't be disappointed in me." Caroline. My sweet Caroline. I will always defend her no matter how many times Rick says I was lying about Kyle.

"Kyle, I feel no sympathy for you except for the fact that I falsely accused you for Caroline's death. I realize I drove you to do what you did to me, but that doesn't make it right." Niall's fists tighten and then something happens I wasn't expecting.

Niall jolts upwards and starts screaming, "No Rosie, fucking no! None of it was your fault, none of it! Why did you do this!" He walks back to the snack table and flips it over. At this point everyone jumps a little in their seat, but nobody says anything.

Niall punches the wall again, this time leaving a more noticeable dent, and then Liam stands up. He rushes over to Niall and grabs his shoulders, pinning his arms.

"Niall, Niall calm down!" He says as Niall twists in his grip. I've never seen his face so red.

"No fuck off!" He screams.

"Niall, please." Liam says softer and Niall stops moving. He hangs his head low and drops his arms to his side.

"Why did you do this? Why?" He says quieter and my heart deflates further, "I'm sorry sir, please continue." He turns his attention to my father.

"It's okay Niall, really. This is the rest of it; I apologize for all the things I did wrong. Please forgive me and please let go of me, I want you to. And don't think for even a minute that I haven't appreciated everything you've done for me. I do. Please don't feel guilty, any of you, or think that you could've done something to save me. I assure you, you couldn't have. I was the only one that could have saved myself. And I couldn't do it. I do love you all, but it's just not enough any more. I'd die for any of you, but I won't live for you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, please. I will always love you...forever." My dad takes a long pause before he speaks again, "Rosie."

It's as if once he says my name, it's really over. I'm afraid that might be true for me. It is really over.

I scan the crowd of my loved ones. Their faces are stained with tears and red from crying. Nobody says anything for a minute. The silence settles in on them until my mother speaks.

"This is all my fault, I sent her there." My mother breaks the silence. In that moment I feel closer to her than I ever have before. And it's too late.

Rick really is a genius. I do feel all the things he wants me to feel. I feel terrible.

"Mom, stop. This was nobodies fault. It was something that no one saw coming and even if we did I doubt we could have stopped it. Do you think she'd want you to think that it was your fault? No. She said it herself, she was the only one who could have saved her. Let's just remember the good things mom...the happy things." Brook says. At first she sounds stern, but she softens her tone at the end.

I'm blown away by how strong my little sister is yet again.

My mom wraps her arms around Brook. Then my dad wraps his arms around them both. It's silent again, but this is the most beautiful moment I've seen.

Niall stands up silently and grabs the hoodie off of the floor. He walks back over to his spot on the floor and buries his face in it. I see his chest rise and fall like he is breathing in my scent. The thought ignites something in me. Longing.

He then takes out the picture and stares at it in silence. One thumb rubs the fabric of the sweatshirt between his fingers and the other holds the photo. Correction: this is the most beautiful moment I've seen.

And then the video ends.