Chapter 12:

I down my second glass of wine in a minute flat. It's slowly helping me loosen up.

I find myself biting my lips or my nails or my hair, just anything to keep me distracted. I'm too on edge to even eat the salad I ordered. My mind is absolutely spinning. Ben is getting inside my head again and it's only been five minutes of conversation.

I'm starting to think that maybe it's because the last time we dated I never really got over it. There was no closure for me, I had no say in any of it. I wasn't finished with him, and maybe I've held onto this unfinished business without even realizing it.

"Rosie do you not like the salad?" Brook snaps me out of my confusing thoughts.

"What? Oh." I reply.

"You didn't answer the question." She raises an eyebrow.

"Question?" I finally start paying attention to the conversation.

"I asked if the salad was okay. Are you alright?" Brook asks, looking concerned.

"Yes. I'm just not in the mood for salad." Honestly the thought of eating lettuce makes my stomach churn.

"Oh, do you want some of mine?" She slides her plate over to me.

"No, I'm not hungry." I change my mind, I don't want anything.

I'm not going to get even fatter with Nina watching my every move. I'm not starving myself. I would have to be hungry in order to do that, but I'm not.

"Right." Brook turns to talk to Ashland.

"Can I get anything else for you guys before I go on break?" Ben comes over and asks.

"No, no. Go enjoy your break." Harry says with a courteous smile.

"Thank you. Hey Rosie, if you don't mind me asking...could we maybe talk outside for a minute?" He says to me. I feel Niall's hard stare into the side of my face. I even catch Ashland stiffen in her chair.

Ben must notice Niall's expression too because he says, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. Are you two still a thing?" He gestures to me and Niall.

I meet Niall's eyes and we immediately look away.

"No, we most definitely are not." Niall says. That was not necessary, he didn't need to add that. A simple no would have sufficed. He just wants to hurt me. Niall never used to purposely hurt me. It's shocking how much people can change.

"Well, what do you say then?" Ben smiles.

I can't accept his offer, I just can't do that to myself. After all this time of killing myself over him...I can't just allow him back. I can't.

"Yea, sure Ben." I reply, despite my mind screaming for me to tell him off. I never could say no to him.

I stand up slowly and smooth out my dress.

"I'm sorry to leave Ash I'll be right back." I feel bad, this is her night.

"That's not the part that upsets me." She says skeptically. She doesn't want me talking to Ben again. I'm really tired of them right now, I think I'm capable of deciding who I speak to.

I ignore her and walk over to Ben, who just hung up his apron.

"Let's go out back." He says and guides me with his hand on my lower back.

We find the street connected to the back of the restaurant. The street lamps cast an orange glow making Ben look really handsome. I can see the muscles in his jaw contract under the light. He leans against a brick wall and I stand beside him.

"What did you want Ben?" I say. My tone sounds annoyed even though I'm not on the inside. I just want him to know he can't win me over this easily.

"Well, I just have some things to say to you. But first of all I mean, I thought you were dead. What's going on?" He asks.

"Do you remember Caroline?" I ask him, looking up at the night sky. That's the one thing I don't particularly like about London. You can never really see the stars.

"Yea, I do." He says sadly. He knows how much I loved her.

"Well, awhile ago I figured out that Kyle, her boyfriend, killed her. Kyle killed himself so he wouldn't get put in jail because of me. Long story short, his brother Rick got angry at me and staged my suicide then kept me in his basement for months." I explain quickly.

"And he let you go?" He grabs my hand and begins to make circles in my palm.

"No. I got away. He uh, tried to hurt me but he was drunk so I escaped. Of course only after he stabbed me, which is not very pleasant FYI. But, you know, collateral damage." I say sarcastically to hide the pain behind the story.

"I had no idea you went through all of this. I'm so sorry." He runs a worried hand over his jaw.

"No it's not like you could've known anyways. And besides, I'm alright now. Or at least I'm working on it." I sigh and focus on the patterns he draws into my hand.

"You don't need to hide from me anymore Rosie." He tilts my chin to look at him. He could always tell when I was holding back.

"Don't I though Ben?" I say and look back at the sky.

"Look, I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of. I was a jerk. A stupid, naive, idiot teenager. I'm not even going to insult you by trying to defend myself here."

I meet his gaze once again because his words struck me. This is really all I've ever wanted from him. An explanation, an apology, I just never thought they would come.

"All I cared about back then was myself. And then I made the worst mistake of my life. I took advantage of our relationship and of your trust. And afterwards, after the smoke cleared, I was left with nothing. That's not a fun place to be Rosie. But it's exactly what I needed. After graduation I realized all the petty things I once valued meant nothing. And I saw what I did to you for the first time...and I hated it. I hated myself for it so I vowed I would change. And I swear to god I have. I dropped all of my fake friends and replaced them with ones I actually trusted. And remember how my dad wanted me to become a lawyer at Oxford? Well, I took your advice finally and decided to do what I wanted for once. I got into UCL because of you. I don't want to be just another overprivileged jerk who uses people to get what he wants. I don't want that life anymore. Basically, I'm trying to say that I'm not that guy anymore. And I never will be again."

His speech was eloquent and it flowed from him like he rehearsed it a thousand times. But I believe every word.

"Well, that's great Ben. I'm glad you're happy." I reply. Strangely enough I am glad his life turned out okay. Maybe his one mistake doesn't have to dictate his entire life.

"I am, but it's hard to be happy knowing how upset I made you. And this is basically one big dragged out I'm sorry. I really am. And I want us on good terms again. Maybe not right away, but eventually. I'm tired of not speaking to you when at one point you were the only one I always could speak to." He squeezes my hand and I remove it from his grasp.

"It's not that simple. I just don't think you get what you did to me." I say and wipe a tear brewing in my eyes.

"You're wrong. I do understand, completely. The boy you knew was so different from the man I want you to get to know. And this man will do everything in his power to heal the wounds he has caused." He says. A gust of wind blows and I shiver in my dress.

He drapes his jacket over my shoulders.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"This sucks, especially because it's all my fault." He shakes his head.

"What sucks?" I ask.

"This, us, everything. There was a time when I imagined my future so differently. I imagined you and me going off to college together. Then you would become a ballerina and I a lawyer...and eventually I would ask for your hand in marriage. We would buy a cute yellow house in the suburbs because I know how much you wanted a yellow house. We would have a baby girl who would eventually get a baby brother and maybe even more siblings. And I would be the luckiest man on the planet. But the world works in twisted ways, and my future doesn't look nearly as bright now."

I hang onto his every word, every syllable, every breath. Because that's what I wanted too.

"Yeah, Ben. Neither does mine. But hey, we all make mistakes. Let's not let them dictate our future." I smile at him because quite honestly I pity him. I never realized just how guilty he felt about this. And I know the feeling. I'm not one to deal out second chances, but my friends have all been so accepting of me that I must try to be the same way.

"I'm afraid they already have." He looks up at me with watery eyes and something in my heart aches for him.

"It's not too late to right your wrongs." I rub his arm with my left hand and he gives me a sad smile.

"I've missed you." He confesses. He sounds like a hurt little puppy dog.

"Honestly, I have too." I reply. I'm debating whether or not that's true though.

"Is there anyway that future we wanted could still be a possibility?" He asks.

"Hey I think it's a little too early to think about kids. A house maybe but kids...that's overkill." I joke with him and he laughs at my sarcasm.

"No silly, I meant the you and me part. Maybe we could try to get back on track. I'd like to be on the right track for once." He takes my hand in his again and I leave it there.

"Me too." I whisper. This is all so wrong, but it just feels so right.

"Do you think you'd be open to giving me another chance? We could always start over. Leave the past in the past, you know?" He grabs my other hand.

"I'd be willing to...consider that. I'd love to get to know the new you." I smile.

"Well then, let's start now. Hello miss, my name is Benjamin Williams. I am a dog enthusiast who enjoys cheese puffs, football, and you." He does a curt little bow.

"Nice to meet you sir. My name is Rosaline Callahan. I am a also a dog lover who enjoys hot chocolate, fluffy pillows, and your mothers cooking." I curtsy in my dress and we both laugh a little.

"Thank you for talking to me." He says in a serious tone.

"My pleasure."

"I should let you get back to your friends, my break is over anyways." He ushers us back inside.

"Here's your jacket." I begin to slide it off my shoulders.

"No, you need it more. Plus it'll give me an excuse to talk to you again before you leave." He smiles and winks before walking back into the kitchen.

I silently fall back into my seat. I don't even pay attention to the others. I can't wipe the stupid grin off of my face. I don't even know what I'm thinking right now, but maybe that's the beauty of it all.

"Why are you all smiles?" Louis asks from across the table.

"I'm not." I say while smiling like an idiot.

"Oh, okay." He rolls his eyes.

"Okay as your friend I'm saying this in advance, I told you so." Ashland says.

"Hey, we just talked! It's not like anything will happen." I reassure myself mostly.

Ben comes by to give us the check and Harry pays for it. He wouldn't hear it when anyone else offered to.

I stand up from the table to follow the others out. I walk closely behind Brook, my heels tapping along the carpet. I notice that it's raining outside now, great. Brook screeches and makes a mad dash for the limo.

"Hey Rosie wait up!" I hear as I'm about to follow Brook outside.

"Oh right, the jacket." I hand it over to Ben who catches up to me.

"Thanks and I believe I owe you something as well." He places a cloth napkin with two cookies in it in my hand. I laugh and smile at him.

"It was...nice to see you." I say.

"You as well. Very nice. My shift is over so allow me to escort the lovely lady to her carriage." He pulls out an umbrella and opens it as we step into the rain.

"Thanks Ben." I grin as he pulls me closer so we are both dry.

"Would it be too much to ask if I could see you again? Maybe tomorrow at three?" He asks.

"No that would be perfect. One sec." I grab a notepad from my bag and jot down my number.

"Here, text me later and I'll tell you the address." I say.

"I have your number." He laughs.

"No, I um...I changed it after school ended." I admit.

"Oh, cool. Well then I'll text you." He gives me a long hug and I breathe in his once so familiar scent. I've missed the good times we used to have almost as much as I hate the bad ones.

"Thanks for the cookies!" I say as he opens the door for me and I duck into the limo.

The second I sit down Ashland scoots over to me.

"Nothing will happen huh?" She says with a smirk.

"Oh, shut up." I nervously laugh.

"Just be careful." Her face becomes serious and I nod once.

"Yeah, I will. I just need to do this." I reply honestly. It's true, I need closure on Ben if I'm ever going to truly move on. I did love him once.

Maybe a second shot at a first love isn't all that crazy after all...