Chapter 15:

I left Ben's house early the next day in his old shirt and sweatpants. It wasn't awkward between us or anything, I just had a small sense of regret. The kind that doesn't control your thoughts, but you still feel a small twinge ever present in your chest.

When I got home this morning I went straight to my room without speaking to anyone, I'm almost ashamed of what happened. It's somewhat of a secret.

And that's where I am now. Sitting on my floor as a numbness begins to consume me. The small twinge in my chest grows as I add to the list of all the things I've ever regretted in my head. And then I look to my left and see a small piece of paper folded on the floor. My heart drops into the pit of my stomach. I scramble over to the paper.

He's back. Rick is back and he's playing a game with me the way Kyle once did. This is the first note Rick has left me so far. What if it's a threat to Brook again? I immediately begin to cry at the thought of them both. They haven't crossed my mind for awhile, I almost felt the illusion of safety.

Almost.

With shaky fingers I unfold the note. My heart rate increases with each passing second in anticipation.

It's just a receipt.

I just had a mini heart attack over a receipt. I thought this would relieve me of my worries, the fact that it isn't a threat, but it doesn't. I just really need some reassurance right now. I feel like I'm obligated to call Ben because he is my boyfriend and therefore when I want comfort I should look to him.

I dial his number into my phone.

"Hello?" He answers. I put the phone on speaker phone because nobody else is here.

"Hi Ben." I sniffle.

"Babe, I thought I told you I'd be busy today." He says.

"I know, I just needed to talk to you." I say and wipe a tear from my eye.

"What's wrong?" He sighs.

"I'm just...I'm worried about Rick. What if he comes back for me?" I begin to cry into the receiver, unable to hide it anymore.

"Is that what this is about? Well do you have any reason to think he will? Any sign of him?" Ben says impatiently.

"No, but-" I begin to express my feelings.

"But nothing babe. You're just a little tired I bet. You should get some rest then maybe you won't be thinking so irrationally." He says with virtually no concern in his tone.

"Ben I'm not tired. Don't you think my concern is justified? He tried to kill me." I reply, shocked at his nonchalant attitude.

"Rosaline, listen to me. He hasn't tried to contact you yet so therefore he probably won't in the future. It's just common sense, use some." He says.

"God Ben could you please try to act like you care!" I say louder. Behind me I hear a door open but I ignore it. It can't be mine, nobody comes to see me.

"Hey don't you dare suggest I don't care! You know that's insulting right?" He says, sounding almost angry.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just scared." I sniffle.

"I know that babe. But you are just overthinking this. It'll be fine okay?" He says.

"Okay." I sigh in defeat.

"You trust me don't you?" He says softly.

"Yes." I reply in monotone. I don't like the way he is brushing this off.

"Okay, good. I knew you were smarter than that. I have to go though so try not to call until later, alright? Bye babe, I'll see you tonight." He hangs up the phone before I can reply.

Try not to call until later? Is he serious?

Maybe I am just being stupid though. He said I was overreacting and he's usually right. Always, actually. It's probably my fault for being impulsive with my emotions.

But if that's true, then why can't I stop crying?

I drop the phone from my hand and pull my knees to my chest. I lean my head back against my bed and just cry. That's all I can do. I'm so helpless and defenseless here. Rick could just walk in and take me back to the hellhole he brought me to. I won't go back.

"No, no, no..." I begin to cry out softly at the thought of going back there.

I find myself rocking back and forth and then I hear an almost inaudible knock at my door.

"Rosie?" I hear someone whisper. I look up and my eyes widen in shock. Niall.

"What do you want? To pick on me some more?" I say and then continue crying into my legs. I'm not in the mood to fight with him.

"No, never." He looks hurt by my comment and I instantly feel awful, "I heard the phone call."

"Oh, it's nothing. He was just busy." I defend Ben, although, he probably doesn't deserve it.

Niall sits down beside me, so close his arms brush against mine.

"It's not nothing, but that's beside the point. You're the one I care about right now." He says with conviction.

I don't reply, but I do cautiously lean my head on his shoulder. I don't care that I feel the familiar burn of longing, I don't care that being near him is bad for me, I need the comfort.

"What are you feeling?" He asks softly.

"I'm scared. And I can't do anything about it. I just hate not knowing anything about where he is. What if...what if he comes back?" I say between shaky breaths.

"Then I promise I will be here to protect you." He strokes my hair with his hand around my body, "Always." He whispers the last part and the longing intensifies. Normally I try to contain it, but right now I don't care.

"You can't though. Not from him, nobody can." I whisper.

"I can try." He says.

"But you don't have to do that, not anymore." He isn't mine to need protection from. Ben is.

"Why do you always say that? 'Not anymore'? Just because you aren't my girlfriend doesn't mean I can't care." He says.

"I know. It just means you have to show it a little differently." I reply honestly. And I mean it. If Ben knew I was in Niall's arms right now I'm sure he wouldn't be too happy.

"Hey, I don't give two shits about Ben right now. I just want you to be okay." He says Ben's name with disgust. I nod into his warm shoulder. I've missed his scent.

We sit like that for a few hours it feels like. Just enjoying each others company. It's amazing how one minute I can scream at him and the next I can need him more than anyone.

My sobs have dulled into numbness again. Niall hardly had to say anything for me to feel better. After a few hours in his presence I feel so much brighter. And then the doorbell rings.

"That's Nina." He says quietly and abruptly gets up, like he's done something wrong.

In a way I guess he has.

He turns back to me before leaving, "No matter what kind of a front I put on, I'm here for you."

I smile at him and he smiles back before Nina again draws him away from me.

That meant a lot though, what he just said. Even if he's mad at me, or just pretending to be for some reason, he will always be there for me. And I for him.

Ben's name appears on my caller ID and for a moment I consider not answering. Just a moment though.

"Hi Ben. How was your day?" I ask to be polite.

"Amazing. I was at this gala for my fathers new country club and..." I listen absentmindedly as he goes off about some extravagant party that apparently was more important than me.

"Mmhmm, that's very nice." I reply while picking at my nail.

"Thanks babe. So anyways, I'll be there in like thirty minutes." He says and my mind becomes alert.

"Oh, right. See you then." I say and hang up. Crap. I forgot that everyone is going out to some brand new club tonight. Apparently Liam is really excited. I think it's called Funky Buddha.

I put on my tight black dress that Ben told me to wear. It has golden studs running down the middle of it and going around my waist in a chevron pattern. It also has cutouts at my waist that make me feel very uncomfortable, but Ben likes the dress so it's okay. I then put on studded black heels and some gold bangles. I straighten my hair and put on too much black eyeliner but that's fine with me, I don't want to look like myself anyways.

Ben comes promptly at 7 pm and he hugs me tightly. I let go as quickly as possible.

"Ready guys, let's go, let's go!" Liam ushers us all outside and into the cars. He's really quite enthusiastic.

Niall and Nina are in our car but this time I don't mind because I catch him smiling at me, and I smile back. Maybe we can be friends after all. Although, I don't like that idea in some ways.

When people go from being lovers to being friends, most people assume it means they never loved each other in the first place. Either that or they still do. I'm not particularly fond of either option, but I know I loved him once. I'm certain of it. If that leaves only one option...so be it.

But maybe I loved him as a friend and I mistook it for romance. That would explain why I feel like something is blocking me from loving Ben. It's because I have yet to realize I only loved Niall as a friend. It would also mean I can work on loving Ben without complications. Yes, I only loved Niall as a friend. And I still do...as a friend.

I know I don't believe myself in the slightest, but pretending I do is better than accepting I don't.

We arrive at Funky Buddah and enter through a back entrance to avoid any fans who found our whereabouts. Inside the place is packed. The group almost immediately disperses and I'm left alone with Ben.

"Let's go dance, babe. I know you love dancing." He winks. As he leads me towards the dance floor he stops at the bar first.

"Can I get a Jack and coke?" He asks.

"Make that two." I smile to the bartender.

"Hey whats with you and all this drinking? You never used to drink." He says skeptically. It's true, when we were dating I hardly ever even tasted alcohol.

"I've changed just as much as you have." I shrug.

"Well, I liked it better when you didn't drink. Don't you like being aware of what's happening? Wouldn't you rather stay sober?" He says.

"Uh, yea. Yea you're right." I agree without really wanting to.

"That's my Rosaline. Just one then." Ben says to the bartender.

"See, I knew you weren't like these trashy drunk girls." He smiles and wraps his arm around my waist. I'm relieved that I pleased him. Grabbing the drink with the other hand, he leads me to the middle of the floor.

We begin to move with the music and I can see Ben getting really into it.

He must go through five or six drinks in an hour. He's on the verge of being very...very drunk.

"Babe, can you go get me a drink?" He slurs and grabs my bottom.

"I really don't think that's a good idea." I say taking in his intoxicated state. I'm jealous almost. I really want to feel the relief of being drunk, I want to forget everything for a little while too.

"Just go get one." He says sharply.

"Ben-" I sigh, trying to reason with him but he cuts me off.

"Hey don't argue with me. Just get me a damn drink." He looks almost angry so I give in and make my way to the bar.

He was never a pleasant person while drunk, so I'm used to his harsh tongue.

"Can my boyfriend please have another Jack and coke?" I say in an annoyed tone.

The bartender smiles at me, "I can put a little less Jack and a little more coke if you'd like."

"Yes actually, that would be great." I laugh in response.

I maneuver cautiously through the crowd until I spot Ben dancing completely alone but probably not even noticing.

"Here you go ba-" I begin and then someone forcefully bumps into my back. I trip on my heel and stumble forward which sends the drink flying onto Ben's shirt.

I suppress a laugh at his expression. He looks really upset over this and it humors me.

"I'm sorry babe! He bumped into me!" I can't hold my laughter in.

"You think this is fucking funny!" He screams at me. I flinch back at his sudden rage. The veins in his neck pop out as he shouts but nobody turns around to look. His eyes don't hold humor, only fury. I suddenly don't feel humor either, only fear.

"It was an accident I-" I begin and feel myself backing up slowly.

He interrupts me not with words, but with the back of his hand slapping against my cheek. Hard.

His heavy hand makes contact with my cheekbone and I immediately bring my hands up to stop the stinging and throbbing pain. I look up at him in utter shock, but I don't recognize the man I see. All I see is a monster, for a moment I even see Rick and Kyle in him.

"Don't just stand there like an idiot! Get me a fucking napkin!" He says. His expression holds no remorse like I thought it would.

Tears threaten to expose themselves at any moment so I nod and turn around. I try to stare at the ground but I'm still in shock so I bump into somebody. I look up to mutter a sorry and I deeply wish a different person was in front of me.

I deeply wish a different person just saw that.

Anyone at all. Anyone but Niall.