(Jai's P.O.V.)

Even though I kept screaming for myself to wake up, I knew all to well that I wasn't really sleeping. I just like to think that I can wake myself up from the terrible moments of reality but, it doesn't work. I have a reason as to why I like to face my problems by calling them dreams because, as a child, I was told that if things every got rough or unbearable, to never curse the world or hurt anyone. I was told to simply close my eyes and pretend that it were all a dream. It used to work. When I did this act as a child, I used to close my eyes and take a deep breath. I used to whisper things to myself such as,

"Things will get better Jai don't worry. Pretend that what happened was just a bad dream. On the count of three, wake up from your dream and change your reality. C'mon Jai wake up." Then I used to count to three ever so slowly before I would open my eyes and when I opened them, I used to smile and say,

"Good job Jai! See? Everything is okay now." Then I would move on as if the bad in that day never happened.

Of course, I was only a child so, I was able to fool my own mind. Though nowadays, I would give anything to simply be able to say,

"Everything is okay now. Move on Jai."

I feel as if now, my mind fools me more often than not. As if the control over my mind I had as a child, simply isn't enough to control the thoughts that I have now. Sometimes I try to reenact my old methods, just to see if I could ever regain the control I once had. Though, whenever I close my eyes, I find no relief or difference in my wakening.

As I screamed at myself to wake up for the last time, I realized that these current attempts would be no different than any other I have tried the past days here at the foster home. I stopped screaming and released the harsh grip I had on my hair. I sank down to my knees and numbly stared at the small wooden door. I simply sat with a million of thoughts racing around in my head and none of which seemed to stop or slow down.

Soon enough though, Luke blocked my view as he crouched down in front of me. He looked straight into my eyes in order to try and see what might be going on in my head. Much like what I did with Dallas, who was currently standing in a far corner with Bia and Damion. I knew what Luke was trying to do so, I snapped my eyes shut to forbid him from seeing what could frighten him. If he even catches a small glimpse of the chaos in my head, then you might as well diagnose the both of us with insanity. Though, in all honesty, I don't consider myself insane. I'd say I have a colorful mind. A mind with metallic shapes, neon spray painted thoughts, cool colored emotions, and warm colored memories. All mixed with splotches of darkness here and there. The mixture of dark black colors make the mind have so much more value. Like a beautiful piece of chaotic artwork.

Much like reality I guess. Without nightmares, dreams would be so bland. Without hurt, loss, or pain in life, prosperity and blessings would become ignored and overlooked.

Before I could think harder any about this, Luke interrupted my thoughts by saying,

"Jai? Please open your eyes."

I shook my head and said,

"I'm scared."

"Why bug?" His voice was soft and it almost made me want to open my eyes.

"I'm scared that if you see the war in my head, you'll be a victim. I love you enough to keep my eyes closed for as long as I need to in order to keep you safe." I said with my eyes tightly shut.

"But Jai I love YOU enough to be willing to help you no matter the cost. No war involving you, isn't worth fighting. If anything, it's the only battle I'd fight. I'd fight with all that I have just for you to sleep soundly at night." Luke told me and I felt my eyes begin to open. Though, I managed to shut them tightly before they could reveal anything.

"Why? Why would I want to show you or anyone all the chaos in my head? Why should I let anyone fight but me?" I asked.

"Because, maybe chaos is easier to control with more than one mind. Just like the world is easier to face by holding another person's hand. Just like it's easier to roam the earth with someone taking the steps with you. Just like the way life is more valuable to live with someone by your side." Luke said to me and maybe he's right? I decided to trust my brother. I opened my eyes slowly and saw Luke looking at me with eyes full of care and concern. As he stared at my eyes, I couldn't help but wonder what he saw?

I guess it was enough for him to hold me close because, soon enough I found myself wrapped tightly in the arms of my brother.

"I don't even know what I see." He said to me.

"That's the war." I told him.

He then released me and pulled me into his lap. Beau came to sit across from me too so, the three of us sat closely together. Beau and Luke shared glances between each other before Beau began to speak,

"Jai, you know this is our reality right? That scene that happened with you earlier, was something else wasn't it?"

I nodded slowly and said,

"I know this isn't a dream. I just wanted to see if what mum always used to tell us would work this time."

They gave me confused looks and Luke questioned,

"What did mum say?" How could he not remember?

"Never curse the world or hurt anyone when things get rough or unbearable. Simply close your eyes and pretend it's all a dream." I quoted my mother. Beau's eyes became watery and he said,

"She did say that didn't she?"

Luke had a look of realization hit him as I said the familiar words and he looked down at the cement floor before he said,

"Why doesn't that work anymore?"

Beau shrugged before he spoke,

"Wouldn't that be amazing though? To be able to just close your eyes and then have everything become...okay?"

"Darkness wouldn't be able to win and nightmares wouldn't exist. I'm not sure what I would do with myself if such a thing were to happen." I honestly said.

"What do you mean? You'd be able to have sweet dreams and be happy! It's a dream for mankind!" Luke said.

"Well, my dreams would be much harder to understand. Without the monsters, we wouldn't be able to see the angels from the nightmares. With constant happiness, moments would become much harder to cherish. Without darkness, colorful minds would have no value you know? It's like nightmares and chaos are its own twisted form of beauty." I told my brothers.

"Then why were you so afraid to open your eyes earlier?" Beau asked.

"Because, even though I say the chaos is beautiful, it's terrifying. It depends on whether or not you can see the beauty in it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not fearless. I'm far from that actually. I simply find the chaos to be terrifying, but yet so beautiful." The neon thoughts in my head said.

"Like the spots on a ladybug! It has a pretty color of red, but it also has black spots painted all over it. It makes the ladybug even prettier don't you think? Darkness on color seems to create a beautiful pattern." I added.

"But there was no beauty in our father killing mum." Luke stated.

"I saw beauty when I saw her dancing in the stars though." I told him.

Before Beau or Luke could say anything else, Damion with a loud voice of panic said,

"Who wrote on the wall?!"

Then all of our heads turned towards the far wall of the room. The wall we were furthest away from as a matter of fact. Beau gasped and Luke's eyes turned dark as we saw what it was. There was words, written in a strange color that said,

'And the crimson red color of blood mixed with shades of fear is oh so attractive. -F'

The notegiver seems to understand the color of chaos better than anyone else. What's even more scary though, is the fact that we don't know what picture he or she plans to paint next.

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