a fair warning, this may be a rather negative chapter. however, i think a key part of the writing process is coming to terms with your story and its flaws - and i believe UPG has many. i want to express with my full heart, i do still love my fangan, my characters and the story i have created. i always will. it's been a key part of my life for years now, even before publishing.

on the contrary, i'd like to spread a positive message about self-critique, and it's okay for your work to have flaws! nobody is perfect, and i think truly analysing your work and addressing your personal issues with it is key to the writing process. after all, your story has to make sense.

with that, i would like to run through what i would personally change about my fangan if given the opportunity of a rewrite.

before we start: i don't think i will be redoing upg. despite my love for this fangan, i am quite keen to move on and create something new. additionally, i think it's important to preserve your old works. it's a sign of change and progression, and we shouldn't be ashamed of our past writing. if anything, we should be proud. it's a satisfying feeling to see how far you've come.

(update: i am debating turning UPG into a podfic, which is basically just a podcast based fangan. this would probably involve a big rewrite, since it would probably be in script form and the issues i discuss in this chapter need to be resolved. however this isn't 100%, as it would require volunteer work from VAs and redrawing all the sprites, plus rewriting the fangan. but let me know your opinions on this!)

and with that sob story out of the way, let's get right on with ripping my own work to shreds! (with love)

i'm going to be splitting this off into sections, and going through in as chronological of an order as i can. it will be difficult since some areas are broader than others, and many overlap. but i will do my best.

oh and also spoilers for my entire fangan so far lol. (up to the end of ch4)

section 1 - planning.

-the outlining stage

i'll be blunt, i didn't plan this fangan very well. despite how long i've had the storyline and characters, i never fully took the time to solidify EXACTLY what happens in the story. such as character progression, minor sub plots, planting of the mastermind reveal (though i have done a teeny bit in some chapters. read through again if you're curious 🤔)

of course, i didn't just wing it and come up with everything on the spot. i had every case planned from the beginning and every relationship between characters. however, i really didn't take the time to fully consider what was going to happen in detail. when were characters going to show signs of their arc? when were tensions going to rise? so on and so forth.
to improve, i'd obviously just plan better. write a full outline for every character arc, every chapter, etc. while i did make a rough plan, a lot of it i either forgot or changed because i didn't like it. so i've just had to shoehorn in a lot of details i don't particularly like.

-lack of creativity.

even though UPG is completely separate to the danganronpa universe and has its own university and setting which has an extensive history (all will be revealed soon 😉), i still don't think i was very creative. not gonna lie, it might as well have been set in hope's peak.

in fact at one point it was! it was originally set in hope's peak, but i changed this because my story had no affiliation with the danganronpa universe. it wouldn't really make sense, other than having monokuma.

so kind of last-minute i came up with lorem. while i am proud of lorem as a concept and the whole future ultimates thing, i hate to say that it isn't the most original. it's just a carbon copy of hope's peak.

thankfully, i already have intentions to improve this in my next fangan. i won't go too in detail, but it's going to be set in a youth rehabilitation centre in dystopian japan. while it isn't the most wacky, out of the box idea, i still can't wait to show it to you guys.

also, i think my story follows too many fangan tropes, both with plot and characters. the friendly figure dying in chapter one? jin gets executed. chapter 3 double murder and flip-out? kuroko. chapter 4 suicide? daiki.

to be truthful, kaso was never meant to die in chapter 4. this was going to be his key arc moment in which he began to work towards change. he would end up being a survivor. i eventually decided to change this for two reasons.

1. the chapter 4 suicide is alarmingly common in the fangan community, despite it only being part of one canon game.

2. it felt wrong to have kaso survive. he's just too much of a horrible person for him to be a satisfying survivor for the reader. plus, i was extremely uncomfortable with redeeming an abuser. i think truly kaso is too far gone and is not deserving of the survivor role, and i couldn't find any other opportunity to kill him.

i think in general chapter 4 would need a complete overhaul. it doesn't make a lot of sense and the trial is very badly structured. they don't really seem to talk about things in a realistic order, which is something i'm VERY critical of in fangans. it was a very rushed case due to the sudden change in outcome.

this partly links into my bad outlining. this change was extremely sudden and it means i had to cram in a load of development for kaso extremely quickly. this just makes his entire arc feel rushed.

section 2 - characters and their arcs.

nice smooth transition there.
i havent done one for all of my characters, just a few i think have glaring issues :]

-kihona

gonna say it REALLY loud - kihona is a boring ass protagonist.
as much as she has her whole backstory going on, her challenging past and how she had to grow as a person, it all means nothing when she can't deliver an entertaining point of view.
i do really love her character, she's sweet and she has good relationships with the other characters, but i really don't think she has that many faults. sure, she's judgemental, snobbish and holds grudges, but this both isn't evident enough through her narrative and doesn't hold her back all that much. the only interesting part of her character is her relationship with mitsuharu.

how would i rewrite kihona? i'd probably just really amp up her snootiness, so she has an obstacle she has to overcome that isn't just her past.

in my next fangan im gonna give my main protag many flaws that he genuinely has to overcome

-jin:
fuck you im doing this in the wrong order

anyways jin is one of my favourite characters writing wise. i really like the red herring of him being 'one of the trio' and then immediately turning out to be a murderer. and i REALLY love him as a character and his backstory. he's probably my second favourite, i could rant about him and his life forever.

i wouldn't change his role in the story or where he dies per se, i'd just like to explore his past more because it's very interesting i think.

anyways i <33 jin he deserved better, i hate myself.

-haruka

haruka just feels like the classic 'poc protag's best friend' trope. not only is this trope overused, it's harmful. i don't think i lean too badly into this - she has her own life outside of kihona and relationships with the other characters. but i think overall she just needs more screen time. her entire friendship with kihona isn't very well established and they really don't have much reason to like each other.

amai

i literally had a whole arc planned for amai. and i just,,,,forgot to put it in???? she was supposed to have an entire moment where we expose her insecurity. she was going to come into the canteen, no makeup, no contacts, no hairdo, and it would be a vulnerable moment for her. she'd still be the same bitch, but it would at least be a bit of clarity with her character. and i just never included it? i'm so mad at myself because now she just looks like a really shitty mean girl with no personality. i'd definitely give her more screentime and forced conversations with kihona.

this was probably down to how crowded chapter 3 was. the arc was planned before the game was ever really an idea, and i underestimated how little time id have for free time events.

-minato

i don't have much to say about minato other than HE DOES NOTHING. classic first victim syndrome, a jokey character who stands around and makes a fool of himself and then gets killed off first. please believe me when i say minato is more than that, he has his own story and stuff going on, and he has a reason for acting the way he does. this is something i may or may not have already discussed depending on when this chapter gets published (im prewriting lol)

-kaso

i've already discussed one of my many issues with kaso's character, and how he wasn't fit for my original plans, so i had to change them. however, unsurprisingly, i have more issues with his writing.
he's meant to be the antag, yet he isn't very antagonistic. sure, he's a massive dick in the earlier chapters. but he doesn't follow the natural progression of what an antag SHOULD do- slowly getting worse. if anything he just shuts up in like chapter 3 and does nothing. with all the shit going on in ch3 it was hard to get him time to be his antagonistic self. if i were to rewrite i'd likely make it so kihona spends time with him during the game.

i would probably completely solidify his past with ayana before continuing to write. at the beginning of publishing, even i wasn't entirely sure. i'd look into how this affects him as a person today and if it makes him more or less redeemable.

-daiki

isn't in the story enough. period. while he gets a lot of focus in ch4 with his relationship with kaso and that stuff, he's basically unseen up until that point. i'd probably make his decline into depression a steadier slope, showing his regression.

-ayana

to be honest, my writing of ayana isn't that bad. since she's been my oc for 7ish years, i've really gotten to understand her since i've basically grown up with her. however, i sheerly underestimated how pivotal it was to the story to know about her relationship with kaso. while it is addressed, it's never fully shown from ayana or kaso's side. i thought ayana would be picked for WAY more ftes which i was very incorrect about. so for a change i'd probably do more interactions with her and have more confrontations with kaso.

kohi

to be honest im quite happy with kohi's character, i just wish his reasoning for liking ayana was more evident. the truth is is that he latched onto her because she was the one who woke him up and they investigated together when they first arrived at the killing game, so he sort of felt like he owed her a favour. however, this isn't really clear, in fact i don't even think it's mentioned at all.
i don't think he really NEEDS much reasoning other than 'pretty big boob woman who's nice to me' but i wish id given their relationship a bit more screen time to really show why he feels such an attachment to her.

and also give him more of a character outside of ayana. i think this was mostly down to me thinking he'd be picked for more free time events, which would be where he'd talk more about his life and interests, but sadly i don't think he even had one FTE

-charlotte

fun fact! charlotte was never meant to be in upg. there were only 16 characters, not including Misha. however, i came to realise that nobody questioned the electric fence and if it actually was going to kill them. i didn't want to kill off any other cast member, so i quickly brought up an old character design and made charlotte birkin.
in reality she legit could have been replaced by a rock lmao. i wouldn't remove her character, i'd probs just make her more pivotal to the story.

-yashira

ooh boy time to get uncomfortable.
while i love yashira, she feeds into a very harmful stereotype of black women. 
i admit this was not intentional (she wasn't originally meant to be black, i just kind of thought of her with darker skin and liked how she looked), i wanna come clean about this fact fully.
it's common for black women to be portrayed as loud, obnoxious and violent in media -traits yashira exhibits very well. it's something i never really thought about until recently. i don't like that i am pushing these negative stereotypes.
i still do like yashira's general attitude, i just think some things need adjusting to remove her from this stereotype, which paints black women to be dangerous.
yashira is still a very intelligent woman, she just acts on impulse and doesn't think with a clear head. i think i'd probably make her survive longer just so we can see that she's actually very sensitive and intelligent, maybe a late victim type role.

overall, with my characters, i think my biggest downfall was underestimating how pivotal it is for each character to at least get some time to interact with the protagonist, to just see at least a little bit of their life behind the front they put on. i think more free time events and forced interactions would really have saved my fangan in this aspect.

minor changes i'd make lol

-get rid of monokuma. as fun as it has been writing his screechy, yorkshire man voice, there is really no reason for monokuma to be there. there is explanation for why he is used as a vessel for the mastermind, but imo it could easily be changed. i was originally going to use a humanoid robot but was having too much trouble with its design

-more free time events! i feel like we barely got any development from a lot of characters and that really hinders the growth of the story. i'd probably still put it to public vote but at least make sure every character gets a bit of time with the protagonist.

-i'd change a lot of the character names. most of them are just lest overs from the very very early stages of the fangan where the names were CRINGE and unauthentic (might do an extras book chapter about what this fangan started out as in like 2018!!) i think names like 'Ugoku' and 'Kasaino' are not remotely authentic and therefore i feel inclined to change them

-charlotte would become the ultimate streamer. blogger is so vague and overused and i imagine she prefers streaming.

-just write better lol 🧍‍♀️ a lot of these chapters are rushed as hell and i don't like the writing

i don't know how to end the chapter any differently than i end my other ones. i have no brain.

please don't see the flaws in my fangan. 🌀🌀🌀🌀ooooh my fangan is perfect and has no flaws oooooooooooh 🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

once again, i want to stress that I DO LOVE MY FANGAN! my ocs are my babies and i look back at when i first made them with pride. critical thinking about your story telling is vital to improvement. otherwise, where would we move in the world?
thank you for listening to this cesspool of negativity. i may make a part two when the story is done as like a final wrap up.

take care!
-bunny ❤️‍🩹