LN: "god I forgot how long your showers were get out of there we are running late!"
I soaked in the hot water for one last second before turning off the shower.
YN: "happy?"
I screamed back.
LN: "ecstatic! Your clothes are on the bed!"
YN: "thank you!"

I peaked my head out of the bathroom to check to see if it was clear to come out. The door was shut and no sign of him so I hurried out and began getting changed.

I mean it was nothing he hadn't seen before but being broken up probably meant that he shouldn't keep getting a sneak peak.

I shoved more panadol down my throat and hurried out the door.
YN: "okay let's hit the road."
LN: "I'm driving! In case that wasn't already made abundantly clear, I don't think you would pass the breath test."
YN: "that is a risk I do not want to take as a professional driver."
I picked up my stuff as lando led the way to the car.

He kindly agreed to play music softly and drive slower to make the journey more tolerable.
LN: "hey can we talk for a sec."
My heart instinctively started beating faster.
YN: "yeah."
I turn down the music to concentrate on what he was going to say.
LN: "In the spirit of awkwardness that has been the last 12 hours, I wanted to talk about our break up."
I let out a shakey okay. The last time we spoke about this it didn't go to well.
LN: "I'm sorry for lying to you. I didn't even realize that I didn't apologize yet until last night. I've been ignorant and haven't acknowledged that this is hard on you too."
YN: "yeah well as I said last night 'you hurt me'."
To undercut the cruelty in the comment I quoted the words in a childish voice like I did last night.
I looked over to see his hurt eyes. I honestly was scared he would never realize the damage he did after the argument we had back at the MTC. But he was actually maturing, growing.
Chars reasoning began to ring in my head, I couldn't be too hard on him.
YN: "thank you though, for apologizing."
I studied his face as he concentrated on the road. His jaw unclenched slowly as his eyebrows began to rise again.
As he felt me staring he turnt to face me. Too slow to react our eyes met. He flashed a sad smile before turning back to the road, leaving us to drive the rest of the way in silence.
———————————

As we got out of the car, I was met with chars raised eyebrows. Other engineers strolled right past not thinking twice of lando and I showing up in the same car.
LN: "I'm gonna assume you want to keep last nights break down the on the down low."
His voice was hushed, just for my ears.
YN: "yes please."
I put on a smile as char got closer.
CS: "lando, can I speak to you privately?"
LN: "yeah."
It was like watching a parent try to keep it together in public, but hinting to the kid they were gonna cop a beating at home.
The two walked away leaving me alone. Cool.

I walked to the sim room by myself, unable to stop thinking about what the two were talking about. We were good now, I prayed that she wouldn't make us worst off.

I met with some of the team prior to hoping on the sim.
Engineer: "your looking well rested."
I gave him the finger in a banterly way. I tried to use make up to give color to my face, apparently it didn't work.
M: "reckon you can cut down from yesterday like this?"
YN: "sorry I'm just tired but when I get in there I'll fire up."
E: "if you say so."
I needed to do well, I could be in trouble for pulling a stunt like this. That was the last thing I wanted on my plate.

My brain worked slow at first, reaction time slow, classic side effect of binge drinking. But thankfully I began to zone in, memorizing timing and braking zones. By the end of the two hours I had shaved off three whole seconds on my lap time.
M: "leaps and bounds yn amazing progress today!"
I held my thumbs up through the window.
I exhaled a massive breath, it was almost as much pressure as a race to perform well.

As I was sitting at the computer screen analyzing data from the training the door opened revealing Andreas.
AS: "hey yn, can we have a chat?"
It could be of one of two reasons. I was in a lot of trouble, or I did something really good. Off the top of my head I hadn't really done anything great lately.
YN: "yeah of course."
I gulped as I exited the room and met Andreas in the hallway.
YN: "how's your day been?"
I tried to feel out where this was going to go.
AS: "good good. Two things I wanted to talk to you about, firstly where are you at with resigning?"
I was taken back. I definetly should have given this some thought.
YN: "erm honestly I've been a little preoccupied lately and haven't given it as much thought as I would've liked. Is there a deadline to sign?"
AS: "late October?"
I nodded.
AS: "is there any way we can help you making a decision?"
Fix lando and I?
YN: "no McLaren is honestly great I think I just want to explore all my options before I confirm my decision."
AS: "of course, understood. Secondly, on a more negative note...I received a complaint you showed up today hung over."
My eyes widened, I suddenly felt more nauseous than I have all day.
YN: "I...erm..."
AS: "look your not in trouble but remember this is a work place, not to happen again alright."
His firm words were scary enough to convince me never to drink again.
YN: "absolutely of course I'm so sorry it wasn't planned I just had a lot going on personally and it got out of hand and trust me I regret it."
AS: "great. Well good luck with training and preparations, hopefully you can perform great again at Hungary, should we aim for P5?"
I nodded.
YN: "that's the goal!"
He gave a small smile before walking away.
This day is definetly going in the forget pile.
————————-

Jess came and found me in the computer room to let me know it was time for fitness. We walked side by side, her offering to walk to the other side of the MTC with me.
JH: "so how's it going with lando?"
YN: "good."
I tried my best to sound enthusiastic.
Jess laughed in response halting me in my tracks.
JH: "sorry Charlotte told me when you lied you do that cheek thing which you just did."
I looked down at the floor. Huh.
JH:  "she also told me about the other thing."
I frowned. I started to continue walking to the gym not really wanting to engage in this topic of conversation, but was held back.
JH: "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I like to think you can talk to me as a friend."
Oh.
YN: "thanks, of course we are friends, I like that."
JH: "instead of getting wasted alone..."
I cringed.
YN: "oh so you heard..."
JH: "I would be on alert of Charlotte, she was not happy."
YN: "did she tell Andreas?!"
JH: "god no! She wouldn't snitch on her friend."
I nodded acknowledging the truth to it.
JH: "wait a minute someone told Andreas?"
YN: "yes it was a mortifying discussion but it's over now. I think it was someone in the analyst team."
JH: "well if it was obvious enough for Charlotte to see it as you walked in it's not out of the realm of possibilities..."
I pushed her playfully.
YN: "and don't push me back, I'm still fragile!"
We giggled as we walked on.
It felt good to have another girl to talk too, who knew about what was going on, who I could be open and honest with. It was better than drinking away my sorrows alone.