"I must admit, Number Five, in all the time that I've been here, I've never met anyone quite like you." We were now at the commission walking along-side many men and women that worked there.  "Hazel and Cha-Cha, for example, are talented, certainly, but they can't see the big picture. Your spunk, your enterprising spirit, well, it reminds me a great deal of myself, if I may be so vainglorious. If things work out for you here, you could potentially make a fine successor, Five."

"I'd like to discuss the logistics of my family's safety at your earliest convenience. As well as this body replacement." Five spoke while we walked up some stairs, obviously not caring about the handlers big speech.

"Such chutzpah. It's refreshing, I'll admit. Slow down, Five. All in good time. In fact, now that you've finally agreed to work with us, we've got all the time in the world." She spoke taking us on a sort of tour. "The Commission works in support of a delicate balance between the time line of events and mankind's free will. The briefcase is no longer part of your kit. Free your mind. You're management now. One of us. All the people on this floor are case managers, each one responsible for one major event at a time."

"So many of them." I spoke looking around the place in amazement.

"Impressive, isn't it? Being part of something so grand. Oh and Y/n before you start here you will have to watch a sort of, introduction video." She spoke looking at me. "Come along. Whenever someone chooses the wrong path and the time line is changed, the Commission gets a report from field agents on the ground. These field reports are sorted and assigned to a case manager.
They determine if anyone needs to be removed from the equation to assure that their event happens as it should." She said as we walked into a slightly darker room, tubes filled the room and an older lady stood in the middle. "Based on that determination, the case manager sends instructions via pneumatic tube to temporal assassins like you formerly were, Number Five. Any queries so far?"

"Yeah. Who was the case manager handling me?" Five spoke.

"Ah. You mean the apocalypse." She answered stroking fives jawline with her finger. 

'Ugh, what did these two get up to when Five worked here?' I wondered to myself

"Five, meet Dot." The handler said and we walked into another room full of people and type writers. 'What year are we in?' "Oh, hi." Dot spoke smiling at us. "Dot is responsible for all apocalypse matters. In fact, it was Dot here who first flagged your appearance in 2019."

"No hard feelings." Dot spoke looking at Five still smiling to which he just kept his 'I hate everyone' look on.

"Well, you certainly put us through the ringer. Outsmarting two of our so-called best temporal assassins. If that doesn't spell leadership material I just don't know." The handler continued putting her hand on Five shoulder. Everyone in the room turned around confused. 

"I suspect you like a challenge, Five." She continued walking to a desk and moving the chair out for Five to sit on and handing Five a folder to which he took. "Which is why I've given you a particularly complex first case. It's too bad Joseph Späh decided against sabotaging the fuel tank. It would've been so much easier." She chuckled sending a shiver down my spine. "Anyhoo if you have any questions I'll be right behind you. Alright Eight, follow me."

I looked at Five with a 'please help me' look.

"Hey, can't she stay with me? I'm sure I could show her how to do it." Five spoke standing up making the handler turn around.

"I'm sorry, but that's not how we do it around here. You can see each other during lunch." She spoke walking away dragging me with her Five looked at me and spoke without words. (What I mean by that is like lipsync or whatever u call it.) 'Meet me in the mushrooms.'

'What?' I spoke back with furrowed brows.

'Meet me in the bathrooms'

'Ohhh' I nodded in recognition. (Just realised how much this seems like the scene with Sloane and Luther in s3 but I wrote this in like April 😭)

'How the fuck did I get mushrooms out of bathrooms? Also what the fuck is wrong with this woman.' I thought trying to struggle out of her grasp.

-☂︎-

"This here is the introduction room, all the people here are in the same situation as you." She said poking my nose to which I backed away.

"How long will this take?" I spoke straightening out my clothes.

"About an hour, have fun. Don't leave this room." 

-☂︎-

RING

'Must be lunch, that video was god awful. Who even thought of that' I thought getting up out of my chair and heading out the door and to the bathrooms.

I walked into the bathroom, with Five nowhere to be seen. 

"Hey F-" I spoke when suddenly someone pulled me from behind into one of the stalls. "WHA-" I yelled before being cut off by Five's hand over my mouth.

"Shh."

"Jesus Christ, Five. I thought I was gonna get attacked or something." I said trying to shuffle away from Five in the very confined space.

"Sorry, Anyway the plan is to get a briefcase and go back home."

"What? Why? What about our bodies?"

"Do you want to work in this hellhole for the rest of your life or do you want to save our family?" He spoke but before I could reply the clicking of the handlers shoes were heard entering the bathroom.

Five sat on the toilet trying to act normal while I panicked on where to go.

"Can't you teleport me to another stall?" I whisper yelled.

"No just- Sit down." He whispered grabbing me by the waist and pushing me to sit on his lap making me blush and move around panicking even more.

"Stop movin-" 

"Are you ok in there, Five?" The Handler spoke.

"Yep, I'm fine."

"So, how's your first day going?" She continued.

"Couldn't be better."

"Glad to hear it. Ah. I burned my rugae." She spoke pissing very loudly, Jesus Christ what did this woman drink? 

"Ever burn your rugae? Rugae. The ridges on the hard palate that help pass food to the esophagus. Anyway, I'm on a liquid diet for two days, hence the marathon of urination. One faulty cog, and nothing works as it should." She sighed. 

"You know, we value integrity at the office above all else. Trust is essential, and that trust is built over time. But in the event of a breach, the Commission will act swiftly and without mercy. An efficiency I'm sure you above all people can appreciate, Number Five. I'm feeling peckish. Have you had your lunch?" She spoke flushing the toilet and putting her dress back on.

"Not yet."

"Great. How would you like to lunch with me in my office? You can eat solid foods, and I can live vicariously through you. You too Eight" She continued poking her head over the top of the cubicle.

"Sounds great." Five spoke pushing me off of him. "Yup. Sounds just wonderful." I spoke with a sarcastic smile.

-☂︎-

"Hey Five? What was that stunt you just pulled?" I said grabbing him by the shoulder so he would face me.

"I told you I would probably have to do something questionable, why do you care anyway? Did you like it?" He said smirking

"Ew fuck no, I care because you literally forced me to sit on you, douche." I said pushing him away feeling my face get hot.

"You sure? You seem to be blushing a lot right now, like a lot. You look like a tomato." He spoke smirking again.

"Shut up, Dickhead."

"Make me.." He said putting his hand on my face. 

"EW NO NOPE SHUT UP RIGHT NOW." I said slapping his hand off of me and running to the handlers office with him running behind me.

-☂︎-

"-And that's how Phil determined that the archduke just had to go. Care for dessert?"

"Sure, I'm starving."

"I had a bad Twinkie in the apocalypse once. It kind of put me off desserts."

"Please, indulge me."

"Shit, this stuff is good."

"What's that taste like to you?"

"The 1950s?"

"Precisely right."

"Our clever metaphysics division concocted a way to perfectly distill an entire decade into a single candy. This one's modeled after the Fudge Mutt, America's favourite in 1955."

"Remarkable." Five replied still chewing his candy. I must admit he looks kinda cute chewing tha- Nope I need to shut up, I. Do. Not. Like. Him.

"You'll be happy to know it's the very division that's building your new body. Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you." She spoke tapping on an intercom thingy, I have no idea what they're called.

"Carla?"

 "Yes?" 

"Would you bring the boxes in, please?" 

"Certainly." The old woman spoke bringing 2 boxes in.

"Go ahead. Open it." The handler spoke sitting on the table next to us.

We both opened the box to reveal clothes that were way too big on us.

"Clothes make the man and the woman. Won't it be nice when you can actually wear it? Very soon, I assure you. They're perfecting your bodies as we speak."

"Thank you." I spoke. "It's a very kind gift." Five continued and something caught his eye so he walked over to it.

"Is that a Chinese flamethrower?"

"Good eye. War. Such a fascinating concept. A temporary salve for a permanent human flaw. Course, it's a bit easier to see from 30,000 feet. These are just some of the things I've collected in my travels. M26 grenades from the Vietnam War." She spoke picking up a grenade and throwing it up in the air. God how much i'd like to throw that at her head right now. "And this, the most noteworthy, perhaps. My Walther pistol. The very one Hitler used to kill himself. We're not supposed to take these kind of things, but he wasn't gonna use it anymore. Feel how perfectly balanced that is." Giving the pistol to Five. SHOOT HER! SHOOT HER! SHOOT HER!

"I had some thoughts I wanted to run by you. Some suggestions to improve Commission protocol." He spoke finally.

"Mm! Shaking things up already. I admire that." She said putting her hand on Fives face and poking his nose. What is with this woman and harassing children? "Go on. Do tell!"

"Gloria. The tube operator. Wouldn't it be simpler if case managers were to send their own messages?" Five questioned walking back over to the desk I was leaning on.

"I appreciate the thought. I really do. But everyone loves Gloria. I would never hear the end of it. She's been with the Commission family for years, and she's this close to making pension."

'Pension?'

"Sorry to interrupt. May I have a moment alone?" Dot spoke snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Of course. Duty calls. We'll continue this discussion later."

"We will?" I whispered to Five to which he shook his head. Thank god, I can't stand another second of this woman.

"May we?" Five replied and reached for a candy and handed one to me too. 

"Please."

-☂︎-

"Hey, when she said pension, what did she mean by that? Do you guys really spend your whole life here?" I spoke up after we had left The Handlers office.

"Why do you think I escaped, it's a shit hole." Five replied slightly looking back at me.

After a while of walking I spoke up. "Whats the plan?"

"The plan is to knock out Gloria and put our very own letter in the tube." Five said speeding up as he got to Gloria.

"Can I do it?"

"No, if you mess up we die." He said knocking the old woman out from behind.

"I could've done that." I scoffed and followed Five to where he was sitting.

He read the letter that was inside the tube and his eyes widened. "What? What is it? Protect Harold Jenkins? Who the fuck is that?"

"I don't know but we gotta be quiet so shut up." He said as he speedily typed out new letters.

"You know that's not how we do things here. Where's Gloria?"

"Don't know. Couldn't find her anywhere." I spoke up hearing a groan from Gloria behind the table I hid her.

"Shit." I spoke looking back over to her. "She's a paid actor and this is a prank?"

"You two are a great disappointment to me. You can't change what's to come. I truly find it so odd that you can't shed this fantasy. You're a first-rate pragmatist. You belong here with us." The handler spoke not taking my excuse.

"I don't belong anywhere, thanks to you." Five said clenching his fists. "You made me a killer."

"You were always a killer, Y/n too. I just pointed you in a direction." She said pulling out a gun from her thigh strap making Five spacial jump us both away.

-☂︎-

(Think this song relates to Five and the Handler a lot, I remember I tried to make an edit with it but it was so bad.)

"Security to tube room. Security breach in tube room."

"What's the rush?" She spoke shooting at us. "We're just getting started. Is this how you want the last line of your report to read?"

"When I'm done, I'm done, I guess." He said teleporting to the middle of the corridor leaving me behind.

"You can't keep this up, Five. We both know that even you have a limit. I saved you from a lifetime of being alone. You owe me."

"I do owe a debt." He spacial jumped behind her. "But it's not to you." He spoke throwing a grenade at her and running behind the wall I was at. He spacial jumped both of us to the tube room and got the briefcase ready to go back to the correct time period. 

"Come on." He spoke grabbing my sleeve.

"Hold on. This bitch pissed me off. Go without me i'll catch up." I spoke shaking his hand off of my sleeve.

"What, no i'm not leaving you." He said but the handler could still be catching up to us so I activated the briefcase and made him hold onto it, grabbing another briefcase I threw a grenade into the room and ran off to find the handler and end this.

I ran up into the room that had the handler in it when Five threw the grenade to see her slowly getting up.

"Hey lady? How the fuck do you survive these things?" I said leaning on the wall. She lunged at me to which I moved sideways making her fall back to the floor. "Missed me." I smiled. I grabbed her by the dress sleeves and lifted her up so she was at eye level and activated my discouragement power. "Go near any, and I mean ANY of our family members again and I will kill you, do you hear me?" I said looking at her straight in the eyes, waiting for her response. "I said, do you he-" I was cut off my her headbutting me making my nose bleed. She crawled over to her gun and tried to shoot me not remembering she had no bullets. "Alright lady, I gave you a chance." I said grabbing the gun from her and hitting her on the head knocking her out. I ran to a room next to us so no one could see and activated the briefcase.

'How did she resist my power?'

Fives POV:

"Jesus!"

"You guys, am I still high, or do you see him, too?" Klaus spoke as Five rolled off of the table.

"Five, where have you been? And where's Y/n?" 

"Are you all right?"

"Who did this?"

"Irrelevant." Five spoke grabbing Allisons coffee and chugging it. "So, the apocalypse is in three days. The only chance we have to save our world is, well, us." 

"The Umbrella Academy."

"Yeah, but with me, obviously. So if y'all don't get your sideshow acts together and get over yourselves, we're screwed. Who cares if Dad messed us up? Are we gonna let that define us? No.
And to give us a fighting chance to see next week, I've come back with a lead. I know who's responsible for the apocalypse. This is who we have to stop." He continued giving allison the piece of paper and chugging the rest of the coffee.

"Harold Jenkins? Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?"

Word Count: 2610