Paradox Protocols. The Complete Commission Guide to Temporal Anomalies. Chapter 68, "The Grandfather Paradox." 

It's New Jersey, 1953, and Elmer Tatelman hates his grandfather. Elmer blames everything on his grandfather. His mother's pain, his father's death, and his own sad life.

 "How many times do I have to tell you, no goddamn peas!" 

"You don't like what I cook, you can make it yourself!"

This could have been just another sad tale about soup, except for one thing. Elmer is about to invent.. Time travel. 

You see, Elmer has decided the key to his future happiness is to go back in time and kill his grandfather. 

1905

"Sidney Tatelman?"

 "That's me."

"Whoa!"

Elmer completed his mission, but he's made one crucial mistake. 

He went too far back in time. 

You see, murdering his grandfather in 1905 meant that Elmer's mother didn't exist to meet his father in 1925. 

Which made certain that Elmer himself was never born. 

Elmer killed his grandfather, so his mother was never born. 

But if his mother was never born, Elmer no longer exists. 

But if Elmer no longer exists, how could he possibly kill his grandfather? 

And around and around we go. 

Elmer has created a paradox, the grandfather paradox. 

The most pernicious problem in The Commission Handbook of Paradox Protocols. 

This story is not true. 

But if it were, Elmer would have placed time, space, and every living thing in grave peril. 

Don't be an Elmer! 

We've been lucky so far. 

With your help, constant vigilance, and a little strategic violence, the Commission will make certain nothing like this ever happens. 

Or God help us all. 

-☂︎-

"I'm so confused." Diego spoke tossing his knife in his hand.

"Shocking." Allison scoffed.

"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist. But clearly, we do exist, and the universe can't handle it, which is a problem." Viktor explained in short.

"Big problem."

"Yah!" Diegos alleged 'spawn' yelled playing with the pool stick.

"Stanley! Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?" Diego scolded.

"Mom said I need to practice." Stan replied.

"Yeah, well, she's not wrong." Diego spoke looking to me.

"You're very bad." I chuckled.

"Well, I saved your pathetic ass." Stan spoke looking to Diego. "And I don't even know who you are!"

"Y/n, i'm one of your Dad's siblings." I spoke looking to him to which he gave me a very confused look.

"Okay, hold on. Five, so we caused a paradox. What does that mean?" Allison questioned.

"It's hard to say. It's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear." Five replied.

"What things?"

"Right now? Uh, lobsters."

"And a shit ton of cows!" Klaus spoke sitting up from where he was laying on the floor.

"But I have a feeling this is just the beginning." Five continued.

"A feeling? Aren't you retired?"

"I want nothing more." He sighed.

"You know, you can't drag us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch and then expect us to deal with the fallout. You're not the boss." Allison spat.

"Allison, literally shut up. Do you want to die a horrible death with the rest of the world?" I spat making her evil-eye me. "Thats what I thought."

"Fine, I'm the messenger, and I'm telling you something terrible is coming." Five yelled at her as well.

"Then let's go attack the Sparrows, get the briefcase, and go home." She spat.

"This is our home, Allison. Accept it."

From behind everyone a shelf fell to the ground with a guilty looking Stan standing next to it.

"That's it! I'm telling your mom." Diego yelled walking closer to him.

"Ooh!" Stan taunted.

"I love this kid." I chuckled.

"Wait, where's Lila?"

"Shower. I told her she could stay with us." Stan spoke.

"Wait. When did Lila get back?"

"Five, where you going?" Diego questioned as Five walked away.

"Go talk to somebody who only has half her head up her ass." He replied and continued walking.

"Don't leave, Five. Don't leave." Klaus pleaded.

"No, Klaus. I'm leaving." Five replied.

"I mean, he has a good track record with this stuff. I feel like we should listen to him-" Viktor spoke up.

"Sure. Hey, quick question-" Klaus spoke.

"Cobra Kai!" Stan yelled from afar. "Yeah!"

"Do none of you heartless bastards care about our murdered moms?" Klaus continued.

"Klaus, the only one that we knew plugged into a wall." Diego spoke.

"Oh yeah? Well, this is my real mother. And she's called Rachel." Klaus smiled sadly. "And I have her eyes. See?"

"You do Klaus, i'm sure she would've loved you." I smiled to which he returned and waited for the rest to reply.

"Come on! We need to find out who did this!" He yelled when no one replied. "This is the thing! This is the main thing!"

"Is that all you want?" Diego yelled.

"Yeah."

"'Cause it's obviously Dad, all right? He knew where we were born. He hated us in '63. Boom. Murders."

"You think Dad is capable of killing innocent people?" Klaus questioned making us all laugh a little.

"Absolutely."

"Oh, it's Murder City, buddy."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Little late for a meeting, pal." Diego spoke as Luther walked up behind us.

"Oh my god Luther!" I smiled. "You're not dead!"

"I'm glad someone noticed." He sighed. "I was being held captive. By the Sparrows."

"What?"

"Wait. Did only Y/n notice?" He spoke in a sad tone.

"We're happy you're home safe and sound."

"We were so worried."

"Yeah."

"Oh my God."

"Stop lying."

"Oh yeah. Okay. Nice." He sighed walking over to the table.

"Did they hurt you?"

"Who?"

"The Sparrows?"

"God, no. Not at all. Excellent hosts. Really quite charming, actually." He smiled making us all concerned his brain is still effected by the concussion. "Oh, and you should see their gym. Outstanding! I really think we got these guys all wrong."

"Says the guy they kidnapped." Allison spoke holding up a soundtrack of some kind she found in his tote bag.

"What did they want?" Diego whistled.

"Oh. Marcus. He's missing. They want him back. Unharmed."

"We don't have him." I spoke up.

"Well, damn. I was hoping we'd solve that one quickly and then move on to problem number two." Luther sighed. "Disappearing people." 

"Ooh! Uh, it was... It was the wind." Stan said once he had smashed a vase.

"Who's the kid?"

-☂︎-

"Discipline. That's what you need to learn." Diego spoke to Stan as I followed with nothing else to do. "When we were your age, we were up at dawn, all right? I was training, honing my skills. The biggest thing, I was becoming a real man."

"Right. Is that why you wear those tight pants?" Stan chuckled.

"Good one, kid." I smiled high-fiving him.

"Lila?" Diego spoke as she exited the bathroom.

"Hmm?"

"You need to take this kid with you." He spoke as Five also exited the bathroom. "The hell were you doing in there?"

"Bathing." Lila replied nonchalantly.

"Together?" I questioned looking at them both.

"Oh, okay. Y/n, we don't have time for this." Five sighed. "Lila and I have got important shit to do."

"Wait. What's more important than family?" Diego questioned.

"Hey, love." Lila spoke to Stan.

"End of the world, genius." 

"Lila? What's more important than us?" I heard Diego speak as I ran up to Five.

"Hey, hey!" I yelled making him stop. "Where are you going?"

"The commission." 

"Can I come?"

"No."

"What? Why?"

"Too dangerous." He spoke as he continued walking.

"Hey! I've been there before! The worst thing there was The Handler and she's dead." I spat.

"Well, this time Lila and I have to use my power. I doubt it'd work with you." He gave an excuse.

"You haven't even tried." I frowned.

"Alright fine, but if it doesn't work you can't go."

"Fine." I spoke walking into the elevator.

"Figure it out, Diego." I heard Lila yelled to him as she also got in the elevator. "Be a dad.

"Lila, that was a bit harsh don't you think?"

"He'll get over it."

-☂︎-

After leaving Diego and Stan we came into a room with a bunch of wires, I had also been told that the briefcases don't work so they were trying to reboot them.

"Nice suit." Lila complemented Fives new outfit. 

"Thanks. Tailor in the lobby is a master craftsman." He spoke with a bit of surprise to her complement.

"Still, I will miss those pasty knees." She laughed.

"Yeah, well, we could all stand to be showing a little less skin these days." He smiled to her making her scoff slightly.

"You've also had an upgrade, Y/n." She spoke looking at my new outfit. "Love the jewllery.

 "Have I?" I spoke looking down at my outfit. "Thanks?"

"For you." Lila continued giving Five something I had forgotten the name of.

"Yeah."

"Ready to hot-wire this briefcase?" Lila pouted looking at Five as he got ready.

"Let's do this." He sighed as Lila turned the thing on. "Ah shit!"

"Lila!" I scolded as Five fell to the ground in pain.

"Sorry, but you can't say it wasn't funny." She smiled at me.

"Ok.. Maybe a little." I replied getting an angry nudge from Five as I helped him up.

"Yeah, I was 99% sure that wouldn't work." Lila laughed walking out of the room while Five stopped the fire.

"Well, I'm glad my pain amuses you." He spat.

"You have no idea. It's like my therapy." She smiled looking to me who was also laughing.

"Same."

"Well, now we are down to one half-dead briefcase, and my jumps are only accurate up to a couple minutes."Five spoke walking out and closing the door behind him. "So, essentially, we're screwed."

"Maybe. Maybe not." Lila smiled evily.

"Oh, I hate that smile." Five grimaced.

"It is quite scary."

"Listen, on your own, your little jumps are rather pathetic." She spoke as Five scoffed. "But if we powered up together, you blinking, me mimicking that blink, I think we could create some kind of feedback loop and get enough juice to jump-start the case. Maybe if Y/n uses her super speed she can go fast enough to also help?" She spoke looking to me. "All of us together. We'd have to trust each other."

"I don't think my powers can do that, Lila." I scoffed. "Although you did do something with my power I didn't even know I could do so.."

"Lila, you just spent the better part of the last ten days trying to end our life." Five scoffed.

"You killed my birth parents." She scoffed. "And you, well you're just you."

"Fair enough."

"And your entire family stood by while that greasy Swede put a cap in the woman who raised me."

"The Handler was going to kill you, Lila. In fact, she did kill you. Then I rolled back time and let the meatball do his work." Five spoke making me question him slightly."Oh, and by the way, if you're leading Diego on as payback for what happened in Texas, you're pissing up the wrong ladder there 'cause that idiot may actually love you. The Handler never did."

"Oh, he definitely does." I smiled sadly, because of how she's been treating him.

"What do you know? You spent decades shagging a mannequin." She scoffed ignoring me and looking at Five.

"Do not talk about Delores like that, Lila." Five spat making me chuckle slightly.

"This is insane. There is no way we're gonna get past this to make it to the Commission." Lila spoke.

"Okay, perhaps we can't get to trust, but there is a certain honesty in white-hot hatred." Five spat as Lila walked back into the room.

"Then come over here, you god-awful little shits. And hold my hand."

-☂︎-

"Ok, Y/n you wanna try your power?" Lila questioned me.

"After what you did to Five, I dunno if I trust you." I scoffed.

"Oh come on, what's not to trust." She smiled innocently. "As you said, I know more about your powers than you do."

"Alright.. Fine.." I spoke looking to her. "What do I do?"

"Just look to that wall as use your power as I hold your hand." She smiled holding out her hand.

Holding her hand she mimicked Fives power and I powered up mine.

"Now!"

As she said that she let go of my hand and I ran straight into the wall head first falling on my ass.

"Ah shit, Lila. I knew I couldn't trust you." I yelled holding my nose in pain.

"Shit, Y/n. You alright?" Five questioned helping me up.

"Just fine." I scoffed looking at Lila who was laughing her ass off. "You knew that wasn't gonna work didn't you."

"Sure did!" She smiled. "Okay, relax."

"I can't. Your breath is terrible." Five scoffed as he stood next to Lila.

"Garlic is for winners. Enough foreplay!"

"This is so stupid." I sighed grabbing onto Five's hand and Lila's shoulder.

"Power up, shithead." She smiled. "That's it. Let me in!"

"I can't! It's too much!"

"Don't bitch out on me now!"

"I hate you so much!"

"Then get this right, or it's you, me and your girlfriend in the Stone Age forever!"

"We could just leave you behind." I smiled at Lila to which she rolled her eyes.

"Now! Do it now!"

"Oh my god it worked!" I smiled when he ended up in a different area.

"Oh, brilliant idea, Lila." Five sighed looking around at the snowy area. "Welcome to the Ice Age."

"Shut up and just look." She spat looking to a building in the distance.

"The Commission." He laughed slightly. "Shit."

Word Count: 2140