Congrats, if you're reading this you've made it (and I have made it) to the last chapter. I am a busy busy person but this finally turned out the way I wanted it and I apologize for the wait but the good things in life take time.... yep... there goes my ego. Enjoy it :) Love you all

-Hannah            

ALSO LOUIS KISSING A MONKEY C'MON MAN.

Lydia’s POV

            “He’s so gorgeous, you have no idea. It’s even better in person.” Cassandra bragged to Madi, both women wearing tight black dresses that displayed a number of curves to the on looking society of the world’s finest Scientists.

            “High quality cannot do him justice.” Josh groaned from alongside Madi, and although he would be hot and heavy with Louis if ever given the opportunity, I think it was safe to say he’d developed a slight crush on the miniature brunette that floated through crowds like a pixie.

            I just smirked though, trying to pretend that the tectonic plates didn’t feel like they were converging under my feet and sending my heart into a frenzy.

            My eyes staying locked on the gates of the Nobel conference, the names and brilliance pouring through the doors were nothing compared to the beautiful blue eyed man that held the entirety of my heart alongside his own.

            Ten days.

Ten days without Louis Tomlinson, ten days since I’d hugged him and he’d kissed my forehead until Markus yelled at us. Not even two weeks and I was already yelling at my bed for having cold spaces where Louis’ ass should have been.

Forty-eight hours.

Forty-eight hours until he would leave for a non-negotiable tour.

Forty-eight hours until we began a much longer countdown, and I was dreading it.

It was giving a child candy for two days and then pulling them off right after. Except it was a little more explicit, because no one should be allowed to give me his body for only two days knowing that I wouldn’t be able to trace every line of it for three months.

It was for that reason that I was blaming him for being the most attractive person in the history of ever.

            “He’s seriously so gorgeous.” Cass repeated, looking around curiously at the hundreds of researchers we’d read about and worshipped since before we could pronounce our own names.

            They were all here, the biggest names at the conference possessing my last name and standing just feet away. The familiar outlines of my parents laughing along to a biology joke caught in my peripheral as I waited impatiently to bring my two lives together.

            “Just go wait up there for him, what are they going to do, tell you no?” Cass chuckled good naturedly, but she’d never had to deal with the security that her high-profit boyfriend supplied, and to be completely honest, neither had I and I was terrified of them.

            There were a good dozen bodyguards at least, all of them lining the inside walls of the conference, their black suits making them look like something out of a movie. None of the faces were familiar though, and I felt my heart sink the closer my feet brought me.

            Sunglasses blocked their eyes from view, the burly figures not matching up to recognizable faces, and the idea to even attempt to wiggle me way outside the entrance to check if Markus, Victor or even Alberto were on the outside was sheer idiocy unless I wanted to get a restraining order.

            “Momma! Mommy! When is Louis getting here!” A small voice shouted, her little brown waves dancing about her as Kylie pulled at the bottom of Cindy’s dress almost as impatiently as I was feeling.

            “I swear to god. Lucas. Lucas get your daughter-“

            “She’s always my daughter. Did you maybe wonder if she got that from your side of the family.” It took me a minute to match up the voices, but the second I placed Cindy’s voice with Lucas and baby Kylie’s I spun on my heel and almost immediately locked eyes with one of the largest influences in my life.

            “Oh Lydia.” Cindy immediately lost the tone of scorn, her caramel hair curled into beautiful ringlets and shaping over her young face until she almost looked like Kylie’s older sister –if it weren’t for the princess sticker pasted on her leg she would have pulled it off.

            “I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to see you since I got back to the States. It’s been crazy and did you hear I’m going to Australia? Oh my god how’s Tommy and Kylie? Where is Tommy? Lucas oh my god I’m so sorry I haven’t stopped by. Have you guys see-“

            “Oh sweet lord child, stop talking. I’ve been worrying about you for the past two weeks and you show up looking like a damn goddess.” Cindy seemed to be smiling and crying at the same time, her petite frame covered in a gorgeous lilac dress that reached just far enough for Kylie’s little hands to grab on and wrinkle the very bottom. Lucas’s friendly face lined with the laughter that I hoped one day Louis’ would posses, happiness seeming to radiate from the family that took care of me most of my life.

            “Been in London and at home and filling out applications and going to organize the fund for Nora-“

            “Momma!” Kylie started to swing wildly in her father’s arms, Lucas struggling to keep her to him while Cindy seemed to be confused about a multitude of items.

            “Cin- Cin could you get Kyl-“ Lucas started to grunt, his daughter nearly crashing out of his arms as she pulled at the roots of his sandy blonde hair in an effort to reach whatever had her losing her shit.

            “I’m going to need you to all take a few steps back.” One of the previously silent bodyguards approached me, his large hand coming towards me to signal that I was supposed to back as far away from the entrance as possible. The reason slipping my mind as everything else circled around in a tornado of thoughts.

            “Louis!” Kylie finally screamed in her little toddler voice, the purple dress she was wearing flipped completely over her diaper as she was now nearly upside down in Lucas’s arms, the chaos running high in my mind as I attempted to sort the pieces.

            As usual though, I was beat to the punchline by a familiar mop of dark brown hair and painfully taunting lips.

            “I think I forgot me watch.” Louis spoke to someone behind him, his accent growing impossibly thicker as he grinned at something the man behind him had said. Not an ounce of recognition swooping past his sharp features as his eyes flew across the crowd, never once looking nearer to him because Louis was and would forever remain; oblivious.

His tux was much crisper than I had imagined him wearing, no subtle patterns or Louis accents anywhere to be found. Just a solid black coat over a white button up, the lines of his chest tattoo just vaguely outlined in a beautiful script.

He looked absolutely heartbreaking, vintage black shoes that I’d helped him choose one rainy day in London stepped foot into the conference, Alberto’s heavy gaze following him everywhere as Louis seemed to be locked into a very heated debate that was causing more than a few hisses when he caught himself from swearing.

“I don’t need a bodyguard, they’re socialites not fans!” His voice was rumbling, the tone deepening as he continued to walk into the crowd that I was standing outside of. Cindy’s voice calling my name registered somewhere in the very back schemas of my brain as my feet carried me at a painstakingly slow pace.

The heels Lou had ordered me to wear were digging into my ankles as I attempted to speed walk to the man who was moving farther and farther away with every second. My throat involuntarily catching over his name, horror shooting threw my veins as I realized that in ten days I had forgotten just what sort of panic his name could cause. The usual way of catching someone’s attention having a heavier meaning and causing a worse reaction than the death sentence when it was his own.

I didn’t realize I was running until I was nearly there, the hardwood floors that had been installed for this very conference making frantic noises in tune to my feet. The sharp contours of the muscles in his back becoming more defined the closer I became, and although I promised myself I wouldn’t cause a scene, I think somewhere I had known that was inevitable.

“Hold on, hold on!” An arm came out to stop me, déjà vu passing through my thoughts as this seemed to be a reoccurring theme. Alberto’s eyes meeting mine without recognition before a high-pitched tone of irritation broke through the silent battle between us.

“That’s me girlfriend you twat.” Louis snapped, pushing past Alberto easily and suddenly a muscular pair of arms was engulfing me, not a seconds warning to even sneak a look at his sunshine smile. Lips pressing kisses into my neck as I lost my own sense of direction in the cologne radiating from the fabric covering his chest. “I missed you.” His words were stunted against my skin, his hair tickling my cheek as I finally was allowed a proper look at him.

Louis was all dark looks and two-day old stubble. The lines of his face contrasted heavily against the dark hair that fell in a swoop across his forehead. He looked absolutely incredibly, the teal tie that Lou had naturally matched to my dress lit up the impossible colors in his eyes, and despite the fact that he was nearly bursting with happiness, he still managed to seem slightly dark. The dangerous glint that never left his eyes was the reason why I was debating the legality of taking him to the nearest room and working out the pre-Nobel conference speech nerves.

            He was and always had been absolutely heartbreaking. If it wasn’t the blue that spun intricate shades of undiscovered colors into his eyes, then it was the way his lips turned into a mischievous smirk with every small glance. Like he knew every last detail about you, and was just waiting for the right moment to share.

“Love you.” I mumbled into him, his breath stunted with silent laughter as I debated kissing him or smacking him.

“Did my beauty catch you off guard or are you always this quiet?” Louis chuckled, his hot breath fanning against my own lips and suddenly I realized that we were not still caught in the in-between stages of our relationship where we weren’t sure what boundaries shouldn’t be crossed and what feelings mattered and he didn’t always have to make the first move.

            All it took were my fingers curling into his softly fringed hair, pulling him to me with a force that wasn’t as gentle as I had imagined, lips fitting smoothly between mine and saving the kiss before I was allowed the power to destroy it.

            This was why I didn’t lead.

            “Looks like they’re filming porn.”

            “Or in the Notebook.” Two far too familiar voices interrupted what was supposed to be the most cinematic re-invention of the slow kiss in the rain scene. Except there was no rain, and slow kisses weren’t really his thing.

            “He is gorgeous.” Madi finished, her eyes meeting Louis’ inquisitively as he finally found recognition between the girl he’d heard so much about, but never met.

            “Madi!” Louis shouted, his excitable nature reminding me of a small dog that peed whenever it was introduced to a new human. A giggle escaping my lips at the thought of Louis peeing because of Madi, and then another set of hysterics quickly following as Louis proceeded to stare at me inquisitively before letting go of me to capture Madi in a huge larger than the one he’d greeted me with.

            “Loyalties are being tested.” Josh’s face was perhaps the funniest thing to come of all the confusion, because despite the fact that Cass was still trying to figure out why on Earth Louis was hugging a woman he’d never met, Josh seemed to be quite torn between the two. His eyes raking over Louis’ bum before going back to Madi’s in a torn expression of anxiety –because he would actually be allowed the option of deciding which one he preferred.

            “I know this is probably rude, but how do you know me?” Madi gave Louis a nervous smile, taking a quick step away from him the second he released her. All eyes finding their way to me like I would have the answer.

            Naturally however, I did.

            “You’re the reason we’re, uh?” I motioned between myself and Louis, grinning like the sun had exploded in my vision when he caught my hand and slipped his fingers through.

            “She’s a reason. I’m taking most of the credit.” Cass snorted good naturedly, giving Madi a playful shove and proceeding to start one of their more heated debates. Paying no mind to Louis or I when he pulled me gently away from our clump of friends and straight into the imposing figure of Alberto.

            The conference was crowded with people, all of them craning a bit to get a good look at Louis as they walked past. His bright smile hidden once more by the irritation that seeped through his pores, his lips parting to deliver what was sure to be an order that Alberto would ignore regardless of the fact that Louis was his boss.       “There’s no one here who really cares about the fame thing, most of them are well recognized anyways. You can stay though, I have a few seats reserved for family that won’t turn up anyways, and there’s loads of food. Help yourself, I’ll take care of the celebrity.” I smiled at Alberto, watching his resolve crumble as he took several looks between the pair of us before shaking his head in half-assed irritation and started off towards the desserts.

            “You’re a real spotli-“ Louis started to chuckle, the light of his words cut off once more by another familiar voice as I began to realize we probably wouldn’t have a proper conversation until later tonight.

            “Louis Tomlinson and Lydia Stavens? Dating? Who would have imagined that one. Oh, wait, me.” Esme’s voice rang clear and beautiful across the expanse of the conference, her platinum blonde hair pulled up into brilliantly crafted bun, a tailored and bank draining violet dress matched the color of her unnatural eyes. The golden glow to her skin putting me to shame as I realized that despite the fact that I was the one Louis was holding to his side, I didn’t much like the idea of them interacting.

            “You and the rest of the human species.” Another voice chimed in, and although it was awkward enough imagining exactly what had gone on between Louis and Esme, I would imagine he wasn’t taking David’s appearance well either.

            “I’m calling dibs on starting whatever this manifested shitfest is.” Esme giggled to herself, motioning over Louis and I with a glint of knowing.

            “At least we’re both hot.” Louis chimed in, laughing with the two of them as I failed to see what had relaxed, what was just a few seconds ago an incredibly tense Louis. My mind clouded with rogue ideas as I missed the continuation of a conversation that lead to several hugs and a few promises to visit whenever he was in the country again, the parting goodbye was left with nothing but smiles as Louis and I walked aimlessly through the conference, staying exactly in step with each other.

            “You were really nice to him.” I joked lightly, trying desperately not to set off whatever he’d carefully crafted that allowed him to actually be friendly to David.

            “Can’t believe you didn’t catch it babe.” Louis smirked, shaking his head in amusement as I realized slightly too late exactly where I was taking him.

            “Didn’t catch what?” I stalled, completely interested in what I had missed, but more than a little concerned for the game-changer we were about to approach.

            “The bloke standing next to David was holding his hand love.” Louis explained, his face lit up in laughter as I attempted to slow down the pace in which we were walking while processing the information all at once. Our hands swinging in tune to our steps as I took a deep breath and realized I failed on both parts, my eyes squeezing shut in anticipation for Louis’ unprepared reaction.

            Louis’ POV

            It took less than a second for realization to settle in, my blood turning to ice as I caught sight of painfully curly hair and voices that sounded like the chiming of bells.

            Vincent and Cara Stavens stood less than five feet away from me, the pulsing heartbeat of their beautiful daughter was chiming in tune to my own. Her fingers curled around mine as tight as could be, a look of pure awe shining in her fluorescent eyes.

            There was no doubt in my mind she adored them so completely that even I wouldn’t be able to change that. My heart seeming to drop all the way down to the bottom of the shoes that seemed too flashy now that I was standing in the shadow of two of the most brilliant minds in the world. Two people who had created the reason I breathed oxygen, the reason I woke up in the morning happy and rolled over to a photo pixelated as clear as day with vividly green eyes and a smile larger than life as wild blonde curls filled the screen.

            “They already love you.” Lydia whispered into my shoulder, but the tension running through her voice and coating the melodic sound in a false sense of security seemed to tell my cluttered mind otherwise. Her small fingers curled inside mine as I finally met eyes with the reason I was allowed to love.

            Two sets of impossibly green eyes were upon me the wisdom held between them nearly knocking me off my feet as the third set was tucked into my arm, breathing steadily as I slowly moved my hand from where it had been comfortably placed against her bum, to the safe zone of her small waist.

            “Vincent I’m not entirely certain, but he looks like the boy doesn’t he?” Cara Stavens spoke first; her erratic hair curled much like her daughters and lit up into the hues of gold that splashed down from the sun itself.

            “He’s quite a fair bit taller than I imagined him.” Vincent spoke with a huge grin wrinkling the sides of his worn cheeks, his arm held loosely around his wife’s waist as they both regarded me with a carefully objective eye.

            “How much longer do you think we can scare him before Lydia starts yelling?” Cara’s voice was as light and powerful as her daughter’s, controlling a room while standing no taller than five feet.

            “Hilarious.” Lydia laughed dryly beside me, but as I took a look down at her pixie features, all I could see was happiness angled towards the two people whom I had so desperately wished to meet.

            “Louis Tomlinson is it? You’re that popstar boy I see on the television when Cara wants to watch those trashy entertainment shows.” Vincent Stavens didn’t phrase it as a question, his sandy brown hair parted to hide the slight balding on his head, and although I was very aware that I was nowhere near tall for a fully grown man, I couldn’t help but find it comical that in this case, I was the one looking down.

            “Yes, I am that Louis Tomlinson, but I pro-“ I started to come up with an explanation for all the stupid fucking rumors that were thrown my way in the thousands, but I was cut off before I could start.

            “You know when the first time I saw you on TV was?” Vincent Stavens lowered his voice to an imposing growl, possessing the same level of fear that his daughter could evoke in me with just one sharp look in my direction. His tanned features caught in a multitude of expressions as I once again realized the things these people had seen that I would never have known about until I met the beautiful woman that stood still as a statue next to me.

            “Dad-“ Lydia started, her arms wrapping around my waist in a protective hug, but that wasn’t going to stop what I had figured would happen.

            “The first time I saw you on that screen you had on an outfit much less professional than this. I’m quite certain you were in sweatpants. There were probably ten bodyguards surrounding you and there was a very small blonde standing directly in front of you. Could you tell me where your hands were on her?” He angled the question without fear, his brilliantly green eyes burning with fire as Lydia’s arms tightened imperceptibly around me. The breath leaving her lungs as she realized something I was still struggling with piecing together.

            “Please don’t say on her arse.” I said it before I thought of what had just came out of my mouth, the exasperation more than clear in my tone as all three sets of eyes widened in disbelief, and then it finally happened.

            Clear and uninterrupted laughter roared from the small family, Vincent’s eyes losing the calculated movements, replaced by amusement as he held his hand out for me to shake.

            “Vincent Stavens, I’m not sure if I punked you correctly, but I would like to let you know that your hands were not on my daughters backside, and both my wife and I was terribly impressed with you that day. It’s nice to finally welcome you to the family Louis.” Lydia’s father’s smile was as wide as her own, his already comical demeanor shining through as I realized the entire time he had just been trying to make me squirm. I guess I’d also forgotten I was the first man they’d probably met that was in her life as an actual boyfriend.

            “Cara Stavens, it’s a pleasure to finally meet the man Lydia and Cindy speak so highly of. They were right too, you are quite well dressed.” Her mum chuckled good-naturedly, patting the top of my hand in a loving way as she shot her daughter a sly wink.

            “So how long have you actually courted my daughter?” Vincent asked, amusement laced through his light voice as he bounced on the balls of his feet. Only stopped by his wife laying a warning hand to his wrist, an action I was very familiar with as their daughter practiced it often on me.

            “Courted? Dad are you joking? He’s not an endangered species-“

            “He’s a gentleman, I’d call that endangered if I were you blondie.” Vincent grinned, only rolling his eyes at his stubborn daughter as she just shook her head, but she couldn’t hide the smile that threatened to crack her face in half.

            “How long have I ‘courted’ Lydia?” I laughed, playing along for the sake of her own embarrassment, because it wasn’t often that I got to see her squirm. “A very long time. Been nearly ten months I’d say, she wasn’t so keen on me at first though.” I winked, leaning down to press a light kiss to the top of her head before the piercing scream of my name interrupted the conversation as two small arms nearly knocked me off my feet.

            “Kylie! Louis I am so sorry!” Cindy’s voice carried across several sets of brilliant minds, her caramel hair flying behind her as a little girl in a purple dress attached herself to my legs with the look of pure happiness.

            “No, no apologies. Lydia, love.” I grinned, moving from her grip for just a few moments as I took the small hands of a toddler in my own and squatted down to her level. “Hello sweetheart, could you tell me your name?” I was almost certain I was mirroring the smile of the little girl, her hair already the caramel color of her mother’s and something in me wished at that moment that I would be half as good of a parent as Cindy one day.

            “Kylie. I’m Kylie and you’re Louis Tomlinson and you’re my favorite because you love Lydia like mommy loves Lydia.” She spoke as clear as day, not pausing for a second to catch a breath as pretty brown eyes pierced my own.

            I always found it odd that children had the capacity to see so much more in grown adults than other adults could ever decipher. Especially in this little girl though, was I caught off guard by the meaning behind her words. A child who was no more than four years old was telling me that she saw the love her mother gave her reflected in me, and that could not have meant more to me than at that exact moment.

            “He’s wonderful with children Lydie, keep that in mind.”

            “I’ve kept that in mind for awhile now.”

            I faintly heard the voices of Cara and Lydia behind me, but I wasn’t catching the words. Too busy lost in a conversation with a little girl as she told me how much she loved Harry’s curls, and asked me how Kevin was. It was only several minutes later that Cindy finally pried her away from me with many promises that she would see me in concert with her lovely mummy.

            My hands tucked into my pockets with a grin that wouldn’t stand to be wiped off my face for centuries, Lydia’s slowly approaching figure driving me insane. She’d worn the most ridiculously heart-breaking dress. Straying from the black and whites of the conference, the teal chiffon billowing behind her in the slight breeze and further brightening her until she looked like something out of a fairytale. Lou hadn’t even dared to mess with her brilliant curls, the chaos amongst them falling brilliantly around her and onto the bare skin of her shoulders. One small knot tied into the loosely corseted back of her dress, a knot that only had minutes to live once this shin-dig was over.

            “I wanted you to meet someone Louis.” Lydia held her hand out for me, lacing our fingers loosely and not waiting for an answer before I was pulled off in a meaningless direction.

            The conference was absolutely massive, Lydia saying a total of over five-thousand people invited to the enormous event. Doctors, scholars, scientists and one popstar among their likes as I saw more than a few interns who looked out of their minds in joy to be involved in the entire thing.

            “Who am I meeting?” I laughed in exasperation, because happiness came far too easily with her, and I refused to dwell on exactly how painful it would be these coming months without that brilliantly mischievous smile right next to me.

            “It starts in five minutes and I don’t know where he fuckin- there.” She didn’t give a premise or a reason, just dragged me in a different direction as quick as her heels would carry her little legs. Something about this introduction striking me as a little different than the rest, and as I finally caught sight of whom I would be speaking to, I understood why.

            “Are you fuckin’ joking me Lydia?” I growled, unable to stop myself from taking a protective step in front of her as I was faced with a six foot four man who quite frankly didn’t scare me one bit.

            “Camden, hi, yeah, been a long time hasn’t it?” Lydia approached him fearlessly, paying no mind to me as I tried desperately to pull her back behind me.

            “Lydia Stavens? Thought I’d never see your lovely face again, how have you been?” His brutish face was mashed up into what seemed like a harmless smile, but I knew men like him. Every move was calculated and every word was for their own benefit, and as he raked his impossibly beady eyes over her curvy figure I was not taken by surprise one bit, nor was I even remotely sorry when I stepped in front of her calmly and didn’t even bother to apologize when he had to take a step back.

            “Louis.” Lydia put a warning hand on my arm, but I knew exactly what she was doing. This entire thing was all for show, all she wanted was for Camden to meet me and hear that all the horrible things he’d said to her were untrue.

            “Lydia, love.” I didn’t raise my voice, I kept it calm and although I would never be as smart as Camden, I was quite a fair bit more intelligent than his stupid arse when it came to things like Lydia and, well, women.

            “You must be the boyfriend.” Camden didn’t question it, he didn’t even look at me, his eyes focused on the low-cut sweetheart neckline of Lydia’s dress.

            “Could you by chance do me a favor mate?” I smiled easily, unable to bring the sheer fury out of my eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice. His languid smile moving creepily across the lips that tried to pull un-speakable things to her.

            “’Course bro.”

            “Would you be a lad, and take your disgusting eyes off of my girlfriend before I slam your big brain into a concrete wall.” I snapped, taking another step forward, but this time I was actually restrained. Lydia’s small fingers wrapping around my wrist because she was a fair bit smart than me, and she always had been. She knew it was only for show, at the same time as she knew that there was a large part of me that would follow through if I was provoked.

            “You know Mr. Tomlinson, I understand you’re a popstar with arguably one of the largest incomes and sexiest girlfriends, but I wouldn’t test my luck if I were you.” He warned me with a collected paragraph, but maybe he’d be better off subscripting his message because I really didn’t give a damn what he had to say.

            “I’m just going to briefly bring it to your attention that you attempted to do something that we ‘lads’ in Europe call the intent of rape. I’d also like to point out that no matter how fuckin’ smart you are, you’re a coward. You lay your hands on her or anyone else who tells you no and I think my money will be the least of your concerns.” I snapped, unable to keep my voice down as people started to turn to see what the fuss was. A woman walking up to the podium on the main stage to alert everyone that the conference would be staring in one minute and it was time to find our seats.

            “You can’t do shit about it big guy.” Camden just laughed at me, his champagne glass dangling between his large fingers as though he were attempting to get me to punch him, and it wasn’t that I was afraid I would lose. In fact I was quite certain I wouldn’t, but I wasn’t about to ruin this for Lydia. So I left him with just the threat and hoped he clung to it and never even attempted what he attempted on Lydia ever again.

            “I’ll make it look like an accident, and I’m wealthy enough for that not to be too terribly difficult.” I smirked, putting my arm firmly around Lydia’s waist and nearly carrying her away from him.

            “Make it look like an accident? Who do you think you are? James Bond?” Lydia hissed, stepping carefully around people as we maneuvered our way to the fourth row where the telltale blonde curls were already sat. Our position next to her parents catching me off guard because I was already going to most likely fall asleep during this, and now I really couldn’t.

            “I know I’m James Bond babe.” I grinned, holding her elbows as she nearly fell over in a hilarious attempt to squeeze between the spaces between our seats. “Don’t you think you should sit at the end because you’re speaking?” I frowned, rolling my eyes at the sheer stupidity she possessed at times like this, and taking it upon myself to move carefully between Lydia and the seats, containing my groan to just a hushed whisper when she backed right into me.

            “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Lydia squeaked, grabbing my thigh and not helping one bit as I finally pushed myself into the seat and shook my head to clear the thoughts that were circling much too fast.

            “You couldn’t wait three more hours, because I’d be fine with a quickie?” I leaned over to whisper in her ear, running my hand over her thigh with a smirk before leaning back into my chair with a grin.

            “You need to not speak anymore.” Lydia came back with, cut off with the soft tap of a woman approaching the podium to begin the long line of boredom that would ensue until dinner, followed by sex for the first time in her own apartment.

            It was a painfully long conference, Lydia seeming completely interested in some things and completely uninterested in others. Her parents moving up to speak for several minutes about their own experiences before thanking the crowd of scholars and the very daughter that sat next to me, her fingers tapping more and more anxiously as it approached her time.

            Somehow Cindy had sealed Lydia the last speech of the conference, and despite the fact that she had just graduated and was in the midst of getting ready for her first trip as a refutable scientist, I knew what she had to say would hold more than any of the other speeches.

            There was a certain level of brilliance in this opening on this beautiful spring day, a certain level of judgment and topping others in your work. For one simply was not invited, let alone allowed to speak at an event like this unless they were absolutely incredible.

            I knew Lydia was incredible, but I also knew what Cindy had explained to me about how people viewed her, and for that, I found myself growing more and more anxious as the time passed far too quickly. The beautiful girl next to me forced to face something that she deserved, but didn’t feel worthy for.

            “Our final speech will be given by Lydia Stavens. Daughter to Vincent and Cara Stavens.” The woman stepped down once more, thousands of eyes falling on Lydia as I gave her one reassuring squeeze of my fingers against her own before she was gone.

            Her dress falling behind her and lengthening her legs, the tanned skin reappearing from days in the sun as it re-emerged from its winter hibernation. The heels Lou had forced her to wear making her even more of a sin for others to lay their eyes on and I was suddenly quite irritated that people were looking at her. I’d prefer if she wore possibly less revealing clothes next time.

            I pushed all of those thoughts to the side though, waiting in anticipation and then confusion. Her blonde hair was corkscrew curled around her erratically, the sun illuminating the gold hues and lighting her up.

            I knew she was terrified, but I don’t think she understood exactly how much I loved her in that moment. Not seeming one bit nervous as she pulled the microphone out of the holder and stepped to the side so her entire frame was displayed to the onslaught of brilliance.

            “They never make those low enough for short people, so I’ve become accustomed to just holding it myself.” Lydia shrugged, the slight roar of laughter erupting as she took a step forward and looked over in my direction before skirting her gaze to the side.

            I knew right then, that she was up to something and I was absolutely certain I would be blown off of my feet.

            “I was asked to speak here about a month ago, I had absolutely no idea how to write a speech or what to inform you all of that you didn’t already know. I was completely terrified of this entire ordeal, so terrified that I don’t even think it crossed my mind for a second that I owe most of you nothing.” Lydia spoke calmly, her melodic voice floating over colors and wavelengths, and I would never be accustomed to how beautifully haunting her words could sound at times like these.

            “I owe Cindy my childhood, Josh and Cass my friendship, my parents my heart, and Louis my love, but I don’t owe any of the rest of you one piece of my heart. I don’t owe you an explanation or an apology, but what I do owe myself is the chance to tell it to you all in an environment where I am not seen as a spoiled child with too many rights, and parents who paid my way through. So if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to take this scholarly speech a different direction.”

            She was absolutely incredible, commanding a room with sentences that radiated confidence, her plan for this never once told to me because she had done this. Lydia had done this by herself, and I was so damned lucky to be loved by her.

            “This is supposed to be about what I learned at the exceptional graduate school that is Marcotta. How wonderful it was to explore animals and the very science of how life came to be, the very input of data that made this entire world we live in possible. To sum my experience of school up in a few words, I didn’t learn shit. I didn’t learn anything that anyone else couldn’t learn if they studied hard enough, and for that reason I don’t find it important enough to speak about. What I will tell you about however is something none of you can understand unless you open your small-minds. So plug your ears if you don’t care.

            “I started my graduate, no, my life experiences held to a standard. I was the child of gods to many, and the spoiled daughter of scientists to others. I cared so deeply how you all viewed me. I couldn’t be the second best, I had to be the first, because that’s who everyone expected me to be. My future was planned before I was born, and although I absolutely love where I am now, I’m here to tell you why that wasn’t how it was ten months ago.” Lydia took a deep breath, closing her eyes over the radiating shades of green that were burning into everyone’s soul. Creating air that was as thick with anticipation, as it was with the pain of a girl who had grown into a woman under the constant weight of pressure that had become too much for her.

            Her eyes remained close as she spoke the first words of a speech I knew she had memorized, every pair of eyes waiting for what would come out of her lovely lips.

            “Your soulmate is not someone who comes into your life peacefully. It’s someone who comes into your life to make you question things, who changes your reality. Somebody that marks a before and an after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person who manages to revolutionize your world in a second. He wasn’t an ordinary person to people though, Louis Tomlinson is a household name. A name people hear and know exactly who is being spoken about, but he walked into my life all the same.

            “I’ve always had a problem liking things I’m told I shouldn’t like. I think he was one of them, I think I should have known the second he stepped into the Zoo ten months ago that he was trouble. Possibly because he was evidently laundering money and selling drugs on the streets of every city in Europe, or maybe because he would only be around for a few months and he was kind of an asshole.”

            I couldn’t help the grin that spread onto my face at that, her parents chuckling good-naturedly beside me and not seeming even remotely surprised that this was how she has chosen to give her speech.

            “I couldn’t get him off of my mind though. I couldn’t unsee the way he smiled at me when I matched his slides, the most pointless job for us to even do, but it was easy enough for him to comprehend because I think everyone underestimates how intelligent he is.

            “Day after day I tried to get him to open up to me, I wanted to know why he was there and why he was so closed off, but the answer wasn’t one that was explained in just a sentence or even a conversation. There wasn’t even really an answer in the end of it, because he saw right through me.

            “He’s a name to the world, but he’s the reason to me. I’d heard it all before him, I’d heard the things you all said about me and how I was a horrible person because I was born lucky. I was born problem free, living life easy because of course my parents paid for my schooling. They’re my parents. I didn’t ask to be their daughter and despite what you think, I do not have it so easy that I just walk right through life.

            “You either like me or you don’t. It took me twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don’t have that kind of time to convince someone else. I don’t have time to explain to you all how personally I took your judgments, how much I hated every bit of myself.

            “I was fifteen years old when it started. Fifteen. You look my parents in the eyes and apologize, I don’t need a damn apology from any of you, but I think for a group of brilliant minds it’s about fucking time you put all your brains together and maybe just think of all the times you’ve caused someone pain. God knows I’m not innocent, but I sure as hell didn’t deserve what I went through for years.

            “You don’t believe it’s your child, you don’t believe it’s your very own blood that hates themselves so much they don’t want to wake up in the morning. It doesn’t matter how smart anyone is, when it’s someone you love you don’t want to hear it. You don’t want to believe there is that much hate in the world for people who turned out slightly more fortunate than others.

            “You are not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness. I wish someone had told me that sooner, because I lived almost seven years thinking only the worst of myself. That’s something that never leaves, that’s something I’ll always have because it was just too hard for people to be happy for me. For people to actually want to be my friend.

            “Then I met Louis, and I seem to always tell myself that I won’t speak about Louis, but then I do. He’s not the point, I’m the point, but he’s actually the point. I think that’s absolutely hilarious, the man everyone was quick to judge fell in love with the girl no one liked. He taught me a lot about life in ten months, he taught me more than my twenty-two years of life did in those few short spaces of time where he was completely and one hundred percent himself.

            “How weird is it to think that I used to not know of your existence? I somehow lived my life in tune with your own without ever realizing you were a person. Once we met though, I wasn’t ever able to get you out of my head after. It’s impossible to imagine that I used to be able to live my life without you consuming my thoughts, because I wasn’t just Lydia Stavens to you. I don’t actually think you gave a damn who I was, and that’s exactly why I fell in love with you, because I don’t care who you are either. You’re still messy as all hell, you will never be able to cook, and you’re no more of a person just because the world knows you.

            “He didn’t come to me completely whole, because no human has the capacity to do that. I’ve seen things in him though that have made me realize I was wrong all along. He came when I was torn between ending things because there was nothing more, and continuing because I might get somewhere. Walked right into my life with the confidence of gods, because he might be an idiot, but he’s a confident idiot.

            “My father always taught me to be nice first, assess their weakness and strengths because you can be always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice until it’s time to stop being nice, and then destroy them.” Her lovely laughter lit up the open sky, falling in tune to the chorus of people who were looking at her in a different way. My beautiful girl standing as still as a statue as a light sheen threatened the tears in her eyes, the people who gave her life and the woman who gave her a home already choking back sobs because Lydia had such a capacity to love that no one had seen until now. No one but me.

            “Sometimes when you meet someone it’s so clear to everyone but the two of you that you belong together on some level. As lovers, friends, or family, or maybe something completely different. You just work, whether you understand one another, or you’re in love, or partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, and every once in awhile you meet someone who is all three. You meet that person under the strangest circumstances, completely out of nowhere, they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.

“I think when I met Louis, that’s when it all became a little clearer to me. He really was no different from other guys, except he really was. He has this little part of him that he always refused to show to people, but if you caught him at just the right time and just the right angle you would see it. You would see the kindness and pain, and I guess while falling deeper into his mystery, I fell in love with him too.

            “It’s never easy though. I mean when I used to think of something as being difficult I thought of getting my degrees and my titles and convincing everyone I wasn’t just handed these things. I have a different perspective on that now, because I’ve seen his life and every aspect of it and from that I started to see my own.

            “You look at someone and immediately judge them on how they look, it’s human nature. It’s the way we learned to function, instead of looking at who the person was, we just see what they represent. That’s the beautiful thing about stretch marks, bruises, birthmarks and scars. They represent your fights, the silent battles that took place in your mind and made their way to your skin. They may not represent something beautiful inside of you, but they make you beautiful. You started with a blank canvas, you made you who you are. You are responsible for all the marks on your skin and you should be proud that the suffer you endured didn’t stop you.

            “What’s so different about tattoos in comparison with all those other things? What’s so different from the ink on your skin in comparison with the bruise you got from falling off of a bike, the birthmark on your arm or the stretch marks that line your stomach? What’s so different about tattoos than the scars that mark every inch of you with a story? It’s all evidence you’ve lived isn’t it? It’s all evidence that the sun has shone on you, and you’ve grown, and screwed up a few times along the way. What’s so awful about loving something so much that you made it part of you, you are voluntarily making part of you vulnerable by inking those thoughts onto your skin, and there’s a certain kind of unappreciated beauty to that.

            “Isn’t that what everyone wants? To live a life that no one can compete with? To feel things that no one will understand, things that only you will value the beauty in?

            “You want to do those things though without shutting yourself out. Alienating the people who know your story, and they may never understand it, but dammit they will try. They will love you and tell you when you’ve fucked up, and they will hold you when it’s rough and listen to your every thought and you will push them away. You will push them away like I pushed everyone in my life away. Until you’re alone, knowing what you did on purpose and not understanding exactly why you did it, but somehow you regret it more than you’ve ever regretted anything.

            “Every word has consequences. Every silence, too. I think that in itself is the hardest thing humanity will have to face. That even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.

            “I knew one of us was going to leave eventually, I didn’t know I would force him away and I didn’t understand how hell-damning it would be to be without him, but I knew it would happen. In fact, we expected it. There wasn’t a part of Louis that didn’t believe it wouldn’t happen, and there wasn’t a part of me that actually had faith in us. That was our fatal flaw, believing. It doesn’t take much for someone to have faith, but it takes a lot less for something to fall apart.

            “God I just wish I could explain it to you. Like have you ever met someone who is so fucking perfect in every single way that when he smiles the crinkles by his eyes make you want to explode with butterflies? And maybe they aren’t perfect to anyone else; but to you they’re just absolutely amazing. The way they laugh, and smile, and how easy it is to communicate without even speaking to them, just the way they look and think and they way they are so completely them and unique and everything they do just continues to amaze you? You can look in a crowd of millions and find them just because of the way they walk. That’s how I felt, and that’s still how I feel even after it all.

            “No one had faith in us, no one but maybe Cindy on a good day. I think that’s humanities fatal flaw; we lose faith. We lose faith in anything that takes too long or requires too much effort, and I’d like to say I overcame that completely, but I didn’t. I do however understand the things I overcame with him were the things I had struggled with all along.

            “Letting go is such a difficult thing to understand. You can’t try to let go. Trying to let go is like trying to not think about something. You’re just going to think about it even more until it swallows you whole. I think what I’ve come to realize is that letting go is less of an ending of one thing, and more of an acceptance of everything. It’s ok that this is the way it is right now. There’s no other way it’s supposed to be.

            “With Louis I had to learn to accept that. I had to learn to take the risks I was meant to take, to travel the world free of worrying about what the hell everyone else thought because fuck them. I had to be me, and accept me, and then when I finally understood that, I had to learn how to love, because that’s all I could think of.

            “At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen, and live in what is happening, because god there will be days you wish you were numb. When you’ll want to rip your heart out of your body and find something easier to take its place. Collect those days like the bricks you wanted to shove into your chest, and marvel at the buildings you will make from those. Stand on top of the beauty you’ve created from simply feeling, chest open, head up. Nobody will ever see the world like you do.

            “Cry if it reduces your heartache. Then, wipe your tears. Pick yourself up. Face the world. Life goes on.

            “That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. All the people who didn’t believe in us probably never will, but they will see the happiness because I think with Louis it’s impossible to miss. He looks like a damn moron half the time anyways, but he taught me that nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.

            “That’s the beautiful part about love, because it never leaves. He left, but how much I loved him never did.

            “It’s ironic really, because Louis when I’m with you there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and I’m a person who always wants to be somewhere else. In the end I always wanted it to be you. In the end I’m not sure what I’ll do, or what we’ll do, but I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow like you’ve helped me see, I want to live where things happen on a big scale and where nature takes over what pollution has destroyed, but no matter where it is, I want it to be with you.

            “I hope you all have that. I hope you all experience how unbelievably beautiful it is to love and be loved. I hope you read some fine books, and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, but don’t forget to make your piece of art on the world. Write or draw, build or sing, but live only as you can because all to soon it comes to an end.

            “Three weeks ago I lost the only light in my life that had remained a constant. I don’t believe in a god, but I believe in Nora. I believe in the beauty that is forced from this world, because someday someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes that you’ve never seen before.

            “A beautiful day took a beautiful life. The sky was clear of clouds, the only white was the color of her coat, and dammit I think I’m a strong person but sometimes I just want someone to hold my hand, and I had a hand that day. I had someone who understood Nora in the way that people don’t try to anymore, because she’s an animal and we’re superior. That’s the horror we face, the fear of the animals we spend our lives trying to save but we can’t bring ourselves to believe are just like us. We come from the same place, and we aren’t any more advanced for thinking we’re smarter. In fact, we’re a bunch of idiots if we think that this kingdom was built for us to rule.

            “The world breaks everyone, and afterwards many are strong in the broken places. Like the organisms we were built from, that’s the beauty of life. Our ability to heal and strengthen from the horrors and wounds that plague our lives. But those the world cannot break, it kills. It kills the very good, and the very gentle, and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry.

            “To you all, Nora was an animal in a famous Autobiography of the lives my parents lived. The infamous cat that befriended the little girl with no one else, the one thing that would listen and love without judgment. Nora was brave, as brave and strong as they came and she was taken from me.

            “I tell you the lessons I learned from Louis that changed my life in less than a year, but what really sparked the fire was what I’d never heard because I wasn’t listening to the real words. Of course she was an animal, of course she couldn’t speak to me, but she didn’t need to, and god do I wish I could thank her one final time.

            “You cannot love two people the exact same way. You love them for who they are, what they mean to you, and the special parts they bring out of you. You love them for their unique ways they challenge you to change and grow. Love is experience differently everytime it enters your life. In this case, I loved two beings at the same time for very different reasons, and I think I loved them too much. I think I loved them both so wholly that there was no room for both of them, and nature made a choice that day that Louis walked through the doors and into the lab.

            “So god I hope you all take from this that you have the courage to pursue someone who is worth pursuing, and not someone who is convenient. Convenience is patience disguised as your desires, you are worth more than what time has told you. You are worthy of finding someone who will wait for you; don’t settle for what is easy, don’t even settle for what is good, because settling is letting it win.

            “Lost love is still love. Nature took her and for awhile I didn’t have him, but lost love just takes a different form. You can’t see their smile, bring them food or wait for their beautiful eyes to see you. You can’t feel them against you in the safest of ways, but when those senses weaken there’s another that heightens; memory. Memory becomes the love you believe you lost, you hold it, you nurture it, you become comfortable with it.

            “Nora, I don’t know when we’ll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may have both seen horrible things, but I’ll think of you everytime I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world.”

            She was so beautiful right then, tears unwillingly staining her freckled skin, her head raised towards the clear blue sky as the sniffles were masked all around us.  The wonders of the world all revolving around her as wildly curly hair made it’s way back down to Earth, and a pair of vividly green and piercingly magnificent eyes turned down to meet my own.

            In a crowd of people it would always be her, only her.

            “Louis thank you for being my biggest believer, thank you for teaching me that I didn’t have to be pretty like her because I was beautiful like me.

            “I didn’t fall in love with you, I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I don’t believe in fate and destiny, but I do believe that we are fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway, and I’d choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you, and I’d choose you.

            “This is for everyone I’ve ever tried to push away, because you all stayed and I couldn’t think of a better group of people to love than the lot of you.

            “They say a soul mate never leaves your life peacefully. He’s sitting right there, but she’s right beside him.”