Louis’ POV

            “Harry?” I squealed like a teenage girl into the phone, debating jumping up and down in glee as his deep voice picked up with a cheerful, ‘hello?’

            “Louis?” I broke into a dopey grin as he said my name, Markus snorting and rolling his eyes at what I'm sure was a maniac expression on my face. Victor however, was smiling happily and nodded once in my direction, before they both left the room. Finally I was given some space, and a friend.

            “Hey mate, how’s Ghana?” I laughed giddily because there was simply nothing else to do. Even when you felt as though the world had turned to shit, and you hated every part of your life, a phone call to your best friend would momentairly solve it all.

            “Unbelievable! We’re building them a school now! Well, they won’t let me do anything but sing to the kids because I nearly nailed Paul’s finger to the floorboards.” You could hear someone laughing in the background, Harry's giggles making a bright and well-needed appearance.

            I was absolutely positive that Harry's giggles could light up the sun and fuel world peace. It was so girlish and cute, like a damn dolphin had sought refuge in his larynx. It had been a form of embarassment before he'd met myself and the boys, but after many laughs and jokes he'd become more than comfortable with it's appearance. 

            “You have Paul with you?” I snorted, “go figure.” Paul would have been so much easier than goddamn Markus. Even Victor was like my damn mum.

            “Well yeah, of course I have Paul. The rest of you are off where there’s women and alcohol. Plus, Paul always liked me more.” I could literally see the stupid smirk on his lips, even thousands of miles away he was still the same cheeky bastard.

            “He does not you self involved git! Wait, you know where they are?”

            Of course Paul would tell him where the others were. Go fucking figure.

            “Yeah, and they miss you. We miss you.” Harry continued speaking,only stopping to correct himself as he was once again, the slowest one of the group to catch onto anything.

            “They miss me? Harry, have you spoken with them?” My good mood was quite quickly diminishing, and in just half an hour I’d have to go back to the damn Zoo and face the mess I'd created.

            “Wait, hold on. Bro, you don’t know where they are?”

            “I have no idea where they are, no one will tell me. You’ve spoken with them all?” I had to grip onto the counter of my kitchen to save myself from running out of here with a knife and slitting Markus and Victor’s throats.

            “Yeah, of course I have? Paul-“ Harry’s voice grew more distant, and the familiar rumble of Paul Higgens was heard in the distance.  

            Something ruffled over the speaker, and I assumed one of Harry’s large hands was now attempting to block out the noise. I only heard snippets, but what I heard made me miss my mates even more.

            “- not a problem, but problems do start.”

            “Has he done anything lately?”

            “Morgan wants him under lo-“

            “- I don’t see how it’s relevant.”

            “- women all the ti-“

            “Oi, Louis?” There was a muffled pop, and then Harry’s gravelly voice came back into focus.

            “Where are they.” It wasn’t a question anymore. I got that I was clearly the issue, and I understood that it was my damn fault we were all here, but I was allowed to know where they were.

            “Paul, I need a minute.” Harry’s voice was again distant. The crunch of gravel could be heard as Harry started to walk away, clearly I was not supposed to know this information if even Harry was attempting hide it. “Niall’s in Australia doing something with the Great Barrier Reef. Zayn is in Cairo, working with the museums and excavations of Egyptian mummies-“

            “What the hell?” I rolled my eyes; of course they’d find the most ridiculous shit for all of us to do. Make us look innovative, when really we had no idea these things had existed before.

            “Right? He’s having the time of his life! I never pictured Niall as much of a scuba diver.” Harry was laughing; the background crunching had stopped, allowing me to assume he was now alone. 

            “Liam?” I pressed on, just my sensible best friend left.

            “Liam is actually in America. He’s helping build houses for people below the poverty line in New Orleans.” The city name sounded strange coming from Harry’s mouth. His Cheshire accent slightly slurred as he struggled over the words.

            “So they have security all over them too?” I sighed heavily, walking across the hall to my room.  

            “Of course they do. I'm the only one who doesn't need it, because there’s no one here to take photographs. Why did you suddenly get to call though?”

             I was halfway through pulling on my jeans when he asked the question I knew I had to answer. Harry was vastly perceptive, and even though he was also incredibly thick he knew I had something I needed to get off my chest. 

            “Louis?” Harry sounded more than confused. I could just picture him sitting on the ground, bandana holding his hair back as he stared at the connection, making sure I was still there. 

            “Harry, I have to tell you something.” I sounded just as nervous as I felt, my voice shaking as I finally pushed the words out.

            “What’s her name?” 

            See, perceptive.

            “That’s not the point Har-“ I was halfway through rolling my eyes at his trivial question when he interuppted me.

            “That’s exactly the point. Is it that blonde girl in the photos?

            “What!” I shouted, not holding back at all as my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I didn’t even care that he was probably hemmoraging through his ears, because if there were fucking pictures of Lydia on the internet I would walk my ass back to London and personally strangle every damn person who put her in that position.

            “Goddammit Lou, shut the hell up. You have an overprotection problem.” Harry was chuckling like it was funny, and it clearly wasn’t. 

            “What do you mean photos? Goddammit Harry, this isn't funny!” I was gritting my teeth, only moments from exploding as I tried to distract myself by looking for a clean shirt.

            “They see everything you twat.”

            “Bullocks!” I came back with another profanity, pushing a row of my still unsorted clothes to the side.

            I seriously needed to do laundry.

            “She’s blonde. Her hair is curlier than mine and she’s got a great ass. Teal conver-“

            “Don’t fucking talk about her like that!” I roared, dropping the shirt I was holding and tugging sharply on my hair. I had half a mind to throw my phone at the nearest object and watch it completely shatter.

            “I knew it was her.” Harry sounded content with himself, and I took a few deep breaths so I wouldn’t have to kill him for playing that game. He knew damn well how to get an answer out of me, and it fucking sucked.

            “What pictures?”

            “What’s her name?” He shot right back at me, and I would have cracked up if I wasn't so furious. It took him nearly double the time to get the words out than an average person, but when Harry demanded and answer, he usually got it.

            “Lydia, her name is Lydia." I sighed in defeat, rubbing my forehead in an attempt to stop the looming headache. "What pictures?” It was now my turn to ask, but knowing Harry, it would take him an hour to get to the point. He was a class A slow talker.

            “There’s been a few photos of you walking down the Zoo paths and Paul and I have noticed her in all of them. I swear to god there’s only like five photos with her though, and she’s not looking at the camera in any of them. In fact, her back is turned.” Harry was trying his hardest to convince me that it was ok, but it wasn’t.

            I had put myself in the position where I would be documented and photographed, she had not, and right now I didn't need any more strikes against me.

            “Is she-“

            “No of course she's not! Louis you idiot, Paul would never let anything like that happen! The first time he noticed her in more than one he called Morgan, and she sent more security over there.”

            She what?

            “Morgan did that? Yeah right, she probably had one of her bitches do it for her.” Morgan was anything but friendly, and she’d only care about the implications of me getting mixed up with Lydia.

            “She did you a favor.” Harry sounded unusually annoyed, but I shrugged it off and took a deep breath; bracing myself for what was to come next.

            “Anyways, I needed to tell you something else.” I checked the time on my phone.

            Ten minutes to tell him.

            “You need to tell me something else?” Harry drawled out the words, allowing me time to prepare myself for this. “Who was she?” It came out in a sputter. The words forming faster than I thought they could from him, and it took me awhile to understand that he knew. I don’t know how he knew, but he knew.

            “She was at Lydia’s house party two nights ago-“

            “Louis, you’re not going to tell me that this girl you’re into, was friends with the one you hooked up with.” It was more of a warning, and I heard the disappointment already breezing across his tongue.

            “I think they’re about as close as Lydia can get to people, to be honest. Her name is Esmé and we were both h-“

            “-igh.” There it was. The hurt and disappointment. He knew his way around my flimsy excuse, and that was exactly why I was feeling more an more miserable.

            You couldn’t just go around hurting Harry Styles, I didn't care what anyone said. That man was as kind hearted as they came, and I, of course, had been the one to walk all over it.

            “You know why we’re all doing this for you, right?” I didn’t know if he was asking me a rhetorical question, but I was absolutely certain that he didn’t want an answer. “Louis you keep fucking this up on purpose! What the hell do you think we’re all doing? No one is fighting you except your own self! This woman has the patience of a saint if she’s ever to put up with you again, because I wouldn’t.”

            “Har-“

            “No, listen. I miss you Louis, and we all love you but I’m not going to hear any more of these stories. I’ve sat around thinking that you’d be alright if we just let you be, but it’s not working.” It was a scary thing to see, or even just hear Harry angry. He was always the one to hold it together, never the one to crack. So when he did lose it, it was one of the most frightening things you would ever lay eyes on.

            “What do I do?” For the first time since meeting the boys, I finally dropped my guard and stopped pretending to be the one that was ok. For the first time in three years, I asked Harry for advice.

            “You need to- wait, what?” Harry sounded as shocked as I felt, pausing halfway through his sentence to make sure he wasn't delusional. I found myself chuckling in tune with his deep laughs after that, finally feeling as though I'd maybe done something right.

            “You heard what I said Styles.” I teased him lightheartedly, hoping to god he would help me.

            “Uh, uhm? Talk to the one you slept with, and then go to Lydia and tell her.” Harry even sounded unsure of himself, but I knew he was right.

            “Tell her what, that I'm a giant fuck up and probably at least halfway in love with her?” I was starting to grow frantic, throwing questions at him as I ran out of my room to grab my shoes; two minutes.

            “Well if that's how you feel, then yes, but there is no half assed Louis, so maybe leave out a few parts. Tell her what's in your strange head though, and hope to god she's ok with it, at least until you figure out the rest.” Someone was calling Harry’s name off to the distance, his words slowing back down to their original serene slur.

            “Harry, I have to go now.” I sighed, the last thing I wanted to do was end the call, but I had to.  The door to my flat was open as I exited my room, Markus standing tall as he looked expectantly at my phone.

            “Bye Louis, I love you mate.” I wanted to curl up into a ball on my bed and cry at his words. I missed him and all of them more than I could even begin to explain. No one but them understood exactly how our lives worked, and no one but those four boys would ever care enough about me to travel the world just so I could find myself.                                                                                                          

           “Love you too mate, take care.” Markus smirked at my goodbye before taking my phone back away from me, and hanging it up.

            The ride to the zoo was unsurprisingly quiet, Markus was still chuckling to himself - I'm sure at my expense. I however, was lost in thought. Too busy to even pay mind to the short drive.

            Neither of them had been awake when I’d come home just two nights ago, and I wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. I had successfully avoid all questions after all, but unfortunately it had given me more room to replay the outcome of my terrible decision over and over again as I collapsed into a sleepless heap. Even as I scrubbed every inch of my body the next morning, the feeling still wouldn’t leave me.

            Standing in the entrance of the Zoo, I tried to delay the walk down to the amphibian exhibit by playing stupid, but the million signs were tributes to why my ideas were usually shit.

            Even the walk was quicker, trailing down to the area in just minutes. It wasn’t long before I was standing in front of plaques of animals whose names I couldn’t pronounce, a well-lit building looming off to the side as if it were mocking me. Children and tourists lined the inside walls of the building, and an imposing banner of a large frog informed me that I had -unfortunately- come to the right place. 

            “Louis?” There it was, the same chirpy voice that had sounded much more American when I’d been under the influence. Maybe it was the lighting, or the music, but when I turned to look at her, she was different. Without all those things, Esmé was just another model like blonde with purple eyes and expensive clothes. Even her accent was as expected. Of course I would have gone for a French woman.

            “Esmé.” I smiled somewhat forcedly, just as she had.

            “What’s up?” She was opening up a gate to a weird looking habitat, her small hands caught up in holding an equally weird looking, slimy, lizard thing.

            Everything about her screamed at me, pointing out exactly what was wrong with me. Her black romper and combat boots weren’t things Lydia would ever wear to do her work, and Lydia certainly wouldn’t have curled her hair to come to a zoo –not that she needed to.

            “I’m sorry.” I blurted before I could stop myself, running a hand through my hair. 

            “I’m not.” Esmé's answer cam quick, her cheeks lifting up into a smile.

            “Look I-“ I started, unsure of how to finish this thought that I’d started too soon.

            “Louis, we’re two adults am I correct?” Esmé had put the thing back on the ground and was turning to leave the fenced in sanctuary. She sounded so completely sure of it that I was surpised she'd even offered me the time of day. Of course I could get women, but usually the intelligent ones knew better than to get themselves messed up with celebrities. I clearly hadn't been paying attention though, because before I knew it, I was once again standing within feet of her. Her slim structure looked graceful as she leaned against the side of the fence, she still looked amused. Her eyes alight with crinkles of laughter, as though I had told a good joke and not just apologized for having sex with her in the back of an escalade.

            “Yes, you're correct that we're both adults bu-“ and she cut me off again.

            “I don’t want to cause trouble between you and Lydia, but you were capable of making your choices. Am I correct?” There was the growing hint of a smile on her light colored lips –I swear to god they had been darker.

            “That’s not the point.” I was becoming more and more frustrated with her answers and the proximity of her body with mind. Of course she wasn’t doing it on purpose, but I always found it harder to focus when I was arguing with someone I’d seen naked; like Harry.

            “That’s exactly the point, you’re worried about her. Don’t even try to tell me you’re not because I was high, not blind, I saw the looks you gave each other.” Esmé was mad as a hatter, because the only looks we’d given each other that night had been ones of distaste.

            “No, we didn’t speak at all that night. She was with David-“

            Seriously, what was with people cutting me off today.

            “Right, she was with David. Do any of us necessarily like the guy?” Her smile was only deepening, and I tried to keep my thoughts from running astray over how beautiful she actually was. It wasn't that she wasn't my type, it was just that I’d been with that kind of beautiful before, and something about her –or anyone- could no longer compare, at least not when Lydia was involved.

            “David's a twat.” I rolled my eyes, tucking my hands into my pockets. It took an act of god for me to ignore her wandering eyes after that, and I’m sure the inside of my cheek was now bleeding with the force of my suppressed words.

            “No one can, he’s an asshole. Thinks he’s smarter than everyone, and now that he’s slept with Lydia he literally thinks he is invincible. My point isn’t that though, my point is that you and her both made decisions. So if anyone’s mad at anyone it’s an unfair advantage.”

            “I-“

            “What? If I liked you and you were going to sleep with Lydia instead of me, and I didn’t like Lydia, then I’d go sleep with Harry.” Esmé shrugged, giggling when I finally cracked a smile at her ridiculous analogy.

            “You’re not hacked off?” I questioned her further, I was still attempting to sort through the fact that she was neither all over me, nor angry.

            “Of course not! You’re very good looking and incredible-“ Esmé cut off her own sentence to whistle happily, much to my discomfort. “-but neither of us want anything more, and that's perfectly fine. I’ve already spoken with Lydia on my part, and hopefully that prepared her for you.”

            “Jesus you're nice, was she alright?” I had so many questions for the tiny blonde, and she seemed to be willing to answer them.

            “I didn’t know this was being nice? I generally enjoyed your company Louis, and in your position I would expect the same. You’re a good guy, and I had a lot of fun. However, Lydia is so much angrier than I expected her to be and honestly, if I were you, I'd be happy about that.” Esmé informed me of this calmly, her eyebrows raised as if she knew what was coming next.

            “I’m not going to be happy about that, she’s going to rip my head off.” I was being whiny, and before I knew it Esmé was standing right in front of me. Her little index finger reaching out to push my bottom lip back up from a pout.

            “Maybe you need your head ripped off?" Esmé made a solid point, a smug smile outlining her lips as she nodded once, as if to congradulate herself for being correct. Maybe she hadn't known the situation all the way through before she'd been with me, but now even as I hadn't told her anything, she understood, and I was so incredibly thankful for that. Even if I was also a little more than surprised at how well she'd interpreted the information.

            She was, after all, a genius.

            “I’m going to go talk to her now,” I finally made my decision. Earlier I had figured that she'd be much friendlier after lunch, but after speaking with Esmé  I realized just how desperately I needed to make things right.

            “Good idea, maybe I’ll see you around here.” Esmé smiled happily, already on her way past me when her words met my ear.

           It was time to go. To at least try, if anything. 

            "And Louis?" Esmé called back and I was forced to stop my train of thought and turn on one dirty shoe to find her.

            “Yeah?” I caught sight of her miniscule frame against the background of countless cages, almost laughing at how quickly I had already made it halfway up the path.

            “Don’t worry. If she’s as smart as I believe she is, she’ll keep you around, because you were great.” Esmé didn’t give me a chance to respond after that. Already disappearing to wherever she was off to, her laughter echoing through the trees with mine.  

            Never in a million years had I expected that kind of a reaction from someone who looked like Esmé did. I had severely misjudged her, and that seemed to be my problem lately.

            Lydia’s POV

            “Nora’s been whining the past few days.” I was out in the hallways, talking to Josh about the events of last night when Cindy appeared out of nowhere, standing next to me. I could see the fear flit past Josh’s eyes as he noticed her at the same time, but he pulled himself together quickly and took a subtle step away from us. 

No one wanted to watch this confrontation, and Josh was the queen of being a diva.

            “Lydia I wanted to spe-“

            “I don’t care, we’re not having a conversation.” I rolled my eyes, nodding a goodbye at Josh as I started away from the lecture hall.

            “Come over tonight Josh, I’ll talk to you when we have privacy.” I spit the words at Cindy. Not even bothering to see what effect it had taken on her as I started the long delayed trek to my internship.

             Clearly I couldn't avoid it forever.

            Somehow everything seemed much quicker when you feared its approach, which is why I was currently questioning the lapses in time. Physics shouldn't have allowed me to pass less things on a walk that I had memorized, and I definitely should not have made it nearly halfway to my destination in record time.

            I didn’t want to talk to Louis. I didn't want to see him and be unable to stop the images of his blindingly blue eyes filled with lust, or his curvy body leaning over Esmé's in such a way that would make me want to vomit.

            Esmé was beautiful, and like every other guy on the planet he’d gone for her. It didn’t matter that she was a total sweetheart, or the one of the smartest people I had the pleasure of knowing. He –just like everyone else- had taken advantage of her. Even beyond that, he’d taken advantage of my trust by even showing up to do that with her.

            It was ridiculous how much I had grown to trust such a man. Louis’ genuine smile was so well practiced that I’m sure he could have easily fooled me. I was an idiot for letting myself fall prone to another man who had no intention of caring for me beyond the face value.

            There was absolutely nothing on this Earth that Louis Tomlinson could use to make me mad, but somehow he had reached up and plucked the very star that tore my heart in half and had greedily stolen it.

            I was completely lost in thought until the familiarly British accent called my name, pulling me out of the deep well of thoughts. I focused in on him almost immediately, desperately trying to clutch to the anger that was slipping through my mind.

            Why did he have to look like that?

            Everything I had just been fuming over was slowly breaking threads and disintegrating into the vase abyss of lost memories.

            I had no idea how I was even supposed to begin yelling at him when his darkwash jeans clung so wonderfully to his muscled legs. Just the way he walked made me want to jump on top of him and claim back what Esmé took.

            Suddenly I was no longer fuming over the image of his massive arms on either side of her head, or the prominent contours of his defined back that still remained a mystery to me. Now I was the one imagining his tight black and gray t-shirt on the floor, his heavily tattooed body casting a shadow over mine.

            “We should talk.” I hadn’t even noticed he was standing right in front of me until I looked up, catching the last trace of his wonderfully pink lips sealing over such an accent.

            Slightly dazed still, I nodded my head and took the comfortable position next to him. I was ready to tell him exactly what I thought, and if he would allow it I would finally be completely honest and show him everything he'd yet to know. The walk was slowing down now, back to its normal pace as physics and the laws of nature were once more, restored. It was so peaceful being next to him, the calm before the storm. I was scrambling to gather my dropped thoughts along the way, and hopelessly trying to keep my eyes off of him.

            Even as he smiled and waved to a group of girls, calling out an 'I love you,' I  struggled with being subtle. There was just something about his giant personality, and carefree persona that I knew would be the end to the beginning of all my calculated and logical thoughts. 

A/N

119.... what. the. (expletive).

Well, yea, I don't have much to say because I'm finding it hard to form words haha... uhhh... yea... well.... you are amazing. Please enjoy the GIF to the right and be as jealous as I am that he's so good with kids and I will have none with him... THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR LOUDIA <3 :)

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Next Update: Saturday March, 29th

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