Shall we dance all night, yeah?

Chan was so grateful when he saw me leading Jisung back into the auditorium his knees wobbled.

There was time for explaining the situation later, after the fans and prying eyes and media cameras had gone, and we did. I let Jisung do most of the talking, only stepping in when Chan had crushed him into an embrace tightly enough that Jisung could barely breathe. "Hyung, you're crushing my diaphragm," he'd wheezed.

"I'm sorry," was all Chan could say. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Jisung repeated that he was alright as many times as Chan apologized, but I knew the words had little effect. They were lost on all the members as well, who watched the scene with solemn faces, guilty they hadn't been able to get to Jisung when he'd needed them.

Chan caught my eye after Minho had pried him away from Jisung, his eyes filled with words he didn't need to say. I just offered him a smile and what little reassurance I could give.

The members stayed by Jisung's side after that, at the Hyunracha dorm, even though I knew they had to wake up early tomorrow for their music video shooting. We played a few games, turning on the music in the background, some of the members getting up to sing and dance along. Jisung didn't—Minho's arm stayed wrapped around his shoulders most of the night—but by the time Jeongin and Changbin were popping their hips out to Antifragile, he was smiling: a light but permanent kind of smile, one that left a residue, .

"Have you heard Le Sserafim's new release, Yeji?" Seungmin asked me, pointing and laughing at Jeongin. "It's called 'Unforgiven.'"

I nodded. "Kazuha slayed."

"Oh, Unforgiven?" Chan asked, reaching for his phone. "I'll put that one on next."

"We should dance to it on the coffee table," Jisung offered. "I can do Chaewon's floor part before the chorus."

"Something tells me that won't go well," Minho mused.

Jisung blinked. "Why?"

I frowned at him. "Don't you ever get that little voice in your head telling you what you're about to do is a terrible mistake?"

"...no?"

Felix opened his mouth, then closed it. "That explains ... so much."

I laughed, but when my gaze caught Felix's, it turned bitter in my throat. Whereas Hyunjin had appeared obviously distant to anyone who knew him, Felix was the same as he always was with the members: laughing, talking, cheering on Jeongin and Changbin. But I saw his pain in the flash of his eyes when they strayed too close to where Hyunjin was sitting, like he'd looked too closely at the sun. And I saw it when he looked at me.

He was careful to hide it, except for those moments when it slipped through. He was so good at it the members didn't notice—though that was also because their attention was mainly on Jisung. So good I knew he'd had far too much practice.

Felix was someone who tucked his anguish neatly into his pockets and zipped them up all the way, to save for later when there were less people around who cared about him that might notice.

"Either way, the answer is still no," Chan added, and I blinked, realizing the group hadn't fallen into the same well of thoughts that I had.

Jisung stuck his lip out, pouting. "You're just saying that because you think it's a too girly song and you don't think I can get it right."

"No, I'm saying it because the last time you did an interpretive dance on the coffee table, you almost broke Jungkook's arm," Chan shot back. "I have no qualms with girly songs. Changbin is literally dancing to Antifragile right now."

"Like you could stop me," Changbin said, popping out his hip.

"Ooh, we should add I CAN'T STOP ME," said Minho, reaching for the phone.

"I volunteer to floor dance to that one, too," Jisung added. "I once did one whilst holding a floor lamp under my arm."

Hyunjin blinked. "How did you even..."

Jisung shrugged. "It wasn't even that hard."

"I'm starting to think God was drunk when you were made," Chan muttered, rubbing his temples.

"Hey, we don't support frowny faces here," said Felix, pointing at him accusingly. "I'm sending good vibes your way. They're coming for you. There's nothing you can do to stop them."

Chan eyed him wearily. "That is ... the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up."

"It's working, though?"

Chan's lips quirked. "Maybe."

Felix beamed, and if Chan hadn't been in a good mood before, he definitely was now. In fact, the whole group's spirits were up as Jisung proceeded to floor dance to Twice; Changbin and Minho eventually joined in because "We have no dignity," Minho noted before launching shamelessly into the choreography.

I watched them all, quietly marveling on how they managed to cheer each other up just by being together. I'd seen many tight friend groups in school in Korea and college, but I'd never seen one that lifted one another up quite like Stray Kids. I could see it in Jisung most of all, who had gone from being still shaken from the fanmeet to comfortable and lighthearted, his usual self.

We ordered food and sat around the living room listening to music together, eventually breaking out Uno and the mafia game once the dishes and boxes were all cleared. The night drew on, and I found that I didn't really want it to end.

Everyone was tired, but the members stayed in the living room anyway. We fell into soft, contented silence, the kind after you eat a good meal or feel completely relaxed. "I met a STAY today," Seungmin said quietly into that silence.

I looked over. He was sitting on the chair, knees pulled up to his chin. Before him, Minho, Felix and Jisung were all lying on the floor together in a pile of loose limbs and sweatshirts; Jeongin sat against the foot of the couch where Changbin and I sat, my brother's head resting on my shoulder. Chan was the only one not lying or sitting down, moving around the coffee table on his knees and cleaning up the Uno cards. This proved quite difficult, given the fact that Hyunjin was perched neatly on the coffee table, sitting on several of the cards. Chan did not seem to find this a problem.

Now, Hyunjin lifted his chin, head turning towards Seungmin eagerly. "Did you get their name?"

In his studio, there was a notebook, one that was passed between the two dorms through him and Felix. On it, neatly listed, were the names of STAYs, gathered from chance meetings with the members on the street to official fansigns. It was Hyunjin and Felix's thing; every time they would get a name they would rush to the studio or wherever the notebook was to write it down. I knew they had an ever-growing list now, knew that they would take it out sometimes when they were feeling discouraged and run their fingertips over the ink and the careful, clean script: something to hold on to, to make them feel less alone.

For Hyunjin and Felix, they needed names. Actual people, actual faces, instead of just a featureless mass; it made it more real, to them. I had no idea how many names were on that list, but I did know that each and every one of them mattered.

Now, though, Seungmin shook his head, and Hyunjin's shoulders deflated a tiny bit. His gaze flicked to Felix—as if he was remembering who, exactly, it was that he shared this hobby with. Their eyes locked briefly before Hyunjin looked away again, the muscles in his jaw working.

I hid a wince, now-familiar guilt slicing through me, but if the other members noticed, they didn't speak, still listening to Seungmin.

"She thanked me," he said. "For debuting. For being here."

Jeongin snorted, though the noise was affectionate. He smiled up at the ceiling. "She should've thanked JYP, too, then."

"Bias?" asked Changbin.

"Jisungie, I think." Seungmin wound a loose thread around his finger. "She said that her two siblings both went off to college last month and she misses them so much she cries herself to sleep every night, but listening to our music helped her to not be so sad."

None of us had anything to say about that.

"She told me," Seungmin said, looking up finally, "'Thank you to all the members for being my good in the world. My heart is a hurricane and you are the eye.'"

I smiled as the members fell silent again, dwelling in those words. I moved to fold my arm across Changbin's shoulders, tucking my chin over the top of his head. He'd gotten so big ... nothing like the small, ruddy-cheeked boy who always used to burst into tears when I walked away.

"It's good to know that STAYs are so eloquent," Chan said after a minute. He'd finished stacking the cards and putting them away and was now sitting back on his heels. "Although, I kind of doubt that from all the pickup lines I've gotten in Channie's room."

"They say you are a lot like your bias," Felix offered.

"Well, we know that's not true, then," said Jisung with a laugh. "I am as eloquent as a frog when I'm speaking."

"And I'm only a lookalike of Taecyeon in my dreams," Minho added.

"I think you're eloquent," I said, frowning at Jisung.

Felix said, without looking at me, "Jisung thinks the past tense of yeet is 'yote.'"

"Never mind."

"Seungminnie, when did you talk to the STAY?" asked Hyunjin, still focused on Seungmin. I doubted that he'd even heard Jisung's and my conversation.

"I ran into her before the fanmeet started," he replied. "I tried to find her in the crowd, but I couldn't." The side of his mouth curved up at the corner. "I told her I had to go, and she said, 'okay, yes, I love you, thank you,' in that order."

Chan smiled, leaning back to sit next to Jeongin by the couch. "I wish we could've met her."

Seungmin nodded, his gaze far away. "She would've liked that."

-

Eventually, sleep came for all of us, though the members valiantly resisted it. Jeongin dozed off on Chan's shoulder, then valiantly denied it when he woke up from Chan laughing a minute later. Felix and Jisung both tapped out simultaneously, falling asleep on the floor together. Despite Seungmin's protests to draw mustaches on them with permanent marker, Minho made the decision to drive the maknaes back to their dorm. "We'll meet at JYP tomorrow," he promised Chan, carrying a sleepy Felix over his shoulder.

"Seven thirty," Chan agreed.

"Cooking like a chef, I'm a 5 star michelin," Felix mumbled, looking very offended.

With that, they were gone, the door clicking shut. Hyunjin's shoulders slumped at the sound; I hadn't realized they'd been tight. He tore his gaze away from the door, looking back at us. "Uno?"

And because I felt too guilty, too responsible for the awkward gap now between Hyunjin and Felix, I smiled at him and pretended like he hadn't just been watching the door after Felix had walked out of it. 

"Sure."