Hey guys!

It occurred to me while I was writing this that I haven't told you guys anything about myself. And I wanted you all to know a little bit about me other than the fact that I'm a writer. So, here goes:

I'm Aviva, or Avi for short. I use she/her pronouns and I live in the U.S. on the west coast. I have one other story on Wattpad right now, a fanfic on the show Voltron: Legendary Defender. I'm a STAY, clearly, but I only discovered Stray Kids recently: about a year ago, I was over at a friend's house and she showed me the Maniac relay dance, then the music video for Red Lights, and I was a goner.

This was during the summer, so for the next four days after that, I barely left my room or YouTube, greedily sucking down every piece of skz content I could find. My watch history from those four days ... it's not pretty, y'all.

Anyway, after a while I leveled out and moved past that first obsessive stage, and started actually getting to know the members' dynamics and their music. Hyunjin was the one who first caught my eye, mostly because of his red hair in Maniac and the fact that my friend biases him, but I don't consider myself Hyunjin-biased. I can't choose them you guys, I'm selecting all. Everybody is both my bias and bias-wrecker. (shrugs)

My favorite song has changed a lot, but as of right now, it's probably either Phobia or Alien (by Han). I haven't been to any concerts or fansigns/fanmeets yet, but I'm hoping to go to Kcon in LA this year (2023).

I love hearing from you guys, so ... what are y'alls favorite songs? No judgement unless it's Can't Stop by Seungmin and I.N, in that case I will judge that you are the most wonderful person in the world and deserve every good thing that could ever happen to you.

Moving back to the story, I chose not to bold English for this chapter. Happy reading!

~Avi

I'm right here, waiting for us

When you agree to go live with your rother and his seven frat-like K-pop idol roommates, no one ever tells you the dangers of doing so.

One danger being: sometimes, they will all sort of become a pile, and if you are caught in the middle of it, you will not be able to move for a good two hours of your own free will.

When I woke up, it was nearly impossible to tell where the members had been originally sitting. Hyunjin was lying over the entire row on the couch, with his head in Seungmin's lap and his feet in Changbin's face; Jisung had fallen off the couch sometime in the night, and now he and Minho were curled up together. Felix was sleeping on Minho's leg, his hand reaching up to the couch, where Hyunjin's hand dangled.

Chan was still snoring.

I attempted to disentangle myself and failed.

When Stray Kids slept, they were knocked out. With Hyunjin's ankles on my lap, Seungmin's arm slung over my elbow, and Changbin's arm wrapped around my shoulders, I couldn't move, no matter how much I tried.

After a few minutes of fruitless struggling, I gave up and settled back down into the couch. Next to me, Seungmin's arm tightened over my elbow in sleep. Minho mumbled something incoherent, frowning at Jisung, then repeated it louder: "You little ... try me, bitch ... I can motherfucker your ass any day..."

Jisung shifted and pulled him closer, Minho still muttering expletives under his breath. Guess we knew where Jeongin learned it from.

If Claire could see this, she'd go ballistic...

I sank back into the couch with a sigh. Oh, well. It wasn't the worst place to be.

-

The next time I woke up, I was still on the couch.

This time, though, voices began to reach my ears, and I blinked my way out of sleep, clearing my vision. Chan was standing by the couch, rubbing his eyes; Changbin was in the process of getting up too.

"Bin?" I asked, my throat dry.

His hand brushed over my shoulder. "Shh. Go back to sleep, Yeji."

I frowned as he finished disentangling himself from the couch slumber party, standing up. I watched as Chan knelt by the couch, gently shaking Jisung's shoulder. "Where are you guys going?"

"The studio," Changbin said. "We were supposed to be there an hour ago, but we overslept."

Below me, Jisung stirred; however, he was still curled around Minho, so they both began to wake up. "It's barely seven," I said, looking at my watch. "Have you guys even eaten?"

"There's a cafe in the building."

"That's a no." I straightened, not wanting to go back to sleep. "Bin—"

"Shh," he said again, gaze flitting over to Seungmin, who was stirring as well. "Don't wake them up."

"Too late," said Minho, looking with narrowed eyes at Chan. "When will you be back?"

Chan just shook his head.

Minho grabbed Jisung's arm as he tried to leave. "I know you've been working twice as hard ever since JYP moved up the deadline, but you can't keep doing this." His gaze moved to me, then stopped on Changbin. "This is the third time this week."

Jisung's brows furrowed. "I know, hyung. But we have to go."

"No, you don't," I said. I was getting frustrated, though I wasn't sure why. All I knew was that 3Racha leaving like this—slipping out of the dorm without even saying goodbye—felt wrong. I took my anger out on a loose thread on the armrest.

Next to me, Seungmin opened his eyes. "Whashappenin?"

"Nothing," Changbin said, giving me a pointed glance. "Go back to sleep."

Seungmin gave him a lopsided thumbs up and closed his eyes again.

By the time I looked up, Chan and Changbin were already halfway out the door. Jisung gave one last, torn look at Minho before following them. Minho's fist curled, and he slumped against the couch with a frustrated sigh.

After a second, he looked up at me. "Are you gonna go back to sleep?"

I shook my head.

"Good." He stood. "Wanna cook something?"

I blinked. "Ah ... okay. Hold on, let me get scissors first."

Now it was his turn to frown. "What for?"

I showed him the loose thread I'd been picking at. "You cook when you're stressed; I fix things."

-

We didn't have that many ingredients, but somehow, Minho managed to find everything to make kimchi jjigae. I sliced the onions because he told me he hated onions and how they made his eyes burn; he cut the kimchi into bite-sized pieces.

While we worked, the final, lingering swaths of nighttime gave way to morning, and long streams of yellow-gold sunlight came in through the windows, painting the kitchen in warmth. It was peaceful, save for the occasional mumble and murmur of the other members, still asleep on the couch.

"It's not usual that they sleep this late," Minho remarked, pushing the kimchi into the pot. I began chopping the radish as well. "Then again, we always sleep better when we're together."

"The dorm move probably wasn't much of an improvement, then," I said, adding my ingredients to the pot.

He shook his head. "It was. Chan needed more space; we all did. Except for Hyunjin and Felixie—they need physical connection at least twice a day to survive—but ... it was good for us. Even if we don't see one another as much." He looked over at the members, and I caught the soft smile that slipped over his face. "Hyunjinnie as an art studio now, too, and I have a garden ... and we have a practice room and a studio here, so we have to go to JYP-E less."

"Speaking of that..." I started on the rice, keeping my voice casual. "What did you mean when you said JYP moved up the deadline?"

Minho's jaw tensed. "A couple weeks ago, the deadline for our newest release got changed. Stuff like this happens, but with releases come promos—interviews, magazine covers, photoshoots, choreos—our lives turn hectic. And that's not even counting producing all the work that goes into the release." His gaze dropped. "It's always the most stressful time for 3Racha. The staying up too late, leaving too early ... it's only going to happen more now." His gaze found mine with sudden urgency, his eyes fierce. "We all have to work together to help them when they get like this. Bring them back. Make them eat, sleep, take a break. You can help too."

I nod. "I will. Changbin is my brother. I've been taking care of him for as long as he's been alive."

I didn't feel like I was trying to prove to Minho that I could be helpful, but something in his unwavering gaze gave way, and he nodded, a tiny dip of his chin. "Good."

He returned to stirring the jjigae, and I returned to cooking the rice, and we were both quiet for a while.

Then—"Is that why you came back, then?"

"Hm?" I looked up.

He kept stirring. "To take care of Changbin."

"Yes. That's why I came back to Korea."

He didn't move, still focusing on the pot. "It's a long way to go."

"It is," I said.

Both of our gazes fell on the couch, where the members slept.

Out of the blue, Minho said suddenly, "Chan leaves me in charge, you know."

I looked over at him, surprised. His face was unreadable. "When he's gone. I'm supposed to watch over them."

I heard the unsaid words in that, the untold responsibility. The second; the next in line.

When Chan is gone, I'm the one who leads them.

I wondered, then, if I'd overlooked him—overlooked how much Minho cared for the members. It was easy to see in someone like Chan, who looked out for them as easily as he breathed: it was there in every little touch he made on their backs to keep them steady, every hand he offered to take their jacket or help them up, every word he'd say about their wellbeing. I'd never seen Minho display it like that, but ... that didn't mean it wasn't there. Before I'd met Stray Kids—and even for some time afterwards—I'd always thought of Minho as the quiet, maybe even cold member of the group. But now...

Now, he was made up of a thousand tiny little things, hundreds of concerned glances and flashing eyes and steaming bowls set out in front of members and letting borrowed hoodies be forgotten to give back. And I wondered if there was more than one way to love someone—if there were infinite ways, each unique. Sometimes it was instinctual; sometimes loving someone meant loudly, broadly, without abandon, loving for all the world to see. But there was also quiet love, the kind that picked you up when you stumbled and held your face when you cried in the dark. Love that didn't need to be proven, or displayed. Love that was enough simply because it was there, always reliable.

One thing, at least, I was sure of: Minho cared. He wouldn't have been so upset at Chan and the others leaving if he didn't.

The members began to wake up as we finished the food, both from the increasing brightness outside and the smells coming from the kitchen. Seungmin practically woke up with his nose in the air. "Please tell me that's jjigae."

"It's jjigae," Jeongin confirmed. "I'd know that smell anywhere." He sighed happily. "Beautiful."

"Felix," Hyunjin said, tapping Felix's hand. "Brekkie."

Felix's eyes fluttered open, and he mumbled something unintelligible.

Hyunjin's face was that of someone who'd just petted an adorable kitten—he looked like he wanted to squish Felix's face in his hands. "Fe-lix-ie."

"Five minutes," Felix yawned, closing his eyes.

I wondered if Hyunjin knew how hard he was smiling. "Okay."

I served the rice and jjigae, and we ate around the kitchen counter, none of us bothering to sit down at the table. Minho really was a good cook; it was delicious.

"Where's Channie-hyung?" Jeongin asked as he fully woke up.

"And Jisungie and Changbinnie-hyung," Hyunjin added, looking around.

Seungmin frowned, turning to Minho. "Don't tell me they're at the studio again."

"They left before you all woke up," Minho said, his voice quieter than usual.

"When will they be back?" Felix asked from the couch, rubbing his eyes.

"Probably late."

I knew the news would be hard on the members, but I was fully unprepared for the look on Jeongin's face and the way his voice sounded, driving a knife into my heart, when he said, "Again?"

Minho ruffled his hair, pulling him close, and I fought the urge to do the same. "They'll be back."

Jeongin's eyes glittered, like polished steel. "I know."

-

After breakfast, Felix helped me with the dishes. Jeongin went to get changed; Hyunjin just threw on one of Seungmin's sweaters. Minho had gone to his garden, choosing to relieve his remaining stress by taking it out on the plants. I let him be; after what he'd told me about being in charge of the members when Chan was gone, I knew he was under a lot more pressure than I'd ever realized.

"Yeji-noona, want us to deal you in the next round?" Hyunjin called to me; he, Seungmin and Jeongin had started playing cards at the table.

"I'm alright, but thanks," I said. "Felix, you go. I'm almost done with the dishes."

Felix started to protest, but I nudged him, glancing pointedly over at Hyunjin. He sighed exasperatedly, fighting a smile, and joined them.

"You guys can do teams," I called out to them. "The maknaes against Hyunlix."

"Hyunlix?" Jeongin asked.

Hyunjin put his arm around Felix's shoulders. "Hyunlix for the win."

I winked at Felix, finishing the dishes. My phone pinged just as I left the kitchen; I pulled it out of my pocket, reading the screen.

Today at six fifty-two a.m.

Claire Robinson: call me?

My heart skipped. "Felix, can I use your room for a minute?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure."

I had pressed call before I'd even shut the door. "Hey," Claire said.

For some reason, the sound of her voice made the breath in my lungs shake like a tree in a storm. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"It's eleven p.m. right now," Claire pointed out. "Considering our college days, that's early."

"Yes, but we're not in college anymore," I said. "Why are you up?"

Her voice was casual, but I heard the emotions in it all the same when she said, "I wanted to talk to you."

My heart clenched. "Claire, I'm really sorry I haven't—"

"It's fine, Yeji." She cut me off. "You're not obligated to call me every day. We talked a few days ago."

"I don't care. I want to call you. I want to hear your voice every day, all the time," I said, my words fierce with the sharp, acute pain of missing her.

She scoffed. "You won't be saying that in a month when I've been singing Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance nonstop for two hours straight in our tiny-ass Brooklyn apartment."

"Claire—"

"When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city—"

"Claire—"

"To see a marching band, he said, 'son, when you grow up—'"

I sighed. "You done yet?"

"Nope." I could hear her grin over the phone. "Can't help it, I'm sleep deprived."

"Then go to sleep."

"I'm getting deja vu..."

"Claire."

"Yeji."

I blew out a breath, sliding down to sit on the floor of Felix's room. "How's Asha doing? You visited her?"

"Yep. Same old. Annoyingly calm, annoyingly tall." Claire laughed, and I felt the air warm around me. "Still vegetarian, too." Her voice softened. "She couldn't believe you'd really gone back."

I swallowed, my throat suddenly thick. "Yeah. I wish I could've been there."

"It's okay. We went to that place you hate, down by the deli."

"You went back to campus?" I asked, surprised.

"Near it." I could feel Claire shrugging over the phone. "Mostly for the memories, I guess."

Now it was my turn to scoff. "Right. The memories of coffee-Red Bull-monster shakes to stay up all night studying and drunk frat boys thinking they had much more rizz than they actually did."

"Aaaaand," said Claire, "The walks along the flower garden by the STEM building, late-night parties where we were drunk enough the music felt like it was inside of us, and that one time we had a picnic date on the roof of the dorm house."

I blinked, a smile twitching at my lips. "You're still really proud of yourself for coming up with that date, aren't you?"

"Best date ever," she said. "And it was romantic as shit, too. You can't deny it."

My smile softened at the corners. "I'll let you take me on a better one when I come home."

Claire was quiet for a moment. "Is it ... it's still home, right? Here."

Now I was quiet, too. "I ... it's complicated, but yes. You know how I feel about Korea, my childhood; it's hard to ever feel a familial sense when I think about it. But I'm still Korean; Korea is in me, in my heart and my blood." I blew out a breath. "But so are you. You're just as much a part of me now as the rest of my life. So my home is wherever you are. And I lived in America long enough that I consider it home, too."

"But then there's Changbin," Claire said, her voice mixed with emotions. We'd had this conversation before; she knew how I felt.

"Yeah." I leaned my head against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. "If it wasn't for Changbin, I'd have left Korea a long, long time ago. But he's in my heart too. You both are."

"And now you're half a world away."

My throat tightened. "You know it wasn't a choice, right? I promise it wasn't me choosing him over you. That would be like choosing one half of my heart over another. He just ... needed me."

"I know." Those two words comforted me almost as much as hearing her voice. "God, Yeji, I know. The last thing I want is for you to feel guilty about going to take care of your brother. I just ... I just wish you didn't have to go so goddamn far."

"Me too." The silence between us stretched across oceans, over fields and mountains.

Claire cleared her throat. "So ... how's Stray Kids?" It was an abrupt subject change, but I was thankful for it.

"The most I've had to deal with since I babysat for my neighbor's three-year-old when I was twelve," I said, laughing. "But in a good way. They're a lot sometimes, but I kind of like it. They're the big, chaotic family neither of us ever got the privilege of having."

Claire laughed, that throaty, rich sound of hers that I loved. "I bet their dorm smells, though."

"It's the same as living in a college dorm, really," I said. "Same size kitchen, same dirty socks on the floor, same reluctance to do the dishes. But the smell isn't actually that bad. I'm pretty sure they all wear perfume."

"You have to find me the kind Seungmin wears."

I chuckled nervously. "Don't you think that's a little... creepy?"

"I don't care. This is your mission, Yeji. Do not rest until you complete it."

"He's still your bias, then."

"Always." Claire sighed. "Have you heard him sing yet?"

"Um..." I racked my brain. "Sometimes he hums Gone Away when he's by himself, but that's not often, so..."

"You should hope that you do hear him sing." There was the sound of Claire falling dramatically onto something—her bed, I hoped. "The voice of an angel, Yeji. Angel."

"I may not have heard him sing, but guess what?"

"What?"

"We all had, like, a slumber party last night. Everyone was in a pile on the couch."

Silence on the other end. I waited, doubt sliding up against my temples, cold against the backs of my ears.

"Seo Yeji." Claire's voice was unreadable.

"Yes?"

"You cuddled with my Stray Kids bias?"

"We didn't cuddle," I protested. "We just ... slept. Close to each other. And technically it was all of the members, not just Seungmin, though I was next to him for some of the night—"

"Hold on," said Claire, and muted herself; a second later she came back on. "Sorry, I was screaming into my pillow. I cannot believe you, my girlfriend, had a freaking slumber party with Stray freaking Kids."

"It was actually really cute," I told her. "Jeongin was sleeping on Felix's shoulder most of the night, and Jisung and Minho were cuddling, and Hyunjin was sleeping on Seungmin's lap—"

"Oh my god." Claire took a deep breath. "Is it too late for me to fly over to Seoul right now and join you?"

I laughed. "Yes. You need to stay in America, remember? We haven't secured the apartment yet."

"Forget the apartment. Let's move in with Stray Kids." Claire paused. "Actually, never mind. I love our apartment too much."

"Have you visited it in person yet?"

"No, and I don't think I will. The plane ticket is weirdly expensive, and I'd have to book a hotel and everything ... plus I'd rather do it with you."

"Okay." I felt myself smile. "We'll have to start making a list of things to do when I get back."

"Already started it," said Claire. "First is clean the dishes that have been lying in the sink for weeks—"

"Is this a list for us or a list for me?" I asked, laughing. "Like hell am I coming home to do your dirty dishes."

I was going to say something else, but the sound of the door opening cut me off. I blinked in surprise—I'd forgotten where I was, so wrapped up in talking to Claire—and came face-to-face with Hyunjin.

"Oh, hi, Hyunjin," I said.

"Hyunjin?" Claire whisper-shrieked at me through the phone. "Yeji, don't tell me—"

"Hey," said Hyunjin slowly, looking at me oddly. "I ... I'm looking for Felix's phone?"

"Oh." I surveyed the room, ignoring Claire. "It's there."

"Right." Hyunjin kept looking at me with that strange expression, until he finally said, "That's ... Claire?"

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Oh.

"Yeah," I said. "Do you ... do you want to say hi?"

He blinked, still looking like a deer in headlights. "Oh. Sure."

I returned to the call. "Claire, wanna say hi to Hyunjin?"

There was a moment of silence. And then—"Hell yes I want to say hi to Hyunjin. Put me on speaker?"

I was already doing it. "Hyunjin, this is Claire; Claire, this is Hyunjin."

"Hello, Claire," said Hyunjin in English, coming closer to speak into my phone. He sat down in front of me. "How are you?"

"I am doing amazing, thanks," said Claire. "You?"

"I'm fine," he said. I realized I'd never heard Hyunjin speak in English before. He was a lot more cautious—especially compared to Seungmin's casual confidence—but he spoke well nevertheless.

"Claire's a STAY, by the way," I told him.

Hyunjin's face lit up. "Really?" He said in Korean, then shifted back. "For how long?"

"Since Back Door was released," Claire said proudly.

"Is it—was it ... because of Yeji?" Hyunjin asked, tripping a little bit over his words.

I could tell Claire found it adorable, because her voice was an octave higher when she said, "No, actually. I've been trying to make Yeji a STAY for years."

Hyunjin frowned at me. "You're not a STAY, noona?"

"See?" Claire said to me.

I laughed. "Maybe I will be, by the time I come back to the US."

Hyunjin smiled wider. "What are you guys going to do then?"

"We're going to get a studio apartment in New York," Claire answered. "I'm a painter; Yeji writes."

Hyunjin's eyebrows shot up. "You paint?"

"Yeah," she said, voice excited.

"I do, too."

"I know," Claire burst out, then backtracked when she realized how weird that must sound. "Just ... I saw some of the paintings you showed to STAY. On your vlives."

Hyunjin's cheeks turned pink. "Oh. Those, ah ... those were bad."

"No, they were amazing," Claire said in a rush. "Your art is amazing."

His blush deepened. "Thank you. I would like to see yours sometimes too, then, as well."

Claire sucked in a breath. "Really?"

"Yes," said Hyunjin, looking a little confused at her reaction. I assumed he didn't realize how much that meant to her. Claire had been obsessed with Hyunjin's art for a while; he was practically her De Vinci—so she was probably fangirling into her pillow again at this.

"Hyunjin?" The door opened again, and Felix poked his head in. "You okay? Hi, Yeji."

"I was talking to..." Hyunjin looked over at me, the barest glimpse of a smile flickering on his lips. "I was talking to Claire," he said in English.

Felix's eyes darted towards my phone. "Oh. Hi, Claire! I'm Felix."

"Hi, Felix," said Claire, her voice quivering.

"Sorry to take Hyunjin from you, but the others are getting mad at us for making us pause the game," Felix said apologetically. "Yeji, maybe you could call Claire with all of us sometime? I think the members would like that very much."

"I would like that very much too," Claire added loudly, and I bit back a laugh.

"Maybe, then." Hyunjin stood, smiling politely. "It was nice to meet you, Claire."

"You too, Hyunjin." Hyunjin turned towards the door, where Felix was waiting; he followed him out, and as the door closed behind them, I saw Hyunjin's face as he looked at Felix: full of so many emotions I could barely decipher them all, but mostly ... wistful. Like his head was full of thoughts of another place, another time, another world. Where things might've been different, given the chance.

It wasn't an expression I thought I'd ever forget.

Claire let out a dramatic breath. "That was everything I've ever dreamed of." At my laugh, she added, "I'm not kidding, Yeji. I have literally dreamed about this."

"Hyunjin wanted to see your art," I teased.

"Hyunjin wanted to see my art!" Claire was breathing heavily. "Sweet mother Mary, Yeji. Hwang Hyunjin and Lee Felix. Talking. To me. It's a wonder I managed to form complete sentences."

"Yeah, I'm proud of you," I said. "They seemed—"

"Yeji."

"Yes?"

"He called you noona."

A startled laugh came out of me. "Yes, they do that pretty regularly."

"I know, it's just..." she blew out another breath. "That part got to me, I guess."

"You should've seen his face when I told him you were a STAY," I added. "He got so happy."

I could feel Claire beaming. "I made Hwang Hyunjin happy."

"Wow," I laughed. "You're ... a lot more obsessed with Stray Kids than I thought."

"Well, now I am!" she said indignantly. "I just met my idol, Yeji. I don't think I'll be able to breathe properly if I meet Seungmin."

"You never acted like this when you talked to Changbin," I pointed out.

"I did the first time, remember? When you were calling him."

"Oh yeah, your face was all red." I grinned. "But after the first couple times, you were chill. You guys are pretty much friends now."

"We've never met in person, though." Claire shrugged. "I think it's different because he's your brother, you know? I've heard way too many baby stories about him for me to still think of him so highly."

I snorted. "Would it help if I got you some baby photos of Seungmin, then? They actually have a wall of them."

"I mean, I'm not complaining..."