I don't want to go to sleep, now

By the time we got back to the dorm, it was close to evening, and 3Racha and Hyunjin were already there. I couldn't help but look at Hyunjin a little closer—scrutinize the way his eyes lit up when Felix walked in the door—but I didn't think anyone noticed.

"What did you guys get?" Minho asked me, and I held up the bags of beef and other ingredients we'd bought, setting them on the counter.

"Wait, Yeji's cooking tonight?" Chan asked, looking up from the couch.

"Felix is helping, but yeah," I replied.

"Seriously?" Changbin blurted.

The room quieted. I faced him with an arched brow. "What, do you have a problem with that?"

"What? No!" Changbin crushed me into a hug. "Yeji, I've been craving your cooking for four freaking years. Holy shit, I can't wait. I've literally had dreams about this."

I burst out laughing, surprised, and the others joined in. "No offense to you two," Changbin added to Felix and Minho, releasing me.

Felix put a hand over his heart. "Offense taken. Yeji, you better be some master chef, or else I'll never forgive your brother."

"But also, no pressure," Chan added. He smiled at me warmly. "Whatever you make, Yeji, I'm sure it'll be delicious."

I smiled back. "Thanks, Chan."

"You're staying with us for movie night, too, then?" asked Hyunjin, and I nodded. "Cool. What are we watching tonight, anyways?" He looked toward Changbin. "Please don't make us rewatch those medieval K-dramas again."

"Hey, they're classics," Changbin argued. "And at least I'm not making us watch the Barbie movie."

Everyone looked at Felix.

He held up his hands. "Chelsea is my spirit animal. I stand by that."

"Chelsea's personality is more plastic than the ocean," said Jisung. "You're better than that, Lix."

"And you're better than the trash anime you binge-watch," Felix pointed out.

"[trashy anime] is not trash!"

Jeongin shrugged. "I'd take Barbie over cat documentaries any day," he said with a pointed glance at Minho.

Minho sat up angrily. "The stray cats in China don't have anyone to feed them, okay? We need to be raising awareness."

Changbin frowned at Seungmin "As long as we're not watching horror movies..."

"There was one jump-scare—"

"Seungmin, there was literally a serial killer with a scythe—"

"Of course there was a killer, it was a murder mystery—"

"O-kay," Chan said loudly, tapping the table, and the room quieted. "As you can see, Yeji, we usually have a lot of trouble finding a movie everyone agrees with."

I chuckled. "I think you guys all just like different things. I do, too; it's normal."

"You don't want to know what things she likes," Changbin muttered under his breath.

"Says the person who binge-watched Boys Over Flowers in high school so much he almost failed his final exams," I shot back, crossing my arms from where I was leaning against the kitchen wall. "My taste is exquisite compared to yours."

Hyunjin blinked at him. "You watch Boys Over Flowers?"

Changbin's cheeks reddened. "Only when I was a teenager. It's a stupid show."

Hyunjin gasped. "Lee Min-ho is my hero."

Felix blinked at him in surprise. "Wait, me too! His acting in the Heirs was perfect."

Seungmin gaped at them both, his jaw hanging slack. "You both watch Boys Over Flowers?"

Hyunjin arched an eyebrow. "It's one of my top five shows of all time."

"Okay, that's just wrong," said Minho.

"And even if I did still watch it, I wouldn't choose it for movie night," Changbin pointed out before Minho could get smacked with a throw pillow. "And it is my turn." He paused. "Actually, Yeji, do you want my turn this week? I'm okay with it, as long as you don't choose some weird American princess movie."

I grinned. "What a wonderful idea, Bin! I have the perfect movie in mind." Changbin groaned, falling onto the couch and landing on Hyunjin, who made a noise of protest but then took his hand and started playing with his rings.

"I'm okay with an American movie," said Felix. "Just make sure there's Korean subtitles for the others."

"No, Felix, don't," Changbin said from the couch. "You don't know the cesspool of crappy acting and plot holes American movies can be." He lifted his hand for emphasis, but stopped when Hyunjin grabbed it again and resumed playing with his rings.

"It's not one of those," I insisted. "I want to show them Lilo and Stitch."

Changbin opened his mouth, then closed it. "That's ... not the worst movie in the world."

I beamed. High praise, coming from him. "Perfect. Let's do it."

"Hold on, what's it called?" Jeongin asked.

"Lilo and Stitch."

"We have a couple rules," Chan told me. "No horror movies—Jisung always screams, and we can't have the police break in again—and nothing too violent."

I snorted. "Yeah, that's not going to be a problem. Lilo and Stitch is animated."

"Animated?" Seungmin frowned. " Are you sure about this, Yeji-noona?"

"She's sure," Changbin said from the couch. "Lilo and Stitch is one of her favorite movies. And it's decent, I promise. Animated ones can be really good."

I felt a smile stretch across my face, happy my brother was backing me up. "Thanks, Bin."

He sighed. "I'm just grateful you didn't pick anything bad."

"It sounds fun," said Jisung with a shrug. "I'm in."

"Same," said Minho.

"Me, too," said Felix, the others nodding their agreement.

"Cool," I said with a grin. "It's a fantastic movie, I promise. You guys will love it."

-

"Felix! Why won't the microwave close?!" I banged fruitlessly on the side of the microwave in frustration, feeling my panic rise. I'd forgotten how much less kitchen space there was in Korean kitchens; paired with the smallness of the kitchen in the member's dorm, everything was feeling way too cramped. It didn't help that half the members were crowded around the kitchen, watching me cook like sims.

I'd only started cooking dinner a little while ago, and already it felt like things were going wrong. I really didn't want to mess this up; Stray Kids were counting on me. It would be mortifying to watch them try my food and then try to pretend like it was good to spare me from embarrassment.

"Oh, just push it up before you close the door," Felix said, peeking over my shoulder from where he stood chopping vegetables. "Jisungie messed the microwave up a couple months ago when he tried to nuke a turkey, bones and all."

"You did what?" Chan demanded.

Jisung coughed. "Whaaaat? Me? What makes you think I would do something stupid like that?"

"Do you really wanna go down that road?" Minho asked, brows raised.

"We have a list of all of the places you're banned from," said Jeongin.

"It's alphabetized," Hyunjin added.

Jisung frowned at them. "Geez, everyone's a critic these days."

I pushed the microwave up, and, thankfully, this time it closed properly. "How's the kimchi?" I called to Felix.

"Just finished." He wiped his hands on his Kiss the Chef apron. "And the other namul is looking good too."

I blew out a breath. "Okay. This is good. I can do this."

"When were you gonna start the rice, anyway?" Felix asked me.

I blinked. "Shit!"

"Yeji!" Chan gasped, covering Seungmin's ears.

Seungmin rolled his eyes. "Hyung, I know what the shit word means."

Chan gasped again, covering Jeongin's ears. "Seungmin!"

Jeongin sighed. "I know what the shit word is too, hyung."

Chan gasped a third time, clutching his chest with his hand. I looked over at him worriedly as I quickly began preparing the rice, hoping he wouldn't pass out.

"It's okay, hyung," said Minho. "They were bound to learn it at some point."

Chan eyed the two maknaes like they were suspected murderers. "At least tell me that's the only bad word you know."

Jeongin cleared his throat. "Well..."

"Yes, that's everything they know," said Changbin with a pointed glance. Jeongin and Seungmin quickly nodded as my brother led Chan over to the couch to sit down.

Fortunately, nothing else went wrong, and with Felix's help, I finished everything in a matter of time.

"Someone get the glasses," Felix called as we began serving everything.

"Jisung," said Chan, volunteering him.

"Hyunjin," said Jisung.

"Jeongin," said Hyunjin.

"Seungmin," said Seungmin, looking very pleased with himself.

Changbin threw up his hands. "I'll just do it."

I laughed. "Reminds you of the good old days, huh?" I asked Changbin as he came into the kitchen.

He arched an eyebrow at me. "I wouldn't call them 'good.' You made me do all the chores and then pretended like it was you when our parents came home."

I grinned at him. "And now here you are, ten years later ... still doing the chores."

He rolled his eyes at me, blocking my face from his vision by opening the cabinet door. I just chuckled and set the rest of the banchan on the table. "Let's eat!"

We all gathered around the table and dug in. I waited for a while, though, making sure everyone had gotten what they wanted, hoping they all thought it was good. What if in the four years I'd been gone, Korean cuisine had changed drastically? Or what if I'd used the wrong spices somewhere?

"Yeji," said Seungmin.

I swallowed. "Yeah?"

"This is amazing."

My entire chest warmed. "Really?"

"Yeah, Yeji-noona, this is the best beoseot-tangsu I've had in years," added Jisung, grabbing a piece of the crispy mushroom dish with his chopsticks. "You're going to have to cook for us a lot more."

"As long as I don't have to do the dishes after," Changbin said around a mouthful of food.

"Yeji-noona, what sauce did you use for the kimchi?" Minho asked me.

"It's my own personal recipe," I admitted. "I used it when I was in America and I didn't have the right ingredients, so I just threw a bunch of random things together."

"You're gonna have to show me sometime," he replied.

I beamed. "So that means ... you guys all like it?"

"Like it?" Changbin looked at me like I was crazy. "Yeji, I love it."

"Yeah, thank you, noona," Jisung added.

"And thanks for giving me a break from cooking," said Minho. "I can't believe you forgot the rice, though."

"I was under a lot of stress, okay?" I pointed my chopsticks at him to emphasize my point. "I haven't cooked this big of a meal in years. Maybe ever."

"And you did good," Felix finished, offering me a smile.

I felt myself return it. I did good.

Jeongin set his chopsticks down, looking around. "Could someone please pass the bee juice?"

Chan cringed. "Please just say—"

"I have it," said Hyunjin, passing the jar of honey to Jeongin.

"I agree with Channie-hyung," Felix said. "We should be calling everything by their proper names."

Seungmin arched an eyebrow. "Okay, Lee Yongbok."

Felix opened his mouth, then closed it. "...bee juice it is."

-

After dinner, we moved over to the couch, similar to the first time I'd dined with them. Felix, Changbin and Chan helped with the dishes, insisting I shouldn't have to clean up since I'd made the meal.

We played a few games together—Uno with Stray Kids was chaos—before everyone clambered around the couch for the movie. I sat on the couch next to Changbin; next to him was Jisung, then Seungmin, then Hyunjin. Felix, Jeongin, Minho and Chan sat on the floor in front of the couch, resting their heads by our legs.

Even though I was next to my brother and no one else, I picked up a small bit of discomfort as we all settled in. I guessed that if I wasn't there, the members would probably all have just piled onto each other, rather than taking fixed positions. I knew them all well now, but they were still hesitant to be as open with me physically as they were with one another. Felix would put his arm around Changbin's shoulders, or Chan would rest his hand on Minho's knee; even now, Hyunjin, who was perched on the arm of the couch, had his head in the crook of Seungmin's shoulder. But they'd never done that with me. I didn't blame them, of course; we'd only met a week or so ago, and I was still an unmarried female, and they were all close friends. I just hoped that whatever awkwardness caused by my presence would go away with time.

The members only had two Netflix accounts—one for Changbin and one for Seungmin—and the others were just parasites, so we used Changbin's.

"Are you sure about this, noona?" Jisung asked as I pressed play. "It seems kind of ... childish."

"I'm sure," I said, limiting my answer so the others could hear the movie.

Jisung didn't get the hint. "I mean, it's not that kid movies are bad, they just don't usually have very good plotlines..."

"Jisung, the movie's starting," I said. "Could you—"

"I guess we'll just hope for the best, but—"

He cut off as I shoved a pillow in his face, intent on quieting him so the movie could be heard.

There was a second of silence, in which all the members stared at me. My face instantly flamed, and I quickly opened my mouth to beg for Jisung's forgiveness—

But Minho burst out laughing, almost falling off the couch and onto Jisung, who was shaking his head, disoriented. The others were laughing too, even Jisung joining in.

"That—was—the best thing ever," Jeongin gasped, clutching his stomach.

"Yeji, your face—" Changbin put his hand on my shoulder, shaking with laughter. "Oh my god."

My face turned an even darker shade of red. "Jisung, I'm so sorry—"

"It's okay, Yeji. I was about to do it myself, before you did," Minho told me, wiping his eyes. "You're good."

"Really," Jisung added, smiling at me. "Pillows are often used as weapons in the dorm."

Once everyone had regained control, I restarted the movie. "It'll be good, Jisung," I told him as I pressed play a second time. "Trust me—you'll all be in tears by the end."

-

As it turned out, Stray Kids weren't in tears by the end of the movie.

They were all sobbing an hour into it.

I learned quickly that it was hard for some of the members to sit still. Changbin kept getting up to pee; Hyunjin was clinging to Seungmin like a koala bear to a tree; Jisung had switched with Minho so he could sit between his hyung's legs, then switched back because "Minho-hyung keeps kicking me." Then Jeongin was complaining it was cold, so Chan got up and grabbed blankets for everyone. Normally, I would've been pissed at them for talking too much and distracting me, but I'd seen the movie enough times I didn't care, and most of them were reading the subtitles anyway.

By the end of the movie, I was sitting next to Jisung and Changbin, braiding Felix's hair, and the credit music was completely inaudible by the sound of Jisung, Hyunjin and Jeongin bawling. I even saw Seungmin wipe his face discreetly to cover his tears.

"I want an alien pet," Chan sniffled. "I miss Berry."

"I miss my family," said Jeongin. "Ohana..." his eyes filled with fresh tears, and he buried his face in Felix's shoulder.

"Woah there," I said. "I didn't mean for you guys to be sad..."

"No," Jeongin said loudly, his head shooting up. He leaned over Felix's head to take my hands, meeting my gaze, his eyes big and watery. "It was beautiful, noona."

I patted his hand, wondering if I should be concerned. "Thanks, then?"

"Yeah, Yeji, I'm sorry I ever doubted you," said Jisung, clinging to Minho's arm. "That was a really good movie."

Minho frowned at him, shaking his arm, which did not deter Jisung in the slightest.

"Did you even see the movie, Changbinnie-hyung?" Felix asked, craning his head to look at Changbin and upsetting the braid I was finishing. "You got up to pee, like, three times."

Changbin shrugged. "I've already seen it, so I didn't really care. Yeji made me watch it."

I gasped. "You actually listened to me?"

"You called me at one a.m. and told me you had stumbled upon the greatest American creation in existence while procrastinating for finals," Changbin pointed out. "Of course I watched it. And you sounded kind of crazy, too, so I was a little scared you'd beat me up if I didn't."

"Okay, first off, I was sleep-deprived, not crazy—"

"Same thing," said Hyunjin with a pointed look at Chan.

"And I was thousands of miles away from a place I promised myself I'd never return to," I finished. "How would I have managed to beat you up?"

He side-eyed me. "I don't doubt that you would've found a way."

"What do you mean, you promised yourself you'd never return?" Seungmin asked, and I jumped in the darkness; somehow, I'd forgotten the rest of the members were there.

"Oh." My mind raced for something to say, to explain, but there was nothing. Panic rose, heating my face.

"You did return, though," Changbin said, his voice quieter now, holding none of the teasing lilt he'd had seconds ago. I heard the unspoken words in that sentence. 

You did return—for me.

"And it was worth it," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Promise."

In the darkness, our pinkie fingers locked together. 

And if the members realized that I'd never actually answered Seungmin's question, they didn't mention it.

We were quiet for a while, long enough that the crickets chirping outside became the only conversation that was happening, their sharp whistles filling the empty air. Warm from Chan's blanket, my head on Bin's shoulder, I felt my eyelids drooping towards sleep.

"We should probably get up soon," Bin mumbled.

"Yeah, we should," I agreed.

No one moved.

"I have to do my skincare routine," Jeongin said with a yawn.

"You'll do it," said Jisung.

"Will I?"

"Uh-huh."

Quiet.

"We really do need to go to bed," Minho murmured.

"I can't," said Seungmin. "Hyunjinnie's lying on me."

"Am not," said Hyunjin. I looked over. Hyunjin's arms were wrapped around Seungmin's shoulders, practically falling into his lap.

"We'll get up in a minute," Felix said, his voice adorably sleepy. "Right, Chan-hyung?"

No answer.

Changbin looked up. "Chan?"

"Who's next to him?" Jisung asked.

"We're all kind of on top of each other at this point," I pointed out.

"I think this is him."

"No, that's me, you idiot."

"Where is he?"

We were interrupted by a loud snore.

Everyone fell quiet in surprise; it came again, sounding roughly like the foghorn Changbin had used to wake me up that morning.

"Wait, he's right here," came Minho's voice, a whisper now. "Guys, Chan-hyung's asleep."

"No way," said Jeongin. "Should we be recording this moment?"

"He's out like a light, too," Hyunjin added, pushing Chan's shoulder gently, which only succeeded in making him fall into Minho and snore louder.

"I didn't know he snored," said Felix.

"I didn't know he slept," said Seungmin.

"Wow," I breathed. "You guys weren't lying when you said Chan is always overworked with all the hours he puts into JYP. He must've been ... really tired."

"We all are," Felix said, his voice quiet.

No one said anything after that, and after a while, a comfortable silence fell over us. Hyunjin was cuddling Seungmin so much his feet were touching my legs; Minho was leaning against Jisung's knees, Chan still fast asleep on his shoulder. Felix had his arms around Jeongin; my head was tucked into the crook on Changbin's shoulder. We were all worn out, and I felt myself yawning more and more. For once, everyone was quiet and still, and I found myself wondering if this was what it was like to have a big family—to be wrapped up with one another like this, surrounded by warmth. I didn't ever want to leave this cocoon we'd made. To be honest, I didn't want to leave Stray Kids anytime soon, even though I missed Claire more and more each day. I'd arrived in Seoul with the sole intention of being there for my brother, but I'd found so much more—and I was finally starting to feel fully comfortable with the members, and them with me.

Claire would be proud, I thought, and then I thought nothing more, sleep claiming me at last.