❝in the darkness i will meet my creators, and they will all agree, that i'm a suffocator❞

niall pov:

i did this,

i made him leave, i made him uncomfortable, i made him... unlove me.

i continuously needed him, and i never let go.

that's what mum taught me. she told me the moment i came home explaining my love towards him.

"don't let go of happiness. find it, take it, and keep it as your own."

she didn't tell me that if i held on too tight my happiness would run away.

i'm at fault.

i've always been.

+++

[ september 7 // 2:55PM ]

"m-mum, i- i'm sorry, i'm s-so-o s-s-sor-rr-y."

niall cries, hiccups racking his thin body, words coming out in syllables.

"i'm disappointed, niall. never come back to this household again. i'm very disappointed."

maura continued, on and on, over and over. she continuously filled her son with shame. the once young loving mother in pieces, her elegance shattered into sharp edges of glass, that puncture deep in the skin.

that's exactly what any hurt human is.

a vase of beauty, outlines of soft edges, holding so much of everything and nothing.

and once that vase of elegance is gone, knocked over, thrown to the ground like trash. it shatters, and it cracks.

creating the sharp edges to puncture anyone who comes near. elegance replaced by darkness.

even with the helping hands of another, the vase pieces will still relentlessly cut, no matter the size or shape, it will do worse than what they've been through.

don't break the vase, don't knock over the vase, because trying to fix it... will be nothing compared to any pain the vase itself has experienced.

niall didn't know though, and he himself was a vase of elegance.

and his mother was only adding more weight than he can handle.

finally, she broke the vase, "don't come to visit me! i never want to see you! or your faggot of a boyfriend! you piece of shit! good for nothing!"

and the line went dead.

the blonde sobbed.

he screamed and ripped out all the nasty noises he could.

screams that bled ears of his own.

a murder that seems to never stop.

only then did niall notice that his boyfriend never came.

not only did he disappear from the house, but he never came back until the next day.

"i heard you crying." zayn muttered, both of them at the table eating dinner.

"i was." niall replied, eyes watering at the thought.

"i'm sorry." zayn whispered, fingers twitching, wondering if his heart would ever take a stand and take over for once. his brain doing all the work, telling him, 'no don't touch him, what are you? a man with needs or a man with strength?'

zayn didn't know, he didn't know about the inner battle between his heart and his brain.

niall did though, and he studied zayn, and he learned.

but he didn't learn about what happened between them.. has diminished, disappeared into nothing.

"it's ok, i just- it hurts... a-and i-"

"please don't cry."

"-i just can't hold on any more."

niall didn't catch it, but he saw the way zayn changed.

the moment his eyes watered and the tears left, he saw the change.

"n-niall, no, baby please, stop crying, please." zayn stammered out, he hated it when someone he loved... or cared about cried.

he didn't enjoy it, never knew why, but he just didn't.

especially when the boy in front of him cried.

zayn got up, and niall thought... he thought zayn was going in for comfort.

but he didn't.

and niall hurt even more.

the vase that once shined under a light... once caught the attention of many,

broke. the light flickered, and died. the constant crack on the inside of the vase grew, and finally... finally the vase cracked.

then fell, and never got caught.

last time there was someone to catch it, there always was.

not now,

the security left him,

and it's never going to piece him back together again.

+++

i can't cope with the pain,

i have no support.

no one cared about me, no one needed me.

only now, do i notice how much i needed it.

yet long ago, i hurt them and they left.

i'm lost.

i need to find a way back,

but how could i? i have no light.

||

thank you for so much.

please comment how you feel, i will take the threats.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i promise there will be another book lots happier.

vote. comment.

-softlou x