~I need you to be here with me all night, please don't leave me alone here.~

A S H T O N

When I woke up, things were really blurry and all I could feel was the pressure in my head. It wasn't pain, not yet, at least. I was sure it would be soon anyway. I could hear my pulse in my ears, and I couldn't help the slightly nauseous way I felt. I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling and feel a bit of dread setting in. 

I couldn't remember exactly what had happened last time I was awake, it was all a little hazy. I remember waking up, Blake pressing kisses to my neck. I remember Blake hugging me and bringing me over to the hospital. But I couldn't remember anything after they gave me the medicine to make me sleep through the surgery. I don't even really remember them giving it to me. 

I carefully kept my eyes shut, my head felt heavy, and it was hot. Why is it so hot in the hospital? I was sure that I'd always been cold in the hospital. I groaned, my eyes felt hot, and heavy. I wanted to just crawl into a dark, cold hole and sleep. 

"Ashton?" I heard and I groaned again. Daddy. I wanted to be close to him right now. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears, but I couldn't feel part of my head. It was so foggy I wasn't even positive that it was Blake at first. I whined, and I heard Blake walking over to the bed. His hand softly traced down my arm and wrapped around my hand. "Daddy's here, baby boy." He said softly, and I whimpered.

He leaned down and kissed my head before he sat down beside me. I opened my right eye just a tad so I could glance over and see him, just to let myself know for sure it was him and it was. I could've cried when I saw him. I felt so scared and vulnerable right now, all I really wanted to be in his arms where I could hide. I wish I could go home. I hated hospitals so much, and I only hated this more because it was me in the hospital. I just wanted to go home where Blake could hold me. 

Oh god, I thought my headaches hurt. I groaned quietly, and took the pillow the nurse had laid beside me and covered my face with it. When I had my headaches this always helped, at least a little. It provided some kind of comfort, I suppose. 

A knock on the door made me whine again and I finally fully opened my eyes. The room was white with blue stripes, with a painting hanging in the middle of one of them of a monkey. It was really ugly if you ask me, but I guess no one really did, right? I looked over to the door as the nurse walked in. "Hey Ashton! How ya feelin' buddy?" She asked me, and I raised an eyebrow and winced a little. Why is she treating me like a baby? 

"'M fine..." I stutter out, feeling a bit dizzy now that I've finally opened my eyes.

"Good! My names Annison and I'll be your nurse until seven am." She said, and I nodded. I didn't even think about responding to her, but that was okay, because she continued; "I am going to check your vital signs and stuff. How is your pain level?" She asked. I shrugged, and winced at my bad choice of movements. "On a scale from one to ten?" She asked. 

"It's about a four." I said, and she nodded, and started checking my pulse. Surely, my heart rate was up at least a little bit.  I guess it's nothing to really worry about because I'm in the hospital so they are paid to worry about that kind of thing. 

"You can have your next Vicodin in an hour so by the time that the number gets higher, you'll be able to get your next pill." She said. "Your dinner will be brought by shortly love. Do you need anything?" She asked. I shook my head and rested back into the bed, closing my eyes again. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted to go back to sleep and I still felt sleepy enough to do so.

I laid there for a few minutes in the silence, and feeling Blake's hand softly holding my hand. I felt myself lulling off to sleep, grateful I'll be able to just stop feeling this pain right now. It wasn't a full pain, so it was hard to even really pinpoint what it was. It was severe enough to make it noticeable and uncomfortable but not severe enough for it to have a certain place that hurt worse than anywhere else. 

-    ^   -

When I woke up next, Blake was waking me up to eat. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep, but it couldn't have been long because the food that the hospital had brought me was still warm and it looked really good, surprisingly. The chicken strips looked delicious even though they were grilled, and the mac and cheese looked creamy and perfect. The potatoes also looked creamy, buttery and delicious. But I didn't really feel up to eating it. 

"I'm not hungry," I muttered stubbornly. Blake smirked a little and just shook his head at me. I closed my eyes and went to try to fall back asleep when Blake put his hand on my thigh and my breath caught at the excitement coursing through my veins. 

"You have to eat before you get your pain medicine, precious. Wake up," He said, and I groaned softly and opened my eyes, looking over at him, pouting a little bit. I really didn't want to wake up yet, I still felt pretty tired and groggy. "As soon as you eat, you can go right back to sleep after they give you your pills." He said, and I nodded my head. 

It made me feel a tad bit better that I wasn't going to have to stay up for the rest of the night. I looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that it said it was twelve so I knew it had to be at night, and I was glad. That meant that the day of my surgery was finally over and I was happy that it was. It meant that my new life could start now. 

I took a small bite of the potatoes and raised up my nose a bit at the slightly bland taste but I continued eating it even though it wasn't the best thing that I'd ever eaten. I really just want to get this over so I can get home, and back to my life. 

   "I'm done." I said, and pushed the tray away from me, laying back down the bed and bringing the blankets up to my neck, snuggling in until the nurse came in with my medicine. I knew it wouldn't be long so I just rested my eyes and waited on her to come in. I sighed deeply and looked up at the clock. She's taking so much time. 

I grabbed the remote to the television and turned on the movie that was playing. It was a Spiderman movie, I think, but it didn't really matter. I just wanted to take my medicine and go to sleep. Why wasn't the dumb nurse back yet? It shouldn't take someone a million years to eat something with portions the size that they provide. It's so tiny it's not even a serving, I'd say. 

"Is something the matter lovely?" Blake asked me, leaning forward in the chair beside my bed. I just shrugged a small bit, afraid of moving too much so soon after the surgery. "Does your stitches hurt?" He asked.

"It just hurts in general." I whined, and curled up into a ball as much as I could. I didn't feel too great. It was taking too damn long. 

Blake pressed the nurse button and I felt a bit of relief wash over me. I couldn't wait to get back to sleep. It was really tiring. I just wanted to be home with Blake so I could cuddle up to him and get comfortable. I wanted to be able to just get back to how things were before I had all of this going on in the first place. 

The nurse came walking in with my pills and the antibiotic that I had to take in the morning and at night. I hated taking all these pills but until I get better there isn't too much I can do to stop it or anything. I just have to get through this surgery and get better so that I never have to deal with this bullshit again. I was holding on to faith right now, that soon I'll be back to normal. I don't want to lose sight of that this close to the end. 

Once I'm better, I'll be able to have sex with Blake again. He'll be able to introduce me to more and more about his lifestyle and his wishes for me and I'll be able to become what I want to be... his. I wasn't able to continue training because he couldn't really do anything to me. I wasn't doing for him what he wanted me to and I was sad by that. It felt like I was letting him down and I didn't want to do that. That's why, when this is all over, I'm going to ask him to speed up my training. It's been long enough. I'm comfortable with him, I trust him, and I know that he'd never do anything to really hurt me. I just have to let him see that he can let loose some, and enjoy what we're doing even more. 

The nurse took my vitals, checked my fever, checked the stitches behind my ear, and then she gave me my antibiotic and my pain pill. Once she was done, she patted me on the hand gently and smiled. "You're doing amazing, honey. Get some sleep." She said. I smiled a little bit at her and shut my eyes, hoping to get the rest of tonight over with as quickly as possible.

-   ^   -

Six o'clock comes earlier than it really should when you feel people messing with you while you're trying to sleep. The tale-tell sign of a nurse doing a check-up was the cuff around my arm that squeezed to get your heart rate. It was mildly annoying, and I just whined quietly and tried to wiggle away from them. "Ash, baby, be still." Blake chided and I immediately stilled, a little huffy but not wanting to be disobedient either. 

There's a time and a place for disobedience, here wasn't it. Not when I was already a pain in the ass to him like I am. I sighed and kept my eyes closed, stubbornly holding onto all the little strings of sleep as hard as I could. It still hurt, bad. I was numb, where they'd done everything and I knew that I shouldn't really feel it, but I did. It was an interesting sensation, just behind my ear. A slightly recurring pain that was sharp, but only when I focused hard on it. 

"How is he doing?" The nursed asked softly. 

"He's being so strong. Hasn't complained at all, really. He's been really cooperative, even when he's asleep." Blake said, his voice sounding proud. I almost smiled, but I couldn't. I didn't want to let them know that I was awake.

"I'm glad.  He's seeming to heal pretty fast, as well." She said, as she pressed the larger circular part of her stethoscope to my chest. It was a bit of a pressure I wasn't expecting and I jumped a tad. "Sorry buddy, I'll be careful." She said. I made a noise of agreement and went silent again. "He looks good, the stitches are still closed and there's nothing around them to indicate that there's an infection. Of course he's still got two days of monitoring before he can leave, but he may be able to leave the third day instead of the forth." She said. 

"Great!" Blake said, he sounded happy. I loved the way his voice sounded when he was happy. It made me feel safe, like he loved me. 

"I'll be bringing in his pain medicine and his breakfast in a few minutes." She said, and I heard a rustling sound, I assumed he was nodding at her because he didn't verbally reply to her statement. I figure it would come off as rude if he did nothing, right? 

I heard her walk over to the door and open it, as she walked out I heard her shoes against the tiled floor, and then the door shut. I groaned softly and shook my head in annoyance, causing a sharp pang of pain to the back of my head. 

"Uggggh." I moaned and looked over at the television. There was some children's cartoon going and I just sighed deeply. 

"Morning baby. You staying up?" He asked. 

"Probably not, daddy." I said softly, and he nodded. 

"Still feel drowsy?" He asked, and I nodded. "Need some water?" He asked, and I nodded. He got up and got me a glass of water. He brought it over to me and let me have it. I took a drink and then sat it down on the table beside the bed. I cuddled back into bed and closed my eyes. I still feel so foggy and tired. I hate this. 

"Love you, daddy." I murmured softly, letting myself go back to sleep one more time. I needed to sleep. Sleep meant that I would recover faster. I need that.