~Inside my head it's only you, I need you to be the one to guide me, to love me, and to tell me how to please you. There is no wrong when it's coming from your mouth, I'll only bow my head and agree. For when it's you, I cannot disagree.~

A S H T O N

I find myself sitting down at the table in the dining room at my house, doing my over the summer work. School's going to start soon, and I know that unfortunately, I'll be heading back to school. The last weekend off school and I'm stuck at home studying. 

Blakey: Ash, where are you? I couldn't help but blush as I was aware of the fact that he missed me being there. I couldn't help but miss being there. It's so boring here. I just have to nod and pretend like I belong. 

Before I met Blake, it didn't seem much like I was pretending. But now that I know who I am, who I belong with, pretending doesn't seem... quite as real as it did. 

Hey, I'm stuck doing homework. I'm stuck on senior math. I replied to him quickly, and sat my phone down, turning the ringer to vibrate so that every noise wouldn't alert everyone in the house that I was being texted. My parents aren't particularly nosey, but they do tend to ask a lot of questions, and I'm not really prepared with how to answer any of them. 

I've been considering just coming out to them. I've been wearing Blake's collar for over a week and they've not yet commented. I don't know if that is because they really believe the lie about whoever that designer is, or if they just don't care, but they haven't commented... yet.

In my head, it seems a bit too soon, but in my heart, I know that whatever the outcome is, it'll be the same whenever I tell them. I could tell them when I'm forty, or tomorrow, and the outcome will still be whatever the outcome will be. I can't change their views on gays. 

Blakey: Well, make up some lame ass excuse to come get math help from me. I'm good at math... and I can be an excellent motivator. There seemed to be an underlying sexual innuendo there, and I couldn't deny the shock of arousal that shot down my spine. 

"MOM!" I yelled, and she came down the stairs and peeked into the dining room. 

"Yes, dear?" She asked, and I bit my lip, trying to form the words that I would need. In order for this to go how I'd like it, I have to choose my wording very carefully. 

"I need some math help," I said, and she nodded smiling a bit. 

"I will get your father to hire a tutor." She said, and I shook my head. She frowned and pursed her lips at me, a questioning look in her eyes. 

"Mister Reynolds told me that he'd help me with my math." I told her, and she frowned, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. She sighed and sat down in front of me, looking slightly guilty. 

"Listen Ash about that..." She trailed off, looking over me slowly. "Your father found out that Blake is into men... he's asked me to keep you away from him." She said gently, patting my hand. I sat up straighter, my eyes widening. 

"H-how?" I asked, and she bit her lip. 

"Something one of his friends at work told him, I'd gather." She told me, and I bit my lip and felt a sinking pit in my stomach. 

"Why does it matter?" I asked, and looked up at her through cold green eyes. "It's not like he'd molest me--" 

"Ashton, you're father doesn't want you getting any ideas." She said, and I looked over her angrily.  "He's noticed that you've been dressing even more... feminine, now. He doesn't like it." She told me, and I took a deep breath. 

"So?" I dared to challenge her. 

"Ashton, you're not a girl." She said, her face tightening in anger. "You can't just walk around like you're one. It gives you a bad reputation, and you're not even out of high-school yet. Don't you remember the boys last year--" 

"Yes, mother." The word came off my lips like venom, and I was surprised at the amount of anger that was sizzling in my veins. "I am well aware of the fact that I am not a girl. I do not intend to be one--"

"Good, then it's settled you'll stay away from Reynolds." She said easily and I shook my head. 

"I won't," I snapped. "I'm eighteen, it's my decision. I can make the decision to talk to him. Just because he's gay doesn't mean that he's diseased." I snapped, and her eyes got this nervous look in them that made me shift uncomfortably in my chair. 

"You live in my house, boy!" My father bellowed, coming up behind me and grabbing my arm hard in his hand. I gasped, pain shooting up my arm and to my shoulder. "If I say you won't talk to a dirty faggot then you won't . Got it?" He snapped, and I shook my head. 

"Dad... He's not dirty." I whispered, and his eyes blazed with anger. 

"He's a fucking faggot. He's no good, and I'm not going to have him infectin my son with the gay," He snapped, looking over me with anger in his emerald green eyes. 

"Dad he didn't infect me with anything!" I snapped angrily, and then all the blood in my body stopped moving as I realized what I'd done. I'd just accidentally came out. I hadn't meant to, but it'd happened. 

"Are you sayin what I think you are?" He lifted my up by my arm and I shook my head frantically. 

"No daddy, I'm not.." I trailed off, and he just kept looking through me. I was suddenly aware of the stentch of liqour on his breath, and the lofty scent of cigarettes clinging to his checkered shirt. 

"I think you are." He hollered, letting go of my arm and grabbing me by the shoulder roughly. My arm was stinging from where he'd grabbed me, and now my shoulder was painfully tight. 

Suddenly, he paused a moment, and it looked like he was thinking before BANG! I squealed, trying to jerk out of his grip. "Dad that hurt!" I yelled, my eye aching where he'd punched me. 

"Emmet!" Mom cried, but he didn't stop there. He landed a punch on my other cheek, making my head snap to the side. I cried out, my hand immediately going up to grip onto my pale cheek. Then, with my hand up on my face, he punched me directly in the nose. 

"No son of mine is going to be a fucking faggot!" He yelled, tossing me to the ground. I hit the ground, my head hitting the corner of the chair, making my vision blur slightly. He kicked me, right in the stomach. I gasped, curling myself up to stop the impact. But that didn't do anything to detter him, he only kept kicking me. 

Some of the kicks hit my legs, and I knew that I'd be having a hard time walking tomorrow. His kick hit me directly in the forehead, one on the top of my head. One hit my mouth. 

My mom didn't speak a word as I kept looking to her for help. "Momma stop him!" I begged of her, but she didn't even look at me. She kept her eyes lowered, not even chancing a look at my face. 

Then he started aiming directly at my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. "Daddy!" I cried, tears running down  my face. "You're hurting me!" I cried, but he didn't stop. 

"I don't give a shit!" He replied, kicking me harder this time. I cried out, the impact of the kick sending me back into one of the kitchen chair, knocking it over on top of me. I gasped, as he finally stopped. "You're just as fucking filthy as that fucking faggot down the road." He snapped, his eyes going over me in disgust. 

He spit at me, and I didn't even move. I couldn't move. "Clean this mess up, faggot." He snarled, landing one more firm kick to my stomach before he walked off, grabbing my mom by the arm and pulling her up the stairs. 

I struggled to stand up, gripping onto the table. I could barely get my balance well enough to walk, much less to clean up the mess. I took a tiny step, grabbing for my phone. I have to clean this mess up, then I need to talk to Blake. 

He'll know what to do. 

I pull the chair up, my entire body aching angrily at me. I could feel the sting from every one of his kicks all over me. The punches hurt, but he was wearing work boots, and they would do some definite damage. 

I finally managed to get it all cleaned up, and I forced myself to run up the stairs, ignoring the pain in my head and the dizziness. I left my textbooks on the table, and I locked my door, putting my pogo stick underneath the handle so if he did somehow manage to get the door unlocked, the door wont open. 

I picked up my phone and I dialled Blake's number. "Ash?" He asked. 

"Dmmm," I said, "I... he... I cmm." 

"What?" He asked, and I shook my head in frustration. Why can't he understand me... oh yeah. My lips probably swollen. 

"C-can you meet me halfway please?" I asked, I could barely understand myself, but I hoped he could semi understand me. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, and I let out a strangled sob and shook my head. 

"No," I said, but even that was unintelligable . 

"Now, Ash. Come to me." He commanded, and I bit my lip and let out a quiet yelp at the pain that shot down my lip and into my jaw. 

"I scared," I formed, and he sighed, clearly not understanding. "I need you to meet halfway." I couldn't get him to understand, my words weren't coming out right and I knew that it was causing difficulty understanding what I'm saying but honestly, I can't do anything about that at this point. "Lucy." I said, and though the word sounded off, it somehow was understandable enough to get him to understand. 

"I'm waiting outside, Ash." He said, and I hung up the phone, not bothering to reply. He couldn't have understood me anyway. I hurried around the room, grabbing the panties that he'd bought me, along with a pair of pants and a tee shirt. I just started shoving random stuff into the bag, and then took the pogo stick out of the way of the door, and unlocked my door. 

I peeked out at my parents door which was firmly shut. I hurried out of my room and down the stairs. I tiptoed down the stairs despite the pain I was feeling. I opened the door as quietly as possible and shut it back, not bothering with the lock. 

Then, despite the pain, I sprint off to Blakes house, my bag on my shoulder. Once I got to where Blake was standing I collapsed into his arms, crying heavily. 

"What's wrong, pup?" He cooed in my ear, and I only cried harder. My face hurt, my arms hurt, my stomach hurt... oh god everything hurts. "What happened?" He asked, pulling back and looking down at me. I must've looked like a lost puppy, my face was no doubt bloody and disgusting. I could barely stand straight, and he was looking at me in a way that made my cheeks heat up. 

"Dad..." I trailed off, glancing nervously across the street. I couldn't see my dad, nor hear him, but it was almost like I could feel him touching me again. 

"Get in the house, now." He snapped, pulling me inside gently. I hurriedly got inside. "Oh damn..." He sighed, looking over me. He flinched a bit, his eyes darkening. "Come on, lets get you fixed up." He said, picking me up and carrying me up the stairs, taking me and my bag to his bedroom. He carried me into the bathroom and sat me down on the counter. He reached under the counter and pulled out a first aid kit.

He fixed me up slowly, taking his time to make sure he got all the blood off of me. I didn't speak the entire time, unable to find the words to say. I couldn't tell him that it was his fault, that I was defending him... I knew that it wasn't his fault. It was mine. 

"Did you get everything?" he asked me, and I shook my head.

"I only got what I could grab. I didn't..." I shook my head and looked down at my hands, shaking all over. "He was so..." I shook my head and looked down at me. 

"It's okay, love. I can take you to get whatever you need in town. We'll get you set up. Right now, you need rest. And lots of it." He said gently. "Tomorrow, you'll tell me what happened. Right now, you're just going to rest." 

I didn't even have it in me to protest. I just let him move me from the counter to his bed. He sat me down, pulling the covers down and put me into bed. 

He went to turn away and I made a needy noise. "Don't... go..." I whispered, closing my eyes and fighting off sleep. I was too scared to be alone. I couldn't... 

He seemed to understand, as he walked back over, pushed off his clothes and crawled into bed beside me. He cradled me gently into his side. All night long he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. It didn't make my pain go away, but it did make me feel better on the inside.

Once I finally fell asleep, I was glad. I felt so exhausted and in pain, I could barely keep my eyes open.