"Harry," Tracey spoke up, sat opposite Harry and Daphne in the library. "when are you doing quidditch try-outs?" She asked as they continued to work on their homework, Thor was perched on her shoulder while Jet was on Daphne's.

"As soon as I can book the bloody pitch," Harry said with a small sigh. "I tried to book it earlier but the other three houses already beat me to it."

"Assholes." Daphne replied before going back to her work.

"Why do you ask?" Harry asked Tracey.

"Well, I was thinking of trying out for a spot." Tracey admitted, causing Daphne to once again look up from her homework while Harry simply raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're thinking of trying out? Really?" Harry asked.

"What? You think I'm not good enough or something?" Tracey replied, a hint of anger in her voice.

"I'm not saying that, I'm just surprised." Harry replied, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture. "But if you are willing to try then I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope you get in."

"Wait, aren't you the one who decides that?" Daphne asked.

"Yes, I am, but she's got to earn her spot like everyone else." Harry shrugged. "If she has the skills, she'll make the team, simple as."

"Good," Tracey nodded. "the last thing I need is being accused of only getting on the team because of favouritism."

"It's more likely you'd be accused of seducing me for a spot on the team." Harry replied.

"Would that work?" Tracey asked with a teasing smile.

"Honestly? Wouldn't hurt your chances." Harry joked.

"I'm honestly surprised that you've not tried to get rid of Umbridge yet." Draco said as he and the other Slytherin's in Harry's year sat together in the common room. "I mean...granted she's only been here for a couple of days, but still."

"I'm not planning to get rid of her, not yet anyway." Harry smirked, sitting back in his seat with Daphne leaning into him. Jet was resting on her lap while Thor was perched on Harry's shoulders.

"Not yet?" Tracey asked in a curious voice. Harry didn't immediately answer, instead he looked around the room before he spoke again.

"Over the last few days I've had a recurring thought, one that keeps popping into my head, again and again and again." Harry said, sounding serious enough that Daphne stopped leaning into him so she could properly look at him.

"What is it?" Daphne asked, her beautifully blue eyes showing that she was giving him her full attention.

"There are three main armies. Voldemort..." Harry began, ignoring the way the majority of the people in the room shivered. "...has an army, his death eaters. They're a pretty good army, though my research has shown that Voldemort..."

"Will you stop saying that name?!" Pansy shrieked.

"Anyway, Voldemort," Harry said, saying the name as slow as he could. "has an army of death eaters, the majority of them are competent wizards and witches, but he's also been known to take just about anyone who is willing to join, provided they are purebloods or at the very least competent halfbloods. Then we have Dumbledore, he doesn't have an official army or anything but he does have a great many wizards and witches willing to help him, some to fight against Voldemort, others because of their respect and admiration for the man. He has his little 'Order of the Phoenix', but from what I have seen, they're not very effective. Then we have Minister Fudge, the idiot, he has the aurors who are trained, even if the auror standard has dropped since the last war."

"Where are you going with this?" Theo asked the question on everybody's mind.

"What if there was a fourth army?" Harry asked in response.

"Lead by whom?" Draco raised an eyebrow.

"Me, naturally." Harry replied in a 'that's so obvious' voice.

"You want an army?" Daphne blinked.

"Daphne, I WANT a lot of stuff, including stomping Umbridge's head into a pile of thumbtacks, but I feel like I NEED an army." Harry replied. "Dumbledore's group, as good as they are, are not going to cut it. Dumbledore's a great wizard, but he is not a good war time leader. Besides, the old man is hardly in the prime of his youth. It's possible he could die tomorrow. What then? They'd need another leader? Who would it be then? Moody? One of the aurors in there? Merlin forbid, Snape? Come on guys, think about it. Shouldn't we have an army of our own?" Harry said with a grin.

"But...but what does that have to do with Umbridge?" Tracey asked.

"Well, she's going to help me, of course." Harry said, his grin widening.

"Help you? How?" Pansy blinked.

"Now, now, Parkinson, that would be telling." Harry said, resisting the urge to laugh. "I'm sure you're all smart enough to work it out. Oh, also I would advise coming early to dinner tonight."

"Why?" Daphne asked, a frown on her face.

"There's going to be a rather brilliant and entertaining show." Harry said, licking his lips with anticipation.

Later that day Harry and his friends sat in the great hall for dinner, as they ate they couldn't help but notice him glance towards the teacher's table every few minutes, his eyes constantly finding Umbridge. Not that that was hard given that she insisted on wearing bright pink coloured clothes every day, it made her stand out quite easily, especially when she was sat next to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall, the former dressed completely in black while the latter was dressed in dark green robes.

"Why do you keep looking that way?" Blaise whispered to Harry.

"Not yet." Harry replied, calmly eating his food.

"That's what you've said every time we have asked." Draco pointed out, aiming a mild glare at Harry.

"Yet you haven't learnt," Harry said in a disappointed voice, he looked up and saw a brown owl flying towards the teacher's table. "ah, there it is." Harry grinned.

"That's what we're waiting for? An owl?" Blaise blinked.

"Not the owl itself," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "look at what it's carrying, you prat." The other Slytherin's all turned back to the owl and saw it was carrying three letters, two of which were the colour red.

"Howlers?" Daphne blinked.

"Yep." Harry grinned. "This should be fun."

The arrival of the owl appeared to have attracted the attention of everybody in the hall since owls didn't usually deliver so late in the day and they didn't usually carry howlers. The owl dropped the two howlers along with the letter in front of a surprised Dolores Umbridge before flying off. Umbridge looked quite surprised, having clearly not expected any mail at all, but before she could do anything one of the howlers had risen up into the air.

"Dolores," The howler spoke in the voice of none other than the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge. "I'm terribly sorry about this but I am incredibly busy, and it was just easier to make a howler than it is to write to you. Don't worry, I made sure that the owl wouldn't come anywhere other than your private quarters, something that is child's play for a brilliant wizard such as I, what I have to tell you is private and it is not really the sort of thing I need others to hear." Umbridge's eyes widened as she realised that everyone in the hall was likely going to hear whatever important information that the Minister wanted to tell her, she went to retrieve her wand so she could stop this, only to pale dramatically as she realised it wasn't in her handbag.

That realization caused her to miss the nod that Harry had sent to Roman and Ginny, both of them simply grinned back at him. The two of them had been part of the last class Umbridge had and if she hadn't noticed that she was missing her wand then they were under the opinion that she frankly didn't deserve to keep it. They hadn't really known why Harry had wanted them to steal her wand, but they did as they were told, and now they were rather glad that they had. Harry was quite tempted to lecture Umbridge on why keeping a wand - your main source of defence – out of reach in a handbag was a bad idea, but decided against it, it's not like Umbridge was a friend of his. Plus if it lead to more moments like this then she could leave it in her room for all he cared.

"Now Dolores," The Howler continued. "I know that we have known each other for a very, very long time. It pains me to say this, but I simply must, I hope you will understand. Please, for the love of Merlin, please stop trying to seduce me!" The voice begged, Umbridge's jaw dropped before she noticed the students reactions. Some of them looked amused, others looked disgusted. "I mean...honestly? Your last attempt at a lap dance ended up with you somehow head-butting me in-between my legs. Then there was that time you straddled me and the chair we were on broke. Oh, and how could I forget that time you tried stripping for me and I vomited all over my desk. I know I told you that that was because I simply had eaten something really bad before, but if I am being honest, that was a total lie. I had vomited because of you, please...please never pull your skirt above your knees again!" It said. By this point Umbridge was bright red with embarrassment and anger, some of the students were openly laughing, others looked like they were going to empty their stomachs onto the tables. She looked at the other teachers for support, hoping that one of them would help out, but they appeared to be in the same boat as the students. "I am terribly sorry about all of this Dolores, you're a hard working woman, but...you're just not attractive to me. I'm sorry. To be quite honest, I would rather a romantic night in with he-who-must-not-be-named followed by a couple's massage with Dumbledore." Everyone in the hall looked at Dumbledore who simply chuckled at that comment. "Speaking of, I am quite busy right now. This whole you-know-who business is just awful, I...I hope...no...no...Potter...he...he has to be lying. You-know-who can't be back! If...if he was then I would lose my job for sure! I can't run a war against him!" Everyone turned to look at Harry who simply stared blankly at the howler. "I...I must go now, Dolores, I hope to talk to you soon." The howler said before it started ripping itself to shreds in front of the mortified Professor Umbridge.

"Hey look, the second one is starting." A second year Gryffindor pointed out and everyone watched as the second howler rose up, Umbridge growled before she jumped to a standing position and leapt towards the howler with the intent to rip it to shreds, unfortunately for her the howler moved and she ended up falling over the table and landing on her back on the other side, causing more laughter amongst the students. She ignored them in favour of trying to get the howler, unfortunately for her it kept dancing out of her reach and by the time it was ready to speak it was high enough that she could not reach it.

"Madam Umbridge, it is I, Percival Weasley." The howler spoke in Percy Weasley's voice. "The Minister wanted to send his message to you and has kindly allowed me to send a message to you with his own. When I heard he made a howler then I just couldn't help but decide to do one as well. Now, I apologize, this is a sensitive topic, but I feel like I have to tell you this. Our last...evening together was somewhat enjoyable...at least until the end. I thought you would have had at least a little experience, but apparently you were telling the truth when you said that that was the first time you had ever given anyone a blowjob." Umbridge squeaked and tried to grab the letter again while several people choked on their drinks. "The experience was...well...not really satisfactory. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but...how did you mess it up that badly? You were supposed to treat it like it was ice cream or something like a straw, not like a bloody protein bar. Your teeth have caused actual damage down there, I noticed a bit of blood after you left. Unfortunately your skills in that particular department need work, fortunately your dentist is probably quite proud of you. I'd advise you to practise before we attempt it again, which won't be for a while given that I've got to keep it bandaged for a while. Hmm perhaps once the bandages are removed I can convince the Minister to give it a try. Oh, he's such a dreamboat, isn't he? Anyway, that's all from me. I have to go now, bonsoir my pink little nugget. P.S: Good luck on trying to build a power base in Hogwarts, soon we'll control the brats...and then...the world!" The voice said dramatically before letting out an evil laugh. The laugh lasted for about ten more seconds before the howler ripped itself to pieces.

Everyone in the hall stared at Professor Umbridge, though the woman might as well have been petrified given how still she was. It was only two and a half minutes later that she managed to snap out of her frozen state, the talking all around the hall had undoubtedly helped her.

"Why didn't you all help me?!" She demanded to the other teachers.

"You did not ask for our help." Professor Snape drawled, choosing not to be honest and tell her that it was simply because none of them wanted to help her.

"That's because I thought it was obvious to you all when someone requires assistance!" Umbridge snapped.

"Why didn't you just use your wand and get rid of it?" Professor Babbling asked.

"Because I don't have my wand!" She shouted angrily.

"Dolores!" Professor McGonagall barked. "Do not take that tone with your fellow professors, now what do you mean you don't have your wand? What kind of teacher doesn't have her wand?"

"It was in my bag but it's not there now!" Umbridge said loudly, stomping her foot on the ground in anger and frustration.

"You're teaching defence against the dark arts, something which is one of the most important school subjects and is designed to help students know how to defend themselves, yet you keep your wand out of reach and in your handbag?" Professor McGonagall asked, looking far from impressed.

"I..." Umbridge paused as she tried to think up a response, she looked around and saw no support, but she did see Dumbledore sitting in his seat and looking at her with his stupid twinkling eyes. 'He planned this,' She thought to herself. 'this was all him!' She seethed before picking up her last letter, she turned before storming out of the hall.

"How did you do that?!" Daphne whispered to Harry as she tugged on his arm, the other Slytherin's looked like they were still processing all that had just happened. Harry chuckled lightly before he leaned closer so he could whisper into her ear.

"I told Roman and Ginny to get her wand before class, I don't know what they've done with it but I suspect we'll find out soon. As for the letters, well...Tonks can copy more than just faces." Harry grinned.

"But...that's...wow...what about the third letter?" She asked.

"Well, Andromeda wasn't really happy with Tonks losing her job because of Umbridge, so I believe that there will be some sort of trap involved there. And considering she's a daughter of the Black family...well...let's just say if Umbridge opens it tonight then she'll likely not be teaching tomorrow." Daphne stared at him with disbelief, her eyes wide and her mouth dropped slightly as she processed everything that he had just told her.

"And you planned ALL of this?"

"Slytherin." Harry said with a shrug.

"I am so very attracted to you right now." Daphne said before she grabbed him and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"Ah, young love." Jet said in a fond voice.