A/N: two in one day!! in honor of <3ot i will be doing this frequently!! i have a lot of writing time this week before my concert.

He waited for me for hours.

I watched as he nervously sat in the corner of the club chewing on his lips like he was caught sneaking candy up in his room as a child and is now being punished by being in time out.

He waited until everyone left the club and I had cleaned up my station. He sat there for about two and a half hours. Deep in thought and staring off into space.

I was getting to know everything.

I was getting all of my questions answered, but now that the time was here I didn't know if I truly wanted those answers.

We weren't dating, we weren't tied down in any real way except with emotional and physical connections. There was no materialistic proof that I had to stay.

No matter who he was or what he had done I could walk away. I could walk away with nothing other than a broken heart.

I could run far and wide and never see him again.

Or at least that's what I thought.

But when Jason said I knew too much, I was sure I wasn't able to breathe. I was in this now, whatever it was.

My association with the bad boy led me into trouble once more.

First Gray, now H.

And that kills me.

But the thing was, no matter what he did outside of our relationship or outside of prying eyes, I knew he wasn't a bad person.

He tried to shield me for anything and everything in order to make me see the real him, him without all his baggage.

I know he has his issues. Everyone has problems. I try to see the good in people and while Harry is a very not reputable man in the good way, he is one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

I've never met someone so captivating. I didn't know how to explain my feelings towards the boy sitting guiltily in the corner of our workplace.

The ironic part was he wasn't guilty for what he did in front of people's eyes. He obliterates his opponents in front of society and the world. He was feeling guilty for something nobody saw. He had hidden shame and I was scared to uncover the truth.

What if my morals drove me away from him? I would miss him more than I could think. He draws me in and keeps me there.

He's holding me hostage and I've been here for days.

Oh Harry, what have you done that caused such a mess?

I finish cleaning up before I slide from behind the counter and sit on one of the stools waiting for him to come to me.

His eyes catch mine, both of us tired.

He stands from his spot in the corner and his chewed lip swollen as he walks towards me. His eyes water.

Sunshine...

He stops in front of me, closing his eyes and taking a big breath in and breathing out slowly.

"Baby..." He whispers like he's in pain. His eyes were still squeezed shut.

"I don't know what to say." I respond softly, his hands finding my knees and putting pressure as he leans forward close to my face.

"Kiss me before I ruin us." He begs and whimpers at the end, a single tear falling from his eye.

"Will you ruin me, Harry?" I ask slowly, my own voice breaking.

"I never wanted to." His confession didn't answer my question.

But without a doubt I give into what he asks for and press my sweet soft lips to his bitten ones. His nervously chewed lips seem to hold so many emotions.

The kiss is powerful but not lustful. He pours out all his emotions into a sentimental kiss. He kisses me like it will be my last one from him.

He never had once made me feel unsafe, scared maybe, but never unsafe.

His kiss reassured me in every way possible. His feelings were mutual and I didn't want to let go of him.

He was Harry.

He breaks away and buries his face in my neck, sponging kisses to taste every last part of my skin before he has to expose himself raw to me.

He's just Harry.

"Come on, Harry. You can't hide it forever anymore." I coax him into talking even if I don't want to know the answers anymore. It's too painful to watch him break right in front of me.

"I want to, baby." He says and he keeps his sensual kisses against my throat, working his way down to my collar bone.

"Sunshine." I say softly, my hands finding his neck and pulling him off of me. His cheeks are wet with his tears and his lips a deep red from his biting and kissing.

I want to comfort him more than anything. That's what I'm good at. That's what he needs right now.

Harry baby, please don't let me leave you.

I don't want to.

"J'adore quand tu m'appelles comme ça. Je veux rester avec toi pour toujours, mais je sais que dans trente minutes tu ne seras jamais de retour." He pours his heart out in french making me ache in my chest.

I've probably never had a higher blood pressure in my life, my heart is beating out of my chest right now.

"I'll always come back to you." I promise him even though I don't know what I'm even saying.

"You won't. All I'll see is the back of your head as you walk away." He's so sure I'll leave him that even I'm doubting myself. We aren't even together, but the fact that there is even an "us" to leave is sacred to me.

"I doubt that." I hush down his cry as tears fall silently from his eyes. He told me he never cries. "Harry, please tell me. It's killing me."

"Just know that I never wanted to hurt you and I never would. Blake I-"

He would never ever purposefully try to hurt me. He isn't Grayson.

"You what, Harry?"

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, almost as if he can't believe he's even doing this.

"Nothing, let's just start from the beginning." The beginning of the story?

"Okay. The beginning." I nod in agreement and go along with whatever he is saying. This is so hard for him I'm going to try and be as open minded as possible.

"I was sixteen when my dad left. I was sixteen when he stopped beating us."

My breath caught in my throat. Jason beat them?

"Oh, Harry." I say as my heart sits in my stomach for the broken boy in front of me.

"I was sixteen when I got a phone call. Threatening my whole family and the two people I cared about most. My mom and sister."

His mom and sister meant everything to him. That was one thing I knew about Harry Styles.

"It was join or die. I never had any option. When I tell you I don't enjoy what I do, I don't enjoy it. I have panic attacks almost every time I do anything."

I believe him. He doesn't enjoy whatever it is that is making him scared of his own skin.

"I've been doing this for five years. I started fighting a little while ago. The reason I fight so hard and never lose is because each bet is placed on me. I'm a consistent bet. The club makes money on both sides of the betting, I win, more people come. I'm a money maker Blake. But only winners make money. So if I lose, I'm no longer a winner." He's out of breath and crying at this point his hands make fists by his sides as he stands away from me now, trying to keep his distance.

"Why can't you lose, Harry?" I call out to him as he shakes his head in anguish.

"If I lose I die." He drops the bomb. 

"Oh my-" I gasp as my hand covers my mouth.

Die? Why would he have to die? Everyone loses at some point in life.

"Just let me finish. That's my job here. My father knows the owner and they needed a constant money maker. I was that for them. What I do outside of here is much different." His voice is just barely above a whisper now.

My poor, scared, Harry.

"Okay.."

"Please don't freak out." His hands are held out in front of him to keep me seated. He doesn't want me running.

"I won't." I promise. I can at least let him finish. I know he won't hurt me.

"Drugs." He breathes. "I work for the drug cartel."

Immediately, I seize up.

My father.

The heroin.

The hardcore drugs.

The drug cartel.

He works for something that killed my father.

"Blake. Listen to me. I'm forced to do this, it's not an option. If I don't I will die and my family dies. I had two people on the line now I have you. You make three. I can't have you dying, Blake." The tears on my face stream at the same pace as his, both of our cheeks soaked in our own tears.

"What do you do?" The bluntness in my voice is brutal and it makes him cringe backwards. He doesn't like the hurtful tone coming from my mouth.

"Trades, robberies..." He lists off softly but leaves something out as his voice trails off at the end.

"What else, Harry." My eyes hard, not producing any tears as I stare at the man who just admitted he's in the same industry as the people who administered drugs to the person who killed my father.

"I can't tell you." He says as he shakes his head and honestly I'm surprised I didn't see tears fly from his face.

"Harry, have you... murdered someone?" I could barely get the words out of my mouth, choking on the end as he stared directly into my saddened and scared eyes with complete and utter guilt and regret.

Silence.

"Oh my God." I say as my nimble fingers lift to touch my lips in shock.

"I don't want to! I don't I promise. It's them or me and my family!" He starts saying quickly as I get up from my seat and gathering my things because I can't handle it anymore.

"So you kill innocent people?" I accuse harshly, him taking a step back at my accusation. My heart crushes for him and I don't know why.

I kissed a murderer.

I slept with a murderer.

I fell for a murderer.

Who am I?

"No! Bad men, very bad men!" He promises quickly, begging me to stay.

"I can't stay here anymore. I have to go." He runs to me, and I almost run away from him if I wasn't so positive he wouldn't hurt me.

He sank to his knees in front of me, his large tattooed arms wrapping around my legs and pulling me towards him, his face buried in my thighs. His tears soak my work attire.

"Blake baby, listen to me. I don't want this. I don't want it at all!" He begs and begs and begs.

All I can hear in my mind is murderer.

Murderer.

Murderer.

Murderer.

"You've murdered people!" The tears begin to fall again as I cry to him, my hands straining the roots of my hair in stress.

"You know me, Blake! You know the real me!"

That's what he was trying to do all this time. Never tell me anything because if I knew the bad things first I would leave him like a rational person. I want to leave him now. I just don't think I can.

I'm in too deep.

"Is that what you do when you disappear? Is that what you did the night you were beat up and bruised?" My hands push at his hair, pulling him even more into me. I don't know why, but even as he tells me he's murdered people, his touch calms my nerves.

"I paint! I go to school! I love my mom and sister! I took you to the most special place on earth to me! You know me. You have to believe me." He looks up from my legs and burns his eyes into mine.

He's on his knees for me. Begging me to stay.

"I can't, Harry. It's too much." I try to pull away. Enough is enough and I'm confusing myself by standing with him.

He's a murderer. I save people's lives, he takes them.

"Baby, you can't leave. He'll kill you. He wants you now, he knows you." He wasn't wrong. Jason did say all those things.

"Fuck! You- You roped me into this!" I yell at him, glad nobody is in the club anymore.

"I know baby and I'm so fucking sorry."

His tears show his apology for him. The man doesn't cry, but he's crying for me.

"Sorry, it doesn't cut it." I tell him coldy and start to walk away.

He lets me go.

Harry, come for me.

"Just know that I never meant to hurt you." He whispers as he hangs his head in defeat. I turn around and face him, realizing I can't leave until I've locked up the club. So he needs to leave.

"Leave, Harry. I have to stew on this." I point to the door to usher him out.

"Am I going to see you again?" He asks softly as he walks towards the door.

"We have that dinner, correct?" I raise my eyebrows on my swollen face from crying.

"Oh, um. Yes. I just didn't know..."  He whispers.

"I need to think some things out. Leave." I demand again and he walks further away from me.

"Okay. I'll leave. Just know I never meant to hurt you." He reiterates himself again.

I know, Harry. I know.

"Go, Harry." My eyes close as another tear falls when he calls from the door.

"Jusqu'à demain, bébé."

please dont say anything abt blake being dramatic. if you found out your somewhat boyfriend was a murderer and a part if the drug cartel you would cry too.

n e wayz!! LOVE YALL AND JUSTICE FOR TBSL