I was about to step away, when I felt someone holding at my shirt.

I looked back and saw that girl biting her lower lips, hiding her sobs.

But her hold to my shirt is tight, like she's asking me to stay....not letting me go...

I was about to turn around, when the main door opened.

I heard him, before he saw us.

"Roni, I saw Borj's car out-", he asked while he's closing the door, his back facing us.

I looked at Roni first and saw that she was shocked... scared. She was about to let go of me, but I held her hand.

Her tear stained-cheeks would definitely not escape Yuan's eyes.

He stopped mid-sentence when he saw us. His eyes landed on me first, then at Roni; his face blank.

"Pare", I said, hiding Roni behind me

He looked at Roni again, and stared at me long enough to let me know that he didn't like what he's seeing.

I was about to say something, when we heard a small voice.

"Mama", Lana is crying, looking for the woman behind me.

I felt her start to sob again, but she's trying to hide it.

She wiped her eyes, smiled, faking a strong front.

I was torn between letting her go or holding her back- not to keep her away from her daughter, but to give her time to re-group and gather herself.

I was about to step out and take Lana, when Yuan shook his head, walked nearer to us and whispered "I'm taking Lana out. You have an hour"

Then I saw him transform into the doting Uncle, lifted Lana up, while saying "Who's going to get ice cream?", then went out through the porch.

When the door closed, I felt Roni let out the breath that she was holding just now.

She turned around, but I can hear her trying to control her sobs.

"Roni...", I said, trying to hold her.

She stopped my hand and said, without looking at me, "I can't do this Borj... I'm sorry"

"You can't do what? This? Us?", I asked, somehow losing my patience. Today is a roller coaster of emotion, but I don't think I can forgive myself if I leave this house without having this talk.

"I need to think... I need....", she said in between sobs.

I know she's having a hard time... and I know I'm adding to that burden; but for once, I want to be selfish, not just for myself, but for us. "What happened between now and a few minutes back? In a snap of a finger, you're doing a 180"

"Borj, please", she said, facing me, begging me to listen, to give her more time to think.

"Thinking is one thing that you should not be doing. We've played this part for who knows how long, Roni... and we both know how this has ended before. Every time you're about to fall, you would pull the stop, and think... and the rational you would take a re-route, and run away from me. I won't allow that this time. We'll have that talk now"

"What do you want to hear from me, Borj? Where do you want me to start", she said, tired... angry... giving up.

"Say whatever you want to... start wherever you want", I said, smiling weakly at her.

"After this, we're done. That chapter is closed, and no one's opening that book again", she said looking down, and when she didn't hear a word from me, she looked up, waiting for my answer.

"Promise me, Borj", she said, her eyes challenging me.

I smiled weakly, and nodded my head. Stubborn indeed.

She took a deep breath, then started with, "I liked you. I don't know who fell first, but that time you told me you had a crush on me, I somehow knew that I liked you. And you knew it... because it was written in my diary". She took a pause, then continued. "I think that was the first time that I felt scared of you, Borj... scared of what you're feeling for me... scared of what I'm feeling for you"

It took me a moment to realize what it is that she was saying. I looked at her, then she smiled and shook her head, "You said I can say whatever I want. So hear this Borj... You've always been proud to say that you love me...loved me... But somehow no one saw the scary love that I hid inside of me. I would look at you and be envious of your love... Why is your love joyful... why is your love sweet? Why was mine too scary... too jealous? You made me feel extremes... Too ecstatic when we're together... Too angry, when you disappoint me... Too jealous when you look at someone else. Everything is too much. Then, Basti came to the picture, and I realized that it is possible for love to be not that much... that love can also be safe."

I didn't realize that I have tears running down my cheeks, until Roni came near me and wiped those offending tears. She smiled and said, "Then, you started dating Trisha, then Leslie... Jane and Bea... may nakalimutan pa ba ako?" she said teasingly, but her eyes were sad.

Everytime you'll date someone, I would always ask myself...would he ever look back and still see me like before... look at me like how he look at me before... but you never did, Borj... you never look back"

"Then Basti saw the ugly in me... the stubborn, hard-headed Roni, which was never in the picture when we're together. Or probably that character has always been there, but you just didn't care.... I wanted to run back to you, then these random thoughts came to my head... What if you see that ugly me by then, and you realized that it was not me that you want. Or what if fate suddenly tossed a coin and decide to give us a chance, only for us to realize that the love that we recall we had was not the love that was there?"

."What if fate suddenly tossed a coin and decide to give us a chance, would you take it?", I asked looking at her.

"You were not listening, Borj...", this time it was my turn to shush her and ask her to listen.

"What would you do, Roni?", I asked, my face blank, just trying to gauge where we stand in the now.

"If this was five, eight years ago, I probably would stay and see where it would take us"

I was quiet for some time, thinking...and when she probably thought that I was satisfied with that...

"Kuya would be back any minute now", she said, averting her eyes, looking at the door.

"And if it happens to be in the present..." I asked, looking at nothing in particular, then brought my eyes back to her.

"Huh?"

"If the toss coin happens to be in the present, what would you do?"

"Borj, it's getting late. Kuya...".

I cut what she was about to say. "Humour me, Roni... What would you do?"

She looked at me, then took a deep breath.

"You deserve someone better, Borj... someone who could give you 100%"

"Don't give me that bull, Roni"

Her eyes widened, surprised of what I just said.

"Benjamin Jimenez"

"We're almost in our thirty's, for Pete's sake! Why don't we just drop the pretense Roni, and call it as it is"

She looked at me, probably offended, but continued, "I don't have the energy to go through those extreme emotions, Borj. I can't afford to lose control. I don't have the strength to fight another round. I have my own battles to win", she smiled, but her eyes were sad.

"This chapter is now officially closed, Mr. Jimenez. Regardless of the things that we went through, that story will always be my favorite. But in this present, I suggest that you leave now. I will talk to Kuya and explain to him what happened just now"

She looked at me, then subtly pushed me to the door.

"Good night, Borj" she said smiling, as if she didn't just break our hearts.

I stopped at the door, stood there for a couple of seconds just looking at her.

Then as if it's called for, I held her face, bring my face closer to hers, then slowly kissed her at the corner of her lips.

I can taste her tears in my lips, as if this is officially the end.

"Good night, Roni" I whispered, wiped her tears then walked away.

----

"Kuya, I asked him to leave. There's nothing for you both to talk about. It was my fault. I got jealous, then I realized I don't have the rights", I heard her said, half laughing-/ half-mocking herself.

I didn't wait for Yuan to say a word.

I opened the door, smiled at Roni, looked at Yuan then said, "The queue was quite long. I got us some beer. Where do you want to talk?"

Roni was shocked, her mouth agape.

I walked near her, passed the beer to Yuan who went straight to the porch, and gave Roni a coin.

"What is this? Change?", she asked, confused.

"Didn't you receive the memo? The higher ups have just tossed the coin"

I quickly stole a kiss, winked at her, turned around then said. "Bayaw, where art thou?"