TRIGGER WARNING/ SPOILER:

If you are uncomfortable with depression, suicidal tendencies, or self-harm, I must tell you that this chapter does future that. It's been brought to my attention by Wattpad that according to the new guidelines, we should be providing a positive community, and although I do not condone any of this, it's for the sake of the story. Please do not do what happens in this, promise me? It should not be glorified/romancized, I apologize if that struck a nerve or two.

Also, please be aware that I do not want you to self-harm or be in a bad place. If you are, you can contact me, someone you trust, or a professional. There are multiple online references, also. You are not alone, and you can get through this. I believe in you, we all do. Please be safe, lovelies. xx

Here's the story ~

{Tabby's POV}

I'm sitting on my bed, blasting Cold Wind Blows through my skullcandy.

You might be asking, 'Tabby, are you pissed?'

Pissed is an understatement.

I'm bruised from my mother, & I'm being forced to move back to Australia.

Tomorrow night.

Fuck my life.

These lyrics are hitting home, & I feel a sense of overpowerment.

I place on my black hoodie that has the words 'FUCK EVERYTHING, FUCK HIM, FUCK HER, & FUCK YOU' boldly printed on the middle with red ink, my black shorts, & my fabulous Ghost Town vans. With the camera filming me from my backpack, I switched the song to Till I Collapse, & I head downstairs.

"Little lady where do yo-"

"Fuck you." I tear open the door, & slam it shut. My keys are in my pockets, so I'm good with that.

I stroll down the street with my song blaring loudly, on repeat & everything.

So I scream along whilst my hands are stuffed in my pockets.

"Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out - am I high? Perhaps.
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse.
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out - am I high? Perhaps.
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse."

My legs stop moving once I'm by the forest Connor introduced to me, so I dart in & find the spot we were goofing off in.

Finding the camera with my hands, I bring it to my face, & I fall down into the leaves.

"This is where my lovely friend Connor brought me to a few weeks ago. Another memory that I'll miss..." I place the camera sideways, filming my sad expression.

"Tabby?" Connor whispers, leaves crunching behind him.

"Hey, Con."

He plops down next to me, staring up to the sky.

"I know something's bothering you, Tabby. You can talk to me about it," he stares right at my face, & of course, the song ends, so I turn my phone & camera off.

"It's a lot to take in," I turn to face him.

"Trust me, I absorb like a sponge." He winks at me, earning a chuckle from me.

"Well, I found Sam making out with Miranda, then I went to dinner with Sam, he tried kissing me but I denied, then I went home & saw my mom there, with her new family, which she claims is my step-family but I deny that too, since I never heard about them. Then my mom & I get into a physical fight, as that's why I
have a bruise forming on my face, & she's making me move in with my dad-who lives all the way back in Melbourne." I take a deep sigh.

"Wow, that's a lot. I understand why you're upset, I mean, damn, going home to see your 'step family' you never knew of would be a fucking hell hole." He places my head on his chest in a brotherly manner, trying to calm me down. "I don't want my Tabby Wabby to leave me."

"I won't leave you guys, I'm just leaving California. I'm planning on sticking around for a really long time," I poked his huge dimple, getting a giggle in response.

Then, I hear sirens.

"Oh, shit!" Connor scurries up, tagging me along with him. "They do weekly searches in this forest!" He whisper-yells in my ear.

"Run!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thanks for dropping me off, Con." I give him a tight hug, because it may be the last one I ever give him physically.

"No problem, Tabby cat," he kisses my forehead, "love you, dude. Stay rad."

"Back at you, Connor." My mouth curves into a small smile, & I trudged into the hell hole- I mean house.

"Little lady, what are you doing back here so late?" My 'step father' scolds me, sounding like a douche.

"Don't tell me what to do." I attempt to walk off, but a set of arms wrap around me.

Arms I know too familiar.

"B-Blake?" My words come out all shaky, the bodiment I'm in goes completely numb.

"Miss me, sweetheart?" He turns me around to face him, his boyish smile tugs a little sensor in my brain to get out of here.

"You're a physco!" I punched him in the shoulder roughly, "You raped my best friend, & probably done much worse by now!" I land another fist in his stomach.

Fun.

"Let me explain what happened-" he clenches his stomach hard from pain, "Remember my cousin, Allister?"

I nod in response, trying to be civil- which is really hard in this case. Not that I'm dealing with a rapist & probable killer here.

"We decided to switch places for a whole year."

I let my eyes travel up to meet his blue ones - they're shining, so that means he's telling the truth.

"Fucking Allister. I seriously couldn't tell the difference between you two now." My head dips down from stupidity.

Point negative three thousand seven for Tabitha.

"It's alright... your mom rang up my parents for me to come calm you down, what happened?"

"These douches came into my life," I point to the little fuckfaces-woah nice verbal language there, "& I blew up alongso with my mum."

"You're going back to Australia?" His voice quakes a little.

"Yeah. And I'm kind of glad I don't have to live with these little shits. Wanna help me pack up?"

"Sure!"

Blake chases me upstairs, which in the process of, I tripped on air & slid down the stairs. Typical Tabby for the win.

[About 5 minutes later]

"That wasn't much to pack..." He takes a deep breath, & falls down on my bed.

"Thanks, dude. You should go home though, it's kind of late." I spot my birthday presents from the boys, & instantly have a bang of nostalgia.

"Alright. See you in the long run, yeah?"

We bro fist, & Blake exits from my room. JC's Arizona Tea gallon, Connor's free passes to Busch Gardens, Ricky's One Direction merch, Kian's Ghost Town longboard, Sam's outfits, & most meaningful, the new Macbook from Trevor.

The INFINITY neclace & heart locket hang on a dress hanger, causing my heart to beat faster & faster.

This is really it.

The end my California experience.

The end of all things good.

And to think that I ended up where I am today, with tons of new friends, memories, items, & smiles, came from a stranger named Trevor Moran falling on me at the beach.

Trevor having a breakdown when my birthday party was going on.

Going to the club.

The beautiful prom-like date.

Seeing him in the hospital when I woke up.

Trevor flashbacks hit me hard, I literally had to sit down just to keep myself from crying over this.

This feels like a joke. A sick, twisted joke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn't focus on anything today.

Not even keeping up in an intelligent conversation.

Hell, my outfit looked lazy - a side bun, no make up, Connor's sweater, grey leggings, & slip-on shoes that I didn't even know I owned.

I walked to school today, not even bothering to tell my 'parents' goodbye. Like they deserve the knowing existance.

My brain locked out on me.

This was my last few hours in California, & I couldn't manage processing that through my head.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Dick.

Dock.

I felt a pair of eyes glaring into my soul, like a fire tazer. Swooping my head over to where I believe the culprit was, I saw Trevor's joyful eyes staring at me.

Asking questions.

Seeking answers.

And I couldn't stand to keep eye contact, just the way his eyes twinkle are enough for me to come out with every wrong thing I've ever done in my whole life.

My left leg slid over

My right leg joined in

whilst the butt squeezed out of the chair.

These wobbly sticks of mine, also known as legs, fancied shifting to Trevor's own desk. All the students' gazes were on me, but I didn't mind.

The teacher's running an errand, anyways.

"Hey..." I ducked my head, covering my emotion.

"Hey, Tabs, what's wrong?" He stood up from his desk.

"We should talk about this in the b-"

The last bell rang in my ears, causing me to shudder from being shocked.

"What happened?" Trevor's hands scooped up my face, making me face straight into his.

"I-I'm moving back to Australia tonight...." I held back a sniffle, seeing how stiff Trevor became. "Please... please don't be mad at me."

Trevor's face transformed into an innocent expression, sympathy showing within it, "I'm not angry, beautiful. I-It'll be okay..." his hand guides my face into his chest, rubbing my back softly, "We'll hang out all day. Hell, whatever you want to do."

Even though I was falling apart inside, I gave him a reassuring nod, & hugged him tightly.

"I love you." My voice croaked, being muffled from being on his chest.

"I love you, too."

Two hands helped me bring my face up again, despite the tears that were pouring out, "Please don't cry, beautiful. It's not worth it, because there's more reasons to smile than frown." Trevor pressed his lips onto my nose- a butterfly kiss - & I giggled slightly.

It tickled.

"Let's get to my current household for the next 5 hours, I guess!"

Hand in hand, swinging each others arms, the both of us trekked back to my 'home' for the next couple of hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here it is.

The California Airport.

8:43 PM.

My hand interlinked with Trevor's.

This is really it, the end of everything great.

"Flight 8 is now boarding," the attendant voiced in the microphone.

Fretting, I turned around to Trevor, grabbing onto him.

"Please don't let me leave." I weeped into his shoulder, tears threatning to fall out again.

"Don't you worry, I will still be with you forever, right here," his index fingers pressed where my heart is gently, "and I swear, we will keep in contact. I love you, nothing will ever change that, & I will love you, always." His voice cracked at the last few words, which broke my heart into a bajillion more pieces.

"I will always love you, Trevor." My lips pressed onto his, for one more bittersweet kiss.

Tears pouring from my eyes splashed onto his cheeks, dripping ever-so-slowly down.

Finally pulling away, we exchanged one last hug, & I dragged my suitcase with me.

This is really happening.

I kept on trudging in the line, until it stopped moving, when I was right by the door. Craining my head to the right, I locked eyes with Trevor.

'Always.' he mouthed to me, a small smile following pursuit.

'For eternity.' slowly, I mouthed back, & boarded onto the plane once the line began moving. There was free seats in the front, so I automatically took the window seat.

Nobody else sat next to me.

Probably sensing the emotion for me.

8:57 PM

The procedures were finished.

The plane is lifting maturely, every second nerve wrecking for me.

The wheels started lifting off the ground, making us airborn.

And the flight is in the air.

Goodbye, California.

Melbourne, here I come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been five years since we last talked, but every memory is permant in my head. Everything from you bumping on me to our last few moments being in the same room together.

I heard you're doing great, you have a gorgeous wife & two kids - heck, twins! That's great, I'm happy for you, Trevor. Tell everyone I said hello, even though they don't remember me... you probably don't, either.

You moved on.

While I have never stopped loving you. Like I said, Always. I never kissed anyone else, crushed on anyone else... nothing. My dad treated me pretty well, I mean, he supported me in anything I did. I guess he was more of a best friend to me than a dad.

Anyways, I've been on my own since I graduated college with a degree in journalism, yeah. I heard you're still singing? That's great, Trevor! Like I wrote before, I'm glad you have a life ahead of you.

The main reason why I'm writing this letter is to say my last goodbye. I've been going insane, maniac depression & bad anxiety attacks. My medication has never helped me at all, so that was a waste. Life has been rough, this small cottage is just too perfect for me. All my friends left me, the only one I have left is God.

When my dad passed from a heart attack, I couldn't see it getting any better. My step family tried reaching out to me once- three years ago- but since then, they've been breaking me down about everything I do.

I've ran out of things to believe in.

And I officially am broken down.

Everyone of you people all chimmed in to kill me.

I love you.

My tears splattered all over the note, making splotches everywhere.

Sincerely yours, Tabby.

After placing the mail in the box, I walked to the bathroom, rope in one hand, a knife in another.

Connecting my neck in the rope, I tied it onto the fan.

I stepped onto the stool, the knife still in my right hand.

And I slashed my left wrist.

Then my right.

My body already was feeling numb, I assume this is the correct process.

I kicked the stool with all the might I had left in my right foot, & it fell down.

The rope tightned on my throat, choking me- strangling myself.

Air circulation stopped.

My legs dangled.

This is the end.

Goodbye, world.

And the last word that flashed through my mind was 'Always'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[A/N]

Oh

My

God.

Was it a good enough ending? I don't know. I'm not the best at suicide-writing. But, I didn't want a happy ending. There needs to be a sad ending for some, & I didn't want a generic last chapter.

Yes, this is the finale.

BUT.... I'm writing a new book! :D

It's not a fanfiction, but I promise it'll be good.

Remember, I love you all & I hope you enjoyed this book.

Xx.

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