I couldn't get over it. Even as I was seated in the stands while the rest of the matches carried on, I couldn't take my mind off the results.

The same feelings from that day came flooding back again, only this time it was much more overwhelming. I felt dejected, but I couldn't cry. I felt frustrated, but I couldn't scream. I felt confused, but I couldn't question. I felt regretful, but I couldn't blame. Or could I?

But what was I regretting actually?

Not doing well? But I've already performed to my best. Could've done better? Yeah, maybe I should train on my balancing. Not living up to others expectations? That could be why I avoided everyone and sat in the corner alone; I don't think I could face anyone from my club, or would I even call it my club?

"Isn't it a little far to watch the tournament from here?" A voice shocked me out of my thoughts as I spotted a familiar figure climbing up the steps to reach me. I ignored his advancement, staring into the distance once again. Another emotion I felt; shame.

"I have an aerial view, what's better?" I answered sarcastically, my eyes not even focused on the red coloured mats in the arena. Donghyuck sat himself down, passing me an energy drink that I couldn't bear to accept, eventually leading him to place it down beside me.

"You don't even know who's fighting down there, what's the point?" he continued in a mocking manner, leading me to scoff with disbelief. I knew he didn't go out of his way to find me just to say that, but I wasn't interested to know his motives either. "Whatever you want to say, say it."

When there was silence between us, I glanced at him sceptically only to realise his attention was back on the mats. Gosh, he's unbelievable. "Aren't you here to say something?" I repeated when my patience had run out. However, he only looked at me with indifference and asked, "Why do you assume that I have something to say?"

His reply made me raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Then why are you here?" I quickly questioned him back as my suspicions heightened.

"To enjoy the aerial view of the arena, of course," he quoted, causing me to scoff again. I can't believe I almost bought that. He turned to me as if expecting my reaction before asking, "Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes, glad you know that. Now go," I snarled, but my quick response only made him smirk. He leaned back on his arms, stretching his legs out to make himself comfortable as he replied, "No."

"No?" I repeated, not because I didn't hear him, but because I couldn't believe what I just heard. "Can't you see you're bothering me?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm not the one bothering you."

"What?" At this point, I wanted to kick him off the step he was sitting on, but his reply made me think twice about it. What is he blabbering about? What else could be bothering me other than- oh, I see.

"Ah, you're here to mock my loss, isn't it? Go on, if that's what you want," I gave in, bracing myself for whatever harsh insults he was gonna throw at me. Nothing better than to rub salt on my wound.

"Gladly," he started with a perked up tone, "Firstly, I told you to pace yourself, but instead you used up all your energy in the first two rounds."

"It's because she kept closing in, I had to counter somehow," I rebutted instinctively, but he shut me off immediately.

"I'm not done. Next, you used that energy on aimless attacks that couldn't score at all. What's the point then?"

"But I did aim..." I muttered with regret. That was another mistake I wished I didn't commit, but it did help me widen the point gap a little. It was a desperate attempt.

"And that last kick," he sighed exasperatedly, "What were you even aiming for? How did you miss her head by that much of a distance? Seriously, it was a missed opportunity."

"She shifted, so-" I wanted to argue further, but resentment filled me again as I cursed at myself for that horrible mistake. Why didn't- no, why couldn't I aim properly? I sighed, already feeling defeated by his criticism, "Is there anything more you want to add?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation, and I sucked in a breath to prepare myself for the final blow. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Well, that-" I whipped my head towards him in shock, realising what he said wasn't an insult. When I didn't reply, he repeated, "Did you really wanted to hear those words out of someone else's mouth? Was self-loathing not enough?"

"W-who said I was self-loathing?" I refuted loudly, "I was just reorganising my thoughts, thinking about my mistakes and all that." I gazed at my bare feet, shuffling them on the concrete ground. "I just don't know what went wrong."

The following words came out in a mumble as I dwelled on that event again. I heard him sigh beside me, but I was too caught up in my rant that I ignored him. "I thought I had it, I was leading until that last moment. It's like I lost focus the moment I tried to focus, how ironic is that?"

My soft voice quickly turned into the anger that I failed to feel before. "I don't even remember what I was doing. Why couldn't I score that last kick? Was it my stamina? My speed? My aim or my strength? Was I rushing too much? I can't place the blame on anything." I ended my ramble with a great sigh, cupping my cheeks into my hands. "Maybe I lost my touch the moment I lost that match. I guess I'm not cut out for this anymore."

My eyes rested on the fights unfolding in the distance, envy filling in me as I watched them dominate the mats. I'm not angry at myself for losing, I'm annoyed that I can't find the fault in my loss. Coach Yoon would have pointed it out instantly, but on my own, I couldn't.

"So, are you gonna give up?" Donghyuck broke the silence as he raised, causing me to stare at him blankly. My mind was still in a ruckus, so I barely even heard his question. He rolled his eyes in impatience, asking again, "Are you gonna let this loss engulf you again? Are you gonna run and hide away in another club?"

"I don't mean- I didn't-" I stuttered, finally catching his words as I fought my thoughts to find an answer.

But he didn't bother waiting for it.

"That's something you should ask yourself." He stood up, adjusting his pants that were caught between his guards. "It's an answer only you should receive."

Before I could say anything else, he hopped down the steps just as the announcements requested for the final bouts to report. After recovering from the initial confusion, I slumped back onto the wall, his question repeating in my mind.

Are you gonna give up?

The more I repeated it, the more rhetoric it sounded. Like he was implying something. But this wasn't something I should rely on others opinions for; it's something I need to decide for myself.

"Yoojin! Faster come down here!" Soobin's voice hollered from the bottom of the stands as I jumped up from my seat.

Something that shouldn't require so much thinking.

"Coming!" I yelled back, trotting down the stairs as crowds gathered around the railings for the final matches.

The answer was obvious.

---

"Hong, seung!"

The crowd cheered as Jeonghyun, a black belt from our club, clinched the gold medal for his weight category. Damn, I didn't realise how strong Yeoljeong's members were, especially the guys. We had already earned five golds across all categories according to Soobin, and that was already quite impressive considering the competing clubs were rather strong as well. But this information made me feel even worse than before.

"Look, next is Haknyeon's and Donghyuck's match," Soobin pointed out as the said players entered their zones, "Gosh, why must they be competing concurrently? It'll be so hard to watch them."

"It means we're dominating the competition," Junhee replied proudly as she winked, our attention diverting back to the mats as their matches started simultaneously.

Honestly, I haven't been paying much attention to the last few matches due to lethargy catching up to me, but the sound of both of their names jogged me back awake. They've been supporting me until now, I should at least return the favour.

The sports hall was soon filled with cheers so loud that I thought I would go deaf, but I couldn't say anything because I was one of them too. My throat was about to burst due to the countless screaming done whenever they scored, plus the groans when they didn't. I have to admit, I never thought I would be so excited just watching them from the sidelines.

"Hah!" A shout echoed from the second mat as the crowd erupted into another series of cheers, his opponent falling to the ground from Donghyuck's powerful kick. "Of course, our Hyuckie is dominating his match again," Soobin boasted as his opponent scrambled back to his feet.

"Yeah, he's quite amazing," I admitted softly, highly impressed by his performance. Even from metres away, I could see the fire in his eyes that powered his energy, his strong skills adding to his determination as he tackled his opponent. Honestly, it's quite admirable.

My eyes trailed off to my surroundings, scanning the sea of white uniforms before landing on someone who strangely stood out from the rest. He wasn't tall but was quite built for his age, staring intensely at the matches below. Apart from his intimidatingly strong aura, what caught my attention was the tiny logo sewn on the left side of his black shirt. Yeoljeong Club?

I nudged Soobin's shoulder as she glanced at me. "By the way, is that man from our club?" I whispered, pointing to him as discreetly as I could.

Soobin didn't even take a second to find the person I was referring to, whispering back with a hint of fear in her voice, "Oh, that's the founder of our club, Coach Lee Sungmoon, a.k.a Donghyuck's father." She said the last part so softly I almost couldn't catch it, those words sending an odd chill down my spine. "Ah... so it's him."

She gave a small nod, looking past me quickly before continuing, "He used to be our head coach before he hurt his back and retired, but he still oversees our competitions every now and then." She leaned closer, putting her lips next to my ear. "I only came in the year before he left, and that was enough to make me hate his training. I'm so glad he left it to Coach Lee."

"So I heard," I muttered, remembering Haknyeon's complaints about his training too. I glanced at him, afraid that he might have overheard us, but he was too focused on his son's match to have paid attention.

To him, I'm critically flawed. He's gonna pinpoint my mistakes no matter how well I do.

Donghyuck's words repeated in my mind as he scored another head kick, everyone in the stadium screaming with excitement except his dad, who had an ambiguous look on his face. Even when he was pronounced the winner, the latter remained unimpressed.

"Good job, you two!" Soobin chimed as both of them came back to the stands. "You guys did so well."

"Well, my foot," Haknyeon groaned as he trudged up the stairs, "I lost by a penalty point." I pat his back with empathy, feeling the same dejection again. "Considering your opponent was an ex-national player, you had already won with your perseverance."

I winced at my own remark. What an irony, who am I to reassure him?

Just then, my eyes went to the guy behind him, who wore an exhausted look on his face. I was just about to go to him when he exchanged vague glances with someone behind me, before passing by us reluctantly. I turned in the direction he was walking to, my eyes focusing on a familiar figure in the background. Ah, his dad.

"Let's leave them," Soobin suggested, probably noticing me staring at them in worry. She linked my arm and pulled us in the opposite direction, and just as I managed to peel my eyes off them, another being came into view.

"Surprise!" The being exclaimed, his face a little too close for me to register, making me step back to focus.

"Jaemin?" I said in shock, my eyes turning to the friend next to him. "Jeno too? You guys actually came?"

"Of course, we couldn't afford to miss our friends' matches," Jaemin chimed as he patted my shoulder. "By the way, you were amazing," he emphasised, causing me to flush at his compliment.

"No, not really," I muttered regretfully, stopping myself from bringing up that whole case again; and they wouldn't understand. At least to them, I probably did fantastically.

"Where's Donghyuck?" Jeno suddenly asked, peering over my shoulder.

"Oh, he's-" I turned around, only to be met by the absence of both him and his father. Wait, where did they go? "He went somewhere, I'm sure he'll be back soon."

Both of them nodded disappointedly, before changing the topic to the competition again. But I couldn't help but wonder, will he be okay?

---

"And that concludes the medal presentation ceremony. We thank all clubs and players for participating in this event," the organiser concluded as empty applause filled the arena before each club gathered in their respective areas. Coach Lee decided to let us roam around for a while as he called the bus driver to pick us up, which gave us time to change back to our normal clothes. I was the first one out of the changing room when a rowdy sound caught my attention.

Curious, I made my way towards the source, only to see two figures outside a closed entrance to the stadium. Upon further squinting, they were none other than Donghyuck and his father.

"Why are you always dissatisfied with me?" Donghyuck retorted, causing me to press my body against the wall instantly, peering out from behind it. "I've won another gold medal, can't you congratulate me for it?"

His father sighed, looking unfazed as he replied, "Your medal is nothing to be congratulated for. Was it not for your opponent's mistakes, it wouldn't have been yours."

Donghyuck clenched his fist against his pants, his face growing visibly red. "I completely trashed him, what mistakes are you talking about?" He growled through his teeth, "If you're talking about the two times I fell down, it was because he pulled me down with him. I was clearly winning even without those penalty points."

This time, his father scoffed out loud, shoving his hands into his pockets. "This is the problem with you. Always thinking you're above the rest, that's why you can never perform to your best; your focus is set on being better than that person instead of actually beating them."

"And why can't I think that way?" Donghyuck interrupted, "I've won multiple competitions with that mindset, isn't that enough? What more can I do for you to acknowledge my efforts?" He sounded like he was about to break down, his shaky voice echoing through the corridors.

It was like his outburst resonated with me, my heart clenching itself due to the resulting pain. Was that what he was hiding behind that tough shell of his? My stomach twirled with unwanted guilt as I grabbed the wall to prevent myself from crouching due to the effect.

There was a wave of silence that led me to peep out again, but the conversation wasn't over just as I thought it was.

"Why did you even come?" Donghyuck started with a hiss, "If you were just gonna diminish my hard work, why bother watching my match in the first place? You don't even show any interest in me. Maybe I should've lost to gain your attention, but that would only tarnish your precious club's reputation, am I wrong?"

"That's enough, Lee Donghyuck," his father bellowed, almost sending me tumbling to the ground. "I absolutely hate this attitude of yours, you have no right to speak to your father that way."

"No," Donghyuck cut him off once again, his voice more stable this time, "You have no right to speak to your son that way. If you don't have anything better to say, then I'm going back to my teammates, the ones who actually care."

He took a quick bow before whipping around, causing me to dodge behind the wall again. I could hear his footsteps getting louder as I scrambled to find an excuse as to why I was there. Given his current rampage, he's not gonna let me off for eavesdropping. Again.

Just as his shadow appeared in front of me, I hurried back a few steps to act like I was coming out of the changing room again, pretending to dry my hair as his body came into my view.

"Oh, Donghyuck?" I stuttered, smiling a little too brightly as I continued, "You haven't changed?" I gestured to his dobok pants while he scanned me suspiciously.

"Soon, I had to settle something," he eventually muttered, glancing past me before making his way into the sports hall. When he disappeared, I heaved out a sigh, feeling a little bad my plan worked out fine. But I couldn't allow us to get into another meaningless squabble, especially after all that.

"What are you still doing out here?" A great force on my shoulder sent me jumping into the air, whipping around frantically only to see a curious Soobin staring back at me. "Aw, were you waiting for us?"

"Uh, yeah," I lied, giving a crooked smile to the others coming out from behind her. "Let's get back to the assembly point."