(just wanted to remind you that when it's written in italic, it's a flashback)

-

You chose to camp near a lake in the mountains which was famous for being surrounded by beautiful sceneries. When you arrived, you all decided who would sleep with who. You ended up with Jimin and Jin, Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok in another tent and Jungkook and Taehyung in the last one.

After deciding that, you all immediately started putting up the tents so it could be ready for the night. The atmosphere wasn't tense at all and everyone seemed to get along, even Hoseok and Yoongi. You did your best to avoid talking with Yoongi and Jungkook and it kind of worked as you barely exchanged more than two words.

Once the tents were ready, they decided to go swimming in the lake, nobody noticing your discomfort. They all jumped right in while you stayed sitting on a rock.

"Come on, Y/N ! Come with us in the water !" Jin shouted but you shook your head, faking a smile.

"I don't really want to go-"

"We're going to make you come in even if you say you don't want to, you know that ?" Jimin laughed and you laughed along with him although you felt your heartbeat increasing.

The last thing you wanted to do was take off your clothes and wear a swimsuit for a reason you weren't ready to tell them yet. You had multiple scars from the years you went missing and you really didn't want to see a look of pity on their faces as they would look at the marks covering your skin.

"Fine, we're coming for you," Taehyung finally said as he got out of the lake and walked towards you. You thought about telling him quickly why you didn't want to go but you couldn't bring yourself to do it so you just decided to let him throw you in the water with your clothes on and not tell anything.

"Ready ?" he asked as he reached you, getting ready to carry you, "Do you want to take your clothes off before ?"

You shook your head immediately and he gave you a weird look but didn't question it, already walking back to the water with you over his shoulder. You tried to make him let go while half screaming half laughing but everyone here including you knew you couldn't escape his arms. A second later, you were underwater.

When you went to the surface again, the first thing you heard was the boys laughing around you as you struggled to remove the hair keeping you from seeing them.

"I swear I'm gonna take my revenge on you guys," you said with a pout while they all chuckled.

"We'd like to see you try," Jimin said under his breath behind you and you turned around immediately, glaring at him jokingly.

"Let me just start with you then."

And with those words, you jumped on him, making him lose his balance and fall underwater. That was the start of a war between all of you, the winner being the one not being drown by the others.

-

You all spent the afternoon playing in the water and when you eventually got out, you felt worn out.

"Jin ?" you said with a cute voice as he got out of the water with you, "Can you carry me to the tents please ? I'm exhausted."

You gave him you prettiest smile and puppy eyes and obviously, he wasn't going to refuse you anything. With a sigh, he carried you bridal style and you let your head fall back as if you were sleeping. Maybe you shouldn't have.

The trunk opened as you kept your eyes closed, the sound of your heartbeat echoing in your head. After a few seconds, the person who opened the trunk finally moved and took you in their arms. The person first struggled to get you out of the trunk but ended up carrying you bridal style. You were still acting as if you were unconscious, your head fallen back. From the strength in his arms, it seemed to be a man carrying you but you couldn't be sure.

He started walking slowly while you tried to hear anything that could help you escape. His feet didn't make much sound on the ground and you could only hear some branch cracking from time to time. Nothing else. You seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.

"Jin, put me down," you said suddenly with a panicked voice and he frowned, still carrying you. "Put me down now please !"

He finally put you down, a panicked expression on his face as well as he wondered what he did wrong. As soon as you had had this flashback, your heartbeat had increased and your breath had become chaotic.

"What's wrong ? Did I hurt you ?" he asked as you turned away from him, hiding your face. You closed your eyes, focusing on your breath and forgetting about him.

"Taehyung ! Come here quickly, there's something wrong with Y/N !" you heard Jin shout and the sound of someone running immediately after.

A second later, Taehyung came in front of you, bending to see your face as you were looking down, still trying to breathe calmly.

"Y/N, what's wrong ? What happened ?" he asked worriedly and you shook your head, no word coming out of your mouth. He looked around him seeming helpless as Jin stroked your back to make you feel better. After a few more seconds, you eventually calmed down a little, enough to talk.

"Jimin," you whispered and Taehyung started shouting Jimin's name right away. It didn't take long before your cousin arrived, Taehyung briefly explaining what was happening.

"I'm here Y/N, what's wrong ?" Jimin said softly as he cupped your face carefully.

"Make them leave," you whispered so that only him could hear you. He did as you said and told them to leave you two alone for some time. As soon as they got far enough, you looked up at Jimin before wrapping your arms around his neck as he brought you in his embrace.

"I'm here, it's okay," he said quietly as he stroked your back. You weren't crying but he knew something was wrong anyway. He knew you were frightened just by feeling your shivers in his arms.

After some time, you finally calmed down completely and let go of him, ready to explain what happened.

"I just had a flashback. From after the person opened the trunk."

-

For your first night together, you decided to make a bonfire so that you could all get even closer after not gathering together for so long.

You had food, marshmallows, drinks, everything was perfect. You talked about random stuffs, not caring about anything, the mood lightened up by alcohol. You didn't drink that much, not wanting to get wasted this night. You stood back a little from the collective euphoria as you still felt a little down because of what happened earlier. You decided to just watch them having the time of their lives without really participating.

And suddenly, you felt alone. They were all just there, around you, laughing, talking, yelling, but you felt so alone. You felt like you weren't a part of that anymore, you felt like your place wasn't really with them, you felt like a stranger.

That's when it hit you. When you went missing, life went on. As if your existence hadn't left the slightest print in their lives. As if your disappearance hadn't created any wave in their perfect lives. It went on without you. You weren't there and everything went on.

You quietly got up, leaving the warm aura of the bonfire. Without a word, you walked away, your heart beating faster and faster as you realized no one really tried to make you stay. You didn't notice Jungkook staring at your back, his heartbeat fastening as you were leaving nor did you notice their laughs seemed to have faded suddenly. You only noticed what you thought was true : the bonfire went on without you as well.

You soon found a quiet place where you could lie in the grass and gaze at the stars, a feeling of loneliness still suffocating you. At this very moment, you really thought you were going to cry. For the first time since you came back, you really thought tears were coming. That's all you were asking for honestly. Cry for a while to feel better, cry to not feel this weight on your shoulders at all time, cry to make your heart feel less heavy. However, this day still wasn't the day and as much as you wanted it, not a single tear escaped your eyes.

The sound of someone approaching got you out of your thoughts and you stopped trying to make yourself cry as Namjoon quietly lay down next to you. You kept your eyes on the sky, only hearing his calm breath.

"I didn't think you would be the one coming to see me between all of you," you eventually said as he gazed at the stars with you.

"I know we're not the closest but it doesn't mean I don't care about you Y/N," he responded and your heart felt a little warmer suddenly. He seemed to always find the right words without you saying anything.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. Just thought you could want to hear that."

You smiled, the feeling of loneliness fading away.

"Can I tell you something else I think you might want to hear ?" he asked after a few seconds and you nodded hesitantly. "It's not because someone doesn't tell you he cares about you that he doesn't care. It's about showing it."

"I'm not sure if I wanted to hear that. I don't see so many people showing me they care."

"It's because you only see what you want to see."

"What do you mean ?" you asked, turning your face towards him. He was gazing at the stars, a peaceful expression on his face.

"We're all worried about you Y/N. We all have your safety in mind at all times and we all look after you when you're not watching."

"I'm back, I would be really unlucky if I went missing once again." You chuckled to hide the pain of talking about what happened. He took a few seconds before talking again, as if he was choosing his words carefully.

"What happened broke us. I know you're the one having it the hardest but don't you ever think we were okay. We struggled keeping in touch because everything about each other reminded us of you, everything about being together showed us even more you were missing. Your absence was so loud when we were together, staring at each other in silence. It let its print on all of us, it was like an explosion in our life."

You looked away from him, doing your best to ignore the heartache his words just gave you. You realized you had never really asked them how it was for them. You never really asked them if they were okay.

"Some of us were like ghosts of themselves. Taehyung, Jungkook, they had it the hardest between all of us. They were the youngest, you had this bond no one could really understand fully. Even Jimin coped with it better even though he is your cousin. I really don't want to see them like they were after you went missing again. It was a real nightmare."

"But I thought they moved on and life went on-"

"Life didn't go on. Every time we saw each other, it was like your absence was screaming at us, was shouting at our face that nothing was okay, that the smiles on our face were fake, that we were just pretending, and it was fucking right. It was so right but we kept on pretending, we kept on faking everything because what else could we do ? But we all knew damn well we'd never really recover, we'd never get over it, we'd never stop acting."

You stayed silent after this, realizing just now how hard it must have been for them as well.

"I don't want you to feel bad about it though, it wasn't your fault, it was just how things were at that time," he finally said, turning towards you with a sad smile. You nodded a little, comforted by his words once again. Namjoon was just too good with words, you wished you had had this conversation sooner.

A sound of steps got you out of your comforting bubble though and you tried to see who was coming, darkness surrounding the both of you completely.

"Oh, you're here."

Jungkook's voice came from between two trees and after a few seconds, you finally distinguished his face despite the lack of light. You tried to read his expression but it wasn't as easy as before. You didn't know him that well anymore.

"Is there something wrong ?" Namjoon asked and Jungkook looked embarrassed for a second, as if he came in during an intimate moment although you were just lying down talking together.

"No- I just saw Y/N leave the bonfire so I thought maybe I could make sure she wasn't going too far because we're going to sleep soon and we shouldn't be alone at night in a place we don't know well but since you're with her I'm just going to leave, I'm sorry," he answered in one breath, speaking really quickly as if he had just been caught doing something bad as a child. He then turned around and left, not waiting for the both of you to talk.

You turned to Namjoon, feeling his stare on you as you looked at the spot where Jungkook was standing a few seconds ago.

"This is what I meant. Caring is not about telling, it's about showing."

You looked at him in silence, your heartbeat increasing slightly. You wanted to believe him so bad, you wanted to take his every word for granted and think Jungkook still cared, but something in you kept you from doing that. Maybe the fear of ending up disappointed if he didn't actually care.

———
this is what i give you for kook's birthday : a long chapter sooner than expected :) hope you like it