mike

after reading the letter, i put it down on my desk. what's the point? will ran out after i told him i love him. i've waited so long to tell him, i didn't expect him to like me back but i did expect him to be more accepting. our friendship is ruined because of me.

after a while, nancy knocks on my door. "hey, mike? do you want to talk about anything?" she says and tries to open my door, i locked it so nobody can come in.

"just leave me alone," i say, my voice cracking.

"okay, i'll be in my room if you need anything," i hear her footsteps as she walk away.

i try to take my mind off of will but he's all i can think about. i shouldn't have told will how i felt. i've messed up our friendship forever.

after another thirty minutes, i hear another knock on my door, "what?" i yell.

"it's me again," nancy calls, "do you want anything to eat? i can leave it outside your door if you want."

"i'm good, just leave me alone. i don't want to talk." i say back. i sit up and look around my room, i see will's painting of the party he made for me. i walk over to it and unroll it, i really need to find a place to put it on my wall. i look down at my dnd character, there's a heart on his shield, i remember a rush of hope washing over me when i saw it. i guess it doesn't mean anything to him.

five more minutes go by and there's another knock on my door. why can't nancy just leave me alone? "go away, nancy. i said i didn't want to talk."

"it's will." a small voice from the other side of the door says. oh.

i quickly roll up the painting and put it back in the corner, where it was. i run over to the door and unlock it, will is stood in front of me. "i didn't expect you to come back, sorry." i thought he wouldn't ever want to see or speak to me ever again.

"it's okay, is everything alright?" he says.

is everything alright? why is he acting like nothing happened? my eyes are sore from wiping tears away, i'm pretty sure they're red, can't he see that? can't he see i'm not okay at all?

"no, everything isn't alright." i want to talk to him, properly this time. "come in," i say and will walks in. i shut the door behind me and i sit next to him on the bed. we're sat close and his hand is on the bed right next to mine. i used to hold his hand all the time and it used to comfort him, if i held it he wouldn't think anything more, would he? my hand is almost on top of will's when he suddenly pulls it away. "what's gotten into you?" i ask. it's a stupid thing to ask, nothings gotten into him, he's just not gay like me, he's uncomfortable, especially after last night.

"nothings gotten into me, i um i need to go down to the basement, i never got dressed this morning and i'm still wearing pyjamas." i look him up and down and see him still wearing my pyjamas.

as i look him up and down, he stands up and walks towards the door, i then realise he just told me he's going to leave, i can't let him leave. "will, wait," i stand up too and take his hand so he doesn't leave. "please don't go."

"i'm sorry, i have to," he says and tries to leave again. i pull him back so he's stood a few inches in front of me.

"mike, just let me leave," i don't want him to leave, he can't leave. why is he in such a rush to go? i look down to his lips, "i can't be here right now."

i'm just going to go for it. i start to move closer to him and put my hand on his cheek. i pull him closer until there's no room between us and i press my lips
on his.

i've waited so long to finally be able to kiss him. a million fireworks go off in my stomach. god, he is so perfect. his lips are sweet. after a few seconds, he pulls away. i should've asked if i could kiss him what the fuck is wrong with me. how did i ever think that was okay? my first kiss with the boy i've loved since i was in kindergarten and i didn't even ask if he was okay with it first.

"why did you do that? why would you do that?" he says, his voice cracking. i see tears forming in his eyes, they start streaming down his cheeks. he quickly runs out of my room and slams the door behind him.

"will! come back!" i shout after him.

i hear nancy's bedroom door slam shortly after, i think he's in there with her and i'm guessing jomathan is in there too.

i am so fucking stupid. what is the matter with me. he obviously didn't want to be around me but i made him stay and he ran out, again.

i feel like fucking dying. he's the one person i've only ever truly loved and he hates me because i kissed him. i take the picture of me and will on the swings off of the wall. i look at it, i look at the both of us smiling. "stupid. i'm so fucking stupid." i mutter and i'm about to rip it up but i can't bring myself to do it. i'll regret it if i do and it's already been taped back together. i put it in the draw along with the drawings.

i look to the painting, i don't even think about destroying it. i rip down a poster i don't need in my room and carefully put the painting up. it takes a while but i finally put it up perfectly.

"i'm so stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid."

i sit down on my bed and put my head in my hands. i don't know what to do, it's like all i do with will is apologise. i stay on my bed, planning what i'm going to say to will.

i'm going to tell him it was just a joke, that's going to work, isn't it? yes, i'll say i told him i loved him as a joke and i don't actually love him like that. and holding his hand, i just did it for comfort, not because i'm in love with him. but how would that work when he asks about the kiss. normal boys don't just kiss their friends, even as a joke.

i've hidden my feelings from him since i was younger, it won't be that hard to do it for a few more years, until we move away for college, then i can forget about him. but i don't want to forget about him, i want to be with him until we grow old. i want to hold his hand, kiss him, cuddle him, tell him i love him and tell him how pretty he is.

i'll just say sorry, i'll tell him i still have feelings for him but if he doesn't feel the same, that's fine. i'll tell him he doesn't even have to talk to me ever again. i don't want to force him i to a relationship when he's not ready, i've already done that before and it doesn't end well. does he think i meant i love him in a platonic way? surely he realised after i kissed him that it's more than platonic.

this whole time i've treated will so badly, he probably thinks i don't like him. with last year and me not being able to reach him the whole time he was in california, i wouldn't be surprised if he thinks i hate him. i treated him like that because i knew i loved him and i thought pushing him away would make my feelings go away but they didn't.

i'm just going to apologise, i'll try to find out if he likes me or not, if he does then i'll tell him i love him and i've always loved him. if he doesn't, then i won't tell him and i'll just repress my feelings like i have all these years.

i stand up and open my door but jonathan is stood in the doorway, he was about to knock. "can i come in?" he asks.

"yeah, sure?" i say, confused, i sit down on my bed, jonathan comes in and closes the door, he sits down on the chair at my desk.

"so," jonathan starts.

a/n: not mike having a little "stupid, so stupid" moment like will in s3🤪 also if it's confusing, will thinks mike is vecna so he doesn't want mike to kiss him and feels uncomfortable around him only because he thinks it's vecna. if he knew it was mike he would have kissed him back for longer and not ran away!!