Alatar's home was just how I'd remembered it. As though the life in it hadn't died when he had. The plants still thrived, the air still smelled warm, and like incense. The only indication that it had been abandoned was the thin layer of dust in his yellow kitchen, and the sour coffee that sat on the counter. Half drank, never finished by the warlock who died before he could see peace. If there were to ever be peace.

"This is where Beckett and Ember grew up?" Juniper asked, her voice small but still sounding so large for the empty home. I could only walk, my legs carrying me to the sitting room where I'd learned about being the weapon. A small stain was apparent on the light colored rug, by the tea I'd dropped when I'd fainted. Alatar had never gotten rid of it, though I'm sure he could have done so, as though he wanted the blatant reminder of that night.

Juniper followed me, making no sound, only the swishing of her gown on the floor giving away that she was here. It feels almost wrong to be in this place again. The last time I had been, I'd been so small, so afraid, so unsure. Ember, she had been the reason I'd stayed. Now to be here without her?

My feet having a mind of their own, the questions I needed answering moving to the back of my mind, I traveled down to the training room. The large open room felt so empty without Beckett and Ember sparring each other, without Alatar and Nova monitoring from the side of the room. Over by the corner I could see the cut out of the man I had used to learn throwing knives, where Beckett had first shown me any form of being human himself.

I turned on my heel and turned away from that ghost of my past, walking away from the place I'd felt so much fear and success at once. Juniper only turned and followed, giving me time, even though I could see the worry etched onto her delicate features. I went back up the stairs, down the hall, and paused outside of my old room. No, no I didn't want to go in there.

Across the hall though, close enough that she was always there if I needed her, was the door to Ember's old room. Heart thundering, I pushed on it lightly.

The room still smelled like her, like a spring morning, fresh and alive. Her bed was still disheveled from her last sleep in it. Had she been awoken by Alatar? Him rushing into her room in a swirl of robes, yelling that Beckett and I had been captured. Her dresser drawers were a mess, still open, clothes hanging from them. Had she dressed so quickly that she nearly tripped pulling on her signature black pants?

Ember never hesitated, never thought twice when it came to me, to Beckett. Why had I paused, why had I caved for a moment and allowed that power to launch into her? Ember would never have allowed that. She was braver than I, stronger than I, better than I. It should have been me.

I gasped, paused as the silver lining in my eyes begged to release. No, no. Not yet. On her vanity I found coal liner and red lipstick, a picture of her and Beckett taped to the mirror. My throat stung, my trembling fingers tugged it free and eyed it closely. They seem to be sixteen in the photo, her face characteristically soft–her warm eyes glowing with genuine joy. Beckett, while seeming much less warm, at least seemed happy in the photo; a small smile tugging on his lips. She leaned over him laughing, her mouth wide with the sound that I know filled the room, and he sat in his chain somewhat uncomfortably; but I could see his joy in her own laugh.

I slid it into my pocket, sure Beckett would want it. Turning away a flash caught my eye, a necklace hung alone on the vanity, a plain necklace with a silver chain and a single sapphire stone about the size of my thumb nail.

I'd seen her wear it, only once, to the nightclub to find my aunt. The sapphire stone was the same color of her eyes, sparkling and dancing with the light. I didn't even notice I'd grabbed it until I'd clasped it around my neck, the cold stone lying on the top of my sternum.

"It's beautiful," was all Juniper said. And that, that word...beautiful. It was my undoing. I gasped as all the air ripped itself from my lungs. Beautiful, that was what Ember had been. A beautiful, pure, soul, in this grim world. My knees dropped to her rug, as squeezed my abdomen as though it would close the gaping whole that had been Ember. As though anything could replace her.

No tears came, I'd cried all my tears already while I'd attacked her killer. Now I just screamed, a hollow sound that came from the base of my chest. No more Ember, no more life, no more laughter. I gripped her necklace, and begged for her to come back. It should have been me, I should have been the one that died. I'll never see her smile again. I've lost her, Beckett blames me–what's the point of pushing on. I can't see it, I can't see the reason. All I can see is the vast emptiness that is life without them. With Ember, without Alatar, without Nova, and maybe even without Beckett.

"It should have been me!" I cried, my watering eyes meeting Juniper's, they were wide with her own sadness as she dropped to the ground beside me and held on tight.

"It's going to be ok, Astra." She soothed, her red blonde braid falling between us as she held me. I shook, my body shook so hard that I worried for a moment that my bones might shatter. No, not ok. It won't be ok. How is any of this ok? Don't explode, don't explode. My power rumbled below the surface, begging to release my anguish. I shoved it down, pushed it and pushed it until it was a dull glow.

"I'm sorry," I apologized after a few more shaky breaths. "I'm sorry." I forced myself to stand, and a small smile on my stiff lips. I sniffed, shaking away my breakdown. "I'm being selfish, let's go find Alatar's room." Juniper stopped me from walking to the door, holding me before her. Her lips trembled as she eyes me, her eyebrows drawing down with confusion.

"Astra? Selfish?" Juniper paused, looking me over again. "I've known you for a year and I've never known you to be selfish." I shook my head, but she only shook hers in contrast. "Your best friend died, Astra. You're entitled to pain. I remember the war, Arden fought in the war, you gave up everything for a Realm that you didn't know. Selfless, that's what you are."

I paused, unable to see that. Everything I gave I'd done it for her, for Beckett. To save innocent people. I'd done it because I was selfish and didn't want Parallax to hurt more people. To mourn my parents. But I smiled, nodded as though I agreed, and walked past her down the hall to Alatars's room.

"Oh–" I stopped, his room was a mess. Alatar wasn't messy, his home and life wasn't messy. Everything in his room, books that had once covered the shelves along the walls, were open and scattered along the room. In the room the smell of earthy incense was stronger, the walls curtains and bedding all varying shades of earth tones.

"Are these... journals?" Juniper asked, trailing a hand on a dusty desk and peering at the open journals. "Astra–look here." I tore my eyes from the bedside table where pictures of Nova, River, Ember, and Beckett stood. As well as pictures that I could only assume were of groups of warlocks and Defenders. I took the journal she held to me, scanning his neat handwriting.

She is getting worse, rather than better. I'm not sure how long I should keep this up. I may resort to a suppressor, as I did with the two weapons. I hope that it is not such, but I caught her reading up on Necromancy once more. I thought I'd disposed of all the novels, but apparently I missed one. Her power is strong, stronger than anything, stronger than mine. I hope it doesn't resort to that, but it just might.

"She...necromancy...who's she?" I asked, Juniper only shrugged looking over the open pages laying on the desk. "Juniper, Celeste told us that a person can make SkinWalkers with Necromancy. Do you think that the person who did this used to be one of Alatar's students?"

"It stands to reason...look here." I took another journal, this one had been on his bed.

I had to put the suppressor on her, even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I caught her last night attempting to bring a passed bird back from the dead. It made her angry, understandably so. I worried she would lash out so I made the decision to wipe her memories clear, and took her from magick classes in hope they wouldn't manifest. I just hope she does not hate me, I love her so.

"Who is Alatar talking about? Whoever came here found these before we did, and left them in a messy rush." I looked over the journals, there must be fifty of them lying around. "We need this woman's name, I think she grew up to resent the suppressor. Do any of these mention a name?" Juniper paused for a long moment, shaking her head as she quickly scanned each of the open pages.

"No.." she said slowly, her brow furrowing. "But, this one mentions you." My blood ran cold for a moment, my hand sweating as I reached for the brown leather journal.

She met Astra this week. They seem to get along pretty well, but Astra seems to like most people. Except for Beck, it seems, but that's to be expected. I wonder what they would do if they only knew their fate. In my soul I know they will overcome it, but getting there...that will be tricky. I overheard her telling Astra to not go 'supernova', if only she knew. Would she understand if I told her that was the very reason I put a suppressor on her-

I stopped reading, the book falling from my hands and clattering to the hardwood floor. Gasping, my eyes widened as I took everything in and met Juniper's assessing gaze. "What?" She asked, her voice edged with nerves. "What is it?"

"The...girl." I gasped out, my brain piecing everything together and trying to drop it at the same time.

"Do you know her?" Juniper asked, coming to add the journal on the floor to the other two she held in her arm; evidence of what we'd discovered.

I looked at her, my eyes watering once more, lips trembling. Nodding, I tried to talk through my dry mouth. "Yeah...yeah I do. Her name, it's Nova."