xx. everyone has their reasons
– Kaz

KAZ Brekker didn't need a reason.

And Dirtyhands needed even less. Whether it be forge a new alliance, kill a member of his own gang, he would do it. No hesitation. He was willing to do what no other man would, it had become part of the myth he'd created for himself. He was someone to be respected, someone to be feared in Ketterdam. Only there was one person that did not seemed to buy into the myth of Dirtyhands.

Kaz didn't need a reason to visit Randvi, and yet he had a thousand.

Randvi hadn't been hard to track down. All it had taken was Inej to ask a group of newly arrived Kaelish immigrants and snoop around a room she had once rented from an old lady by the name of Elin, who had since mysteriously vanished. Kaz suspected Pekka had something to do with the landlady's disappearance – ever since Randvi hadn't returned from Ravka Pekka had been more brutal than usual. As far as he was concerned now, Randvi was as good as dead.

There was little anger for what had happened years ago. The two were even – he had betrayed Randvi, and she the same. Besides, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed her to join his crew on their mission to the Ice Court.

Kaz didn't much trust Matthias, a Druskelle Nina had been hell set on freeing in order to join his crew. And although he did not trust Randvi much either, he trusted her a whole lot more than the Druskelle. With Matthias, there was always the chance he would rat them out to the Fjerdan's the moment they set foot in the nation, but Randvi never would. Even in spite of the amount she hated him, she would always hate the Druskelle more.

Randvi had changed.

He could tell just from the way she held herself when they locked eyes for the first time in years. Her words had more of a bite, her eyes blazing like fire beneath the heavy black soot surrounding them. And yet, she was still the same unpredictable girl he had once known.

After sending Matthias first to meet her, Kaz was not sure whether she would have killed him on the spot or not. Around Randvi, Kaz was never sure of himself, never knowing if he were right or wrong. She was a challenge, a puzzle he desperately wanted to solve.

Ketterdam hadn't been the same without her.

Kaz followed behind his crew as they began making their way up towards a small wooden house on the edge of a forest. The group were introducing themselves, and from behind them Kaz could hear Jesper telling her all about what she'd missed, the ambush back in Ketterdam where they'd almost lost Inej, and how Kaz had pulled out Oomen's eye then thrown him overboard. To his surprise, Randvi was even talking to Nina, a heartrender.

She had once hated all Grisha, the result of growing up in a nation that feared them. But with time, perhaps she had learnt not to care. Perhaps she finally saw herself as one of them.

The inside of the house was much warmer than the bitter Kaelish winter. The moment Kaz stepped inside, a burning wave of heat hit his face, causing a sweat grow on his brow. Randvi had long since discarded her cloak, revealing endless tattoos and scars on her arms, and had begun passing around pieces of bread and glasses of water. Kaz forced himself to look away, to only meet her eyes.

Whilst everyone found a place around the fire, Kaz's eyes caught an elderly woman with bright white hair sitting on a crooked chair, barely acknowledging their presence.

"This is Herja," Randvi began, sitting herself down besides Inej. "Herja, this is Kaz's little group of misfits. I thought it would be cruel to leave them out in the cold."

Her voice wasn't sincere. Kaz took a seat opposite Randvi, resting his crow cane over his lap and stretching out his bad leg. It was beginning to ache in the cold, as it usually did.

"This man," Herja spoke for the first time, a voice that demanded everyone's attention. "Druskelle?"

She pointed towards Matthias. Kaz noted the way Randvi's gaze fixed on Matthias, the hesitant, almost fearful look she had. Kaz prided himself on knowing everyones secrets, but Randvi was the one person he knew almost nothing about. She had always been vague on details, leaving him to guess work.

Matthias seemed to be questioning himself for some time, before he gave a not too convincing nod. He had once been Druskelle, but since then had been accused of being a slaver by Nina and locked up in Hellgate.

"Der git ver rastjel." Matthias said, offering a half smile towards Herja and Randvi, but Randvi seemed less than impressed.

Kaz knew exactly why.

"She won't speak to you in Fjerdan." Kaz stated, earning him a glare.

He rarely heard Randvi speak Fjerdan, other than the first year she had arrived in Ketterdam, and the occasional muttering he'd overhear when she was angry. He guessed it was an attempt to distance herself from Fjerda, to leave behind a life she had once led. Or perhaps she hadn't wanted to appear as an outsider in Ketterdam.

"Why not?" Wylan asked, looking even more out of place than Kaz.

Wylan had grown up surrounded by wealth and prosperity, the son of Jan Van Eck, a wealthy merchant who had offered them thirty million kruge if they broke into the Ice Court and brought back a Shu man. He had been in the Barrel mere months, and had a lot to learn.

Randvi barked a laugh. Kaz wanted to bottle up the sound and listen to it forever. The thought terrified him.

"You believe everything Kaz tells you?" She asked Wylan, tilting her head. "He's a liar, utterly without conscience. You're not from the Barrel, are you?"

"He's our demo guy, although a poor one at best." Jesper interrupted with a coy smile.

"He looks like he should be in school."

"So do you." Wylan retorted.

For a split second, Kaz thought he'd have to step in to make sure their only demo guy lived to see the Ice Court. Randvi had developed a habit of throwing sharp objects when angry. But, to his relief, Randvi merely laughed.

"I like him."

A long silence then washed over the group.

Kaz knew there was only so long he could avoid talking about the elephant in the room. Only he, Inej and Jesper knew the terms Randvi had parted on, the betrayal both had faced. The girl Kaz had left behind in Ravka was no more.

Often, whilst left alone to his thoughts, his mind would drift to Randvi, and he'd play the moment she'd almost killed him over and over in his mind. Why hadn't he sought vengeance? Why hadn't he killed her where she stood? Even all these years later, he sought vengeance for Jordie's death, so why hadn't he done the same for what was almost his own death? I left her in Ravka to die, but he always knew she'd live.

When Kaz looked up from the crow head of his cane, his eyes met Randvi's narrowed ones. He knew exactly what she was going to say.

"Are you going to apologise?"

"For what?"

"You know what."

A few of the crew began to shift awkwardly, feeling the weight of the tension between the two hang over their bodies. Inej shifted her weight, glancing between Kaz and Randvi.

"Perhaps we should go and check out the beach, leave these two to settle their differences." Inej suggested, casting a look over the group.

"I'm not missing this." Nina replied with a grin, resting her chin in her hands as a look of excitement washed over her.

"Will you be apologising too?" Kaz asked Randvi.

"No."

"Then it's settled."

"Kaz," Randvi's voice was stern, all the laughter and softness she'd expressed moments ago long gone. "I am no longer the girl I was in Ketterdam. You don't hold me in the palm of your hand, and I don't owe you anything. You will apologise, or you will leave."

"I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness–"

"Then beg for it."

Kaz felt a muscle in his jaw twitch. What did he have to apologise for? A few cruel jibes? For blackmailing her into joining him in Ravka years ago? Even in spite of how much she had changed, Randvi still held too tightly onto the past. Kaz would never apologise. He did not make mistakes, and he defiantly did not apologise. He did not become Dirtyhands by apologising every time he did something.

"I'll apologise when you apologise for firing an arrow at my heart."

"I nearly fired at your heart. There's a difference."

"Is there?"

"Have you just come to say a few smart remarks? Why are you here?"

Because I wanted to see you.

He had been stalling. Kaz had played this moment over and over, planning every possible outcome, every possible remark Randvi would throw his way. He had known since the day he received the heist from Van Eck he would go in search of Randvi, and ask her to join his crew. So why was it suddenly so hard for him to ask?

Maybe he knew she would never agree, and that the temptation of a share in over a million kruge would not tempt her. He could not bride her with the promise of achieving her dream, or the promise of returning to a life she had once lived, like he had done with Matthias.

"A merchant by the name of Jan Van Eck has asked us to break Bo Yul-Bayur out of prison. He's a Shu scientist responsible for the creation of Jurda Parem. It's a drug that modifies and enhances Grisha power. Van Eck and the Merchant Council want the drug to prevent an economic upheaval, so have asked for my help."

Kaz didn't look at Randvi the whole time he spoke, as if fearing she'd tell him he was making a mistake. And perhaps he was, but if he could pull it off he'd be rich beyond his wildest dreams.

"So why are you here?" She asked, bringing her knees up and resting her arms over them. "You have a crew fit for a simple break in and kidnap. You don't need my help."

"We're breaking into the Ice Court in Fjerda." Randvi fell silent, her body still. She had taken it much better than Kaz had anticipated. "And I need your skills."

It was then Kaz noticed Randvi's jaw clench, her body lean forwards towards the fire, as close as she could get to him. He could see the anger in her eyes, but also the flicker of something else. Hurt? Betrayal? He wasn't sure.

"You are asking me to go back to Fjerda? To the place I have told you time and time again I have no intention of going back to?"

"Is that a no?"

"It's a no fucking way."

Kaz nodded once at her words, running a hand over the crow head of his cane and adjusting his leg. The ache was beginning to dull as he sat by the fire, but he knew the instant he stepped back outside into the cold it would begin hurting again.

Inej lowered her gaze to the fire in anticipation. His Wraith was his weapon, collecting the secrets of everyone in Ketterdam. She was the reason they had found Randvi again. But since Ravka, once a week, Kaz would send Inej around to her abandoned room, and would talk to neighbours and check for mail.

She had never agreed with blackmail, especially the blackmail of someone she called a friend. But it was the only way Randvi would ever join their crew. And they needed her.

"What if I gave you a reason?"

With an unimpressed laugh, Randvi shook her head. "I have absolutely no reason to go back to Fjerda."

But Kaz Brekker did have a reason. A reason in the form of a badly scribbled letter, its ink smudged by a heavy downpour had set over Ketterdam for some weeks.

"Your brother is alive."