xvi. sankta alina
– Randvi

THE KNIFE MISSED Kaz's head by mere inches, scratching past his cheek as he stepped to the side just in time.

Randvi was angry, angrier than she'd ever been before. Kaz hadn't just made a cruel jibe at her, tripped her up in the street with his cane, or failed to tell her an important detail of his plan. He had betrayed her, abandoned her, and left her die. They had been a team, watching each others backs, but he had left her behind.

The hardest part was that Randvi had placed her blind trust in Kaz. She let herself rely on him, put her life into his hands, but he had closed his hand into a fist, letting her fall to the ground in ruins. Kaz destroyed the world around him letting it crumble and fall into ruins, Randvi had let herself believe that Kaz would always stop her from falling with it.

She had been wrong. So wrong.

"You left me to die!" Randvi shouted at Kaz. "You planned on abandoning me in East Ravka with a man you knew wanted me dead!"

"I had a plan-"

"Oh yes. Clearly." Randvi barked out a bitter laugh, picking a glass bottle from besides her and hauling to towards Kaz. "You never had a plan, you don't even have a plan now! I have been through hell because of you." Her voice trembled as she spoke. "Because you were too cowardly to come and find me."

"I always knew you'd get out." Kaz snarled, taking a step closer to Randvi. She wished she hadn't thrown the knife moments ago, now Kaz was closer, she could have stabbed him through the heart. She would not have missed. "You always do."

"Lie to me again and I will shove Inej's knife so far down your throat you'll be shitting iron."

"I'd like to see you try."

Just as Randvi made to lunge at Kaz, she felt Mal catch her body, pulling her back. All she could think about was Kaz, and how she wanted to punch him, kick him, stab him, cut off his fingers one by one and feed them to the volcra just so he could see just how angry she was. She wanted to prove she was better than him, that he had underestimated her.

And then a thought entered her mind, unwelcome and terrifying.

I want to kiss you.

The thought disgusted her, terrified her, and for a moment she felt as though the ground would swallow her whole. Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel, the boy that hadn't batted an eyelid at the thought of leaving her with a murder, the boy that betrayed her, was beginning to make Randvi question her own heart.

She hated him. She hated him so much, and yet she wanted to wrap her arms around him, hold his body close to hers, and feel the comfort he brought her. She wanted to forgive him, let herself believe he would have never abandoned her.

He had left her to die and yet instead, behind her anger, she felt herself melting at the sight of him. He was still the boy who had watched her back when no one else had, the boy that would dream of the future with her, the boy that had bought her an entire walnut cake after discovering she couldn't afford to.

Her mother had been right. Loyalty was weakness, and love had led to nothing but pain.

Randvi had told herself she didn't need Kaz, but the truth was she wanted to be wherever he was, to be close to him, to reach out for him.

Love was cruel that way.

"Do you know what I have been through, Kaz? All because of you." Snarled Randvi.

Kaz barely seemed bothered by the situation, or the possibility that at any second she could have stolen Inej's knife and driven it through his heart. No hesitation. His lack of care made Randvi laugh sharply, pushing herself away from Mal's grasp.

"I told myself that you'd always have my back, that you were buying your time, waiting for the right moment to save me. But you never came. I didn't believe in saints, or gods or even Djel whilst I sat there, but I believed in you. I can see now I was stupid for putting even an ounce of faith in you."

At those words, Randvi took a few steps away from the group, pacing for a few seconds, before resting her weight against a beam, head tipped back.

"He was going to kill me, Kaz. Would you have come for me then?"

What was Randvi expecting Kaz to say? He cared about no one but himself, money, and vengeance. Randvi knew the truth – Kaz would never have come for her. She was an investment, easily replaceable. She wanted to believe that the boy she had saved would have saved her too, but he wouldn't. She was nothing more than a girl searching for meaning in things that deep down meant nothing.

The silence seemed to drag on for hours. Was Kaz thinking about her? Or was he just thinking up a plan on escaping the fold? Why did she care?

"You know why I didn't come back for you." Kaz began finally, both hands resting on his crow cane, eyes boring into hers. "Why don't you tell everyone about your little plan? The deals you've made to double cross us?"

"For someone that prides themselves on knowing everything, you really know nothing." Scoffed Randvi, weight still resting against a beam.

"Then tell us now. I'm sure the people that call you a friend would love to know about how you planned on cheating them out of their kruge."

"This was never about them, Kaz. This was always about you." She snapped, standing upright. "Pekka offered me a better deal. He offered me freedom in return for your head."

Kaz's face dropped for a brief second, his eyes flashing black. She knew Pekka's name would get a rise out of him, she'd remembered the way he'd reacted when she mentioned his name back in a jail cell in Ketterdam. The satisfaction of knowing she'd hit a weak spot was only short.

"But I haven't betrayed you yet. You left me behind in East Ravka with no reason."

"I'm not a fool, Randvi. I knew you planned on killing me the day we set off from Ketterdam."

"Then why bring me along in the first place?"

"Because you were a convenience!" Kaz shouted, taking everyone by surprise. It was rare Kaz let his emotions rule him, rare he'd let his anger get the best of him. "Nothing more, nothing less."

Whatever anger Randvi had felt up until that moment vanished. It felt as though someone had burnt the heart out of her, and replaced it with ice, leaving her hollow. Had he meant what he said? All these years she had believed Kaz cared for her. Had every sincere comment been a lie? Had he only ever saved her because he'd expected something back? The world around her seemed to shrink and crumble.

"Do I really mean nothing to you?" She finally asked, her voice more timid than she wanted.

But no answer came. Kaz's silence spoke more than a thousand words. It had all been a lie.

If they lived to see the other side of the fold, Randvi would make sure Kaz could never tell the tale.

*

For the first time since knowing him, Kaz had no plan.

Randvi could see it in the way his eyes flickered around, as though seeing the cogs in his brain whirling away. Above she could hear the distant screams of people. The Darkling was destroying an entire town, killing its innocent people just to demonstrate the scale of his power. The thought made her sick, a lump forming in her throat.

What gods could have allowed such a thing? Randvi had always believed Ravka suffered because of its Grisha, because it provided safety to a being so unnatural it mocked nature. She had been taught to fear Grisha, and rightly so. She had thought that perhaps the gods had abandoned Ravka, but if they had, surely they were no better. They had turned their backs on innocent people, and had gifted one man the power to destroy everything. What gods would have watched as thousands were slaughtered?

"What now?" Jesper asked.

"We wait." Said Kaz calmly, still thinking up a plan.

Randvi did not bothering looking up from the crate she sat on. Kaz had no plan. He was buying his time and hoping everything would work in his favour. Instead, she had more important things to think about. With the knife she had thrown at Kaz earlier, Randvi had begun to sharpen her arrowheads. She'd need it in the fight they'd no doubt face.

"Kaz, you can hear him slaughtering a city." Inej scolded.

Kaz whirled around to face her, "So you understand the scale of his power then? Good."

Randvi could see the pain in Inej's eyes, the desperation she felt to do everything she could to help. She was too good for Kaz, better than he deserved.

"The bold move is to strike now." Mal said.

"And the smart one is to get clear of the damned fold first." Kaz snapped back, as though talking to a child.

Mal only scoffed, and began making his way through the basement of the skiff. "Never said I was smart."

"Can you believe him?" Jesper asked in disbelief.

It was then Randvi noticed Inej pull off her jacket, running a finger over some of her knives. "I'm going with him." Without another word, she raced off down the skiff.

Without thinking, Randvi stood up, placing the arrow she'd been sharpening over her shoulder to rest in a quiver. She slipped her knife onto her belt. "If Inej is going, I'm going with her."

Randvi wasn't going to let Inej walk out alone on the skiff, not knowing how capable the Darkling was. Kaz may have betrayed her, and Inej in part too, but that did not mean she wouldn't be there to fight at her side.

"You go out there now and you'll be slaughtered." Kaz took a step towards her, but she quickly stepped away.

"Isn't that what you want?"

Randvi did not give Kaz another second to bark back a response, and instead began making her way through the skiff, and up a series of ladders. She peered behind a wall, casting a gaze out across the deck of the skiff.

In front of her lay the bodies of countless diplomats and officials, and just beyond, the Darkling, Alina, and Mal. She wasn't sure where Inej had got to, but she only hoped the Wraith would survive.

Slowly, she slipped an arrow and her bow from her back, carefully aligning them. If she was smart, she'd be able take out the heartrender. She knew she was no match for the Darkling. With a steady breath, she tried to remember what her brother had taught her all those years ago in Fjerda.

As she pulled up her bow to aim, the skiff began sliding forwards, knocking her balance and sending her out into view of the deck. The Darkling caught her eyes almost immediately, sending a wave of fear through her body. Randvi tried to ignore the fear, trying not to hesitate, but it was too late. The Grisha besides him raised his hands.

Without another second to aim precisely, she aimed true, letting her heart decide. Randvi closed her eyes and fired the arrow. With one swift move through the air, it struck the Darkling's shoulder. He let out a small groan, and it was then Randvi felt a searing pain through her body. She recognised it from when she'd been the Darkling's captive. She should have fired at the Grisha, but her heart had told her otherwise.

Falling to her knees, Randvi's hand clutched her bow, using every bit of determination in her body to reach back for an arrow and ignore the pain. Barely a second later, the pain stopped, and she felt herself being dragged behind a crate. Mere seconds later, a blade of darkness shot past her.

Jesper must have fired a shot at the heartrender, but to her surprise it had been Kaz to drag her out of line of the Darkling. He had been the one to save her.

Randvi had no chance to reply before she heard the whistle of something passing through the air, and glancing around the crate noticed a knife protruding from the Darkling's chest. Had Inej managed to kill him? A small smile creeped onto her lips.

Only all too soon the smile shattered. Randvi watched in horror as he began pulling the knife from his chest, black running through his veins.

"It will take more than this!" He shouted. The Darkling then raised his hands, and the darkness began to set in.

Randvi had never believed in Saints, or in Alina, but she found herself praying that the sun summoner would save them.

The darkness set in, consuming everything around them, and with it came the growls of volcra. Randvi would have rather faced the Darkling than a volcra. But then a new fear set in. Inej.

"I've got to get to Inej," Randvi began, pulling herself onto her feet, ignoring the throbbing pain in her chest. "The volcra will be on her in seconds-"

"I'll go. Stay here with Jesper." Randvi didn't have a chance to protest, Kaz had already begun to make his way up the skiff.

She could hear the volcra's growls growing closer, feeling the bat of their wings above them. She didn't have enough arrows to keep them safe for long, even if every one of them landed with precise aim.

She needed Jesper. She needed the sun summoner.

"Jesper," She whispered, frantically shaking his body in hopes he'd wake up. It was no use.

With shaking hands, she reached back for an arrow, and aimed for the closest volcra she saw. The volcra screeched in pain, its flying knocked off balance, sending it away into the darkness. Randvi drew another arrow, and in that moment, a burst out light illuminated the skiff, driving the darkness and the volcra away. She froze, taking a glance down the skiff to see the Darkling cowering on the floor, and Alina controlling the light.

She had saved them. Sankta Alina.

"Jesper," She whispered again, giving him a more firm shake. "Wake up, please. You better not be dead." She begged.

"Unfortunately I'm still alive." She heard him mutter with a faint laugh.

She laughed in surprise, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. "Thank for for saving me."

"Thank Kaz, not me."

And then, the light slipped away, and darkness took its hold again.

Alina. It was the first thing that came to mind. She had been the one to save them, to protect them from the darkness. In this life Randvi was supposed to be her enemy. She had the chance to send an arrow through her heart. Alina was the reason she was here, the reason she had betrayed Kaz, the reason her life would be over. Yet, she had saved her, even when she didn't have to. For that, Randvi owed her her life.

Randvi drew an arrow, and sent it flying through the air and into the heartrenders shoulder. It knocked his concentration for only a second, but long enough for him to forget about Alina. Jesper then fired a series of shots.

Running across the skiff, Randvi landed on her knees besides Alina, praying Jesper could handle the heartrender on his own. Alina lay on the wooden floor of the skiff, blood dripping from her nose, and body limp.

"Alina," Randvi whispered, gently wiping some of the blood away with her sleeve. "Please, we need you. Please."

She couldn't die, Randvi wouldn't let her, but there was nothing she could do to help.

It reminded Randvi so much of the night she'd watched her mother die in Fjerda. She had kneeled over her body, desperately shaking her mother in hopes she'd wake, praying that she would not die. The gods had not watched over her that day, nor had they since. She only hoped they would watch over Alina.

The skiff began to surge forwards, and in the distance she could hear Mal's voice shouting out to her. Within seconds he was by her side, cradling Alina, praying she was not dead.

Randvi moved to the side, letting herself rest, but keeping her eyes trained on Alina.

"Alina, come back to me, please. Alina?" Mal begged, choking on his tears. "Please wake up, please come back."

She wasn't sure when Inej had appeared besides her, but felt her body brush against hers. It was a relief she'd never felt before. Inej was alive. Randvi let her head rest against Inej's shoulder, in return felt Inej rest her cheek against the top of her head, and hand reach out for hers.

Randvi knew that Alina would always mean so much more to Inej than to her. She was her Saint, her faith, and perhaps with time she would become Randvi's faith too. Alina gave her something to believe in, allowed her to believe that there was hope in the world. She had watched over her more than her own gods had.

But what if she died? It would have all been for nothing. Randvi had been wrong about Alina. She wasn't a fraud, or a drüsje, nor did she make a mockery of the gods. She was real, but more importantly she was human. She gave the world hope. That had to mean something. What if she couldn't save her? What if she let her down?

Then, she heard a voice, barely above a whisper.

"Mal," Alina breathed out, her eyes slowly opening.

"I'm here," He sobbed, then let out a small laugh. "Don't you dare say meet me in the meadow."

Alina lived. Randvi herself felt her eyes water, as though she finally had someone she could believe in. She had saved them. Randvi knew she could no longer bring Alina to Dressen for a million kruge. She owed her a blood debt, and would forever owe her until the day she died.

"Sankta Alina," Randvi whispered, and then felt Inej give her hand a little squeeze.