Erica Mena

Talking about my feelings has never been easy for me. Growing up in the Bronx caused me to harden myself to that bullshit. But deep down, I'm the average girl. The idea of love makes me keep putting myself in fucked up situations. For some reason, everybody wants to play me like I'm some hoe. I'm not. I can count the number of people I've been with on one hand. Raul, my son's father. Rich Dollaz, that smug, conniving asshole. And now Cyn Santana.

Honestly, I'm deeply in love with Cyn. It's never been like this before. Not even with Raul. Cyn and I were introduced to each other a couple years ago through some mutual friends. We'd always end up hanging around with each other and things just escalated. But I don't regret them one bit. Loving Cyn has changed me. I don't want to be on the scene anymore. I just want to get my clothing line running, finish my debut album and start a family. But of course, that's not what the producers of LHHNY are looking for. I had a meeting with the heads the other day and they want to cause friction between Cyn and I on the show. I don't want that. Just when we seem to be getting on the right fucking page, they come with this shit.

I want to see where Cyn's head is with this. She's a little younger than me. She's about 21 and I'm pushing 26. She's also just getting her foot in the door so I don't know how she truly feels about leaving this show so soon. For her, I'd honestly give it up in a heartbeat.

Contrary to how the show portrays me, I'm not that bad. I do have a hot head and a fucked up mouth... but, you only get that if you cross me. I don't sleep around and I honestly crave a family for my son and I. I just don't want to scare Cyn away.

I looked up as my bff Albee walked into the room. He gave me that look before sitting beside me.

A: Okay. I know you more that anybody bitch. What's tea?
E: (Sighs) Albee, I'm just tired. I want to settle down, mellow out. I don't want this drama anymore.
A: So What are you going to do? We can let this contract lapse... or you can just get on with what they want. Which I know ain't sitting right with you.
E: I love Cyn Albee. Like, in love with her. And I just don't want this show causing issues with that.
A: Have you talked to her?
E: No. Every time I try, she's always busy.
A: You guys need to talk. Figure out what your next move is and go from there.
E: Yeah, you're right. I jus-
Intercom: Ms. Mena, you have a call on line 1.
E: Who is it Steph?
Steph: Jason from LHH.
E: Okay. Thank you.
A: (gets up) I'm going to let you take this call. I got a couple of emails to go through
E: Kay. (Picks up phone) What's good Jason?
J: Mena, you know I could lose my shit for this... but you know, we go back. I wanted to warn you about your girl.
E: (frowns) What girl?
J: Cyn. She was in the club last night and our cameras caught her buggin'. They're planning to use it on the show.
E: When you say buggin', what you sayin'? Come on Jay, be real with me?
J: I mean like kissing and grinding up on some dude in the club. I tried peepin' who it was but a lot of people are saying it's Joe Budden.
E: Joey? Naw, he wouldn't do me like that. We go back to Fat Joe days.
J: I'm just letting you know before it comes out elsewhere.
E: Alright. Good looking out Jason.

Cyn creeping? Naw, no way. I do anything for that girl. I make sure she's straight and not looking stupid up in these streets. I cut off all my slides for her. There's no way. I'm going to call her.

Cyn: Erica, now is not a-
E: Yo, don't tell me it's not a good time! I'm not trying to hear that shit!
C: What's up with you? Why you buggin'? I'm busy right now!
E: So busy that you can't take five minutes for your girlfriend?!
C: Lower your fucking tone with me, Erica! What you need?
E: (Sighs) I miss you Cynthia.
C: Oh yeah? (Chuckles) You got a funny way of showing it.
E: Are you busy tonight? I'd like to take you out to dinner.
C: (Sighs) Fine Erica. I kinda miss your big headed ass too.
E: (Laughs) 7:30 tonight at our favorite spot?
C: (Moans) Oh my gosh, yes! I could use their pasta and breadsticks!
E: Okay. Love you!
C: I love you too, Erica.

After I hung up, the smile wouldn't leave my face. You see, I know a lot of people doubt the sincerity of Cyn's and I's relationship, but she's my world. There's no one holding my interest but her. I'm so fucked up, I wrote a song about her. I haven't cheated on Cyn a day since we've been in the talking phase and it honestly feels good to say that I belong to someone and someone belongs to me. But like all things, I feel like it won't last as long as I stay on LHHNY.

This show doesn't promote or appreciate happiness. As they say, good and boring things like being happy, doesn't promote ratings. I got a feeling these assholes are going to fuck my shit up. And this cheating shit... I don't believe it. I'm going to need them to show me. Show me exactly what the fuck they got on tape.

As soon as that thought left my mind, I got an anonymous text...